Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"What's with you today?" Doppo Kunikida asks his suicidal roommate, Osamu Dazai. The latter, who is sprawled on the floor like deflated starfish, mumbles incoherently. "What was that?" Kunikida asks impatiently.

"The snail's getting married!" Dazai says with exaggerated bewilderment. "He invited me, can you believe that?!"

"No, I cannot imagine anyone wanting to invite a waste of bandages like you." Kunikida mutters with a tone of slight amusement.

"You wound me, Ku-ni-ki-da!" Dazai gasps and lifts his head slightly enough to look at Kunikida, his shock and hurt obviously being heightened for the purpose of eliciting some sort of reaction out of his easily irritable roommate.

"And here, I thought you liked me!" He puts his hand on his chest, looking like a kicked puppy.

"And why does the news of Chuuya's marriage bother you so much?" Kunikida asks, swiftly changing the topic.

"Because! He got married before I did! Me!" Dazai huffs. "And here, I believed I would have successfully committed a romantic double suicide with a beautiful woman by my side long before I got to see the day Chibi settling down." He swoons, putting his hand on his head like a damsel in distress.

That reason is obviously bullshit but with how easily and convincingly Dazai said it, it sounds believable.

"...And? What's the issue here?" Kunikida raises his eyebrow, pushing his glasses up slightly and choosing to overlook the bleak statement, he's gotten used to his tangents on suicide and the best ways to do it. "Look, I don't have time to deal with your shenanigans. Go whine about it to someone else." He says wearily, making a shooing motion with his left hand as he opens the door of their shared bedroom with his right.

But Dazai does not heed Kunikida's words, and instead goes with Kunikida, complaining and whining to the man about how "the woman must've had terrible taste if she decided to settle for the hatrack" and that "he is clearly the better option of the two." Dazai ends up complaining for a good two hours before Kunikida finally snaps and shoves Dazai out of their room to work.

"If you really don't want to go, just tell him!" He tells Dazai while pushing him out. "Complaining about it won't do anything!"

And with that, he shuts the door and locks it from the inside to prevent the brunet from coming in. Dazai stands outside the room for a good while with a blank expression, all bravado now vanished.

Truthfully, Dazai does not want to go to the wedding for another reason: He is in love with Chuuya. Hopelessly in love, so hopelessly that one won't even believe it.

Osamu Dazai is well known among his friend circle for his endless conquests and fleeting romances. Kunikida is a victim to the few times Dazai's ended up taking one of his dates back home with him and he just so happened to come home early from work.

And yet, at some point, he ends up falling in love with his work rival and frenemy, Chuuya Nakahara. Nobody knows of this, not a soul, not even Chuuya himself. Especially not Chuuya.

The motivation behind him going is because of a stupid lie he told Chuuya earlier during the day when they were at work.

At the Yokohama Police Station

"Hey, Mackerel." Chuuya calls out to Dazai, sounding a bit gentler than usual.

Dazai turns around and flashes a smug smile at him, already ready with a horde of teasing remarks. "What is it, Chuu-ya~?" He asks, drawling out the last syllable.

Then he notices the shimmering band of gold settled on his ring finger.

"I'm...I just wanted to tell ya, I'm getting married in two months. I hadn't told ya about this before because my fiancée and I hadn't decided on a date before." Chuuya explains, sounding and looking just as nervous and light as one can expect of a soon-to-be husband.

But Dazai doesn't look at Chuuya's face. He just looks at the ring. The stupid ring that is taunting him, telling him that he's too late. Chuuya's taken. And he can't make a move on him. Unless...

No no no, he can't. He shouldn't. Chuuya will shut him down either way, knowing how loyal that man can be to someone or something.

"What're you thinking?" Chuuya asks Dazai with a glare.

“About how much your ring would sell.” Dazai responds with his signature devilish grin, one that screams, "Up to no good".

"You wouldn't actually-!" Chuuya snarls, hiding his ring in his pocket, his glare intensifying. "Like hell I'm gonna leave my ring unattended, bastard!" He yells. Dazai forces himself to have his grin intact and then, he decides to do something he really, really should've thought thrice about.

He lies.

