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Remus was sitting cross-legged on the Astronomy Tower floor.
His vision swam slightly, making the trees outside sway in a hypnotising way. Well, actually, maybe it wasn’t Remus’s vision, but the wind. It was difficult to tell, but the rain falling onto the marble roof of the tower was probably a sign that it was likely the latter.
The loud pitter-patter of the rain hitting the marble was starting to hurt his ears. God, he was getting pathetic. Couldn’t even handle some fucking rain. Well, sure, he’d pretty much always been a bit of a loser. Since the moment he was born, all that he could remember was being alone in the corner of some room or another. Distracting himself from the stares of his peers and adults making sure their children didn’t get too close to him with a book. Going back to his room the second he could whenever his parents had guests over so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the pitying looks his parent’s friends gave him.
Gave his parents.
Like being his parents was something to pity. Like having a son marred by scars since he was five was the worst burden someone could bear.
Hmm.
Maybe it was. He had walked in on his mother sobbing in his father’s arms once. They hadn’t even realised he’d woken up. “O-our son… a fucking werewolf?!” She whispered in despair. “That fucking monster, going after a child. Turning our son into a monster!”
And now it was those words that circled around in Remus’s head.
The word he had heard his whole life. First from his parents, then from the kids at his orphanage who had all thought he killed his mother and father, then from his muggle teachers every time he accidentally messed something up, not even knowing how. Fuck, even his fellow students at Hogwarts during his first year! That wasn’t for very long though. The marauders had made sure nobody gave him too much shit.
Mainly Sirius.
Fucking Sirius Orion Black. He was the first to find out about Remus’s… condition. He hadn’t seemed too disturbed by it, he convinced the rest of the marauders not to be scared of Remus.
”Fucking hell, you wuss.” Sirius had said, rolling his eyes at Peter’s terrified expression. “The kid folds his socks, Pete!”
Peter snorted and shrugged. “Yeah, you’re right. Our dear Moony wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
”Unless it ate his chocolate of course.”
It was Sirius who made every Marauder promise not to tell anyone. And in the end, it was Sirius who… fuck, Remus didn’t want to think about that.
Remus was dragged out of his inner monologue by the faint sound of light footsteps coming from the stairwell to the top of the Astronomy Tower. His shoulders tensed slightly but he didn’t bother to turn around. He knew only one person that quiet, even with his heightened senses.
As Regulus slowly - but surely - approached, Remus wondered if he would be completely silent to a normal person.
”What are you doing here?” Remus asked quietly, picking at the fabric of his uniform pants on his knees. Remus didn’t need to look at him to know that Regulus was sinking to the floor next to him, his movements no doubt as graceful as his brother’s.
”Am I not allowed in the Astronomy Tower?” Regulus asked, kicking his legs off the edge of the Tower’s floor.
”Well, yeah, but I’m assuming you came here for a reason?”
Regulus shrugged, looking at Remus through the side of his eyes.
In all honesty, Remus and the younger Black were actually quite close. It wasn’t as though they were the best of friends, joint at the hip in the same way James and Sirius were, but they definitely had a lot in common. They felt comfortable around each other. Remus, Regulus and Lily actually had a book club together, it was actually… quite nice. The few times one of them was too distracted to properly follow along with whatever they were reading, the book club quickly turned into a sort of support group.
Regulus took a sharp breath.
”Is… is something wrong?” He asked, his tone sharp but not quite as indifferent as it usually seemed.
Remus snorted humourlessly at how perfectly Regulus it was.
”I know I’m not that good at comforting, but am I really that bad?” Regulus asked dryly, but the ever-so-small upturn of the corners of Regulus’s lips kind of undermined his sarcasm.
”No, no!” Remus grinned, raising his hands in mock surrender.
Regulus smiled, a rare sight, but it fell almost as soon as it had appeared. He turned away again and coughed into his fist. “So…”
“So…?” Remus prompted.
“Would you like to tell me why you’re here?”
There was a small pause as Remus sighed, his fists balling up in his laps till he could feel the blood start to well up beneath his fingernails. Thankfully, Regulus didn’t seem to notice.
“You don’t have to.” Regulus said quickly, but Remus raised a hand to silence him.
“‘S okay, I… kinda want to.”
Regulus shifted slightly on the Astronomy Tower floor, now looking directly at the werewolf with undivided attention. In a way, it was comforting knowing that the younger Black brother actually cared, but Remus found it just a little hard to concentrate with Regulus Black’s light, icy grey eyes boring into his very soul.
“Um, it’s about your brother.”
To anyone else - or at least, any other Gryffindor - Regulus would’ve seemed completely fine. Calm, even. But Remus and Lily knew him. Remus could see the slight twitch of his eyes, the way he bit the corner of his bottom lip the same way he did every time Sirius’s name was mentioned.
