Chapter Text
Mizi's head hung low. She gripped the bouquet of flowers tight in her hands, her eyebrows arched deeply, her teeth gritted firmly. Her lungs felt like it was suffocated and burned as if she was drowning.
Her eyes were fixed on the ground where Sua's body was buried. They had just finished with the funeral procession. Everyone around her still let out sobs and choked tears, but Mizi's tears had long dried out. For a very long time now.
She stood there even after everyone left the tomb that had Sua's name carved beautifully on the tombstone, her photo was still there for memoriam.
A photo Mizi had grown so familiar with. Sua with white dress and a beautiful smile. Even after years, Mizi had not gotten enough of that.
The first raindrop fell to the earth, hit the ground that buried Sua's body, hitting Mizi's hair, her black suit.
One drop, ten drops, a million drops.
Mizi let the rain soaked her body and she let out a deep breath. She looked up to the sky and dropped the bouquet on top of Sua's grave.
She took out the golden knife she brought in her pocket.
Then she slit her wrist.
The blood fell rapidly into the wet ground of Sua's grave. Mizi felt her consciousness depleting.
The rainwater hovered in the air for a split second.
Mizi gritted her teeth.
One drop of water flew up from the ground to the gloomy sky.
“Again.”
June 28th, 2037
[Original Timeline]
“Do you have something you want to do for our anniversary?” Mizi worked her hand on the steering wheel while talking to Sua through the call on her car's radio. “It will be next week, our 8th year of marriage. Wow! Isn't it impressive?”
Mizi heard chuckles from the other side of the call, “If you aimed for forever, I think eight years is nothing.”
Mizi laughed back at that, “Well, you're right. So? What would you wanna do?”
Sua hummed, “You bought me a lot of fancy things and brought me to fancy dates through all the anniv, honestly I want to do something simpler but meaningful.”
“Haha, no matter what you say I will always shower you with gifts,” Mizi smiled. She activated the car's turn signal, she took a turn at a drive thru restaurant. “Hey, I'm gonna buy some burgers. Do you want some?”
“Yeah, the usual,” Sua answered.
Mizi made the order and got the order prepared in no time. She continued her drive home.
“So, about the anniv?”
“Well, how about I prepare the itinerary and you should follow everything I write. No fancy gifts please,” Sua teased at the end of her sentence.
“Hahaha! Sounds interesting. I'll leave it up to you, my beautiful wife.”
They talked a bit more on the call.
“Oops, traffic jam. Ugh, this sucks. I can't wait to meet my wife,” Mizi groaned. She looked at the digital clock on her radio screen. “Hey, it's already late. If you want to sleep, just go ahead. I think I'll arrive a bit later than usual.”
“It's okay, I also still have work to do,” Sua answered.
“Alright. Just don't overwork yourself, okay? I will hang up for now. See you later, baby. Mwah.”
After several closing words, Mizi hung up the call.
July 5th, 2037
They already spent half a day celebrating the marriage anniversary.
It started with Sua asking Mizi to cook breakfast and lunch together then went on a picnic.
“This is not a regular picnic. We will draw each other, but we will switch canvases every ten minutes,” Sua revealed all the items she prepared in the box she brought from home.
“Oh my God, this is so fun! I love this already,” Mizi grinned. “Alright, shall we start?”
After that, Sua asked Mizi to go to a cat cafe in the afternoon.
“Hey, aren't you allergic to cat fur!?” Mizi exclaimed. Sua pulled out three masks and nonchalantly layered it all on her nose and mouth.
“BWAHAHAHA ouch… hey, if you got an allergic reaction, well, I don't know, alright? You handle it yourself,” Mizi said half-jokingly after Sua pinched her arm earlier.
Sua ended up sneezing almost nonstop for two hours.
They ended the day with a date on a lake. It's an artificial lake in the middle of a park to be exact, but it was still very romantic for Mizi.
“How did you know they have a lampion festival?” Mizi asked. Her eyes sparkled, reflecting the two lampions in each of their hands and hundreds of lampion from other visitors. They sat facing each other on the wooden boat.
Sua smiled mischievously, “Perhaps this is just a universe's good sign for our marriage?”
Mizi bursted out laughing, though she really felt like this was one of the most romantic dates they've ever had.
At 9.58 p.m., the moderator of the event spoke to the microphone, asking the visitors to make a wish before releasing their lampions to the sky.
Mizi and Sua closed their eyes tightly, making wishes that only the two of them would know, sharing the same dreams.
Right at 10.00 p.m., they gave the cue to release the lampions.
Mizi and Sua let their lampions fly up to the sky.