"Hah, is that it?" Dazai scoffs, rolling his eyes and folding his arms. "Well, since we're all spilling out secret relationships, I'll confess too." He puffs up his chest with the most shit eating grin yet confident smile, confesses, "I've been dating someone. For a few months, actually!" This catches Chuuya by surprise, of course.

"A few months, huh? And who's this 'lucky' lady?" He asks in amusement, mainly because he knows that A) No matter how long a relationship lasts, Dazai always manages to break it off somehow and B) This is most likely some sort of prank. Dazai, who's already sensed Chuuya's doubt, laughs lightly, the laugh sounding convincingly arrogant.

"I'll bring her to the wedding, how about that?" He says, not thinking twice about what he's saying. "If you say so." The short man laughs, already betting that it's a ruse.

And here Dazai is now, regretting everything he said to Chuuya, especially about him having a girlfriend. He lies too much, he mentally notes though truthfully, that doesn't matter. Because now, he has to lie a lot more to actually get a date for that wedding that's two months away.

"Goddammit." He mutters into his hands and sinks into the recliner. "Drinking a glass of bleach is much more desirable than this horrid fate. Or torture. Anything painful that isn't going to that...snail's wedding." He mutters to himself.

Chapter Text

After three hours of lamenting and moaning into one of the sofa's cushions about how he has to hunt for a woman who's willing to go with him, Dazai finally gets up and goes to the bedroom door to change for this impromptu speed date. Hopefully Kunikida's unlocked the door by now.

Luckily, he has, and he's fast asleep. Dazai checks the time, 8 PM, the usual time of Kunikida going to bed when he's not swamped with work and assignments that need to be graded. Dazai silently scans his wardrobe and picks the clothes that catches the eyes of most women. This should be easy. Hopefully.

He makes his way out of the apartment building (quietly closing and locking the front door of the apartment before leaving) and heads to a densely crowded area to try his luck. Thankfully, he sees that he's already gained a lot of attention due to his good looks and good wardrobe choice.

But a head of white hair passes by him, which intrigues him more than the rest of the beautiful women eyeing him and fawning over him through their eyes. He turns around and sees a woman, no, a man? Whoever they are, they seem ethereal. Especially their eyes, reminiscent of a sunset.

Hold on. They're looking right at him.

"May I...help you?" The person awkwardly asks, having a nervous smile and an even more nervous laugh. They're talking to him. Their voice seems light and slightly air, but also husky, the quality of a man's voice. The turtle neck they are wearing isn't helping with Dazai's case of deciphering this person's gender, as well as the slightly bulky jeans. Wait, he should speak.

"You most certainly can help me!" Dazai perks up, taking the shorter person's hand in his own two with a bright smile. "Come, let's talk somewhere that's less noisy." Without waiting for their answer, Dazai drags them to a deserted corner of the public place and sits on a nearby bench, pulling them down with him.

They sit down with a subtle “Oof–!” sound, and stare at Dazai’s face incredulously. “I ask you again, May I help you?” They ask dryly, clearly not appreciating the way they were dragged here.

“Yes, yes. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you how you can help.” Dazai says with a gleam in his eye. “So, long story short, I need a date for my friend’s wedding to show him that I’m not single and miserable.” He says, getting straight to the point. The person is, reasonably, confused and a bit taken aback by the suddenness of the situation.

“And that includes me how?” They ask, playing with the lock of hair that is longer than the rest of his bangs. It was an endearing action, in Dazai’s eyes, but he brushes past that.

“Well, someone has to play the part of my girlfriend. And I think you’re perfect!” He says, not missing the cue that the albino is going to protest again. So, against all better judgement, the brunet does what he does best,

he lies.

”Well, what if I pay you a good sum of money for it, hm? Think of it as your footing in the acting industry!” Dazai suggests smoothly, unbothered by the stranger’s lacklustre response to his joke. But he knows that the money has them hooked. “How much as we talking in terms of ‘a good sum’?” They ask, their eyes sparking at the prospect of earning money.

“¥500,000.” Dazai answers, having the confidence of a brave fool at the moment. He’ll figure out how to get that sort of money, later though.

“Deal.” The stranger says. “Perfect! I’ll pay you about a week before the wedding.” Dazai says with a grin. It looks mysterious on the outside but mentally, he’s currently wondering where he’ll get the money to pay for this. He really should’ve stuck to a lower number but oh well. Too late for regret.

