Work Text:
Zandik was sitting on the couch in their apartment, legs sprawled out lazily, a textbook on his lap, but his attention was elsewhere.
Pantalone, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor was obsessively tapping away on Zandik's phone screen. Zandik didn’t even look up from his book, his voice a little dry as he spoke,
"I told you, I have no interest in those things. Social media is a waste of time, you're just wasting your time making it for me."
"It's about keeping up appearances, Zandik. You're a university student. You need to be connected." He gave Zandik a glance. "Besides, I think it’s adorable when you’re forced to interact with the world outside your little bubble." He added while pressing around the screen, verifying the email and such. The soft clack of his nails against the screen was lowkey satisfying.
Zandik just hummed in response, his attention still glued to his reading. He didn’t need social media. He already had everything he wanted: his work, his studies, and... Pantalone, of course. Pantalone, who was now practically in control of his phone...
The mans eyes gleamed as he swiped to Zandik's profile settings, already making changes, notifications off, private account, dm's off, and such.
“Okay, let’s see here... bio?” he asked, looking up at Zandik for an idea.
"I don't care what you write" Zandik responded immediately, sitting up slightly now, he peered over Pantalone’s shoulder over at his phone.
Pantalone sighed. "If you insist, then I’ll just leave it blank. How boring..." he mumbled while clicking out. The profile was very basic, empty. No profile picture, the username was a weird mix of numbers and letters specifically it was: @z10191an92d89911ik, and also no bio or name set, even the birthday was set to the most basic date, 01.01. So there was simply nothing.
He then tapped the search button, quickly typing in his own username before clicking the follow button on his own account. It was a public one, but he also had a private one for close friends, he followed that one too from Zandik's account. "There. All set."
Zandik gave him a side-eye, but Pantalone was too smug to care. "You know you’re the only person I'll ever follow, right?" Zandik said. He didn't care about followers, attention, likes and stuff like that...He wasn't even planning on posting himself on the account, or anything really. He had no one he wanted ro interact with there either. He lived with his boyfriend anyways, if he needed to text him, they'd do it on the actual messaging app not on social media.
"I don't even know how to use that thing." He added.
Pantalone satisfied with his work, handed the phone back to Zandik. "Double tap to like, up and down to scroll, you know that much grandpa." He teased before standing up to go sit on the couch beside him. He leaned against the armrest and looked over at Zandik.
Zandik stared at the screen for a moment. He wasn’t exactly thrilled, but at least it was done. Still, there was something odd about having his private life put out there, even in this small way. He glanced at Pantalone, whose expression had shifted from playful to soft, a fond smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
"What?" Zandik asked simply, glancing at his empty account, unsure if Pantalone did something.
2 following, 2 followers.
Pantalone had already followed him back.
"Now… don’t you want to see what I’ve posted on my account?" Pantalone said as he leaned against him. "Come on, you never saw it right? You can look at both, that one is public, the other one is only for the close people.
His public account had almost 12k followers, about 314 followings. His private one had 9 followers and 9 followings.
The public account also had a solid post count, about 70 posts and the private one had over 400.
Zandik paused, looking at the phone in his hands. Pantalone had been particularly invested in capturing every moment of their relationship and his own life, from quiet study sessions to silly moments during dinner, and Zandik had never once gone through them. He thought Pantalone just kept them on his phone under a lock, after all, who would want to be seen with Zandik?!
He was the creepy (not in a pervert kinda way but in a weird kinda way) nerd who never talked to anyone. Introverted, amazing grades, quiet..
Their relationship wasn't a secret, no, neither really cared to talk about it, after all they were completely different majors. Pantalone was in finance and Zandik was in bioengineering and science, two completely different worlds.
Nonetheless, Zandik had made peace with it, he was content in his relationship, so he didn't care if anyone knew or not.
He tapped on Pantalone’s profile picture.
An image of the man turned to the side in some fancy outfit. Pretty.
The screen loaded, revealing Pantalone’s neatly curated feed. There were photos of the man in various cafes and libraries, his face as perfect as always. His outfits always so stylish.
There were also a few selfies, but the majority of the pictures were aesthetic ones. Zandik had to admit, it looked good, it looked great. He tapped on the most recent post.