Mizi recorded all of it. Every sequence of the events. She then moved herself closer to Sua and pulled her to a tight embrace.
“Thank you for planning the best date ever, Sua,” Mizi's voice sounded like a whisper, loud enough for Sua to hear it. “I will let you arrange our anniversary date again next year—hell, you can plan everything for it forever.”
Sua chuckled. She returned Mizi's warm hug.
“Thank you for always being there for me, Mizi. I sure hope this happiness will last long,” she whispered back.
In the middle of the busy night on the lake and the dim surroundings, Mizi closed their distance. Sua stroked Mizi's cheeks gently, then her short hair.
“Your hair has gotten longer. You usually cut your hair off again when it got to this length,” Sua took some strands of Mizi's really short pink hair on her fingers.
“Cut it for me please,” Mizi teased. She licked Sua's nose. The black haired woman giggled.
Mizi grasped Sua's head and gripped her black hair gently. She brought her lips to Sua's red lips.
They kissed like no other thing matters in the world.
July 11th, 2037
“Hey, Mizi?” Sua knocked Mizi's study gently.
“You can just come in, you know?” Mizi yelled from the other side of the door. Sua giggled and pushed the door open.
“I have a business trip out of town tomorrow,” Sua said.
Mizi lowered her glasses, “Uh, yeah? Why is it so sudden? It's not usually like that.”
“Uhh right. So, this is an exhibition or some sort. Will have a fashion show and all that. I submitted my draft, they initially rejected it, but apparently the one who got into it got accused of plagiarism, so I got called instead.”
Mizi raised her eyebrows, “Uhh okay then. I still find it questionable that a big event made a last minute decision like this, but, sure. Who will you go with? Should I accompany you throughout the trip? I can ask my secretary to rearrange my schedules.”
Mizi checked the digital calendar on her table.
Sua scratched her head, “Um… I'll go with my assistant…”
Mizi tilted her head slightly, “That assistant of yours?”
“Uhh which one?”
“The one who left a boxed lunch on your table with letters three times a week?”
Sua frowned, “She's my coworker, Mizi. I–”
“Yeah, sure.”
Sua walked closer to Mizi's table, “Listen. She was the only one that I can trust with this big project. This meant a lot to me. It will feature famous models wearing my dresses. It will boost my name and my business easily!”
Mizi dropped her glasses on the table. Sua flinched a bit.
“Okay, Sua.”
“Why… why do you look so upset? Shouldn't you… be happy that I finally got some more recognition?” Sua's voice trembled.
“Who is upset about that, Sua?” Mizi looked straight at Sua's gaze. “I'm just… never mind. I will accompany you–”
“Mizi, do you have so little trust in me!?” Sua's voice uncontrollably got higher. “Why…. She's my assistant, Mizi. How many times should I prove things to you!? It's a business trip. A business trip. I think as someone so successful in that sort of thing you would understand? Also, I never ever questioned you about anything whenever you have to be away for weeks, did I?”
Sua's voice trembled. She failed to hold back her tears.
“Sua, wait, listen to me–”
“Whatever. I'll go early in the morning tomorrow. I don't care what you will do, but I'll leave on my own, with my own car.”
Sua turned her back and slammed Mizi's door hard.
“Sua!” Mizi exclaimed.
Oh, what did she just do?
Mizi pinched her nose bridge. A heavy headache suddenly hit her.
July 12th, 2037
Mizi woke up early in the morning. She saw Sua dragged a big suitcase with a little struggle.
Mizi extended her hand to help Sua, but the smaller woman just snickered and pushed her away.
“Hey, sorry about last night, I… I was so caught up with work that I couldn't think very clearly,” Mizi held Sua's arm.
Sua just nodded half-heartedly.
Mizi still helped to open the car's baggage.
After that, Sua just walked away to get in the driver seat.
Mizi held Sua's wrist in a tight grip, the other woman flinched a bit.
Then Mizi forcefully pulled Sua in a tight hug. She kissed Sua's forehead and mumbled, “I'm very sorry, Sua… I regret everything I said last night. Please, trust me, I trust you. I believe you will go big, Sua.”
Mizi's embrace got even tighter. Until Sua moved her body a bit, signaling Mizi to push away.
Mizi gripped Sua's shoulder and stroked her cheeks and temples gently, “Good luck with the project, okay? I believe you'll ace it, just how you had always been. Call me later, alright? Take care on the way there. I'm always one call away.”
Mizi kissed Sua's forehead once again, then finally let go.
“I'll get going.”
Sua got into her car.
Just like that, the red car disappeared from Mizi's gaze.
