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With the meeting winding down, Tsubaki finds his attention wandering. Umemiya has already addressed Jikoku team's duties for the week, but he can't help but want to stick around anyways. Though the twins usually stick around with him in solidarity, the February chill and a search for Wataru's power bank have driven them both inside.
Really, the only other person up here that's not from Tamon team is Momose, who's so bundled up he looks like a little marshmallow as he sketches Umemiya's cabbages under the cold frames. Tsubaki would go and join him, but even with the hand warmers and his fleece-lined tights, he's loathe to leave the warm spot he's made at the table.
He's glad that Umemiya is so happy with his rooftop garden, that he wants to share it with everyone… but even if the weather is beautifully sunny, perhaps it had been a bit too early to bring their grade captain meetings back outside again. No matter how calm it is, being up this high turns even the slightest breeze into a freezing gust.
He's not the only one that's suffering—though Sakura is doing his best to stand neatly in formation anyways, his shoulders are trembling. His seconds are standing closer to him than Kaji's and Hiiragi's, especially now that everyone else is gone. Without the others around, the chill is even more unbearable. Tsubaki would wave him over if it wouldn't make Hiiragi throw a fit about listening to instructions or whatever.
With a sigh, Tsubaki braces himself and then pushes himself up from the picnic table to stand by the trio of first years. Hiiragi is so deep in conversation with Umemiya that he doesn't even pay it mind, though when Umemiya glances up and notices, he grins so big and sweet Tsubaki can't help but feel like it's all worth it.
Tsubaki intends to poke Sakura a little before he passes him a spare handwarmer, because his reactions are just so cute, but when he glances down, he finds Sakura's cheeks an alarming shade of red, his shivering edging a little closer into shuddering than trembling. Shocked, Tsubaki nearly takes Sakura's pink, bare fists in his to warm them up himself… only to notice Suo grinning over at them, and then glancing pointedly in the direction Sakura's looking—right at where Hiiragi and Umemiya stand shoulder to shoulder in front of the rolling whiteboard Umemiya had appropriated for captain's meetings.
For a moment, Tsubaki doesn't understand what that's got to do with Sakura's current condition—and then it hits him. Sakura isn't cold—or, rather, he probably is, but that's not the thing that's got him so worked up—his romance radar is going off!
Now that he looks more closely, Tsubaki doesn't know how he'd missed it, himself! Despite how loud and straightforward Hiiragi is, he's… a surprisingly subtle guy. Sure, he rocks the leather pants and the band shirts, and he's always made it a point to be as genuine to himself as he can, but he's also always made it a point to hold himself in check for the greater good of the team.
Tsubaki can see, maybe, why Hiiragi would hold this part of himself back, too.
Something soft and tender and utterly fond wells up inside of him at the thought. Even if it's true that a romantic relationship within the upper ranks might potentially destabilize the gang, Tsubaki knows there's probably another reason why Hiiragi wouldn't say anything about his feelings—he's the sort of guy that would never, even upon pain of death, betray a friend by going after the object of their affections. No matter how intensely he himself felt about a person, the moment a friend set their eyes on that same person, he'd undoubtedly be the first to step back. He had that quiet, enduring kind of honor that you'd only ever find in an old-school hero.
If it hadn't been for Umemiya, and if it hadn't been for the fact that Hiiragi isn't really his type, Tsubaki could see a younger version of himself falling for a guy like him—how couldn't he, when Hiiragi was just… so damn cool?
But honestly, sometimes Hiiragi's honorableness was kind of a pain in the butt. Tsubaki's already made his peace with the fact that Umemiya probably wouldn't love him the way he loves Umemiya; it really is okay, even if it's kind of lonely sometimes. It's lonelier thinking that Hiiragi would hold himself back from even trying, just for Tsubaki's sake. Tsubaki would hate to be the reason why anyone would turn away from happiness.
Knowing Hiiragi, though, he would never even dream of touching Umemiya—the moment Hiiragi had realized Tsubaki's feelings, he'd probably written off any possibility of his own feelings bearing fruit. That wouldn't do! That wouldn't do at all!!
With his resolve steeled, Tsubaki takes Sakura's cold hands and pushes his spare hand warmer into them before making his way over to where Umemiya and Hiiragi are starting to wind down. Umemiya smiles happily at him, but this time, it's Hiiragi that Tsubaki wants.
"When you're done debriefing the team, we should talk, Hiiragi! Come to the home ec room?" Tsubaki says, squeezing Hiiragi's hands. Hiiragi glances down at their joined hands, frowning in confusion. When they meet eyes again, Tsubaki does his his best to communicate with his eyes to Hiiragi that he means business.
"Eh? Eh? What're you guys gonna do?" Umemiya butts in, leaning his cheek against Hiiragi's shoulder as he glances down at their hands, and then grins widely up at them.
"It's a secret!" Tsubaki says, giving Hiiragi's hands one last squeeze, before letting go. "You can't come!"
"Aww really?" Umemiya pouts, staring up at him with those irresistible puppy eyes, and damn it, he's so cute Tsubaki almost wants to grab him and squeeze him.
"Really!" Tsubaki confirms, after only faltering a little. To Hiiragi, he says, "It's nothing serious. But it's important! Really important! You have to come, okay?"
Hiiragi, in traditional Hiiragi fashion, looks very reluctant. But eventually he sighs and runs his hand through his hair and says, "I'll be there." And then, with a sidelong glance he adds, "And I'll make sure this guy doesn't follow me."
"Aww…" Umemiya slumps theatrically, though Tsubaki knows he'll behave. Playing up his patheticness, he shambles over to Momose and squats beside him until Momose stops his sketching and leans into him, gently patting Umemiya's hair. With a soft smile, he starts complimenting Umemiya's cabbages, which, of course, cheers him up immediately.
Still, Tsubaki can't help but indulge him a little when he's being cute like this, and through his cupped hands, he calls out, "I'll get you dorayaki from Cactus if you're good!"
That's enough to get Umemiya to fully perk up. "Okay~!" he says, all sunny smiles again.
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Toma really is a sucker. No wonder he always gets dragged into everyone's stupid plans—though if he's not the one running damage control, Bofurin would be in utter chaos, so there really isn't much he can do about that. Someone's got to make sure things are running smoothly; if it has to be him… then so be it.
But seriously, Tsubaki? A Valentine's day party? It's an all-boy's school full of delinquents! No offense, but how much Valentining can there honestly be? Granted, it's also supposed to double up as a super-secret late Umemiya birthday bash, because it'd been so hectic earlier in the month that all they could really manage was a low-key get together with just the third year captains at Pothos. Honestly, though, who are they kidding?
Of course, much like Umemiya, when Tsubaki gets an idea in his head, he's going to make it happen one way or another. If he wants a surprise Valentine's Day party, he's going to have one.
Toma can already feel his stomach acting up at the thought. Valentine's Day is literally on Friday, and for all that Toma doesn't actually want to do it, he's not the kind of guy who'll half-ass something just because he's digging his feet in. He's already been strong armed into joining Tsubaki for a "chocolate making party" tomorrow; at this point there isn't much else to be done about it.
Really, the worst thing is going to be hiding it all from Umemiya when he's slated to go on patrol with him (and somehow covertly getting some shopping done along their route?!?!) later today.
