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The night sky was full of life.
The moon hung perfectly in space, silver form glowing brightly. A gentle breeze brought the scent of summer wafting through the cool air. Flocks of Illumise and Volbeat flashed their lights in the distance. Waves lapped against the shore below, and silhouettes of bat and owl Pokémon could be seen flying through the sky. It was as far from the lifeless paralysis of the now-erased future as it possibly could have been.
So why did Sirius feel just as awful now as he had back then?
The Jolteon let out a long sigh, paws feeling almost chilled on the stone balcony of his cliff home. He looked out into the gently moving ocean. The position of the moon showed it was close to midnight, but he just couldn't sleep. It wasn't that Sirius wasn't tired—honestly, he was—it was more that he couldn't stop thinking. He loved his partner, really he did, but tonight any thought of the Charizard would just send him into a spiral of guilt.
Blitz was his best friend. Blitz was his first friend, that he could remember anyways. And Sirius was lying to him.
Okay, maybe he wasn't exactly lying to him, but the Jolteon was still... withholding information. Pretending something was true when it wasn't. Sure, Blitz had also never exactly asked, but it still felt like lying in Sirius's mind.
Closing his eyes, Sirius thought back to the first time he realized he was like this. The first time he realized something was fundamentally wrong with him.
★ ———————★——————— ★
It was fairly soon after Sirius had basically come back from the dead. Him and Blitz hadn't evolved yet, despite probably having proved themselves more than any other 'mon there, because they didn't have their licenses. The day had started pretty normally: they'd woken up, had breakfast, and were now standing next to the big bulletin boards where job requests were posted, looking them over for something the two could do.
One job listing stood out: a young Riolu had been separated from his parents in some mountains, and they suspected he'd slipped into the nearby mystery dungeon by accident. It wasn't exactly a hard dungeon, but hey, it was a kid who needed helping. Maybe Sirius and Blitz would even be able to get in a second job afterward.
After using Treasure Town resident Alakazam's teleportation services to get to the entrance of the dungeon, they set out on their journey. It wasn't a very hard one, the dungeon was fairly easy to navigate in comparison to others. They did get turned around a couple times, as is typical, but eventually on the fourth level Blitz the then-Charmander was the first to spot a bit of blue up ahead.
Hurrying to the spot, the two found the Riolu there, paw stuck in some rocks. They quickly freed him, and using their team badge to escape the dungeon, the Eevee and Charmander returned to the guild.
The Riolu's parents were thankful, as usual. They gave the team a TM for Shock Wave, which was accepted gratefully.
But Sirius's mind had begun to wander. The Riolu was standing there, just behind his parents. His fur was a bit ruffled on the leg he'd caught on the rocks, but other than that was smooth and shiny. The Riolu, shyly looking up, met Sirius's eye and gave a small smile and wave.
...The Eevee's heart skipped a beat. He'd... he'd felt like this about Blitz before. Those eyes... Suddenly all he could think about was-
Sirius shook his head violently, forcing himself out of his thoughts and back to the current situation. He thanked the Riolu's parents and watched as they walked away.
The two didn't do a second job that day. Sirius was too shocked and had to go lie down to contemplate. Blitz was of course concerned, but how would Sirius be able to explain this to him anyways?
As he lay, everything finally added up. All those strange feelings toward young Pokémon over the past few years...
Sirius was a fucking monster.
★ ———————★——————— ★
Back in the present, the Jolteon growled to himself. How had Sirius let this go on for so long? It wasn't like he was actually going to go hurt any young Pokémon—he almost gagged at the idea—but he still found himself absolutely disgusting. Blitz would probably hate him when he found out.
He fixed his eyes on the stars, trying to distract himself. It worked. The stars were so bright, and the Jolteon so tired, that he almost didn't notice the creak of a door and then the footsteps behind him.
"Sirius! Hey, are you okay?"
Sirius jolted upright.
"I'm fine! Um, yeah!" He looked around nervously. "Why?"
His Charizard partner, Blitz, sat down next to him with a dull thump, looking at the Jolteon. His head was tilted, with a worried expression on his face.
"I woke up and you weren't there. You don't uh, often. Do that. Was it-" Blitz paused for a second, thinking. "Was it Darkrai? Again?"
The Jolteon inhaled sharply. "No! Uh, no, it was just-" He trailed off.
Sirius heard a sigh, and Blitz moved himself closer to the Jolteon. A warm, scaly wing wrapped itself around his shoulders. He hated himself for enjoying the touch.
"Hey, it's okay," Blitz said, noticing how Sirius had tensed up. "If- look, you can tell me anything."
Tears pricked his eyes. "I- Fuck, I can't- that's the problem, you'll hate me-" Sirius blurted out.
Blitz looked sad, sighing again. "I'm sorry you feel like that, but I won't hate you, I promise. We're partners, right?" The Charizard brightened up. "That's what I do!"
"I... guess..." Sirius looked at the floor. "I still..." He smiled a little in return. "It's just- I know it's bad, and I'm not proud of it, and believe me I never wanted to feel like this, and I promise I'm never gonna hurt anyone, but-"
Blitz listened attentively.
"I'm-"
Sirius swallowed, terrified.
"I'm a fucking pedophile."
He was expecting to be attacked. Expecting to be shoved off the cliff they both sat at the edge of. Expecting to be torn to pieces for crimes he'd surely be doomed to commit.
What he wasn't expecting was Blitz's warm arms and wings wrapping fully around him in a tight hug.
Sirius started sobbing, barely able to breathe through his tears. Blitz kept rubbing the Jolteon's back gently the whole time.
Eventually he was able to calm down enough to speak again. "I- Fuck- Why-"
Blitz moved Sirius so he could look at him. "You've never hurt a kid, right?"
"No! Of course not!"
"Then there's no problem. Heck, we literally rescue kids, that's the opposite of harming them. I'm not gonna judge you for what's in your head, I mean there have been times I've wanted to punch Chatot but I never did any of that!"
Sirius laughed shakily at the Charizard's words, before grabbing him and collapsing into tears again. Blitz resumed rubbing his back, and before long, Sirius slumped over, exhausted.
"I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me that." Blitz whispered. "It takes a lot of courage to come out like that."
Sirius wriggled a bit, sleepy. "It was... really scary."
"Yeah..." Blitz kissed the Jolteon on the top of his head. "Come on, let's go back inside. You're exhausted and honestly I'm pretty tired too..."
The stars in the sky shone over the pair as they made the way back to their nest, curling up and falling asleep quickly.
After that, Sirius slept the best he had in a long time.