Work Text:
I hate you, and I’m sorry
The dreadful day was coming closer, Rui Kamishiro and Tsukasa Tenma ‘s wedding. Rui was a prince from the Dark kingdom, while Tsukasa was a prince from the Light kingdom. Rui’s parents had bribed and begged Tsukasa’s parents into letting their son marry the prince of the light kingdom, Tsukasa Tenma. “It would help build some character into these young princes.” Rui’s father said bitterly. While Rui’s mom was counting the money in her hand she would use to bribe Tsukasa’s parents. It was plenty. More than enough. All Rui could hear from their living room was the word “deal!” and chatting between the two parents, gabbing about their plans for two princes to get married. His eyes widened in fear. This would mean he would be forced to marry Tsukasa Tenma. He felt sick to his stomach, he felt like he was going to puke. He didn’t want this. Not at all. Rui ran out of his room and stood in front of Tsukasa's parents and his parents. Rui begged and begged them to cancel the marriage, not wanting to marry Tsukasa. But they didn't care. “Cmon Rui.. This is the prince of the Light Kingdom we are talking about here.” Rui’s father scolded. “We are trying to get you into a stable relationship after your failures in dating. And this is your way of saying thank you to us?” Rui felt tears forming in his eyes. He already knew about how Tsukasa felt about him. It was full of hatred. Rui knew just how much Tsukasa hated him, and it stung him. He was hurt knowing he was called a weirdo. He was hurt knowing he was useless. He was hurt knowing that no one liked anything about him. Not a single person liked him, not even himself. “You don’t understand! I don’t want to marry him! I don’t understand why you are forcing me to-” Rui’s mom slapped Rui’s face. “Go to your room. You will not talk back to us after all of the sacrifices we are making to make you happy.” Rui stared at his parents, before running off to his room and slamming the door. He pushes his back on the door and sinks down into the floor, hiding his face in his knees as he sobs.
As soon as Tsukasa found out, forcing him to be with Rui instead of his true love, he was furious. “You can’t be serious.. There’s no way I’m marrying THAT thing right?” Tsukasa yelled at his parents as he pointed at Rui. Tsukasa’s mom glared at him. “Tsukasa dear.. He has a name you know.” Tsukasa could care less if this ‘Rui’ person had a name or not. He rolled his eyes and glared back. “I don’t care if he has a name! There’s no way in hell I’m using his name, and there is NO WAY I’m marrying him. I refuse to even marry someone from the Dark kingdom. Why am I even marrying someone from that.. that kingdom?” Tsukasa’s dad couldn’t help but slap Tsukasa. “Tsukasa, that is not how you will treat your husband. You WILL treat him with respect and anything and everything that a partner should be treated. Regardless of where he is from” Tsukasa took the slap, it stung. He rubbed his cheek, and sighed loudly. “You know.. I had my whole future planned. I was going to marry the love of my life, have kids with her… but you want me, ME?! to just.. let that go? You want me to not be happy? You want me to RUIN MY FUTURE just for THAT.. WERIDO?!” Tsukasa shot Rui a glare, causing Rui to feel uncomfortable. But Tsukasa could care less about how Rui felt. At this point Tsukasa was fuming with steam. He was upset he had to get married to someone he DIDN'T like at all. He was upset he had to sacrifice his future just for someone like him. “Tsukasa, you are marrying him whether you like it or not. You will spend time with him and YOU WILL like it. Are we clear?” Tsukasa’s eyes widened, turning his back towards his parents. “Wait wait wait- I have to HANG out.. With HIM…? AND LIKE IT?! No. I refuse to.”
Quicker than expected he was locked in a room with Rui. Tsukasa glared at Rui the whole time, he stood in a corner far away from him. “You prick.. You ruined my future.. I hate you. I hate you with every bone in my body” Rui’s eyes widened and frowned. “Did I do something wrong..?” Rui questioned. He stepped closer to Tsukasa, to try and comfort him. But as Rui reached out his hand to Tsukasa, Tsukasa slapped his hand away, hard. “Don’t you DARE touch me you freak! You ruined my future! I was going to marry the love of my life! Start a family! Be happy! But no.. I had to get stuck with you of all people. I just had to get married to YOU.” Rui’s eyes widened again, as he frowned, as he let out a shaky voice. “What's..what’s wrong with me..? I’m not that bad am I..?” Tsukasa shot Rui a glare. “Of course you are that bad. I mean.. who would want to be with a freak like you? Have you even seen yourself? You are a weirdo.. A freak of nature.. I wouldn’t even force my child to marry someone like you..” Tsukasa stood up from where he was sitting and walked towards Rui, poking him in the chest. “Hey what are you doing?!” Rui questioned Tsukasa, as he backed away. Backing away from Tsukasa only ignited his anger even more. “This is ALL of your fault. If it wasn’t for YOU and YOU only, I could be doing anything but marrying YOU. You ruined EVERYTHING for me you fucking freak!” As Tsukasa said that he pushed Rui hard onto the floor, causing Rui to groan. “I hope you are happy with this marriage. Probably the only marriage you’ll have.” Tsukasa said coldly, before walking away from Rui, and returned to his corner and sat down. Rui couldn’t help but feel hurt about this. He never wanted this to happen. He had begged and begged his parents to not follow through with this marriage, yet, they didn’t listen. Rui looked down at his shaky hands as he was sitting on the floor, before smiling softly to himself. “I’ll make it up to you.. I promise..” He looked at Tsukasa, seeing his face pissed and upset. “You’ll get to be with the love of your life.. I’ll make sure of it..”