—
"Woah, the shopping district really went all out this year!" Umemiya grins as he whirls around, taking in the sights. Since Umemiya took over, the townsfolk have been steadily getting more and more festive during holidays—though to be fair, having the help of a bunch of teenage boys usually made it easier. There's balloons or flowers flanking specialty Valentines Day goods in every window, and a single peek is all Toma needs to know that every shop's insides are decked out in red foil hearts and cutesy pennant banners.
Toma is also noticing more people walking about—couples and young families and even a couple girls wearing the uniform from the all-girl's school the next town over. It's heartening to see, proof that Bofurin is making a big enough impact that even people outside of the community can see the change. If he didn't think it would give Umemiya a big head, he might've said so aloud. Instead, he makes a grunt of acknowledgement and keeps walking.
"Ooh, Botan has strawberry white chocolate daifuku this year! I bet Kotoha would love those…" Umemiya muses, glancing about from shop to shop.
Perhaps it's because all the shopkeeps are busier with all the foot traffic, or perhaps the other guys have already put out all the fires, but the patrol is surprisingly calm today. No one pulls them aside to help out with this or that task as they make their way through the shopping district—which, of course, makes it harder for Toma to come up with an excuse to sneak into the grocer's for chocolate ingredients.
He's still formulating his alibi when Umemiya makes a delighted sound and abruptly drops down to a squat. Tied to a nearby tree is a tri-color Corgi with its tongue lolling out. "Hey there, little guy," Umemiya coos, whipping out his phone to take a photo.
He taps around on his phone a little bit before shoving it back in his pocket, glancing around to see if the owner's around. They must be caught up with their shopping because after a little bit of waiting, no one shows up. The corgi starts to whine, tugging at his short leash to beg for Umemiya's attention.
"Oi, Umemiya," Toma growls, but he knows its a lost cause.
Umemiya glances up at Toma, just to show that he's acknowledging Toma's warning, before pointedly ignoring it. "Come on, Hiiragi. Look at him; he's such a nice dog—aren't you, puppy?" Umemiya protests, putting his hand near the dogs snout for it to sniff.
It does something funny to Toma's stomach seeing Umemiya so quiet and still for once, but the moment breaks almost immediately. Without hesitation, the dog bops his snout into the center of Umemiya's palm, licking at Umemiya's fingertips, and Umemiya stares up at Toma with big, watery eyes.
With a begrudging sigh, Toma walks over and squats down alongside Umemiya to pet along the dog's flank. Its fur is bristly and thick, but at the first touch, the dog immediately flops over onto its back for belly rubs. "If its owners come back and we get in trouble for this, it's all on you."
"I want to keep him," Umemiya says, sounding desperately in the throes of cuteness aggression. His hands gently grab at the corgi's cheeks and squeezes, and the corgi looks like it's in utter bliss. "The guys would love him. He's so sweet; he'd fit right in!"
If the dog didn't already have a home, Toma, damn his soft heart, would've made it happen in a heartbeat. Instead, he sighs and nudges Umemiya's knee with his own. "We're not kidnapping a dog."
"Not even for Sakura? I bet you he's never met a dog this sweet," Umemiya asks, because damn him, even Toma feels like he's been punched in the stomach every time Sakura makes that sort of awed expression that he has any time he tries something for the first time.
Umemiya must see something in Toma's expression, because he laughs bright and loud. "Alright, alright. I promise you're not a bad captain, even if you don't bring a dog home for your favorite first year," Umemiya says, giving the dog one last, lingering pet before getting to his feet. With a soft smile—one that Toma swears gives him heartburn, and not… something else—Umemiya holds a hand out to him.
"I don't have favorites," Toma grumbles, though he takes Umemiya's hand as easily as breathing.
As soon as they start walking again, Umemiya's phone goes off. The LINE tone pings several times in rapid succession for a good few seconds, before petering off into intermittent pings, and then finally stopping.
Toma's eyebrows raise.
"It's Tsubaki," Umemiya laughs, tilting the screen so that Toma can see the utter bombardment of stickers and emojis and incoherent typing. "He thinks the dog is really cute. He also says we should've kidnapped it for Sakura."
Toma rolls his eyes, though he can't help the way the corners of his mouth twitch up in amusement.
"You didn't send it in the group chat?" he asks, as he waits for Umemiya to finish texting Tsubaki back.
"Oh, did you want the picture too?" Umemiya asks, grinning that unfairly handsome grin of his. He swipes the screen over to their DMs, and then Toma's phone goes off in his pocket. Toma doesn't check his phone, but a warm wave of fondness rolls over him anyways. "I didn't want to post it in the chat; I mean, you know Momose is a little skittish around dogs."
"He doesn't mind pictures. I think he mostly just doesn't like getting jumped on and licked," Toma says, because he has seen Momose draw wolves before. And also… maybe werewolves? Really colorful werewolves. They looked pretty cool. He had promised to draw Toma one at some point, but he eventually got distracted by his next artistic inspiration.
"Yeah, sure, but I mean…" Umemiya waves his phone and grins. "You saw how Tsubaki reacted. He loves cute dogs, and if I sent it in the group chat, he would've only sent one cute message instead of the uh… 17 that I got! He's been trying really hard not to blow up the chat since Mizuki got mad at him."
Toma huffs a laugh and shakes his head. Leave it to Umemiya to be thoughtful about stupid little things like that.
Fuck, no wonder he likes this guy so much, stomach pains and all.
They're passing by the grocery store now, and Toma decides—fuck it, if Umemiya asks, then he'll cross that bridge when he gets there. "I gotta grab some stuff before I head home. D'you mind?"
"Ooh, what are you getting?" Umemiya grins. "Is it your turn to cook this week?"
"Nah, it's Miri's," Toma says, as he finally pulls up his phone to check the list of ingredients Tsubaki asked for. They've got free reign to use the Home Ec room after school tomorrow, but neither of them are in the cooking club, so the ingredients there are off limits.
"Nice, nice. Her tonkatsu was so good that one time. Almost as good as Kotoha's!" Umemiya says, peeking over Toma's list. Thankfully, he'd copied the list over onto a notes app; if Umemiya saw his DMs with Tsubaki, he would've found out immediately. "Chocolate ingredients, huh? I guess the girls are at that age."
Toma pauses. And then nods. "Yep. Yep, it's for the girls."
Thank goodness his sisters go to a co-ed middle school.
"Hey, hey, if Miri's making chocolate, can I have the ugly ones?" Umemiya grins, bumping Toma's shoulder.
"Hell no," Toma growls, bumping Umemiya back. It's easier to play along, now that an alibi's been made for him. "There's no way I'm giving my sisters any ideas, man. The last time you stopped by was bad enough."
Umemiya blinks. Pouts a little. "What do you mean? I was on my best behavior!"
"Dude, you're a hot guy with white hair. It's like you came straight out of one of Kanna's animes," Toma grumbles. "I think she wrote about you in her diary."
Umemiya pauses. Blinks again. "You think I'm hot?"
Toma freezes, his heart abruptly kicking into overdrive and his face growing so hot it nearly aches. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he's not supposed to—that's not—that's so inappropriate. He can't let Umemiya clue in that he's maybe kind of a little into him—not when Tsubaki is so gone on him. That'd be so messed up.
