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It won't happen again.
Isn't that always the first lie?
And Nagasaki Soyo is superlative as far as liars go.
Stood in front of the mirror in Soyo's bathroom, Anon investigated the cut to her cheekbone under the crepuscular lighting, the shadows and angles shaping Soyo's handiwork.
Soyo was asleep so Anon took the opportunity to try and put some space between them, if only to assess the damage.
She ran her fingers over it whilst debating how much concealer will be effective in effacing the injury, but the pain was enough to distract her from the discomfort she was feeling everywhere else.
It had been an accident, this time.
That being said, Soyo lied as easily as she made Anon bleed.
So who could say whether it truly was an occurrence during the heat of the moment, where Soyo's love and obsession over Anon coalesced into something hideous, detrimental.
Anon moved her hands away and ran the hot water before getting a small towel and placing it under, watching the white towel retain the moisture.
How much could she take till she bled out permanently?
In her musings, she hadn't realised that she had left the tap running, the water becoming scalding but just as quickly, hands snaked around from behind her to turn to tap off and move her hand away.
"Why are you drifting away for? You are going to hurt yourself".
Anon tried to keep her body relaxed when Soyo had embraced her, their bodies pressed close as she took the towel from Anon's hand.
She met blue eyes in the mirror, watching her closely, "Sorry" she laughed wryly, "I guess I'm still tired".
Soyo hummed and kissed Anon's shoulder that was visible, "Why are you apologising?".
"Because I.." Anon paused, not knowing what to say.
Lifting the towel, Soyo used the reflection to bring it up to Anon's cheek and carefully wiped the cut, hearing Anon wince slightly, the dried up blood disappearing to leave the fading contusion.
It had been an accident and a reminder for Soyo that she needed to cut her nails.
"Anon".
"Yeah?" Anon managed to reply, her hands flat on the sink top.
"I'm sorry, I..went too far".
"No, it's okay".
Soyo held Anon's gaze, "Why are you lying to me?".
Why do you keep making excuses for me?
The towel was dropped into the sink as Soyo coiled her arms around Anon, too tightly almost and it aggravated the injuries left on Anon's body left from the sex, from Soyo's attempts to make it up to her.
Anon clenched her jaw and moved her arms over Soyo's while Soyo buried her face into the side of her neck, the heat of her breath sticking to Anon's skin.
It felt inescapable, like Soyo was burning her from the inside and outside, melting her till Anon had no choice but to stay around Soyo.
Anon couldn't see it but she knew there was remorse in the brunette's expression, a flicker, enough to make her forgive Soyo's temper and the way her possessive nature hadn't diminished years after they had graduated.
"Soyorin, I promise I wouldn't lie to you" she reassured, "It's okay, right? I mean..it won't happen again, will it?".
Soyo tightened her hold and shook her head, "No, it won't. I won't hurt you again".
Another lie, one of many that exited Soyo's mouth as easily as she breathed.
Anything to keep Anon with her.
***
While balancing their rehearsal time with their normal day jobs, MyGo!!!!! was holding steady and had gained popularity, attracting more listeners over the years.
Unlike Ave Mujica, the group were content in being able to perform together, as was their goal of doing this forever.
RiNG was still their go to live house for rehearsals and performances.
When Anon entered the practice room, she wasn't surprised to see Taki already present, stood near the drums while she was going through something on her tablet.
"I'm not late" Anon quickly said.
Taki rolled her eyes, "I didn't even say anything".
"Your expression speaks for you".
Anon grinned slightly and went to her usual place and removed the guitar case from her back, lowering it carefully.
It hurt to breath at this point, but Anon managed to unpack, especially since Taki was busy reading whatever she was focused on.
The guitarist glanced to her while she adjusted the stand and placed her own tablet onto it, "What are we going through today, Rikki? The next live is a few weeks away, huh?".
"We'll be going through the set list for that" the other woman replied, "It isn't as polished as I want it to be".
"You're such a perfectionist" Anon teased whilst she leaned down to get her guitar, "I think that's a sign of a problem".
"Whatever" Taki replied, her gaze going to Anon, "You need to-".
The drummer's words stopped in her throat when she saw Anon's wrists which had been exposed, the sleeves of her dress moving up.
She quickly stood up and approached Anon before she could pick up her guitar, "What the hell, Anon".
"What did I do?" Anon frowned, "Hey, what are you doing?!".
Taki took a hold of Anon's left arm, her purple eyes widening, "Did Soyo do this?" she asked, "You know what, don't even answer that..".