Chapter Text

It's been a week since Dazai encountered that stranger, who he later learns, is named Atsushi Nakajima. Looking back at the interaction, Dazai never asked Nakajima what they really are, but a person that pretty must be a lady, surely! Whatever the case, he has a date for the wedding now. problem solved!

Except...

"I should've proposed a lower amount." Dazai mutters to himself, sighing and grimacing at the thought of doing more work for a better salary. This shouldn't take too long, can it? He sure hopes not.

Dazai covers his eyes and ponders over the decisions that have led him to this point, to the point of having to actually...pull his weight at work. Scary. He stares at the plain ceiling. His mind starts wandering through a whirlwinds of "if only"s.

If only he'd confessed sooner, if only he'd worked up the nerve to ask him out way before that woman did, whoever she is. If only...he wasn't such a coward when it came to love, the love that floored his heart and choked the air out of his lungs at the mention of it.

He despises it, truly, he does. He hates how queasy his stomach feels whenever Chuuya infiltrates his thoughts without a warning, how he ends up mildly obsessing over what the ginger might be doing right now, or what he did a week ago without him. He hates this feeling, especially because he knows that now...Chuuya will never return it. He won't reciprocate these overwhelming feelings that Dazai is stuck with.

He snaps out of his despairing trance when he feels his phone buzzing. Either it's Chuuya, who's been egging him to spill who this "secret lady" is and how he hasn't even heard a peep of her from him for the last three months (Dazai'd lied again that he'd been going steady with her for three months), or Kunikida, who's been "pestering him" to buy groceries for their fridge and pantry (Dazai always insists that they should just stick to instant food since it's cheaper and easier, but Kunikida vehemently and rightfully disagrees)...or it could be that person, Nakajima, is it? Them.

Sure enough, it is Nakajima.

Atsushi Nakajima—21:32

"This is Nakajima. Just wanted to confirm, you're sure of this whole "fake dating" spiel, right?"

"Oh and paying me ¥500,000. I'm a stranger, you know? ( •_•)( •_•)"

"Wait, you could be scamming me for all I know (=ಠᆽಠ=)"

"How can I know that you're not going to scam me? (=ಠᆽಠ=)(=ಠᆽಠ=)"

Osamu Dazai—21:35

"Oh relax, you're acting like I'll pounce on the opportunity to drain your wallet dry wwww"

"And if I really wanted to pickpocket someone, I'd choose a rich man instead of you! (╹ꇴ◠)"

Atsushi Nakajima—21:36

"You're evil, just plain evil (╥╯⌒╰╥๑)"

Osamu Dazai—21:37

"I'd rather call it being the modern day Robin Hood, thank you very much ╮(╯∀╰)╭"

Atsushi Nakajima—21:37

"Oh really now?（ ；¬＿¬)（ ；¬＿¬)"

Osamu Dazai—21:39

"Your lack of faith in me wounds me, Nakajima (╥╯⌒╰╥๑)"

Atsushi Nakajima—21:42

"Please, call me Atsushi. If we will pose as a couple in two months' time, we might as well start calling each other by our given names, right?"

That makes Dazai pause for a moment. Logically, Naka....At-Atsushi's not wrong. But it still feels a bit weird, considering that they have known each other for a brief period of time. Just a week.

Atsushi Nakajima—21:48

"Did I weird you out on accident? I'm sorry, we can stick to a last name basis if you don't want me to call you "Osamu" ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )"

Atsushi has sensed the invisible barrier that they've crossed. Dazai smiles faintly, amused by the person's perceptiveness.

Osamu Dazai—21:50

"You're surprisingly quick to notice changes, aren't you, Atsushi? wwww"

Atsushi Nakajima—21:50

"You give me too much credit, Osamu ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )"

Hm, Atsushi seems fine to be on a first name basis with him, the brunet notes mentally. He's okay with this, even though seeing someone call him by his given name is unnerving, to say the least. Nevertheless, he has no room to complain, considering that he quite almost literally stooped to begging this person, had they not accepted his bribe. He should be the last person to complain about anything.