He glances away, pretending to look at the different brands of baking chocolate as he tries to will away his blush. "I—that's—I mean, the girls, they—after you left, they couldn't stop talking about how cool your doofy ass was. Even after you walked head first into the cabinet door."
"Huh," Umemiya says, and goes quiet. Toma's stomach gives a warning twinge as his nerves start to take over. The longer Umemiya quietly trails after him, the worse it gets, until finally, Toma gives in and glances at him.
He's got a look like he's thinking really hard about something.
"…What's up?" Toma finally asks, wary.
"No, I just—I never thought of myself that way. I didn't know anyone thought of me that way," Umemiya says, slowly, like he's still thinking about his words as they're coming out. That's a first. "It's kind of a weird feeling."
Toma's expression does—something. Something that makes Umemiya huff a laugh and ask, "What?"
"What do you mean you didn't know anyone thought of you that way?" Toma asks. "You know Tsubaki likes you. Even if he hasn't said anything he doesn't really hide it. Part of liking a person usually means you think they're hot."
"Does it?" Umemiya asks, as he turns to the shelf of baking ingredients and makes a show of looking. Toma can tell, though, that it's all bullshit—the same way him looking at the chocolate was bullshit. "Can't you like someone even if you don't think they're hot?"
Toma stares at him. "I… guess? I never really thought about it all that hard."
Umemiya gives him a heartened little smile, and then reaches over to tap Toma's screen, where it's starting to go dark. "What else is on the list?"
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The question is on Hajime's tongue the entire time they're in the grocery store, and the only reason he doesn't blurt it out right then and there is that he doesn't know how to say it. Even if it essentially boils down to What does it actually mean to like someone? it's a whole lot more than that. Hajime likes a lot of people! But he doesn't actually think he's ever… been in love with someone, or at the very least attracted to someone—not in the way Hiiragi was talking about, at least.
He knows he's still got a whole life ahead of him to prove himself wrong, but… something in his gut tells him he might not ever feel that way about someone else. And he's… honestly pretty okay with that! Sure, it feels a little weird not to really get it when some of the guys get into locker room conversations, but Hajime doesn't really get a lot of things—like when Mizuki goes deep into the history thing, or when Momose asks him which version of a picture he prefers and he honestly can't tell the difference, or when Tsubaki takes him shopping and tells him blue really brings out his eyes. He's fine with not getting any of these things! He's got his own things that he does that other people don't really get, and that's totally cool!
But it still feels… kind of weird, when everyone talks about it like it's a given, and Hajime is left laughing and nodding along like he's got any idea what's going on.
Out of everyone he knows, Hiiragi would probably be the best person to talk to about it. Even if he might get flustered enough to yell or curse, he always kind of gets it in the way that you want him to get it. But how is he supposed to talk about it when he doesn't really have the words to explain how he feels? It's like his body knows, but everything gets all twisted up when it gets to his head, and then by the time it's out of his mouth it's so different from what he means that he might as well be speaking in a different language.
Isn't it enough to just live it? That's what he did when he decided he wanted to grow stuff. He didn't talk to anyone about it; he just did it and people were cool with it, and the people that knew that sort of stuff gave him tips every once in a while. But somehow, he feels that growing vegetables and untangling his own feelings about the nature of interpersonal relationships might be two different animals altogether.
As the cashier rings up Hiiragi's purchases, Hajime immediately takes the heavier of the bags to carry. It's not that he doesn't think Hiiragi can carry it himself—Hiiragi is probably stronger than Hajime, if you're thinking about pure physical strength alone—but Hajime likes carrying things for people. It feels good. In some ways, the weight is comforting.
The rest of their patrol takes them out of the main shopping district and towards a nearby park where a donut truck is sometimes parked, and even if the park itself isn't actually on the route, all Hajime has to do is cock his chin towards it and Hiiragi is happy to follow.
When they finally sit down—unfortunately, there is no donut truck today—Hiiragi digs through his bags and pulls out a strawberry papico. Hajime hadn't even noticed him putting it in there, but happily takes one when Hiiragi splits the pack in two. Over the course of their walk, it's melted to a waterier consistency than he prefers, but it's still good, even in the cold weather.
"I've been thinking about what you said," Hiiragi says, staring down at his plastic bag swinging between his legs, "and I know it's none of my business, so feel free to tell me to fuck off, but I've got to ask… how do you feel about Tsubaki liking you?"
Hajime glances at Hiiragi and feels it—that same fluttery nervousness he'd get whenever Yuki-sensei would "commiserate" with him over the fact that he'd chosen to go to an all-boys school. But just like how he knows that Yuki-sensei is just teasing him, he also knows that whatever he says, Hiiragi would be okay with it. "Hm… I don't really know," he admits, squeezing the slushy insides of his papico around as he twists the plastic in his hands. "I like it, I think. I like that he likes me… but I don't think I like him the way he wants me to like him. And that's kind of a bummer." He doesn't say that sometimes, he wishes he did like Tsubaki the same way Tsubaki likes him. It'd make things easier, but it always makes him feel rotten after he thinks it. He likes being himself, mostly, but he also wishes he could get over himself for this one little thing. It'd make Tsubaki really happy, so why can't he just do this one little thing for a guy he really cares about?
"Is that why you've never said anything about it?" Hiiragi asks around the chewed-up end of his half-finished papico.
"Well… he never actually confessed to me," Hajime says, though it's a weak defense and he knows it. He hates to think of what they're doing as 'stringing him along' but sometimes it sounds a little like he's doing that. And he doesn't want to! All he wants is to make Tsubaki happy, that's all. That's all he wants for any of his friends, and from any of his friends. It's everyone else that makes assumptions, putting weight into things that were supposed to be simple. "If he does… I don't know what I'd do. But he's my friend. We'd make it work. I'd want to stay friends with him no matter what."
"Mm," Hiiragi hums, leaning back and staring up at the clouds.
They don't say anything for a little while, before Hajime finally blurts out, "Is that selfish of me? That I want him to treat me the same way he always does, but I don't want… the other stuff?"
Hiiragi glances over at him in a way that makes Umemiya want to squirm a little, and then shrugs. "What does 'the other stuff' mean to you?"
Hajime can feel his cheeks heating, and he takes another pull of his papico, before he mumbles, "You know… the stuff guys usually talk about wanting to do with their girlfriends. Or boyfriends. Or whatever."
"Do you mean like going on dates, or do you mean like perverted stuff?" Hiiragi asks.
His tone had been very gentle and matter-of-fact, but Hajime's ears burn anyways. "Hiiragi!" he cries out, shoving Hiiragi's shoulder. "I couldn't do that to him! He's a maiden!"
Hiiragi laughs. "It sounds like you're the maiden here, 'cuz I've heard some of the things he wants to do and lemme tell you—he might be pretty, but that's no maiden."
"Hiiragi!!" Hajime whines, punching Hiiragi's shoulder the way Asako always does when she's throwing a tantrum. Hiiragi laughs, putting his hands up to block until Hajime's done playing around.
With a sigh, Hajime slumps back on the bench, slurping up more of his slowly melting papico. "It's fine if that's what he wants! I'm not bothered that he wants to… do whatever he wants to do," he mumbles, his ears growing hot. "I guess if he asked me to… do things, I might say yes? He's my friend and I trust him. I just… don't want him to get the wrong idea."