Trying to pull her arm free, Anon could feel the way Taki was taking in the bruising around her wrist, the skin swollen almost while nail idents could be seen on the underside. She had hoped the long sleeve dress would conceal it enough but once uncovered, the splatter of dark purple and red was hard to miss.
Anon tugged her hand back and covered it, "It's not what you think. We just got carried away".
"And the cut to your cheek? Did she also get fucking carried away with that?".
The guitarist regretted not doing a quick touch up of her make up before she left work.
She would rather have Taki looking pissed at her as opposed to this livid sympathy, like she wanted to put Soyo through a wall.
Anon sighed as she tried to assuage Taki's worry when she appeared to look for any other apparent damage to her, "She regrets it, I know that. You know how she is".
"Why are you making excuses for her? This shit has been going on since the day you two started dating. Except now it's getting physical".
"It's Soyorin's way of showing that she loves me, and that she's only looking out me for me".
Taki was dumbfounded by the justification and it made her worry augment when thinking how Anon was giving the bassist these passes.
Nobody deserved this, let alone Anon.
She took in a quick breath and lifted her hand to press the outside of the cut on Anon's cheekbone, "Anon..".
Just then, the door to the practice room opened as Taki lowered her hand, noting that Soyo, Raana and Tomori had walked in.
Anon's smiled returned as she collected her guitar and she gave Taki as reassuring look before greeting everyone else.
"I made it here before you all" she grinned, "Ah, not before Rikki".
Soyo approached her just as Taki had rounded the drum set and sat down, "She wasn't that long after me. Anyway, we should get started".
"Anon, look this way".
The guitarist adhered and Soyo ran her thumb over Anon's cheek, like she was rubbing away the area where Taki had touched her.
"There" she smiled sweetly and gave Taki a quick glance, her eyes saying, "Don't touch what isn't yours".
Taki felt the acrid taste in her mouth at seeing Soyo's proper portance appear, the guise she holds with everyone else to this day.
"Thanks, Soyorin" Anon managed to say, "You should set up now too, okay? Ah, Raana, don't run away yet!".
"Tomori, here!".
Said guitarist was quickly lured back by Tomori and a bag of matcha candy that Taki threw over.
Soyo smiled at the interaction, "Time to get started" she instructed and looked at Raana.
Tomori nodded, but Raana, just like Taki, kept their eyes on Anon during the entire session, much to Soyo's annoyance.
***
An air of uncertainty surrounded Anon and Soyo after practice ended, the duo then returning to Soyo's apartment.
Before they left, Taki had looked at Anon, as if pleading with her to end things with Soyo and while Taki thought that she was being covert, Soyo had seen the exchange.
She had made this known by staying as close as possible to Anon till they got home, the evening skies of the city turning darker as the early autumn started to set in.
Anon tried to make conversation but Soyo's noncommittal replies were telling enough, that and when she looked at Soyo from the corner of her eyes, the quite rage was too tangible.
"She's pissed" Anon sighed inwardly.
It was going to be a long night.
As soon as they stepped into the apartment, Anon tried to do as much damage control as she could.
"Soyorin, what you saw at the rehearsal room-".
"Stop talking".
Anon closed her mouth as she watched Soyo walk to the sofa, almost throwing her phone and keys onto the table.
She quickly went to her and placed her hand on Soyo's shoulder, "Rikki was just worried".
"Rikki this, Rikki that" Soyo scoffed and turned abruptly, her comport shifting to the aggressive, "For someone who argues with you nonstop, why does she care about you?".
"Because we're friends" Anon reminded, "That's it".
The brunette wondered if Anon was that oblivious or just playing stupid as anyone with eyes could see that Taki, as rough as she was on Anon, was interested in her.
She thought back to Taki's hand on Anon's cheek and the fury surfaced, along with the fear of losing Anon.
The idea of anyone else touching Anon besides her was putrescent.
Soyo stared at Anon for a moment before she placed her hand on the back of Anon's nape firmly and pulled her in to kiss her, leaning into her till she could move Anon towards the dining table next to the sofa.
"Soyorin, wait" Anon gasped when she had a moment to breath.
But Soyo was too enveloped in a myriad of clashing emotions, jealousy and desire the main two wresting with each other.
Soyo grit her teeth, pushing Anon down onto the table, knowing that the edge had dug into Anon's lower back when the woman hissed in pain.
"Wait? For what? For Taki to get her hands on you?!".
She leaned over Anon on the table and pulled her dress down her shoulder whilst keeping her other hand under Anon's chin, her mouth then moving towards the exposed skin.
As soon as Soyo's teeth wedged into her neck, Anon screamed and wrapped her legs around the brunette's back while her hands clawed at Soyo's dress.