Dazai huffs softly in mirth and puts his phone away after a quick exchange of "good night". Then, something clicks in Dazai's head — Atsushi doesn't know that he still likes Chuuya. Hell, do they even know him? Surely not.

He sits up from the sofa to prepare himself some half-assed dinner, only to notice the covered dish that Kunikida'd left before going to sleep two hours ago.

Kunikida is a kind man, kinder than he can ever be, he thinks to himself melancholically, heating up the food left for him before reassessing the situation.

Now he has a goal in mind: As long as Atsushi doesn't find out about his lingering feelings for Chuuya, which will definitely make the air tense if they somehow figure it out or are told by someone else, Dazai will be fine. Just keep playing the role of a perfect boyfriend. Keep up the act of having no feelings for the ginger.

Just do what he's always done: Put on a mask and pretend that everything's okay.

Chapter Text

The morning after, Dazai wakes up the way he always does -- past his alarm and already five minutes late to work. For a brief moment, the man sits there on the bed, motionless. But then the post-sleep clarity hits and he remembers: the stupid proposition he'd carelessly proposed.

With that in mind, he rushes around his bedroom and the apartment, sitting down and eating (more like scarfing down) the breakfast Kunikida had prepared for him before the blond left for his own work, and heading off to work, all within 20 minutes. It may not seem much, but it's 10 minutes less than the usual amount of time he takes to get ready for work.

He can't afford to slack off (unfortunately). He seriously needs that bonus and he needs it quickly. He'll be damned if he ends up paying less than what he promised and give them a reason to keep in touch with him, and he can't run out on them like he does with his other dates the second they express they want something serious. Chuuya will definitely question him if he "just so happens" to break it off after the wedding. That just won't do.

Today, he has to patrol the more crowded areas of Yokohama. Meaning that there's a high chance that he'll run into anyone that he knows.

Lo and behold, two hours into his (admittedly, mundane) patrol, he spots two people. One of them has white hair, with unruly and uneven bangs. What's Atsushi doing here? And with a friend of his, no less. He seems to be good friends with Akiko Yosano, the other person they are talking to.

'What are they up to?' He wonders to himself as he silently makes his way to the duo.

"What a small world! My girlfriend met one of my friends before I could dramatically reveal her at the snail Chuuya’s wedding." Dazai says, flashing his signature smirk at both Yosano and Atsushi.

Yosano looks mildly confused, Atsushi, extremely so but Dazai chalks it up to his abrupt and frankly, rude, entrance and continues, "Why are you two here anyway?" He asks.

"Well, Atsushi asked me to help pick out a formal outfit perfect for a wedding." Yosano reasons. She looks Dazai up and down with an amused smirk of her own. "What's your deal?" She asks.

"Patrolling..." Dazai answers with a melancholic sigh. "I should've jumped into the river first thing in the morning if it meant that I could skip this horrendously boring activity. Ah, but Sushi would accompany me, wouldn't she? It'd be a shame to let her boyfriend die alone, no?" He turns to Atsushi with a glimmer of excitement, which freaks them out a bit.

"Is...he always like this?" They ask Yosano.

"Always." She sighs and shakes her head with a faint smirk.

She's gotten used to Dazai's quirks by now, they've been friends for three years now, the same amount of time as his friendship with Kunikida.

"And that's why I asked you what you see in him." "Hey, I'm not that bad of a lover! I make sure my lover is taken care of." Dazai says with a pout, not appreciating the teasing.

Well, it's not wrong of Yosano to judge Atsushi's tastes, considering how...less than ideal Dazai really is to be someone's lover.

"And you're saying that after how many months of not dating before meeting Atsushi?" She laughs, grinning from ear to ear.

'I just can't seem to avoid lying to get out of these situations, can I?' Dazai thinks to himself, though his expression and body language express not a trace of his inner thoughts.

"Five." He confidently says, lying through his teeth, to which Yosano responds by giving Dazai a look that displays her scepticism. She doesn’t fully believe him but decides to buy it anyway.

Someday, all this lying will blow over and land him into something he can't slither his way out of. But, he'll deal with that when the moment comes. If that moment comes, he corrects himself. He can't admit to himself that this plan isn't foolproof. He won't admit it even if he ends up on death's door (for the umpteenth time).