Pantalone sat cross-legged on a chair, glasses on his nose, gaze cast downwards onto a book he held. Absentmindedly he tapped the screen twice. Of course he wasn't the first person to do so, there was around 7k likes. Comments too, all praise, all sweet words, all compliments. He scrolled through those too, agreeing with all of them.
They wrote how good he looked, how nice his hair was, how perfect his jawline was and more.
Zandik continued scrolling. Each image was more polished than the last, a meticulous collection of curated moments, showcasing a lifestyle that seemed perfect. The photos were perfect in every way, candid, but not too candid, artistic. Each one highlighted something about Pantalone that made him look almost unreal. His flawless features were the main point.
He could feel a tightening in his chest, a strange feel of… insecurity? It was hard to pin down. He had been with Pantalone for years now, seen him at his best and worst, his most charming and most vulnerable. But no matter how well he knew Pantalone, it still took his breath away to see him through the eyes of others. His online persona, the one that everyone seemed to fawn over, was almost too much for Zandik to handle.
No, what the hell...why was he growing such..awful feelings over his boyfriend..because of a few good edited pictures—no, what! They're not edited! He looks that good really.
Zandik swallowed, as he glanced at the comments again,
'stunning' 'gorgeous' 'perfect' floated by, alongside heart emojis, fire symbols, and endless streams of admiration.
One comment caught his eye,
'I need your skincare routine!!! I’ve never seen skin this flawless 😍'
Zandik huffed. Pantalone did have ridiculously perfect skin. No blemishes, no scars, just smooth.
'A little unfair' Zandik thought, but he quickly looked away into the distance with wide eyes. Why, was he thinking like that, that was, cruel. He doesn't wish for his partner to have any scarring or injuries on his face, that would he terrible!
He almost felt sick reading through the endless praise. There was a twinge of jealousy, not towards the people but towards Pantalone. Jealous of his own boyfriend.
Zandik turned his gaze back to the phone, he tapped on another image, a group shot from a dinner gathering with some of Pantalone’s finance friends. Pantalone was, of course, in the middle, looking impossibly handsome in a well-tailored suit, with a smile that made the rest of the people in the picture look like they were just accessories to his radiance. Zandik’s eyes flitted over the comments again,
'He's is the best-dressed in every room he enters!'
'Damnnn 😍'
'I bet he’s got a thousand girls lining up.'
Zandik’s stomach twisted, a dull ache forming at the back of his throat. The image itself was innocent enough, but the comments made him feel so… small.
Thought what he failed to notice was,
'Click here to view 3 replies to this comment'.
No instead, he quickly swiped away from the post, his face burning in a mix of embarrassment and something far too vulnerable to face. He didn’t know why he’d spent so long looking at all these perfect pictures, reading these flattering words. He knew he didn’t belong in that world.
Now instead he went to Pantalone’s private profile, the one with more posts and much less followers. The more unfiltered side.
The feed was drastically different from the one Zandik had just left behind. Gone were the artfully staged photos, the perfectly composed images of Pantalone were now replaced by the more unguarded and silly ones, realistic.
Zandik clicked through, letting his eyes fall on each post.
A picture of Pantalone on the couch, wearing a wrinkled hoodie and sweatpants, his hair messy and falling into his face. The caption read, 'No-effort day, studying for finals, ugh..'
A few friends had commented with comments like
'You’re still look like a model, shut up'
and
'I swear, you make anything look good'
They were better than the ones on his public account at least, as he continued to scroll, more and more photos came up, photos of them together, or him alone. Photos of him studying late at night, completely lost in his textbooks. A couple of him wrapped in a blanket, eyes squinting as they watched their favorite movie. He saw himself at a bookstore, standing awkwardly with a pile of research papers in his hands.
He continued through the feed, realizing just how much Pantalone had documented of their time together.
But as he sat there, scrolling through Pantalone’s private account, a thought began to take root in the back of his mind, slowly eating away at his peace.
'Why wasn’t I in the public feed?'
The truth was, it was hard not to feel a little… left out. The public feed was a world full of admiration, a polished display. People adored Pantalone. They admired him for his style, his charm, his effortless beauty. Zandik knew that. He had seen the comments, the hearts, the swooning fans. But it wasn’t just about the praise. It was about the fact that Zandik wasn’t there. Not in the same way. His face wasn’t plastered across Pantalone’s public feed the way those other people were...
Zandik’s hand clenched around his phone. He couldn’t stop the sinking feeling in his chest. It was stupid. It was illogical. He knew it was. But the comparison was there. He was frustrated with himself.