The force Soyo had used was incomparable to the past occasions she had done this, like her jaw was locked while she sucked on Anon's neck, pulling and biting between.
All because Soyo was thinking of Taki getting a chance to do this to Anon and it made her sick to the stomach.
"Soyorin! Stop it!".
The cries were muddled in Soyo's head, barely reaching her.
Anon is mine.
A mantra being repeated in Soyo's mind as she moved her mouth all over Anon's neck and throat, applying marks which would have to be occulded with make up and a high neck dress or sweater..
Anon's hands stopped flaling around, now limp on the table, "Soyorin".
The whimper in her tone finally snapped Soyo out of her haze, her mouth lifting off of Anon's throat, the residual shimmering on Anon's skin and Soyo's lips.
Soyo blinked rapidly and gulped, catching her breath as she took in Anon's face, her cheeks stained with tears.
Panic fuelled Soyo when her eyes darted to the damage she had done, "Anon, I..I'm sorry!".
How those words were worn for Anon, and they meant nothing anymore.
All it precluded to was more false promises.
Soyo attempted to help Anon up but Anon grabbed her arms and shook her head, "Don't".
"I'm sorry" Soyo repeated, looking around to clean Anon's neck, "I know, I got carried away. I'll fix this, okay? Just wait here and don't leave".
That vulnerability needled away at Anon and she didn't release her grip on Soyo, "I told you to stop".
"I..didn't hear it, Anon. All I could see and hear was Taki taking you away from me. I couldn't let that happen".
"I don't want Rikki" Anon sighed and closed her eyes, her head not being able to move, "When are you going to realise that I don't want anyone else?".
Soyo's hands were still on the table, her brunette hair falling around her which made Anon lift her hand and tuck some of it over her shoulder.
"Even though she wouldn't do all this to you?" Soyo whispered, "I can tell, Anon, how tired you are of this and me".
Anon looked away, "I'm tired of having to repeat myself, that's all, Soyorin. I love you".
Those words had the intended effect of quelling the remnants of Soyo's insecurities, but the fact that Anon wasn't looking at her scared Soyo.
Despite this, Anon pulled Soyo down till she was resting on her with her head on Anon's shoulder and she wrapped her arms around Soyo.
This way, Soyo wouldn't have to see her crying.
***
On occasion, the members of MyGo!!!!! and Ave Mujica would cross paths, especially those whom were on amicable terms with each other like Taki and Umiri.
Sakiko opted to keep her distance from the band in general which was to be expected, but she had a stable friendship with Anon and Raana.
Neither were in CRYCHIC, Anon was integral to the healing of old wounds, and Raana was close to Mutsumi.
So Sakiko always stopped to talk to either of them whenever she bumped into them and now was one of those occasions when she had seen Anon head out from a clothing store on the weekend.
Anon greeted her with a smile and the two found themselves at a cafe sat next to each other.
"I was thinking of these designs for our next live" Anon explained, showing Sakiko her phone, "It's bit different but I want to keep the theme of blue against the black material".
"You have a remarkable eye for detail" Sakiko replied with a smile, "The outfits you have created have a charm, a great reflection of your band and its members".
"Being complimented by you about this is unreal" Anon grinned, fixing her glasses, "I mean, you design pretty much everything so I'm nowhere near as good as you".
"Anon, your skills are yours, and there are many attributes of yours that I cannot replicate" the other woman replied honestly, "I believe we all continue to perfect our skills as we go along".
"I can admit to that much".
The guitarist was looking down at her hands, the calluses prevalent and she remembered the number of bandages she had to use.
Even now, there was a new cut on her index finger after she had been practicing at home.
Before she could elaborate, her phone on the table buzzed and she quickly checked to see who it was.
"Ah, it's Soyorin".
The mention of Soyo always put Sakiko on guard and Anon saw it, putting her phone away before replying.
Such a reaction between Soyo and Sakiko was going to be intense now given their history, including their brief foray at dating each other.
Still, Sakiko managed to remain cordial, "How is she doing?".
"She's okay, just busy between work and the band" Anon replied, eyes on her coffee now.
Sakiko knew that the two were dating, so she didn't pry into that aspect, especially considering her own failed relationship with Soyo.
"Is she following in the same line as her mother?".
Anon nodded, "That's the plan. She's doing really well and is reaching levels beyond what her company was expecting".
"Well, Soyo has always been determined".
Even if that determination was misplaced at times.
"That's Soyoin" Anon smiled, the action strained, especially when her phone buzzed again.
Sakiko saw it since they were sat next to each other, her golden eyes tinged with worry, "Anon? I don't wish to pry but are you alright?".