Actually, that sounds nice, to be held in Lady Death's arms yet again, only for her to leave him once more like a teasing lover---

Lover. Right. He's with Atsushi and Yosano right now. Focus and act like he's in love with them.

"Did Sushi not want to go clothes shopping with me?" Dazai asks in a whiny tone and an even more pathetic-looking pout. Adorable but also pathetic. "Ah, I get it! You're picking out a nice outfit to look good for me, right?" He assumes, smirking and giving Atsushi a once-over.

Now that they're up close, Dazai notices small details he hadn't noticed on their first meeting.

Their Adam's apple is bigger than most women's, yet his build seems more feminine than masculine. Not to mention how boyish his features look, despite being 20 years old.

Those features don't scream, "I'm a woman" and yet...they don't indicate to him being masculine either. Not to mention their unruly, unevenly cut hair. Seriously, did they run a pair of scissors through their hair at some point in their life and kept it like that just because they can? Talk about a having a bad hair day everyday.

But this gets Dazai thinking, just what is Atsushi Nakajima? A woman, or a man? He hadn't considered asking before since he'd assumed that they were a fair lady due to their delicate eyes.

"Sure, I'm doing just that." Atsushi answers sarcastically, rolling their eyes a little before shaking their head. "Anyway, don't you have some...police duties to do instead of just standing here?" They ask with a subtle smile, they like his company.

"But I don't want to leave my Belladonna alone!" Dazai whines again, sounding like a typical clingy lover. Something that both shocks and amuses Yosano.

"I have never seen Dazai so clingy with his partners before." She muses in fascination, curiousity piquing at new heights. "And you've been dating how long, exactly?" She asks, looking at the both of them, who respond in unison, "Three months." "Oh, three months? Interesting." She mutters to herself.

She checks the time on her phone and then holds Atsushi's arm, dragging them away with her. "We have to get going now before all the good and cheap options are out of sale! See you at the wedding!" She calls out with a laugh that truthfully rings as sadistic to Dazai's ears.

"That woman wants me to suffer, doesn't she?" Dazai sighs and mutters to nobody in particular, dropping the act once he's sure they're out of sight and earshot.

The reason he wanted to tag along with the duo is because he's nervous about leaving Atsushi alone with any of his friends, not just with Yosano.

What if one of them tells them why he really invited them? What if they find out about his lingering feelings for Chuuya and cause them to be more guarded around him or worse, change their mind and leave?! That won't be good, considering how he can't afford to lose them right now (both literally and metaphorically). It'd be too hard to find someone to replace them.

Chapter Text

After that interaction, Dazai spends a lot of, if not, most of his time asking himself the same question and trying to come up with an answer to this question that just cannot die down: Just what IS Atsushi Nakajima?

Dazai begins to go over the details he's noticed about Atsushi in the few times they've interacted with each other.

Atsushi's hair is not as long as any of the other women he's known but they are longer than a man’s. His voice however, is not as light and airy as them. His facial features are also not so feminine, more equivalent to a boy's like he'd mentally noted before. And his eyes...his eyes which are on a league of its own in terms of how unique they are...are quite soft and bright. So...pleasing to look at. So...

'I'm getting off track.' He chides himself. He finally registers his phone buzzing. Taking it out of his pocket, he realises who has been calling him and grimaces. "Snail"

He sighs and picks up the phone. "Where have ya been, you shitty mackerel?!" Chuuya yells on the other line.

"Relax, Chibi. I'm still patrolling. Nobody's as free as you are." He teases, knowing very well that Chuuya is the exact opposite of 'free'. He's a workaholic.

"Huuuh? Doesn't your shift end at around 4:00 PM though? It's already 8:00, dumbass." He points out.

'When...did it get so late?' Dazai looks around. He notices that the sun is gone and the street lights are on. He's also confused as to why he's in this obscure alleyway when he was just near a park no more than five minutes ago.

Well, not literally five minutes ago, since it’s closer to 8:15 now.

“You alive?” Chuuya asks, a bit concerned by the lack of response from Dazai’s end.