At that, Hiiragi raises an eyebrow. For some reason, it flusters Hajime a little. He can only bring himself to look at Hiiragi out of the corner of his eye as he tries to explain what he means. "When you're in that kind of relationship with someone, everyone expects you to do certain things, or for things to go a certain way. I don't really get the appeal. Every relationship is supposed to be different and special, but if you're dating someone, it feels like you just… have to do those things at some point, or else you'll break up and it'll be too awkward to talk anymore."
"Huh," Hiiragi says, following Hajime's lead and slumping back on the bench himself. And then, after a pause, he glances over at Hajime again and asks, "So… you're… really not interested in that kind of stuff? And that's why you haven't really talked to Tsubaki about… everything."
Hajime shrugs a little helplessly and nods. "Rather than dating and romance and stuff… I kind of just want to skip to the end, when we're all old and happy together. You know how, when two people have been together so long they just kind of… get each other? That's the kind of thing I want."
"With Tsubaki?" Hiiragi asks.
"Sure. But if we're talking about hypotheticals, I want to be old and happy with everyone," Hajime says. "You, and Tsubaki, and Momose, and Mizuki, and Kotoha, and Sugishita, and Sakura, and everyone."
"You mean the whole damn school?" Hiiragi asks, sounding incredulous, but there's a little upward quirk at the corner of his lips, like he's happy about it.
"And the orphanage," Hajime grins, because it's true. He loves everybody in his own special way; it's just that sometimes people see the things he does for the people he loves, and they think he means something different.
That makes Hiiragi shake his head and laugh. "You're something else, man."
"Am I? It's not that weird to want that, is it?" Hajime asks. He's not that self conscious about it, but Hiiragi immediately says,
"It's not weird." And then, after a long, thoughtful pause, he asks, "I'm just trying to wrap my head around it."
Hajime looks at Hiiragi and asks, "What's it like on your end?"
"Wh—huh?" Hiiragi splutters, and his guard is up a little as he stares, wide-eyed, at Hajime.
"The way I want things—it's different, isn't it? That's why you're trying to understand," Hajime says, "So what's it like for you? Or for Tsubaki? Or for anyone else?"
"Shit, man," Hiiragi mutters under his breath, his face going red as he glances down at his hands. "I, uh—I don't know what it's like for Tsubaki. I mean, it's a little different for everyone, yeah?"
Hajime shrugs and nods. "Sure."
"But uh, for me," Hiiragi mumbles, and he's scrunching up a little, jaw working like he's aching to dig into his pocket for another gas-kun but he took some earlier and he can't take any more so soon. "I just…" He brings a hand up, rubbing his chin as he tries to get his words through. "For me, it's, uh. About. Having someone that's yours. I uh, I mean, yeah, sure, I think about… kissing and stuff, but I think I'd be okay if they were… like you. Y'know. If they wanted, uh, different things from what people usually want, or… if they, uh, if they didn't want to… do perverted things." His voice gets quieter and more stilted as he gets to the end, and it's so cute how embarrassed he is that Hajime would laugh, if it weren't for the fact that he knows it'd hurt him.
It takes a few seconds of Hajime's encouraging silence for Hiiragi to recollect himself and add, "A relationship is mostly like… a partnership, to me. You don't have to pretend around them; that person has your back through thick 'n thin no matter what. They help pick you up when you're not at your best, and they make you want to be a better person for them. And… they grow with you. They care about you enough to put in the hard work of… of learning who you are when you change, and still loving the person that you become."
That's such a Hiiragi way to put it. It makes Hajime feel soft and warm inside—the way he'd felt when Hiiragi had first yelled at him and he'd realized just how badly he wanted this angry, earnest, heartfelt guy in his team. Silently, Hajime leans into Hiiragi until they bump shoulders, and Hiiragi jumps at the contact, but doesn't pull away.
"I like that," Hajime says, quietly. "You'd probably be a really good boyfriend."
Hiiragi swallows hard and mumbles, "Yeah, well. My scary mug makes it hard to get a date."
Hajime laughs, pulling away enough to look at him. When Hiiragi refuses to look back, Hajime grabs him by the cheeks and pulls him over. "Wh—HEY!" Hiiragi growls, trying to push away like a hissy cat. But really, he's not trying all that hard, and Hajime only has to wait a few seconds before he stops, glancing away and blushing pinker than the papico.
"I think you're handsome," Hajime says, grinning.
"Yeah, yeah. My mom says so too but her opinion doesn't count 'n neither does yours," Hiiragi grumbles.
"You know, you look softer when you laugh," Hajime says. "And you're super stylish. All the guys in Tamon team think you're the coolest, and you're super dependable in a fight."
"Most folks outside of Bofurin don't really care for violent guys," Hiiragi protests, though that hissy-catness of his starts to melt out of his shoulders.
"You're very gentle," Hajime assures him. "You'd be very gentle, if you didn't come here with me. But I'm glad you did. I'm really glad you did."
That gets Hiiragi to look at him. And when he does, something warm and fluttery and fond rises up inside of him so powerfully that he can't help but smile.
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"How was your date with Ume yesterday?" Tsubaki grins, as Hiiragi sets the bags of ingredients down.
Hiiragi gives Tsubaki a look and starts unpacking everything, but Tsubaki doesn't miss the way his ears start to go pink. "We just went on patrol like usual. I'm pretty sure he didn't clue in—he thinks I bought the ingredients for my sisters."
"Good, good," Tsubaki grins, bumping Hiiragi's hip. "So…? Anything fun happen?"
"Honestly? Nah. Nothing crazy happened, for once. It was a pretty normal patrol," Hiiragi says. Tsubaki's eagerness must show on his face, because Hiiragi heaves a long-suffering sigh and gives him a look. "I thought this was going to be a chocolate party. When are Momose and Mizuki getting here?"
"Oh, they're not!" Tsubaki grins. "I've got a date with Mizuki and Momose tomorrow, and then I'm decorating with the twins the day after! And then it's Valentine's day!"
Hiiragi raises an eyebrow and asks, "Any reason why it's just you 'n me today?"
"What, do you think I've got some kind of ulterior motive? Little 'ole me?" Tsubaki asks, playfully batting his eyelashes. At the dry look Hiiragi gives him, Tsubaki laughs and says, "It's logistics, mostly? The home ec room has a lot of sheet pans, but not that many. Besides, I figured you'd want to make your honmei choco in private while we bake cookies for our teams."
Hiiragi goes stiff. After a half-second too long to be natural, he scowls and snaps, "Why do you think I'm making honmei choco? I'm not a girl." As soon as it's out of his mouth he looks like he regrets saying it, but Tsubaki isn't above needling him about it.
Making a show of rolling his eyes, he pinches Hiiragi's cheek like an auntie and gives it a good wiggle. "Come on, Hiiragi. It's a new age! Anyone can give honmei choco if their heart's in it," he chides, though he's grinning the entire time.
Hiiragi makes a token protest but he accepts the punishment admirably. "Ugh, whatever! The point still stands, though. Who the fuck do you think I'm gonna make honmei choco for, huh?"