She knew it was Soyo again, asking where she was and who she was with, but there was no way she could tell Soyo that she was having coffee with her ex.
For the time being, Anon pushed it out of her mind and tried to enjoy Sakiko's company.
She gave a thumbs up, "All good" she insisted, "Oh, I heard you all are going on another tour soon with Roselia? Is that true?".
The excitement in Anon's grey eyes was infectious as she leaned in and Sakiko could always appreciate Anon's enthusiasm.
So they sat there for a while longer, immersed in an invigorating conversation, unaware of stormy blue eyes watching them from the door of the cafe.
Anon would return to Soyo's in the evening and would find all the lights switched off which seemed odd since it wasn't even 9 yet.
There was no sight of the woman anywhere downstairs so she assumed that Soyo was in her bedroom, so Anon headed up the spiral staircase, using the lights from the view outside to guide her.
"Soyorin?" she called out when she went to the bedroom, "You in there?".
Anon had replied half and hour later, saying how she was going to drop by her place first before heading back and she was on time, but she hadn't mentioned that she had seen Sakiko.
Sat on the edge of her bed and also in darkness, Soyo's eyes stared ahead like she hadn't heard Anon.
The atmosphere was enough to have the hairs on the back of Anon's neck stand up, a sign of possible disputations happening so her steps slowed while she approached Soyo and stood in front of her.
"Hey, what's wrong?".
Soyo's hands were wringing her skirt, "Where were you, Anon?".
"I texted you that I was going home for a bit?" she asked, "Did the message not go through? I'm sure it said you read it".
She went to her jacket pocket to retrieve her phone but Soyo suddenly grabbed her wrist and looked Anon in the eyes.
"And before that? Where were you?".
It was then that Anon realised that Soyo knew where she was, and who she was with.
The grip around her wrist was painful and she tried to shake her free but Soyo doubled the pressure.
Anon crouched down, her free hand resting on Soyo's knees, "Listen..I didn't plan to meet Saki-".
Before she could even finish Sakiko's name, Soyo had slapped her.
The sound reverberated in the spacious bedroom as the stinging of Anon's cheek pulsed, the redness already forming when she clenched her jaw.
She looked up to see that Soyo was panting, her hand still in the air and shaking, "Out of everyone..why did you have to be with her?".
"I'm not with her" Anon replied, voice restrained since she knew it wasn't going to be enough to tell Soyo that she had misconstrued the situation, "We're just friends".
"Really? Because the way you were laughing and smiling with her tells me a different story. Do you prefer her company more than mine? Is that it? Anon?!".
Soyo grabbed Anon's jacket and toppled her onto the floor as she got to her knees and straddled her waist before pinning Anon's arms down either side of her head.
"Why are you with Sakiko?!".
"Damn it, Soyorin!" Anon finally yelled and broke free from Soyo's hands before lifting herself up till Soyo was in her lap and she had her arms around her, "Why do you keep doing this?! It's like you want me to end things with you..is that it?".
Soyo had her hands over Anon's shoulders, pulling at her jacket as the tears broke free when she saw that Anon was crying too, looking up at her.
She looked so tired.
"It's like no matter how many times I tell you and show you that you're the only one I want, it's never enough".
"Why? Why would you want to stay with someone as awful as me?" Soyo managed, "I don't get you".
"I don't get it either" Anon laughed, a hollow sound, "Yeah, you are awful but it's because you're so scared, and you won't even talk to me about it. Instead, you hurt me in every way that you can and I honestly want to leave you every time".
Soyo was enraged and shoved Anon's shoulders, "Then go! Get out of here!".
"I can't" Anon then said and held Soyo's face in her hands, wiping the tears, "Because even though you hurt me and make me insane, I still love you".
"You're an idiot for doing so" Soyo snapped, holding Anon's wrists, "So stupid".
"Yeah, that's me..an idiot for you".
Anon was aware that this was far from a healthy relationship, and she knows that Soyo is trying her best, but some weeks are worse than others.
The woman she was staring at was a mess, hiding and traversing between personas and then revealing her true one with Anon..
"I hope you get it through that head of yours that I'm not going anywhere".
Soyo's energy had depleted and she rested her head on Anon's shoulder as the two embraced each other, the soft sobs permeating the room.
And Anon let her cry whilst she kissed the side of her head, repeating it again, "I'm not going anywhere, Soyorin".
Soyo knew that she couldn't keep doing this to Anon, these violent thoughts birthed out of fear and insecurities far too deleterious, but she didn't want to let her go.
She knew she had to do better if she was to keep Anon by her side.
As the golden hue of the moonlight shone into the room, a much needed sense of serenity accompanied it, because only time would tell how long it would last.