'Why does this bother me?' he thought.
'Maybe I really am too ugly' he reached up to touch his cheek, finding a deep scar under his fingertips. Not only that, but his entire face and body. He wasn't...conveniently pretty or handsome. He had blemishes, scars, and more. His nose was hooked, it looked big from the side, his eyes weren't a pretty blue or green, they were red. His eyelashes were short, a cut in his brow which made the hair grow weirdly around it, and, more.
Zandik sat on the edge of the couch now, his fingers nervously twirling around the hem of his sleeve as he stared down at the phone in his hand.
"Can you delete it, my account I mean, I don't like it."
His mind had been racing for the past few minutes, going over everything he’d seen, every thought he’d had. It was one thing to keep those feelings buried deep down, but now, sitting in the quiet of their shared apartment, with Pantalone sitting across from him, it was harder to push them aside.
Pantalone, who had been lounging casually across the other end of the couch, glanced over at him, his head tilting slightly in curiosity. He could feel the tension in Zandik’s posture, the way his fingers kept fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve, a nervous energy radiating from him.
"What?" Pantalone asked.
Zandik sighed as he held his phone out. "Can you delete my profile and the application?" 'You’re just an afterthought in Pantalone’s perfect world anyways.' He thought.
Why were these insecurities coming for him now? So suddenly and after so long..he'd never been like that in their three years of being together. Well maybe a few times when they had just begun, but since then, never, because Pantalone had comforted him.
Pantalone sat up, he scooted closer to the other. "Okay, if you don’t want it, then I'll delete it. It’s not a big deal." He took the mans phone and swiped to the settings. "I did want to tag you and stuff but, if you don't want to keep it, I won't force you."
"Tag me?" Zandik repeated, confused by what he meant.
"You can tag other people's accounts on your own posts, you know, so they know who the other person is." Pantalone explained.
Zandik looked at him..then suddenly,
"Do you not post me to your public account?"
He tried to keep his tone casual, but there was a faint edge to it. He could feel his chest tighten with each passing second, the words leaving him before he could second-guess them.
Pantalone, who was now hovering over the 'delete account' confirmation button looked up, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. "Hm?" His voice was soft, almost absent, it made Zandik feel slightly embarrassed for asking at all. "I do, what do you mean?" Pantalone replied.
Zandik bit his lip, looking at his phone in the mans hands, as if he could find a way to show Pantalone without directly confronting him. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to confront him, but the question had left his mouth, and now it was gnawing at him.
Pantalone tilted his head slightly. He could tell something was off.
Zandik swallowed. "I don’t know… I just—" His voice faltered for a moment before he steadied himself, trying to calm the fluttering in his chest. He didn’t know what he was hoping for. Reassurance? Validation? Maybe he just needed to hear Pantalone say it wasn’t a big deal. But his insecurities had been gnawing at him and now they had spilled out in the form of a question. "I was just looking through your feed… and I realized you never really post about me there. I mean…"
Pantalone’s expression shifted slightly, and he set the phone down with a soft sigh.
"Zandik, what are you talking about? Of course, I post about you." His thumb gently stroked over Zandik’s knuckles, a gesture meant to soothe him, but Zandik wasn’t sure it was enough to ease the ache he felt inside.
Zandik shifted uncomfortably, pulling his hand back just a little.
"I mean, I'm not there the way you post about everyone else..like, there’s always these pictures of you, looking all perfect and… put together—and I get it, I’m not that guy. I’m not… you know… handsome like that, or stylish, or…good-looking like your friends.." He trailed off, feeling the flush in his cheeks. He didn’t want to say it, but it was there. That voice that kept whispering to him, that insecure little voice in the back of his head.
It was true after all, how could HE end up with a man like Pantalone. He's sure everyone who'd seen them together probably thought Pantalone was with him out of pity.
Pantalone sighed. "Zandik, I do post about you." He clicked out of the settings on Zandik's phone and went back to his own account. "Here." He began scrolling through his feed. Zandik’s stomach churned nervously, but he stayed silent, watching as Pantalone flicked through photos with an easy swipe.
"See?" Pantalone said, stopping on a recent post. "This one. You’re in it."
Zandik looked down at the screen. The post was from a few weeks ago. Zandik didn’t realize there were multiple posts in one post, he kept scrolling down, instead of to the side.