Mizi didn't know what was this heavy feelings she had in her heart. Her mouth tasted bitter.
She stood there in the garden until fifteen minutes later, didn't know what was this constant uneasy feeling she had.
Perhaps it was because of their fight last night.
Well, this wasn't their first time fighting. Mizi had to admit that she was terribly possessive towards Sua. On the other hand, Sua was easily hurt and she had a high ego too. Though all these times, they always managed to sort things out in no time.
Perhaps, this time Mizi felt horrible because they just celebrated their anniversary a week ago, and now she just had to start that petty and childish fight because of her own possessiveness and—perhaps—insecurity. Also, Sua had to be away for days now, so they just didn't have the time to properly make up.
That night, Mizi just got off work. She was contemplating whether to give Sua a call or not, but she was afraid that Sua would be busy preparing for the events. She wouldn't want to bother Sua when she already got her hands full with jobs.
Mizi stared so long at the name “Sua My Eternal Love 💘” and hovered her thumb over the call button.
Until her phone rang and the exact name that she had been looking at for 30 minutes showed up on the screen.
Mizi almost throwed her phone to the pavement where she stood. She prepared herself to pick up the call, steadied her breath, and practiced her sweetest voice briefly.
She picked up the call.
“Hello my lovely Sua, I was just–”
“Is this Mrs. Mizi? Mrs. Sua's wife?” a foreign voice heard over the phone. Mizi's wide smile faded.
“Uhh, yes, correct. That's me. Who is calling?”
“We are from Anakt Hospital. Mrs. Sua just got into a car accident and while on the way to the ICU, we couldn't save her… now she's–”
Mizi dropped her phone for real now.
The voice from the other side kept calling out to her, but Mizi's world felt like it became a blur.
She blindly ran to the place where her car was parked, drove with crazy speed through the road, the highway, and got a lot of other vehicles drivers scolding her.
She couldn't care less.
The only one that she cared about was Sua.
She wouldn't believe what that person on the call said unless she saw her wife's condition herself.
She let the map on the screen lead her and drove at full speed. She didn't care if hundreds of warnings for speeding would get to her later.
All she wanted to do was to see Sua.
That day, Mizi stayed at Sua's grave from the morning they held the ceremony until the darkness of dusk enveloped the entire sky above her.
Her tears had long dried. She kneeled in front of the tomb, the place where Sua rested in peace forever.
Mizi felt suffocated. She looked at the roses, lilies, and other funeral bouquets from Sua's colleagues, their families, friends.
Mizi still couldn't believe this.
She had a big regret.
A regret that will never leave her until death.
Perhaps, this was the price she must pay for being selfish.
Perhaps, this is a punishment she deserved to receive for what she had done.
She never thought the last time she would see Sua would be that day, where they had a fight they didn't have a chance to fix.
How cruel.
How cruel fate is.
Perhaps I deserve it.
15th of July, 2047
Mizi didn't know how long and how far she walked. She didn't even know what her life purpose was anymore. She just kept walking, took a bus to some foreign city, walked for miles to a small town she never even heard the names of.
She had long given up of her old life. She was no longer in her prime of the job anymore, but she couldn't care less.
Her life just kept on going downhill after Sua passed away.
She was mourning. It had been ten years. Her friends and family just said to forget her and move on, but how could they say something so cruel?
One of those nights, she had a dream.
A dream of Sua in a land far away from home.
Mizi didn't prepare much before she left the house she used to live with her beloved wife, Sua.
Even now, she couldn't tell whether she clinged so hard on a wishful thinking that maybe, after all, Sua didn't die. She was just in a place far away and was waiting for Mizi to take her home.
Or Mizi just wanted to run away. To get away from anything that can reawaken the pain of the memories of Sua.
She arrived at a deserted place. There was no building in sight, only spans of sands as far as the eye can see.
She was on the verge of losing consciousness. Her supplies had run out since her previous stop in a small, dry town. She fell down on her knees, her eyes started to get heavy.
She started to see black spots in her eyes. Perhaps, she will die soon here.
Good for me...
...
“I can feel your despair from miles away,” someone suddenly stood tall in front of her, blocking the scorching sunlight burning her skin. “I didn't want to heed your call, but the frequency of your yearning is disrupting my boundaries.”
Mizi didn't even have the energy to look up and just said weakly, “Get lost.”
“Oh, eager aren't you?” that woman with white robe snickered. “I can grace you with my blessing, little girl. Mourning your dead wife for years must've not been easy.”
Mizi frowned, “What do you know?”
The lady pretended to read Mizi's thoughts and tapped her chin, “Sua, born December 22nd, died July 12th. Anakt Hospital. Cause of death, well… car accident.”