Tsubaki gives him a look, and he immediately falters. Not that he comes clean, or anything—but he can practically feel the tension rolling off of Hiiragi. It's a little funny, even if Tsubaki feels bad for stressing him out like this. With the sweetest, most oblivious smile he can make, Tsubaki sets a hand on Hiiragi's shoulder and says, "C'mon, Hiiragi! At least just help me out? That way, if I mess up, I can steal your half."
"I oughta tell Umemiya that your chocolates are lies," Hiiragi grins.
"Do it, then," Tsubaki gleefully retorts. "He'll eat them anyways!" Tsubaki grabs him by the shoulders and playfully shakes him a little. "C'mon~! Make some chocolates with me!"
He can tell that Hiiragi knows he's already lost. It's why he's keeping his mouth shut. Tsubaki figures as long as he keeps the mood up, it'll be fine; he'll see about edging their conversation back into romance territory again after Hiiragi's calmed down a bit. To that end, he pulls out his binder full of easy cookie recipes and lets Hiiragi choose his favorite.
As expected—once they divvy up responsibilities and get started on their respective cookie recipes, Hiiragi starts to relax a little. Having a concrete, attainable goal to focus on has always been good for him. As they work, they chat about the usual—music, what his sisters have been watching, their respective teams. Nothing puts Hiiragi at ease quite like commiserating over the general idiocy of teenage boys, that's for sure.
He doesn't even protest when Tsubaki flips to his tried-and-true chocolate bonbon recipe and starts fishing around for a double boiler and ingredients for the fillings. As long as Tsubaki's ordering him around, Hiiragi will chop and mix and roll without complaint, and before he realizes it, they have two types of bonbon filling—a soft, but solid hazelnut-filled confection and a luscious chocolate ganache.
It's as Hiiragi is melting the chocolate and Tsubaki's fishing around for a cute chocolate mold that he finally gets Hiiragi to give in to making some chocolates with him—after all, they've already made two types of fillings, he might as well get credit for it.
While Hiiragi carefully stirs the chocolate, he absentmindedly says, "Y'ever heard of Russian roulette chocolate? I saw it online the other day. I bet the guys would get a kick out of that."
Tsubaki gets up so fast he nearly bumps his head on the counter. "That's a thing?" he asks, grinning at Hiiragi so wide it hurts his cheeks. "That's hilarious. You should do it! I bet the cooking club won't notice if we steal just a little wasabi paste."
Tsubaki immediately ducks back down in search of spices.
"I'm not going to waste perfectly good chocolate just for a prank," Hiiragi says, long-suffering. But Tsubaki can hear the grin in his voice.
"Okay, but you know he's gonna love it," Tsubaki laughs, resurfacing with a half-empty tube of wasabi and his chocolate mold of choice.
Only, instead of the relaxed, grinning boy he'd expected to see, Hiiragi is staring down at him, badly hiding his anxiety. His shoulders have gone tight with tension and his breath is coming in a little shallow—like he's bracing for something bad. It's then that Tsubaki realizes that he'd slipped up—he wasn't actually supposed to know who Hiiragi liked. But… well, now that the cat's out of the bag, he might as well go on with it.
"I mean… it's for Ume, isn't it?" Tsubaki says, slowly, like he's trying not to spook a stray cat.
That makes Hiiragi startle, before his shoulders sag a little. He laughs hollowly and glances back down at the chocolate, redoubling his efforts. "Yeah. Uh, yeah. For your—"
"No. For you," Tsubaki says. "He's the one you like, isn't he?"
It's a little unfair of him to corner Hiiragi like this while he's stirring the melting chocolate, but what else is he supposed to do, now? It'd be doing Hiiragi more of an injustice to keep bullshitting him.
Hiiragi bites his lip until it turns white, but as expected, he keeps stirring. He doesn't say anything for a long time. He won't even look Tsubaki in the eye—he won't look at anything but the mixing bowl.
It's not until everything is properly melted and Tsubaki gently takes the bowl from him to check the temperature that Hiiragi finally sags, dragging his hand over his face. "Fuck. Sorry," Hiiragi mumbles into his palm. He looks so sad and small, and Tsubaki wants so badly to gather him up in his arms and squeeze him until he stops looking so much like a kicked dog. "It's not—I won't—No one was ever supposed to know. I wasn't going to do anything about it."
"Hiiragi," Tsubaki says, gently bumping him with his hip. That, at least, gets Hiiragi to look at him, and he offers Hiiragi the brightest, most genuine smile he can make. "It's fine. I promise."
Obviously, Hiiragi isn't convinced, but he nudges Tsubaki's bonbon mold a little closer. As Tsubaki carefully pours the chocolate into—and then quickly out of—the silicon, he says, "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I got too excited and did this all wrong. I didn't mean to spring this on you so suddenly. I just wanted to help."
Hiiragi looks up at Tsubaki, but he doesn't say anything.
"You know, I really love Ume," Tsubaki explains, piping his bonbon fillings into the gem-shaped wells. "I love being in love with Ume. It's so much fun. And I just… When I saw you—or, well, Sakura saw you—"
"Fuck me," Hiiragi groans, "Sakura knows?"
"I mean… he's pretty observant, when it comes to this kind of thing?" Tsubaki hazards with a laugh. "But that's beside the point. The point is, being in love makes me happy. And when I saw you, I just thought… it'd be nice if you got to be as happy as I am, too…?"
At that, Hiiragi's mouth twists into a wry smile as he looks at Tsubaki. "You're somethin' else, Tsubaki."
Tsubaki laughs and nudges the wasabi and the remaining chocolate at Hiiragi, making a pointed glance towards the fillings Hiiragi had begrudgingly made. With a sigh, Hiiragi gets the picture and starts dipping them in.
"I just… don't think it's right," Hiiragi finally says, on his third bonbon. "You're my friend, and you wanted him first. I know nothing's going to come of my feelings, so… what's the point? Even if I got what I wanted, it'd end up hurting you."
Tsubaki swallows hard, a sweet and aching affection welling up in his chest. "Hey," Tsubaki says, bumping Hiiragi with his hip. "You're my friend, too, y'know. It goes both ways. I don't like being something that stands in the way of your happiness, even if you never meant for that to happen."
Hiiragi's answering smile is a little fragile, but it's there all the same.
"Y'know, it used to hurt, being in love. I used to be so worried that I would be too much, that eventually, something I did or said would weird him out and make him leave," Tsubaki explains. "But he never did. And once I realized that he never would, it just… felt good. I stopped feeling like I had to hide. I stopped worrying as much. Even if he's not my boyfriend, it feels so, so good to be with him."
Tsubaki nudges over the remaining crushed hazelnuts and says, "And I just think that you deserve to feel like that, too. It's better than trying to hold back and hurting in silence."
Hiiragi's expression is… complicated at best, as he takes the hazelnuts and starts meticulously arranging them in neat little piles at the center of each bonbon. Tsubaki knows this isn't something words will magically change. Hiiragi, for all that he is Bofurin's fortress, is also pretty tightly guarded, himself. He does everything he can to help everyone else, but when it comes to himself, he takes pains to hide his cracks well.
It's as Hiiragi finishes up his last bonbon that Tsubaki tries one last time. "You owe it to yourself to at least try," he pleads, taking Hiiragi's hands in his. Hiiragi, of course, doesn't quite look convinced. With as disarming a grin as Tsubaki can manage, he gestures at Hiiragi's beautifully-made bonbons. "Besides, you already made the chocolates. Look at them—they're too pretty not to give to him."
