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Oh God.
The second she saw that smug face, Lambchops immediately knew she had made a huge mistake skipping rehearsal. She had been in this sort of funk where nothing she played sounded right and she did not want the rest of her band to hear it, so she figured a last minute half-assed “not feelin well. not comin.” note stuck to a cymbal would do the trick. Unfortunately, that inevitably resulted in an encounter with Joe Vegas.
Lambchops had no idea why on earth he was in the school this late, as typically only her band was allowed in the building after hours for practice since she couldn’t transport her drum kit overseas. The only thing she could come up with was if he was rehearsing his play after school and had to use the school’s theatre for whatever reason, but she couldn’t see anyone else but him. He was slumped up against the wall, his limbs dangling loosely as if they were held up only by a string, holding something small in his palm.
“Ahem.” Lambchops cleared her throat, tapping her foot expectantly like a teacher. Joe jumped in surprise before relaxing upon realizing who it was.
“Heyyyyy Lambyy, long time no see chica,” he slurred, shifting into a more “seductive” position. Lambchops nearly retched at his pathetic attempt at flirtation. She was about to ask him what the hell he was doing here, but Joe pushed in, “sooooooo, what brings you here so late?”
“Rehearsal.” Lambchops snapped, not wanting to deal with him or his antics any longer. Joe looked around for a second, then looked back at Lambchops.
“Huh. That’s funny. I don’t see any rehearsing going on.”
Lambchops glared at him, about to retaliate, when she simply sighed and sat down next to him.
“Yeah, you’re right.” She said as she settled against the wall. They just sat there for a moment before Lambchops pointed at the object Joe was holding. “Whatcha got there?”
Joe looked down at his palm, then back up at the girl expectantly staring at him.
“Promise you won’t tell?” he whispered, a suspicious expression plastered across his face. Lambchops scoffed.
“Do I look like the kinda person to snitch? C’mon, just tell me already.”
Joe relaxed his hand and revealed a blunt.
“Well, I was kinda hoping to get high. Y’know, to let off some steam? All this acting is starting to make me regret being born.”
Lambchops’ eyes lit up.
“Dude,” she gasped, a grin creeping across her face, “me too! Geez, I never thought we’d actually have anything in common.” The two chuckled in surprise. “So, uh, why do it in school?”
“Well, you see, school makes me feel bad. Y’know, it’s all work work work blah blah blah. Soooo, I was thinkin’, if I got high in school, it would make me associate that with like being high and stuff. Kinda like how Carmen makes drama class sooo worth it.”
Lambchops snickered.
“I’ve never heard an idea that’s so stupid yet so smart at the same time.” She laughed, gripping at the edges of her jacket.
“Hey, don’t knock it ‘till you try it!” Joe clutched his blunt closer to his chest defensively.
“Well, have you tried it?” Lambchops questioned, though she could already predict the answer.
“Well, no, but I know it’ll work. I’m just always right like that. Smart too. And sexy.” Joe boasted as he relaxed his arm.
Lambchops burst out laughing.
“PFFT- YOU?? HAHAHAHAHAHA” she snorted, gasping for air at random intervals. Joe looked highly offended before beginning to chuckle too. After all, Lambchops had a weird laugh. It would be impossible to keep a straight face while Lambchops was letting out her screeches of the damned. Suddenly, Lambchops snapped to a halt. “Wait…” she gawked, leaning in closer like a detective, “Joe having a normal conversation with a girl?? I never thought I’d see the day!” She jabbed her finger at him almost accusatorily.
“Wow- uh, what? All my conversations are normal! This just happens to be the most successful one!” Joe exclaimed, crossing his arms and looking the other way.
“Yeah, I wonder if it has something to do with the fact you aren’t shoving your dick down my throat every chance you get,” Lambchops retorted, rolling her eyes.
“WELL HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO GET GIRLS??” Joe steamed, seeming genuinely unaware of the concept of normalcy.
“Just be yourself dude, trust me, girls will like you better that way,” Lambchops consoled, weirdly calmer than she usually would be, “I would know.” She winked with a smirk that couldn’t mean anything other than ‘I get bitches and you don’t’.
“Huh?” Joe squeaked, his face plastered with pure confusion. He plainly stared at Lambchops looking like a lost puppy.
“Relax, I like guys too. I still pull more than you do though.” Lambchops grinned with that devious smirk. Joe still looked as if he had just been told the unobtainable secrets of the universe.
“Nono, can you like, backtrack on that? Cuz, like, what do you mean you would know?”
It was at this moment that it became clear to Lambchops that Joe had never heard of bisexuality before.
“Like, can you even do that?”
“Psh. Yeah. Who’s gonna stop me?” Lambchops let that rule breaker-esque look creep across her face again.
“Woah. So like. Theoretically. I could like guys too?”
Jesus, this boy was slow.
“Yes, Joe, you can like guys too. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised.” Lambchops rolled her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time. Joe was very clearly trying to figure out whether to be offended by that or not.
“Huh.” Joe scratched his head like he was thinking, but there were clearly no thoughts in there. “I need some time to think about this.” Lambchops laughed softly.
“Of course you do.” She murmured to no one in particular, a gentle grin settling on her face. They sat in silence for a while – a comfortable silence. It had this aura of trust and safety that neither of them had felt with anyone else. It felt real. Definitely realer than any of the weird creepy delusions Joe had about any other girls – or guys. It was exactly what Lambchops needed.
Lambchops stood up.
“So, still thinkin’ about gettin’ high?” She asked, eyeing the blunt that was still in his hand. Joe thought for a second.
“Maybe not. But hey, if you ever wanna get high with the Joemeister just catch me after class or something and we can get lit. Trust me, it’ll be awesome.” He winked at her and pointed finger guns, standing up himself and discarding the blunt into his pocket. “Well, catch ya’ later Lamb. Don’t miss me too much!” He yelled back at her as he began to walk away.
“Oh trust me, I won’t.” Lambchops sneered, waving at him and walking back to her practice room. Sure, Goody, Schlomo and Carmen were going to absolutely eat her alive about being 45 minutes late to rehearsal, but it mattered to her as much as a fly on the wall. She was gonna rock their stupid socks off anyway – she got exactly what she needed.
As she neared the room where she could hear a clearly untuned trumpet blaring very incorrect notes, upset keyboard smashing every time a wrong note was hit and a disgruntled undertone in the sweet voice singing over the top of them, Lambchops smiled. She had to talk to that Joe guy more often.