Mizi looked up now, “Who are you?”
“That's not important, my child. I can help you to change your wife's fate. Not for free, of course,” she continued to talk. “The consequences? Well, I can't guarantee that it will 100% work, it just depends on how smart you are. You might be the one who's dead in return, though. Let's say… dive back in time?”
Mizi gritted her teeth, she really wasn't in the mood to deal with whatever this is, “What the fuck do you want?”
The tall woman flicked her bright blonde hair.
“I shall help the one suffering with the greatest love,” that lady said. She cupped Mizi's chin, lifted her face up so the younger one could meet her eyes. “Your call, my child.”
Mizi looked up at her with tired eyes. She spit on the sand beside that lady's bare feet, “Do you think I will fall into your bullshit?”
Instead of being enraged because of the insult, she just laughed gracefully, “I'm not forcing those who have no will to accept my blessings, but I will give you one more chance. Not too long though, the rain will come really soon.”
Mizi tried to stand up, even though her soul and energy had all sucked out of her. She contemplated a bit.
It seemed that she really had gone crazy.
“What's the deal?”
“So, you accept, at last,” she nodded. “Smart of you, pretty girl. Now, listen to me carefully. You shall not break any of these rules, or there would be a serious punishment. Not only for you, it can be affecting your wife, your families, friends, or even worse, the doom of the universe.”
Mizi cringed at the "Pretty Girl" title that lady just called her. She's literally in her 40s now???
“Just spit it out, I don't care,” Mizi urged her.
“Alright, alright, let's be patient, darling,” she let out a gentle exhale before continuing. “One, you have ten chances. Nine chances are represented by the nine types of flowers. Let's say, the contract sealing is a bonus round, so you have ten chances in total.”
She flicked her fingers and an old book appeared out of thin air.
“The details would be written here. Those nine flowers will bring you back to different phases of the past. I wouldn't know which one will bring you to which timeline, so you will have to figure it out yourself. I won't say that one of them will guarantee success or failure. Like what I said before, it all really depends on how you act up the scenarios,” she explained.
She took a deep breath before continuing.
“At the end of one period of time loop, if it leads to a failure, you have to bring a different type of flower to the funeral and put it on the grave—after it starts raining. One important thing, you can't ever bring the same type of flower more than once, or you would have to face the consequence. Do you follow?”
Mizi just stared at her dead in the eyes.
“Alright, alright, I'll continue. Each period of time loop will end exactly on the day she died—that is, if you ended up failing. So technically, based on which flowers you brought on the funeral day, you will have different lengths of periods to execute your plans,” her face got more serious. “Remember, you have exactly nine flowers, ten chances. If you think of anything funny, who knows what will happen. Time is an unapologetic entity."
The lady looked at Mizi's face intently. She actually wasn't sure if Mizi was even listening at all.
She flicked her fingers with the intention to get Mizi's focus, “That being said, each time you do the time loop, there will be consequences, whether it's big or small. One thing for sure, it will all accumulate the more you do the time loop. No matter which flower that you chose and the more you go back in time, the more it adds up to that. There will be no reduction in it.”
Mizi raised her eyebrow, “How do I sign the contract?”
“Oh I love an enthusiastic client! We still have time before the rain, are you sure to proceed with the contract?”
She looked back at Mizi with darkened eyes.
“You said it yourself I can't think for too long.”
The lady sighed, “Alright. The last thing I will inform you before we get into the contract. The time loop will be able to activate when it rains. The easiest thing to note is that the rain will fall every time on the day of your wife's funeral. If you fail, you have to start the time loop when that rain happens—if you are still willing to try. The next activation step will seal out the contract.”
“Sign me up.”
“Alright, give me your wrist,” the lady held out her hand to Mizi. Mizi offered up her arms. “Remember. First, the rain will fall onto the earth. Second, put the flower on the tomb. Third… well, are you ready?”
“Just get it over with,” Mizi rolled her eyes.
“Alright, then. This will sting a bit, but you have to endure it,” she flicked her fingers again, then a golden knife appeared on her grasp. “This will count as your first time loop. You still have a full nine flowers. Alright. Okay. I will count to three. One, two…”
Slit.
Mizi groaned. Her gaze started to blur, stars filled out the back of her eyes.
She could feel the blood fall rapidly to the sand in front of her, dripping from her wrist. The knife slit right where the arteries are pulsing.
She looked up at the blurred figure in front of her. She couldn't make out what the lady said, but she vaguely heard what she mumbled, “Best of luck, my child.”