Regulus silently raised his eyebrows, giving Remus permission to continue.
The werewolf took a deep breath. “I’m… I’m assuming you found out about my… condition?”
Regulus’s brow furrowed. “Well, I have my guesses. Are you telling me I’m right?”
”Y-yeah, as always. I’m a monster.” He chuckled dryly, echoing the words he’d heard since the oh-so-ripe age of five!
Regulus’s frowned and punched Remus in the shoulder. God, when did the little twat get so strong?
“‘Werewolf’ and ‘monster’ aren’t synonyms, last time I checked.”
”Well, yeah, but-”
“Shut up. You’re not a monster.”
Remus opened his mouth again to argue, despite his better judgement, but Regulus fixed him with a glare so cold it reminded Remus that Regulus wasn’t just a fellow nerd or student. He was not only a member of The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, but also now the sole heir of the Black fortune.
Remus nodded silently, his shoulders un-tensing as Regulus’s glare softened only slightly.
”Yeah… thanks, Reg. Well, a-anyways. I always go to the Shrieking Shack anytime the full moon comes ‘round so that I don’t hurt anyone. Oh, and James, Peter, and… Sirius know that.”
Regulus leaned back slightly, but his frown deepened ever so slightly. “Pardon me interrupting, but why?”
“Oh, uh, so that I don’t hurt anyone. The path to the Shack is protected by the… b-by the Whomping Willow.”
“Ah, okay.” Regulus nodded, looking slightly happy at the fact that Remus trusted him with this before his eyes widened in a silent sort of realisation. He stifled a gasp by hovering his hand over his mouth. “Does that mean… oh. Oh, god. So y-you’re the shrieking, then?”
Remus nodded. “Yeah. Well, you know how they like to play pranks.” It wasn’t a question. Everyone in the school knew that much. It was practically the only thing the Marauders were known for as a group.
”Eugh, yeah. I’m… aware.”
Remus laughed again. Wow, that was twice more than he had in the past month.
”Well, Sirius… had this idea for… for a prank.”
He took a deep breath and continued.
”They… um, they lead Snape to the Shack. I c-can’t remember all the details but… I think I didn’t hurt him or anyone else. Won’t stop the slimy little git from making my life even more miserable though, now that he has a valid excuse.”
There was a small pause as Regulus processed that.
”I don’t… I don’t know what to do, Reg.” Remus whispered hoarsely, staring at his palms. The knowledge that the blood in his palms was his own didn’t seem to matter. At the moment, all he could think about was that it was someone else’s blood that was dripping down his palms. Someone else’s blood falling through the sky till it hit the ground below the Astronomy Tower, someone else’s buried under his fingernails. “I- I know I should forgive Sirius, but I- I can’t forgive that! Not only did he put my safety at risk, but also Snape’s!”
Regulus stayed silent for a moment after that, his eyes roaming Remus’s face as ig he was looking for something. “What if… what if they had done it in such a way that Severus would be completely safe, but he’d still know that you’re a werewolf?”
”I guess… I guess I’d just be a bit worried but I’d find it a lot easier to forgive him and the others.”
”Why?”
”Hm?”
”Why would it be easier to forgive Sirius if you were the only one negatively affected? Severus could still tell someone, even if he was in no danger whatsoever. I don’t think I have to tell you all the potential outcomes of other people finding out, so you’d still get hurt in some way or another, even if Severus didn’t. So why would that make it easier for you to forgive him?”
And… fuck.
How the fuck was Remus supposed to answer that? He didn’t even know the answer himself, for fucks sake! And, yeah, Remus would’ve still been horribly affected even if he hadn’t gone anywhere near Snape… so why was it that the fact that Sirius had put Snape at risk more important to him than his own safety?
Fucking Snape. The son of a bitch that pretended to be friends with one of Remus’s closest and oldest friends only to turn around and call her a mudblood the second he felt cornered. Remus knew he was better than that git in every way that actually mattered. So why… why did he feel worse about the idea of hurting him than himself?
”God, Lupin, you self-sacrificing dick.” Regulus rolled his eyes.
Of course Regulus was right. Of fucking course. He always was.
Remus was kind of starting to hate it.
After, maybe 10 minutes of silence, Regulus turned back around to look at him. “Do you want to forgive him?”
”I mean… it’s kind of… it’s hard not to, right? I’ve been in love with the twat for two years, right?”
”Doesn’t mean you have to forgive him.” Regulus whispered with a pensive expression before furrowing his eyebrows slighty. He opened his mouth once, then closed it.
“Oh my god, Regulus Black, are you about to open up to me?” Remus grinned, trying to help ease some of the tension that had begun to settle in the night air.
The younger Black punched him in the shoulder again, though it hurt way less this time. Thank god for that at least.
“Well, if you keep sassing me, I won’t.”