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The cold metal still feels like it's pressing up to his lips, despite the trophy being lifted many hours ago. The adrenaline still coursing through his veins, Hyukkyu is coursing through the halls of the hotel riot booked for all the players.
He feels too many emotions all at once—his ears are ringing from the sound of the crowd and screaming from his teammates. Hyukkyu's eyes are dry and heavy from the tears that spilled down as he said his speech. And because of the large smiles and cheers his mouth feels incredibly parched and sore.
Walking down his hallway it feels almost unreal—Hyukkyu's legs feel as if they're about to cave in—a dream he's chased for so much of his lifetime and all his adulthood now finally accomplished. The long unrested nights, the nights where he could only carry the burden of failure, the pain he felt with all his past teammates. Hyukkyu felt a slight pain in his heart reminiscing on all the past lives he had lived on every team to culminate to tonight.
Since his victory, a number of his past teammates and coaches had reached out to him congratulating Hyukkyu. Some from people he hadn't really ever expected to reach out again. Distant memories of his time on Samsung, EDG, and DRX 2020, welled up in his mind cherishing the time that molded him into who he is now. A leader, an older brother, and a role model.
As he turned the corner towards his room, Hyukkyu felt a longing for a time to reconnect with himself. Years spent chasing after Deft, the pro player and idealized version of himself he wanted to be in his mind. Now finally being able to catch up, Hyukkyu didn't know what it felt like to merge himself and Deft as a person and as an equal.
Hyukkyu sighed as he used his keycard to open his door. Stepping into the cold blast of the air conditioning and falling onto his bed, Hyukkyu took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
He twitched, after such a monumental victory and following events he couldn't stay still. Entirely overwhelmed by the proceeding events. The sensation of the comforter and the hum of his hotel room fan did little to aid the buzz in Hyukkyu's body. Feeling like he needed to get away from it all he stood up and ran to the elevator. He pushed the button to the roof top, hoping to get the uneasy feeling out of his system.
At the top of the hotel, he stepped out onto the chilly San Francisco air, wandering out onto the rooftop. It was decorated with multiple chairs and viewing points out into the views of the bay and surrounding landmarks. The bright stars and soft lights illuminated the area bright enough for Hyukkyu to notice a figure sitting in one of the chairs, their back towards him taking in the night atmosphere.
Hyukkyu felt a magnetic pull towards the other figure who sat straight and was seemingly meditating at this late hour. Walking closer Hyukkyu realized it was none other than the man that stood before him hours earlier walking away in defeat against him.
Hyukkyu quietly sat next to him despite his mind telling him to leave.
“Congratulations.” Sanghyeok said, turning to look at the newcomer. Hyukkyu felt startled and slightly embarrassed at his rival speaking first.
“Thank you.” Hyukkyu murmured, slightly taken aback by his words. It felt unnatural being given congratulatory words from the man in front of him, he had never been on the opposite side of the victory against him and after all these years it was novel.
Hyukkyu took the small beats of silence to really look at the Sanghyeok's state in front of him. He had slightly disheveled clothes, there was a slight frown on his face in deep contemplation, and more than that there was a tired look in his eyes. Hyukkyu noticed that it mirrored a look he had to come to be familiar with on his birthday.
“I-” “Wh-” after the awkward beats of silence, the two had both tried to restart life into the conversation. Hyukkyu gestured for him to go first.
“Really I mean it, you've worked hard for so long and you've finally made it. I'm proud of you.” Sanghyeok said in his calm tone but slightly wavering from his normal pr voice that Hyukkyu was used to hearing.
Hyukkyu felt a small smile creep up onto his face. He turned fully to his Sanghyeok and replied, “I know you know what it's like to lose and I'll have no doubt you'll rise from this.” Hyukkyu looked into his eyes and continued,”I know this loss was especially tough on Minseokie, but I know you will be able to help him get stronger.”
Sanghyeok's eyes crinkled at that statement, “He reminds me a lot of us when we were younger, how we took each loss and failure like a crushing weight had fallen on ourselves.”
Ever since he had debuted, that feeling felt ever present in his earlier years. The feeling and tears shed were not foreign to Hyukkyu even still.
“I sometimes miss that feeling of our rookie days, where every win and loss felt like the most critical match in the world.”
“Every game felt thrilling and nerve-wracking, the feeling was a bit addicting in a strange way, wasn't it?” Hyukkyu let out a quiet chuckle in response, remembering the stage fright he felt in the beginning, but also the overeagerness to prove his skills.
“Today felt like I got transported back to being a rookie again,” he paused and tilted his head slightly, reminiscing about the past few weeks. “Honestly this whole tournament has felt unreal and like I've gone back in time to all my past teammates. But funnily enough even after all these years and teams it's always been against you.”
This time it was Sanghyeok who laughed, his rival's words stirring deep memories he pushed back being resurfaced again. “I missed you when you left for China…” he started, but paused trying to figure out the words that were slipping out of his tongue. “I-I wish…I wish that we still kept in contact.”
Sanghyeok, who most people never saw nervous or flustered, turned his head down as he confessed. He also shook slightly in his chair which could have been attributed to the night breeze which stirred and the low hum of the sleeping city that had swirled the two on the rooftop.
As he took his words all in, Hyukkyu felt himself heating up slightly as well. “I wish we did too…” he admitted, “After I left for China, I think I became too jealous of seeing you succeed all the time. I wanted to be fighting as your equal but it felt like I could never compare.” Hyukkyu parsed his own sentences trying to find the words to reassure his counterpart, “Even though deep down I think I missed our childish banter and the stupid antics we got up to in solo queue.”
Sanghyeok's eyes widened slightly before quickly turning to face Hyukkyu again, his eyes traced the ways Hyukkyu’s face had matured since they had both been scraggly teenagers pursuing their common dream—Since when they had both been Mapo High school classmates. He found that the soft round curves had been traded for a kinder, more grown and experienced rival in front of him.
He looks incredibly beautiful.
“And although I matured a lot from that kind of thinking and grew up to see the merit I have in my own career—that I don't need to compare myself to you. Tonight feels special because I can finally sit with you, and finally have a place next to you.”
“You always had a place next to me.” Sanghyeok replied, carefully taking his hand into his own and threaded them together slowly—giving him enough time to break away if Hyukkyu wanted to.
Hyukkyu wouldn't break away even if he wanted to.
The two sat next to each other staring off into the night sky, tired from all the emotions they had shared in the past few hours—the extreme highs and lows as well as the tears that were shed aided the exhaustion. The silence a much needed reprieve from the heightened emotions.
“Do you want to try again? As friends? And maybe as something more?” Sanghyeok asked cautiously, breaking the silence.
Hyukkyu nodded and leaned in to lay their heads together, “I do. I want to make up for all our lost time together. I want to create a new chapter in both of our lives, one where we both can be equals, rivals, and together.”
Let us always keep competing together.