Mizi could feel cold fingers cradling her face and blowing her hair, before everything turned black.
Beep beep beep.
Mizi jumped on her bed.
She looked at the alarm on the nightstand with bloodshot eyes.
8.00 a.m.
Her eyebrows dipped sharply. She brushed her long hair back roughly.
She felt like she just had a long, horrible bad dream, but it all felt too real.
Sua… she… it can't be….
She rowdily turned her head to look at the glowing thing behind her alarm and found a strange object.
A golden knife.
Underneath it was an old book with a leather cover.
She took the book and opened it. There were pages of dried flowers on each page with a bit description in smudged texts.
There are nine flowers in there; red rose, white lily, carnation, orchid, hydrangea, forget-me-not, hyacinth, chrysanthemum, and daisy
A surge of flashbacks hit her. She held her head when a sudden sharp headache hit her.
She remembered now.
She just sealed a deal with the demon.
She tried to steady her breath and immediately checked her phone.
24th of August, 2020.
She received several texts.
The first notification caught her attention.
Sua 💓: Good morning, my love 💓
Sua 💓: Have you woken up yet? Today is the new student ceremony
Mizi felt like she almost went crazy.
She cried and screamed to the point where her throat felt like it burned.
She couldn't control her tears. She buried her face on the pillow, trying to stop her cries.
She replied to Sua's text with tears falling down her eyes like a river.
Mizi: SUA!!!
Mizi: My lovely Sua…
Mizi: Oh my God, I miss you… I miss you so much…
Mizi: Are you okay…? Is this really Sua I'm talking to…?
Sua replied just as quickly.
Sua 💓: Huh? Why would I not be…
Sua 💓: [sent a photo.]
Sua 💓: Well, we meet almost everyday, but yeah, I miss you too 🥰
Sua 💓: Have you prepared to go to school?
Mizi: Oh Sua my Goddess… so beautiful forever…
Mizi: Okie dokie now I believe that I'm actually talking to my one and only Sua!! 😚🫶🏼
Mizi: Hey, Sua, can you move in with me? T____T
Mizi: Idk but I really can't live without you, Sua… It might actually drive me crazy…
Mizi: And I mean it...
Sua 💓: Hahaha what's gotten into you babe
Sua 💓: Of course, I can't live without you too…
Sua 💓: For moving in together, let's talk about it later, alright? We will meet soon ❤️
Mizi: Okay…
Mizi: Would you please wait for me to pick you up at your apartment? I want to spend the first day of uni with you 😆😆
Sua 💓: Of course, I would love to!
Sua 💓: I'll wait 🫡
Mizi sighed.
So that was all real. It wasn't just a bullshit dream of her.
The entirety of their relationship, their marriage, Sua's death...
The time loop devil...
Well, to be fair, Mizi didn't actually know for sure who is this being than she involved herself in a mess with, but who cares? Sua is alive now.
She brushed her hair back. After talking with Sua, she somehow regained her composure.
She got out of the bed, watching herself in the mirror.
This was definitely her in the college freshman era. Long wavy pink hair with a burst of blue on the bottom side. Wide sparkly golden eyes. She tapped on her cheeks several times. It hurts, but she's for real her younger self now. She has... that youthful charm on her.
Mizi never felt so determined. She clenched her fist, controlled her breath.
“Okay, so this is my first loop, that makes it the second timeline. I can't mess this up. I better make it on the first attempt,” she said to herself.
That morning, she met Sua. Face to face. The real thing.
Her beautiful girlfriend.
Mizi hugged Sua so tightly. She tried her best to hold back her tears. She wouldn't want Sua to have ideas because of her sudden strange behavior.
“Can I kiss you?” Mizi whispered.
Sua chuckled, “We are literally just about to head out. Do you miss me that much?”
“Yes. Yes, Sua. I miss you that much,” Mizi grazed Sua's ears with her lips. The black haired girl flinched out of tickles.
“Alright. Just make sure to not go overboard. We will be late to the ceremony,” Sua bit Mizi's lower lip in return.
Mizi beamed. She pushed Sua back into her apartment unit, then closed the door behind them.
Mizi looked down on the damp ground before her. A lot of people around her cried.
Mizi cried the loudest that day.
She brought a bouquet of red roses to the funeral.
It was the second time, but it didnt make the pain any less bearable. If anything, she felt like the wounds on her heart that hadn't manage to dried out ripped open again.
When the first rain drop fell to the earth, she put the rose bouquet on the wet ground of Sua's grave. She took out the golden knife she slipped into her suit pocket.
She braced herself.
Blood dripped to the ground and the rain moved in reverse.