The day of the wedding came, and the whole room was full of mumbles and whispers. “How long will they last?” “I give them 5 days” I give them a week at most” It got worse as the wedding actually had begun.
Tsukasa was finishing himself for the worst day of his life. He stared at himself in the mirror before muttering to himself. “Can’t believe this is happening..” He sighs to himself. “Never did I think I would be marrying.. Him. It’s not fair.. Why am I the one who gets to suffer with this.. weirdo?” He slammed his hand onto the dresser. “I should not be here! I didn’t even want this. But of course the weirdo must’ve begged his parents to arranged his fuck ass marriage with me… such a waste of space..” He tried to calm himself down. He knew if he presented himself as unhappy, his parents would be pissed. “Just smile and pretend.. Then you can go back to hating his guts.”
Meanwhile with Rui he was fixing his eyes, trying his best to make them less red and puffy. He didn’t want the marriage to happen. He should have begged harder. He should have ran away. He then stared at the mirror, reflecting his tired appearance. He sighs softly to himself. “I should have tried harder.. Or if my relationships actually worked.. I wouldn’t be in this situation..” He knew how his relationships always ended in complete disasters, but he thought they were the problem. He slowly realized later on that he was the problem. So he stopped trying to date all together. He knew his parents were only trying to help, but this wasn’t helping. It felt like complete torture to not only be forced to marry someone, but that someone you are marrying doesn’t even want to be near you. He sighed one last time before looking up back in the mirror. “Get through with the night.. Then go through with the plan..”
The wedding ceremony began and more mumbles and whispers filled the room. “Poor Tsukasa..” “He’s getting married to..that?” “What a waste of air..” Both Tsukasa and Rui were hearing the mumbles and whispers. “They are right.. Poor me..” He mumbled, before speaking again. ‘Let’s get this wedding over with.” Rui nodded. “Right..” It bothered Rui hearing the whispers and mumbles be negative towards him or about the wedding both of them didn’t want, but he then thought of what he said earlier. “Get through with the night.. Then go through with the plan..” It made him more willing to hear the voices more than anything. Anything to follow through to make it up for the trouble and pain that he's causing.
“Tsukasa.. Do you, Tsukasa, take Rui as your beloved husband?” The priest asked. Tsukasa couldn’t help glare at Rui, before sharing a forced smile. “I do.” The priest then looked at Rui. “Do you, Rui, take Tsukasa as your beloved husband?” Rui nodded, not wanting to reveal how he felt, even though the whole idea made him sick. “I do..” The priest smiled. “Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband! You may now kiss!” Tsukasa gave Rui a forced smile before grabbing his chin and kissing him.
Everyone in the room gave a polite applause, before more whispers and mumbles filled the room. “I can’t believe the prince is married to.. That thing..” “He deserves so much better” “I feel so bad for him..” It made Rui uneasy and sick to his stomach. He knew they were referring to Tsukasa being the one in danger. But he knew they weren't wrong. He knew how people felt about him and what they would say. He took a deep breath, before muttering. “Get through with the night.. Then go through with the plan… “
They both eventually made it back to the palace, which now they had completely to themselves. Tsukasa glared at Rui. “Don't bother to actually try to be my husband, because I refuse to treat you like you are mine.” Tsukasa spoke coldly. Rui nodded, letting out a soft and uneasy smile. “Of course..! I won't.. “ Tsukasa nodded as well, before heading to the garden and to his piano. Rui sighs. “You’re almost there. Just wait a bit longer…” He mumbled to himself, before heading upstairs to what seems to be their bedroom. He noticed how there was only one bed. “Perfect.. Just to make it worse… “ He groaned. He looked around the room and noticed there was a desk. He walked closer to the desk and noticed it had a pen and paper. Rui at that moment knew what he had to do. He sat down and started to write.