Hiiragi glances over at them, and for all his hesitation, he does look rather proud of them. "I could just eat them myself," he says, smiling a little.
"And destroy your stomach? Absolutely not!" Tsubaki laughs. "Come on, Hiiragi. Give it a shot? Even if he turns you down, I mean—look at me. Ume won't make it weird. He cares about you way more than he cares about whether or not you want to kiss him."
And then, more gently, he adds, "You deserve to be happy too. You'll never get the things you want if you don't try."
Hiiragi offers him a weak grin and says, "Big words coming from someone who didn't try, himself."
Tsubaki blinks, caught off guard by the statement. For a second, he wants to protest, because of course he did; Umemiya definitely knows how he feels—but when he stops and thinks about it… "Huh. I guess I didn't, did I?" After a pause, he grins at Hiiragi. "How about this—if you confess to him, I'll confess to him, too. Then we can be single dogs together and enjoy our eternal bachelorhood. How about it?"
Hiiragi sighs and says, "Alright, yeah sure. Wouldn't want to waste these chocolates. They turned out pretty nice."
"That's the spirit," Tsubaki grins, slapping him on the back.
💊💊💊
Toma spends the next few days cycling through the 5 stages of grief. He nearly calls it off at least a dozen times over the course of the next 2 days, but he never actually gets around to it. At some level, he thinks, he just wants it to be over with. Maybe once its all out there, he'll be a little less stressed.
Granted, given the guys he associates with, what little ease he earns will soon be taken over by yet another stressor.
In some ways, it doesn't quite feel real yet. Maybe that's why he's able to lay in bed and think about what he might say. I like you. Go out with me? No, that's too generic. Too overdone. Be mine? No. Too demanding. That'd be so awkward, knowing how Umemiya felt. I want to be more than friends. No, not that either.
Ugh.
Maybe he should bother Kanna. She's been on a romance visual novel kick these days. Maybe he should ask her about those.
No way. She'd just needle him about why he's suddenly taking an interest in her hobbies when her birthday isn't even coming up yet, and she'll get Miri in on it, and both of them will gang up on him and be utterly insufferable about it.
If he's quick, he could steal one of her BL mangas…? But no, that's not doable either—even if he blamed Miri, there's no way he'd have time to return it. If he gets caught, it's over for him. It's not even that he's that worried about coming out to his family, but no way in hell is he going to do it like that.
He doesn't even get why he's spending so much time agonizing over it, when he already kind of knows what's going to happen. Umemiya isn't going to want things to change between them, and that's fine. Toma's perfectly happy with that.
While Toma isn't the sort to half-ass things, he knows he doesn't necessarily have to full-ass this one. But the anxious creature twisting around in his guts also happens to be a perfectionist, and if he's stressing out over the delivery, he won't have to stress out over the fact that it's happening at all.
In the end, it's Miri that drags him out of rotting in bed to help her wrap gyoza so that it'll be ready by the time Mom gets home from her shift. The entire time they wrap gyoza, she whines about the ridiculous developments in the drama she's currently watching, so… it's not entirely a waste of time. At the very least, he gets an idea of what not to do.
—
On Friday, Tsubaki texts him early that morning to meet him in the AV room before school. When he gets there, Tsubaki is anxiously pacing back and forth, his heels making that sharp click click click against the old wooden floors.
As soon as he notices Toma, he breathes a sigh of relief and clickclickclicks his way over until he can clutch at Toma's sleeves. "I can't do this," he groans.
"Can't do what?" Toma asks, as if he hasn't also been wanting to call off their confession plans all week. He's not the sort to quit halfway, and he's definitely not the sort to let others weasel out of their responsibilities. "Did something go wrong with decorating yesterday?"
"No, no, it's just—how are you not losing your shit right now?" Tsubaki says, with a slightly hysterical laugh.
"Is this about confessing?" Toma says, and he can't help but laugh too. This is so ridiculous.
Funny, how all he needs to feel okay about confessing to his long-time crush is Tsubaki catastrophizing over it.
"Don't laugh," Tsubaki grumbles, punching Toma's arm. "I'm seriously having a crisis right now!"
"I thought you said it's fine and that Umemiya cares about you and not whether you want to kiss him," Toma points out.
"Okay, but giving advice and taking advice are two different things!" Tsubaki whines. "I don't even know what to sayyyyy."
"Just say how you feel," Toma says. "Or do something fun. He already knows you like him, so you might as well play around a little. Have a good time of it."
"Oh! That's actually brilliant," Tsubaki says, perking up. A moment later, he's back to slumping miserably against Toma. "What happens if he picks just one of us? I say I'm still going to be your friend after this, but what if I become a jealous, resentful witch when he picks you?"
Toma shrugs. "He probably won't pick me over you." He tries not to say he probably won't pick either of us, because that's not his information to share.
"Don't sell yourself short, Hiiragi! You're an absolute catch!" Tsubaki huffs, playfully punching Toma's shoulder. After a moment, he asks, "Are you still going to be my friend if he picks me?" Toma knows he's being dramatic as a coping strategy, but the emotion in those huge, pleading eyes almost looks real.
With a sigh, he brushes a lock of Tsubaki's hair back from his shoulder and says, "I've been your friend all this time, haven't I?"
"Oh…" Tsubaki says, his bottom lip wibbling. And then abruptly, he lets go of Toma and turns around, dabbing at his eyes. "Wait, don't say anything, I think I might actually cry. I got my eyeliner perfect today and I can't mess it up." After a second, he smacks Toma again, his voice gone pitchy and wet as he says, "What are you so damn cool for, huh?"
Toma laughs, watching as Tsubaki rapidly blinks and fans his face, as if that'll dry the tears faster. "Gosh, this is so not like me. We should be thinking positive! Po-si-tive!!!"
"What would positive be in this situation?" Toma asks, amused.
"He wants us both and we become co-boyfriends, duh!" Tsubaki says, grinning. "You can have him on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and I'll have him on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. It's perfect."
Before Toma can even think of what to say to that, the morning bell sounds. Whatever. It's such a pie-in-the-sky sort of idea that Toma doesn't actually need to dignify it with a response.
With a grin, Tsubaki glances up at Toma. "Wanna do the honors?" he asks, just as the song ends.
Toma sighs and leans over the dashboard, flicking on the PA mic. "To all members of Bofurin: please make your way to the auditorium at once. I repeat: please make your way to the auditorium at once."
At that, Tsubaki gives him a look, as if to say, you're no fun at all! before shoving him aside and adding, "It's for a surprise party! Surprise!! There are snacks and refreshments waiting for you, courtesy of your beloved team leaders! Happy Valentine's Day everyone, and happy belated birthday, Ume!"
🍅🍅🍅
Hajime is in the middle of gushing about how happy he is and what a great job everyone did when Sakura jolts to alertness, his face going abruptly, violently pink. For a second, Hajime is worried that he might've swallowed his cake down wrong, but instead of coughing and spluttering, he immediately starts glancing about. He must see something because he practically jumps in his skin, and then immediately whips his attention back to Hajime, his expression panicked and vaguely queasy.
"Doin' alright, there, Sakura?" Hajime asks, unable to help but be a little amused. Sakura is so expressive; it's no wonder Tsubaki likes to tag along with him at any chance he gets, even if Sakura's not in Jikoku team.