Zandik blinked, a little stunned. He swallowed thickly, his fingers trembling as he watched the screen. "I didn’t even see it."
"Well, maybe you should pay more attention." Pantalone’s voice was teasing, but there was a softness behind it that made Zandik feel a little less foolish for asking. "I post about you all the time, Zandik. You might not be the flashy ‘picture-perfect’ type, but you’re in my feed every chance I get. I want people who follow me to know that I'm taken."
Zandik turned his head slightly, his cheeks warm.
Pantalone wasn’t one to over-explain things, but he wasn’t blind to how Zandik was feeling. He just understood how to handle him in a way that made him feel heard and not judged.
Pantalone swiped again, and Zandik saw more photos of him. This time, his own face was more visible, taken while they were just sitting in a library studying together. Pantalone had cupped Zandik’s face and taken the photo. It was obvious that it didn't look merely just friendly.
There were so many more photos of them together, all behind a series of well-placed pictures of Pantalone alone.
Zandik hadn’t realized how much he’d been projecting his own insecurities onto Pantalone. He hadn’t realized that the reason Pantalone posted him 'differently' was because he didn’t need to prove anything. They didn’t need to prove anything.
"I get it. I just… I guess I let my stupid insecurities get the best of me."
Pantalone pressed a kiss to Zandik’s cheek. "It’s okay, I'm used to it" he hummed.
Zandik had just had a revelation, Pantalone wasn't hiding him, he wasn't scared to show him off even if his looks weren't the best. He just posted happy moments and Zandik was always included in them because to Pantalone he was just showing off the man he loved dearly. And that alone made Dottore feel better, to know that he wasn't a secret and that Pantalone had truly loved him.
"And also, here" Pantalone scrolled up to the top of his page, passing by a few highlights.
There were different categories: Study, Friends, Travel, Me, and Z♡. He tapped on 'Z♡'.
"This is also public and entirely of you." He handed him back the phone and leaned closer.
The first photo that popped up was a picture of them lying together on a bed. Their legs were tangled together beneath the covers, an intimate mess of limbs, Zandik’s ankle hooked around Pantalone’s, Pantalone’s knee wedged between his thighs. The photo wasn’t perfect. It was a little out of focus, but it fit Pantalone's account. Plus it was the first image, it dated back to three years ago!
Zandik lingered on the photo for a moment longer than he should have, his thumb brushing lightly across the screen as if to trace the curves of the image.
The next photo in the highlight was a little more playful. Pantalone was hovering above him, his hands threading through Zandik’s messy hair.
Zandik felt a blush creeping up his neck as he scrolled to the next video. It was one of Pantalone speaking to him, his voice low and affectionate, asking something Zandik couldn’t quite recall. The video wasn’t that long, but Zandik could feel the nostalgia hit him.
Then there was the video of Pantalone squishing his face, his fingers gently squeezing his cheeks, forcing Zandik to puff out his lips in an exaggerated expression before swatting the mans hand away.
The highlight went on,
In the next photo, Zandik was mid-laugh, his eyes crinkled in the corners as he looked up from his book. Was he drunk or something? It was an older image and he couldn't remember the context behind it.
The pictures weren’t remarkable in a conventional sense, they weren’t posed, they didn’t have fancy filters or lighting. But they captured something far more precious, their real and raw relationship.
There was another photo of Zandik, his head down in concentration, eyes fixed on a book as he studied for his midterms. A shot of him flipping through pages, a half-empty coffee cup on the table beside him, papers scattered around.
An image of then kissing, holding hands, and many random other shots.
"I didn’t even notice you took this" Zandik muttered. "And... you’re not hiding me." He mumbled.
"What do you mean?" Pantalone replied, draping an arm over his shoulders.
"I thought… I don’t know. That you didn’t want to show me off because, I’m not like you. I’m not as perfect as you are. Or pretty or .. you know."
"Don’t let those stupid thoughts hit you again, Zandik" Pantalone said with a scoff.
"I’m sorry" Zandik said quietly. "For doubting you. You’ve been nothing but amazing. And I’ve been too wrapped up in my own head to see it. I don’t know how you put up with me."
"Its because I love you, you idiot. Of course I want to show off my smart and handsome boyfriend."
Zandik sighed. The weight off his chest was gone.
"Love you too.."