“I’m still here. No need to get so worried.” Dazai laughs, being the pain in the ass he’s known to be. “Well whatever, I’ll get going. I have a date with my girlfriend in an hour! Bye!” And he hangs up the phone without even letting Chuuya speak.

He walks back to the station to clock out. Inspector Mori is also there, clocking in for the day.

“Oh, Dazai? What brings you here? You’re usually gone by 4:00 PM.” He asks with a smile that seems good natured.

“Oh, I just lost track of time today. Nothing more.” Dazai responds curtly, though his smile seems perfectly friendly. Seems. “Well, I am beat. I’ll see you never!” Dazai laughs and walks out of the station after clocking out.

‘What is wrong with me today? I never usually lose track of time.’ He asks himself, trying to come up with any logical explanation for his carelessness. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep. Must be.

When he comes back home, he sees Kunikida outside the apartment, close to falling asleep. Right, the man usually sleeps at around 8 PM, and it’s currently 9.

“You!” Kunikida stands up from where he was perching. “Where were you? I’d been calling for three hours!” He asks, his concern and annoyance evident from his facial expression and his tone.

“Oh relax, I was at work. It got reaaally busy today, so I had to stay back and help out. It was annoying.” Dazai sighs, acting like he really did something at work when in fact, he did not.

Kunikida doesn’t know that, so he eases up. “I see. But don’t overwork yourself. It’ll do you no good if you exert yourself. Now, hurry up and open the door for us.” He steps aside and gestures to the door. Dazai takes the house key out of his pocket and goes to the door handle.

“Did you know that if you shake your head from side to side every day for five minutes, your brain activity will improve?” He says while unlocking the door.

“Oh, really?” Kunikida asks, genuinely intrigued. He starts writing it in his trusty notebook but stops and glares at Dazai when the brunet says, “I lied.”

Kunikida nearly lunges at Dazai, but the latter opens the door quicker, causing both of them to land on the floor (Kunikida on Dazai).

“Owwww! Be careful, I’m really delicate, you know?” Dazai whines and pouts childishly, which ticks Kunikida off more.

“Shut up, you waste of bandages.” He groans and goes to the kitchen to prepare dinner for both of them, inspite of his exhausted state. Dazai just laughs and shuts the door behind themselves, going to the kitchen to bother Kunikida some more.

Chapter Text

Of course, Kunikida does not let Dazai linger around for long, kicking him out after a mere half an hour of nonstop talk and constant leg pulling. Dazai doesn’t appreciate being kicked out, with his whining being proof of that.

However, he doesn’t make too much of a fuss and leaves after five minutes of sulking.

Dazai, now bored out of his mind, decides to talk to Atsushi, to make sure that Yosano didn’t say anything too bizarre. He takes his phone out and dials his number, now putting the phone to his ear and waiting for Atsushi to pick up.

One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Four rings.

Atsushi picks up after the fifth ring. “H-hello?” They sound a bit out of breath.

“Atsushi~! Why do you sound so breathless? Gasp Were you doing something scandalous?” He teases, giggling to himself.

“Wh– no! N-no no no, I-I was just r-running! Yes!” Atsushi explains nervously, clearly unused to talking about risqué topics like this.

“Are you su~re? You can always be honest with me, you know?” Dazai laughs cheekily, not missing the way Atsushi lets out a strangled gasp of surprise at his words.

“I’m sure!” They huff indignantly. “Anyway, what’s up?”

“Oh nothing. Can’t a man bother their lovely girlfriend?” Dazai hums, clearly pouting even if Atsushi can’t see it.

There’s a weird silence on Atsushi’s end, just like earlier during the day, when Dazai was with them and Yosano.

“Atsushi?” “S-sorry, I blanked out there.” They lie, though not convincingly. “Are you sure? You don’t have to hide whatever is both—”

“Dazai, dinner’s ready.” Kunikida cuts Dazai off by calling him for dinner.

“Just a minute, Kunikida!” Dazai calls out to the blond, then shifts his attention to Atsushi. “Back to what I was saying—”

“Actually, you should go eat now! It’s almost 10, no? Let’s talk tomorrow, I have to go sleep now. Bye!”

And with that, Atsushi ends the call, not even letting Dazai speak. “…Hm.” Dazai knows that Atsushi’s hiding something, but what?