Speaking of—"Oh! Hey, sorry to cut things short, Sakura, but I see Tsubaki over there. I ought to go thank him for throwing such a great party."
"W-wait, no, Umemiya—" Sakura starts, but Hajime is already walking off.
"I'll be back in a second!" Hajime grins, giving his cute little kouhai a winning grin, before heading on over.
Just outside, in the breezeway, Tsubaki and Hiiragi are having an intense conversation, heads together and whispering fervently between themselves. The moment they catch sight of Hajime, they both jolt to attention, quickly hiding something behind their backs.
"What are you guys doing out here?" Hajime laughs. "The party's still going on."
"N-Nothing," Tsubaki manages, but Hiiragi knocks his knee against Tsubaki's and mutters something under his breath.
"Nuh-uh!" Tsubaki protests, kicking him back. "You go first!"
"This was your idea in the first place!" Hiiragi hisses, before Tsubaki grins up at Hajime and slaps Toma hard on the back—hard enough that he stumbles forward, his hands shooting out to steady himself. In doing so, he reveals what he had been hiding—a cellophane bag filled with fancy chocolates, all tied up with a cute bow.
"Tsubaki—!!" Hiiragi growls, but he's caught off guard when Hajime can't help but blurt out,
"Woah! Someone got you chocolates? That's awesome! See, I knew you'd be popular! Who was it?"
That stops Hiiragi in his tracks. He glances back at Tsubaki, who offers him a huge grin and two thumbs up, and then glances back at Hajime. There's a hesitance in his expression that gives Hajime pause, but before he can quite put his finger on the mood, Hiiragi heaves a big sigh.
"They're not for me, dumbass," Hiiragi mumbles, before grabbing one of Hajime's hands and tugging it closer. He sets the bag of chocolates square in his palm and says, "They're for you. Happy Valentine's Day."
Hajime blinks up at Hiiragi, feeling a little like there's something he's missing here.
Hiiragi must see it in his expression, because he swallows hard, his jaw working as he mulls over what to say. "Goddamnit, I had a whole thing and it's all gone," he manages, dragging a hand over his face.
And then, squaring his shoulders like he's getting ready for a fight, he looks Hajime in the eye and says, "Hey. So. I like you, and I know we already talked about how that's not really your thing, so it's fine if nothing happens. Tsubaki just… wanted me to be true to myself or whatever—"
"Hey, I did not say that! I just think you owe it to yourself to—to try for the best ending, okay!" Tsubaki protests, playfully punching Hiiragi's shoulder.
"—so here I am," Hiiragi cuts in, taking a steadying breath as he continues, "telling you. That I like you. Nothing changes if you don't want it to change. I never expected to tell you all this in the first place, and I don't expect you to reciprocate it or anything. I'm not going to be sad if you would rather call what we do friendship. I'm confessing to you out of my own selfish desire to, uh, 'try for the best ending' even when I know that's not what you want. I made you Valentines Day chocolate anyways, and I'm giving it to you because I just want you to like the chocolate, not because it's supposed to be romantic or anything. That's all."
"Oh," Hajime says, a little thrown. He'd expected this to come from Tsubaki, not Hiiragi, and now that it's all out there… he's not entirely sure what he feels. But there's a love inside of him that quietly echoes the love that Hiiragi is showing him. It's not quite the same thing, Hajime knows this, but it's heartening to know that Hiiragi also knows, too, and is okay with it. It makes something soft and warm well up inside of him, because he does love Hiiragi, he really does. He loves that Hiiragi is gentle, and that he's always looking after him even when it's hard, and that he believes in Hajime's vision for Bofurin, and for the town. He just… doesn't know where to go from here.
And then, after a second, Hiiragi jolts and says, "Don't share it with the rest of the orphanage. One of them's got wasabi in it. Blame Tsubaki."
It's such an abrupt departure from the whole confession thing that Hajime can't help but burst into laughter. It's good—it's an easy distraction from the confession and the feeling of being a little out of his depth and the fact that Hajime is going to have to give a response.
"Alright. Alright, I'll eat them all myself." And then, when he can breathe again, he smiles at Hiiragi and says, "You sure it was Tsubaki? This has got you written all over it."
"Thought it was funny, n' Tsubaki figured you'd get a kick out of it, so…" Hiiragi mumbles, glancing down at his shoes, though he does look a little pleased that Hajime finds it funny. And then, to Tsubaki, he asks, "Can I go lick my wounds in peace, now?"
Tsubaki laughs and pats him on the back. "Go on, brave soldier. I'll go comfort you in a bit."
Hajime stands there, feeling just a little off-kilter. Feeling just a little out of the loop. While he can't quite do anything about that… he can do something about the resigned look on Hiiragi's face. With a soft smile, Hajime reaches out and grabs Hiiragi's wrist, "You don't have to go do that."
Hiiragi gives him a rueful smile and says, "C'mon man. I said it's fine that you don't like me like that, but gimme a second to feel sorry for myself, yeah?"
Hajime laughs and pats Hiiragi's shoulder. "Hiiragi," he says, voice gentle because he knows that for all that Hiiragi is putting on a brave face, he's just about as skittish as Sakura sometimes. "Thanks for telling me how you feel. If I'll be honest with you, I don't think I'd be a very good boyfriend, but… you know, when you were telling me about what you'd want in a relationship… I thought about it and honestly? It sounded really nice."
Hiiragi's head whips up and he stares at Hajime like he's grown a second head. To the side, Tsubaki's pressed his hand to his mouth, a giddy sort of surprise clear on his face. It makes Hajime feel all shy and fluttery, but it also makes the warmth pooling in his chest double in size because of course Tsubaki would be happy about this kind of thing, even if it's not really the outcome that would make him happy. He loves that about Tsubaki—loves how big and genuine his heart is and how much love he has to give.
"I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way as you do," Hajime says, "or if I'll ever want some of the things you want, but… everything we talked about? I can do that. I'd like to do that for you. Or, um, with you. If that's what you want."
"Oh," Hiiragi says, wide-eyed and pink in the face. Hajime can still see the nerves on him in the way his body instinctually turns slightly to the side, like he's making himself less of a target for a fight. He's never seen Hiiragi look so shy before.
With a hesitant grin, Hajime glances at Tsubaki, and then at Hiiragi, and asks, "Uh. Do you want—is this the part where I should… try to kiss you?"
Tsubaki gasps, and then squeals a little, shaking Hiiragi by the shoulders. "Yes!" he cries out, before glancing at Hiiragi and asking, "Yes?" and then, when Hiiragi's still blushing and spluttering, he looks at Hajime dead-on and says, "Yes!!"
Hajime laughs and waits until Hiiragi is able to make eye contact with him before slowly leaning in. Hiiragi startles back just a little bit, but then manfully holds his ground, even if, when Hajime gets in his face, he scrunches his eyes shut like he's about to get punched.
Cute.
Gently, Hajime cups his jaw, holding him still long enough to press a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth, and then pulls back. When they meet eyes, Hiiragi glances back down at his shoes, red all the way to his ears. "You didn't have to do that," he manages, after a long second. For all that he's trying very hard to keep a neutral face, the corners of his mouth are tugging up a little.