As Rui was writing, he couldn't help but hear Tsukasa playing the piano. It was soft music playing, following what sounded to be Tsukasa's soft cries. This only made Rui want to follow through with his plan even more. He finished writing, before looking outside of his window. Tsukasa seemed to not notice Rui, being drawn in by the music he was playing and the emotions that were spilling out of him. Rui felt his stomach drop. He felt even worse about this marriage. “Maybe it would be better if I killed myself..” Rui mumbled to himself. Soon enough Tsukasa heard, but didn't bother to look at Rui. “Then do it.. Go ahead.. See if I care.” Rui's eyes widened. Right. Why should he be surprised? His whole plan was to kill himself.. But having someone say he should do it, it stings. He nodded and smiled.. “Right.. Of course!” Before walking away from the window.
Tsukasa went back to playing his piano. While Rui finished up the letter, before gathering up what he needed. The letter he wrote for Tsukasa. And the blade he was going to kill himself with, before leaving the house. Rui’s mind was filled with how the plan was going to follow through. He had been thinking about it for weeks, planning and dreaming about it. He knew where to go so no one could find him. He knew what areas were best to cut to make him die faster. He had everything planned out. The only thing that was left was to follow through with the plan.
It had been a few hours since Rui had left, and Tsukasa was finished playing the piano. “Did this idiot really go and.. -” Tsukasa's eyes widened. He immediately started to look for Rui. He looked through every room in the palace. Dining room? No. Bathroom? No. Library? No. Living room? No. He was nowhere to be found in the palace. He started to panic and looked for Rui even faster. Kitchen? No. Garden? No. His bedroom? No. Rui weren't anywhere to be found in the palace. He suddenly went outside by their gates. Rui wasn't there either. “Fuck… fuck fuck fuck where… Where did he go… “ He had to make sure Rui didn't do what he thought he was doing. He ran back to the palace to check all of the rooms again. Maybe he was worrying about him for nothing. Rui wasn't there. He checked again and again, but no matter how many times he checked Rui wasn't there. “Rui… this isn't funny! Come on out already!” He called out.. But there was no response. Only silence was his answer. He ran back outside to check if he was there. The streets, shops, everywhere. Rui still wasn't there. Tsukasa panted as he stopped running. His body was shaky and his heart was beating fast. He didn't know where Rui could have gone. All he wanted was to make sure he was okay. “Where could you have gone, Rui…” He was running out of options of where Rui could be. Not in the palace. Not in the kingdom. “Wait… Rui wouldn't.. “
He immediately ran towards the forest. . He ran even faster than before, causing his legs to shake. As he got deeper and deeper into the forest, he looked around frantically. “Rui… ! Rui… ! Are you here… ?” Tsukasa called out. But once again he was met with silence. He was about to give up and go back to check the palace one last time, when he noticed something from the corner of his eyes. He slowly turned towards the direction of what he saw and walked slowly. His legs were shaking like crazy, Tsukasa's breathing was heavy. He knew what he was going to see. But he didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to be right about what was going to be in front of him. But something in his gut told him he was right.
Once he made it to what he saw, his eyes widened. He quickly shut them tight. He was right. He was right… He tried to tell himself it was a dream. He was overthinking, what he saw wasn't real. He opened his eyes slowly and still saw it right in front of him. Rui's lifeless body. His hands immediately started to shake as he stared at Rui's lifeless body. His eyes lid up in horror and terror. “No… no no no no this isn't real.. “ Tsukasa mumbled. “This.. This has to be a dream.. Just a nightmare.” He was trying so hard to convince himself that Rui isn't dead. This is some set up. A nightmare he is having. “This can't be real… right..?” He kneeled down to Rui's body. Tsukasa's heart was starting to beat an unhealthy amount. He started to feel sick to his stomach. His body started to feel hot. What he was thinking wasn't making any sense. He started to sob, letting the tears fall down onto his face.
He tried to speak, but not a single word came out. Not a single sound. He just stayed there. Tears kept streaming down his face, his whole body shaking. He slowly moved Rui's body onto his lap, holding Rui's head close to his chest. Tsukasa kept whispering Rui's name over and over. Trying to wake him up. Maybe Rui was sleeping? Yeah. He had to be sleeping. Right? Tears still streamed down his face, as he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. He was trying to speak to Rui. Tell Rui to wake up. Tell Rui how sorry he was. Tell Rui how much he actually didn't hate him. But no sound came out. He gently touched Rui's cheek, feeling the coldness of it. Tsukasa let out a soft whimper. He was holding Rui's body as if it was going to disappear if he let go. He wanted to say so much to Rui. But he knew it was too late. He knew no matter how hard he wanted to believe this was a dream, it wasn't. He was faced with the reality that Rui was dead. And it was all of his fault.
