Work Text:
I didn’t plan to be here, certainly not with this heat. The whole plan was to not let anyone know that I’m back in this place as I've promised myself not to dwell too much on stuff that was not the best for me. The only plan is to first arrive safely and then go back to my mom’s place, and finally eat her cooking. A peaceful comeback, I hoped. But life has always been terrible for me, not surprising actually.
One wrong turn out of the airport, then another cab that dropped me off a street too early, and there I was, in front of a quiet bakery that looked new. I was about to enter inside to get coffee when I saw a little girl, about five years old, sitting on the curb while she clutched a whale stuffed toy in her arms.
“Hi.” I said, crouching. “You alright?”
She sniffled and shook her head softly. That’s when I realized that she had been crying. “No…I lost my mommy.”
Oh dear.
My stomach dropped. I barely interact with people, especially with kids. I look at the young girl and her cheeks were red, probably because she’s been crying for a while. I scanned the sidewalk, the streets, and even inside the store. However, it was empty.
There was no heavy traffic and there was no crowd. It was just the two of us in this heavy heat, and her small toy.
“What’s your name?” I asked gently.
“Naomi.”
I paused. Naomi…It clanged something within me. Something I’ve felt for a long time that I didn’t realize I still carried.
“Okay, Naomi. Can I sit here with you while we wait for your mommy?”
She nodded.
I pulled out my phone to call the local precinct about a missing child, but I stopped when I saw her eyes.
Her eyes were big and it was dark brown. It was the eyes that also turned into a mooncrest shape whenever one is smiling. It was similar to my bestfriend’s eyes.
They weren’t just familiar and similar…they were hers .
It can’t be...and it's very stupid to remember someone just because of their eyes, isn't it? But then, I looked again. It was the slope of her lashes, the roundness of the iris…not a clone, not a twin, but it was hers. I didn't even know that was biologically possible, but then again it might be the jetlag thinking.
“You okay?” Naomi asked. She probably noticed how unusual the situation was.
I cleared my throat. “Yes. You just remind me of someone.”
She titled her head. “Do I know them?” She asked curiously.
Maybe…no. I’m sure she knows her.
Before I could answer, someone came running down the street, calling her name.
“Naomi!”
I stood quickly, shielding the little girl by instinct.
And then I froze.
“Maewnam?”
She fastened to a halt. “Noey?”
She looked exactly the same. Still the ever beautiful Maewnam and still having her hair tied into a loose ponytail and still wearing the most simple yet gorgeous outfit. The difference this time is that she looked like someone’s mother. Definitely Naomi’s.
“Oh my god.” Maewnam breathed, dropping to her knees and scooping Naomi up. “Baby, I told you not to walk away from me.”
Naomi clung to her neck, eyes still teary. “I thought…you left me.”
“I would never.” Maewnam whispered, kissing Naomi’s forehead. “Never ever ever, sweetie.”
Then she looked up again, her eyes focused on me, shocked.
“Noey…wow. I can’t believe it. How long have you been back?”
“An hour, I think?”
Maewnam laughed, breathless. “Of course. And the first thing you did when you came home was to immediately saved my daughter.”
I blinked at her, wanting to ask another question.
The other woman beamed, holding Naomi closer. “Wan and I had her four years ago.” She said like she knew what exactly was on my mind.
Naomi is four, meaning, they had her when I had been in California for a year already.
Naomi.
The girl had Wan’s eyes and Maewnam’s smile. A little bit of both, and a lot of something else.
I nodded, trying to hold things together.
“She’s beautiful.” I said.
“Thank you.” She stood, still holding her daughter close to her. “We talk about you all the time, you know?”
I gave a tight smile. “Huh? Really?”
“You’re still ‘Auntie Noey’ around here and a very legendary one actually. I bet you’re hungry. You should come home with us. I know Wan would love to see you.” She replied with a smile.
Part of me wanted to decline, wanting to run. I was never really the type to face my fears and complex feelings.
The other part…well…it was a part that wanted to see her, her family too.
And so I agreed.
Their house was warm and it was filled with mismatched furniture and crayon drawings taped to the fridge. I just realized that it was so them. I still remember the little store that they have and how colorful it was.
As we entered inside, Naomi skipped like a whirlwind and I followed behind Maewnam slowly, like walking into an old memory...the one that I chose to ignore after all these years.
And then she was there.
Wan. My best friend .
“Noey?”
“Hey.”
She laughed, setting the mug down and rushing in to hug me.
It hurt more than I thought it would. Being close to her like this again…it was hurtful. But she was still the same Wan that I remember, the one that smelled like strawberry shampoo and home.
“I didn’t know you were back home.”
“Nobody knew.” I said.
That was the original plan. No one knowing I was back, even if it was my favorite person in the world.
Wan pulled back and smiled. “Gosh…look at you. Looking sharp as always, attorney.”
“Same to you.” I said, lying just a little. I knew she looked radiant, and no one could match how beautiful she is. She's even more beautiful like this, being happy. This happiness suits her well.
We sat on their living room’s sofa. Naomi suddenly climbed into my lap with no hesitation, wrapping her tiny arms around my neck as if I have always belonged here.
I looked up in alarm, but Maewnam smiled from the counter.
“Don’t worry. She’s always been like that.” She said. “A very friendly and loving young girl. Especially that we talk about Auntie Noey.”
“She’s more than friendly.” I murmured as a joke. “She’s magnetic and clingy, but I guess that's how kids are, huh?”
The couple laughed softly.
Wan leaned against the refrigerator, arms folded. “She’s you.”
I looked up, confused.
“I mean it.” She said. “That's why we named her ‘Naomi’.”
My heart stopped.
“Huh?”
Wan’s voice softened. “Naomi was named after you. Well...partly.”
Maewnam joined her side, touching Wan’s arm. “We really never got to tell you. But it felt right, you were so much a part of us.”
My throat was suddenly tight.
Wan continued, “Naomi. Noey. Sounds alike, doesn’t it? Even when you weren’t here, we told her stories about her Auntie Noey, the lawyer auntie. We told her about the coolest person we knew. About how you could play the guitar upside down.”
I laughed, tears forming in my eyes. “Now you’re just exaggerating.”
“She doesn’t know that.” Wan said.
They stood together now. Wan’s arm was around Maewnam’s shoulders, the small woman’s head slanting into her wife’s. They were perfect for each other.
Something in me shifted. I had loved Wan in silence for years and I was glad that I was able to bury it under our friendship. I have never confessed, never asked for anything. And I know right in this moment that I didn’t have to. Because if I did, then maybe they would have never named their child after me.
This was its own kind of love. It was the kind of love that didn’t need to be returned or to be spoken aloud.
It was the kind of love that would let me move forward.
“She has your eyes.” I suddenly said.
I didn’t realize that I was looking at Wan’s eyes now.
“I know.” She replied. “Pretty cool, huh?”
I laughed softly.
I had loved quietly, and maybe I had let go softly.
And when I left that night, I didn’t feel sad and I didn’t cry.
They named her Naomi…
And that was enough for me.