Hajime laughs. "I wanted to try at least once. It was… kinda nice! I liked it."
That gets Hiiragi to stare at Hajime again. Hajime can't stop smiling. To the side, Tsubaki is all but vibrating with his excitement, tugging on Hiiragi's jacket as he tries very hard not to jump and cheer.
Swallowing hard, Hiiragi glances at Tsubaki and offers him a… complicated smile. "Your turn Tsubaki."
"C'mon, Hiiragi! Think positive!" he grins, smacking Hiiragi's shoulder.
Though Tsubaki is still flush with excitement, there's an edge of fluster to his body language, too, as he quickly turns around, pats his hair down, and takes a steadying breath.
Then, he whips back around, steps up to Hajime with all the determination of someone going to war, and bows to a 90-degree angle, squarely thrusting his chocolates into Hajime's chest. "I've liked you for a long time, Ume! Please accept these chocolates, along with my feelings!" he says, and then he makes an embarrassed little sound, pressing his hands to his cheeks as he straightens out. "I've always wanted to say that! Did I do it right? Was it just like the dramas?"
Hajime can't stop smiling. "It was just like the dramas!" he assures him, taking the bag of Tsubaki's chocolates—each of them wrapped in colorful wrapping paper, just as cute as Tsubaki himself is. "These are so cute, Tsubaki!" And then, after a pause, he has to confirm—"Do I need to worry about any wasabi in these?"
"No," Tsubaki laughs, "But if I find out from Kotoha that you shared my chocolates, I'll sock you in the jaw! Those are my feelings, you know!"
Hajime laughs. "I promise I'll eat every last one," he assures him. And then, with a glance up at Hiiragi, he asks, "Um. Should I—"
"Yes!" Tsubaki says, so excited his voice cracks. "I want a kiss too!"
At his side Hiiragi laughs and glances up at Hajime. His expression is soft and relaxed, and Hajime thinks—hopes—that means he won't be mad if he leans in and…
Tsubaki sounds like a teakettle as Hajime finally pulls away. He's practically dancing in place with excitement, and it's so cute Hajime melts. He loves these guys. He loves his friends so much, and he loves that they love him enough to try and accept what he can give.
Once Tsubaki has settled a little, he grabs Hajime's hand and says, with as much gravitas as he can when he's still so giddy, "I love you, Ume."
Hajime smiles, trying to focus on the warm, tender feeling filling his chest instead of that fluttery discomfort in his gut. "I love you, too, Tsubaki," he says, squeezing Tsubaki's hand. "But, you know, I—"
"I get it," Tsubaki says, reassuringly quickly. "It's fine if you're not in love with me. As long as I can stay by your side, and as long as you're okay with me loving you. That's all I need."
Something about that is just… so reassuring that all of the uncomfortable, fluttery tension bubbling up in Hajime's gut goes quiet. It's so startling, Hajime laughs. "Well, I think that's pretty doable. I want you to be by my side. And I want to be by yours."
"But if you ever feel like you want to kiss someone again, I'm first in line, okay?" Tsubaki says, in the lighthearted sort of way that tells Hajime that he's joking. Mostly.
"Okay," Hajime laughs, glancing up at Hiiragi… whose expression has gone a little tense. A little unsure. Before Hajime can ask what's wrong, Hiiragi blurts out,
"You're not going to do this for everyone who confesses to you, right? I'm okay if you want to do stuff with Tsubaki. But if there was anyone else…" He looks at Hajime, a helpless sort of expression on his face, like he's somehow sorry about his feelings.
Tsubaki looks between them, a gentleness in his expression as he hugs Hajime's arm to him. "You'd tell us, right?" Tsubaki asks.
"For sure," Hajime says, nodding. "But… I can't really imagine trusting someone the way I trust you—er, both of you." It feels like an understatement, when, after all these years, Hajime feels so… safe with these guys. Maybe they don't entirely get it, but he knows they would be patient with him. Long enough, at least, to figure out something that'll work for… all three of them. "This is a long term thing, yeah?" They both nod. "Right. So I don't think there would be anyone else any time soon."
Hiiragi ponders this for a few seconds, before he asks, "If that's the case… are we…"
"Co-boyfriends?" Tsubaki grins, putting a fist up for Hiiragi to bump.
"Co-boyfriends…?" Hajime echoes, a little curious, but mostly amused.
"It's a long story," Hiiragi sighs, but he does half-heartedly bump Tsubaki's fist. "Look, we really should… talk about this more. And what it means for us. But maybe… not here? Somewhere private."
"We can go to Show Pub Ougi after school?" Tsubaki offers. "I'm not scheduled to dance until late tonight, so we can talk there."
Hiiragi has that look on his face like he wants to say that's not private, but he manfully refrains. It's probably the best option they've got; the orphanage definitely isn't private, and if they talk about it at Pothos, Kotoha, for all that Hajime loves her dearly, is definitely going to butt her nose in. They could do it at Hiiragi's house, but Hajime knows Hiiragi doesn't really like letting his sisters in on his business. "Fine," Hiiragi finally concedes, though he's clearly not the most enthused about it.
And then, before they can all go about standing awkwardly around, Hiiragi sighs and says, "But for now… People are gonna start looking for us if we're out here too long. We really should get back to the party."
"Wait, wait, lemme make a group chat with just us three. We can talk more there," Tsubaki says, detaching from Hajime's side to poke at his phone. After a second, he loops his arm back around Hajime's and quickly waves Hiiragi over. "C'mon, c'mon, hurry up!"
Bewildered, Hiiragi makes his way to Hajime's other side. Tsubaki stretches his arm out for a selfie, and just as the shutter clicks, Hajime feels something warm and soft pressed against his cheek.
With a satisfied grin, Tsubaki shows them the picture.
Sandwiched between both Hiiragi and Tsubaki, Hajime looks… happy. They all do—even Hiiragi, who isn't quite looking at the camera. Hajime had thought it'd feel different, being in a romantic relationship, but with them… it doesn't feel quite so insurmountable as before.
"Cute, right?" Tsubaki gushes, setting it as their group chat icon.
"Oi, don't make that the icon, what if someone sees?" Hiiragi complains, but he doesn't try to wrestle Tsubaki's phone out of his hands.
"What if I want them to see?" Tsubaki asks, sticking his tongue out. Hajime knows Tsubaki wouldn't show anyone until they've at least talked about it some more, but he still plays it up just to get a rise out of Hiiragi. Hiiragi, of course, plays along, grumbling his protests.
He doesn't chase after Tsubaki when Tsubaki escapes with a giggle, though—he just sighs and shakes his head, a fond smile tugging at his lips.
As Hajime moves to follow after him, Hiiragi tugs Hajime back a little. "You've got a little—" he mumbles, tapping his cheek. Hajime blinks at him, before Hiiragi sighs, long-sufferingly fond, and says, "You sure you wanna walk back into the auditorium with Tsubaki's lipstick on your cheek? You'll give Sakura a heart attack."
"Oh!" Hajime laughs, touching his cheek. "Oh, but Tsubaki would probably like it if I showed it off a little."
"You're going to cause an uproar!" Hiiragi protests. "You two are gonna be the death of me, I swear it."
Hajime laughs again.
Honestly, if he could be with them both until the very end… Hajime wouldn't mind that at all.