____________________
It has now been a few weeks since Rui’s death. It was storming and Tsukasa was sitting near Rui’s grave. Today was supposed to be Rui’s funeral. Tsukasa looked around, not spotting anyone in sight. No one came to Rui’s funeral. Not even his own parents. That made Tsukasa feel even worse. Tsukasa was shaking because of the cold, how his clothes were soaked, how his hair was down and damp. But he didn’t care. He held onto a bouquet of flowers, it was Rui’s favorite kind. Tsukasa kneels down next to the grave, setting down the bouquet, before sniffling. He moved himself then to where he was sitting next to Rui’s grave. He could honestly care less if he got sick from the rain. He could care less if lightning struck him, he just wanted Rui back. He leaned his body against the gravestone, closing his eyes as doing so. All Tsukasa could think about was Rui. Tsukasa suddenly started to cry, letting the teats mix in with the rain as he hid his face in his knees. He regretted treating like he was a waste of his time. He wanted to say he was sorry for everything, and make it up to him. Tsukasa wanted just one more day with Rui, just to tell Rui how much he actually loved him. But he knew it was too late. He knew there was no time machine to go back in time and fix what he had done. He knew the reason why Rui was dead in the first place was because of him.
A guard suddenly appeared and walked up to Tsukasa. “Sir Tenma.. There was a letter for you in Kamishiro’s pocket.” Tsukasa raised his head and opened his eyes, letting out a sniffle. The guard was holding a brown envelope in his hand. Tsukasa takes a look at the envelope, before taking it. He stares at it for some time, debating on opening it or leaving it closed. But, he wanted to know what Rui wrote. Tsukasa wanted to know how Rui truly felt. He takes a deep breath, and slowly and carefully opens the envelope. He takes out the sheet of paper that was inside of the envelope, trying his best to read the letter with the pouring rain and his shaky hands. He scans over the letter, starting to slowly read what it said.
"Dear Tsukasa,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to get stuck in a marriage with me. I'm sorry you had to deal with me. I'm sorry for ruining your chance for being with the one you truly loved. Truthfully.. I never wanted this. I begged my parents to not follow through with the marriage. But my words went unheard. No matter how hard I tried to tell them I wasn't interested in a forced marriage, they wanted me to be happy. They wanted me to be with someone after many failed relationships I've had, even if it meant forcing another person to handle my burdens. I guess that didn't work out... Even in a forced marriage I'm not wanted. I've decided I want to make it up to you. For the time you wasted on me, instead of your loved one. For all of the times you've said I was annoying and a waste of space. I wanted to try and be nice to you, even if you didn't like me back. I knew you hated me, for reasons I don't even know. But.. I'm sorry for all of the troubles and stress I've put you through. I also wanted to thank you for encouraging me to do what I wanted to do for quite some time.. and I believe you know what I am talking about. I hope you aren't saddened by the news, but happy you can get your life back. Marry that lucky lady you had in mind, and start a family. You deserve it after everything I’ve put you through.. You deserve to be happy with someone who you can actually love. Someone who actually deserved to be loved. So I wish you luck in your happy life. And I’m sorry again for everything,
- Rui Kamishiro”
By the time Tsukasa finished reading the letter, he felt sick to his stomach, His hands were shaking even more, his body was trembling. ”He.. He was also forced into this wedding” Tsukasa muttered” His tears started to get heavier as he re-reads the letter. Over and over. Tsukasa wanted to make sure he was reading it right. That this was how Rui truly felt. Rui was apologizing for everything. Rui felt like he was a waste of space. But most of all, Tsukasa encouraged Rui to kill himself. Tsukasa put his hand over his mouth, he felt like he was going to throw up. His heart was racing. His chest was t1ightened as his breathing got more heavy. “What have I done.. I didn’t..- I didn’t mean for any of this to happen..” He kept reading the letter over and over. He wanted Rui to appear and tell him this was a lie. Just some prank. But he knew Rui wasn’t there. Rui was only in Tsukasa’s memories now. But the memories weren’t even worth it, since all of them weren't even good. “I’m sorry Rui..” Tsukasa muttered. “I should’ve treated you better..” Tsukasa hid his face in his knee again, hugging the letter tightly, as if it was Rui. “I’m sorry I never got to tell you how much I love you.”