Dazai eats his dinner in relative silence, which irks Kunikida a little, having gotten used to Dazai being obnoxious (truthfully, he likes it when Dazai fills the silence with his nonsensical jokes. Makes this place feel less dead. But he’ll never tell Dazai that, he might just use it as an excuse to be more rambunctious than before).

After finishing not even half of the meal, Dazai gets up and packs up his portion. “I’ll eat it in the morning, so no need to make breakfast for me tomorrow.” Dazai reassures Kunikida with a grin that does not reach his eyes. He’s too busy contemplating and theorising whatever’s bothering Atsushi to truly behave like he usually does.

“Well…okay then.” Kunikida hums sceptically, taking his dirty dishes and washing them and Dazai’s dishes in the sink.

Late at night, Dazai lays in bed, deep in thought. He knows that Atsushi’s hiding something, but he can’t tell what exactly they’re hiding. He only knows that they always get cagey whenever he calls them his girlfriend. Not to mention that even Yosano was looking at him weirdly when he said it today. Is he missing something? Surely not?

‘What am I missing?’ He thinks to himself, and without realising it, he slowly falls asleep, the room now filled with the sounds of Kunikida’s light snores and (occasional) grumbles, and Dazai’s barely-audible deep breaths.

The digital clock on Kunikida’s bedside table reads 04:37.

4:37 AM.

Chapter Text

Dazai felt…oddly out of his element for the next few days. Whenever he talks to Atsushi, his mind seems to automatically start analysing the…person. He’s not even sure if they’re a man or woman anymore because of how many, in hindsight, glaringly obvious mixed signs he’s observed in them.

And their voice, god, their voice is making him feel both so relaxed but also a bit…frustrated? Who knows?! All Dazai wants to know is what the hell is Atsushi Nakajima.

So, he decides to ask them questions that might nudge them to tell him something that might help.

‘Asking them what they are after almost a month of talking to them is just plain embarrassing.’ He justifies mentally, trying to rationalise this ‘inane behaviour’, as Kunikida would say.

Though, at some point, Atsushi catches on and sighs. “What are you trying to do, Osamu?” They ask finally. They have their arms crossed and an expectant expression on their face, waiting for an answer.

“Me? I’m not doing anything. I’m just hanging out with my lovely girlfriend.” Dazai answers with a toothy smile. Atsushi hums with a squinted gaze. Then they, after a month of being called “his girlfriend”, tells Dazai what he’s been almost dying to know.

“Osamu, you do know I’m not a woman, right?”

. . .

“Atsushi.” Dazai says with the most serious expression he’s ever made since the entire time they’ve been talking. “I have a secret to tell you.”

“What?” Atsushi leans forward, genuinely curious. “I knew this whole time!” Dazai ‘reveals’, hiding his genuine shock at the revelation that the woman in his head is actually a really effeminate looking man. ‘You learn something new every day, I guess.’ He says to himself, mentally shaking himself out of his state of shock.

“Well, if you knew, then why didn’t you tell me?” Atsushi asks, the curiosity replaced with a mild hint of annoyance at the fact that Dazai was pulling his leg again and didn’t actually have a secret to tell him. A valid question, in all fairness.

“We~ll, because I told my friend that I have a girlfriend. It’d be suuuuuper weird if I showed up with a man, wouldn’t it?” He says with a smirk.

Atsushi isn’t as amused as his ‘boyfriend’, so he opts to shrug and accept Dazai’s so-called justification. “I guess that makes sense, somewhat.” He says.

Despite this weird stunt Dazai pulled, Atsushi has a fond smile (that also has signs of exasperation) and is actually enjoying his company. His strange, probably eccentric, company.

Chapter Text

“So, now that it’s clear that I’m a man, do you want to help me decide on what to wear for the wedding?” Atsushi offers. “The window shopping experience I went to with Ms. Yosano wasn’t all that helpful. She asked me a lot of questions about us while we were going from store to store and ended up not buying anything.” He shrugs.

Then, he laughs a bit, as if remembering a funny incident. “One of the store clerks thought we were a couple because of how close I was standing to her.”

Dazai listens to all of this silently, a hint of worry and amusement making his stomach ache. Odd, was it something he ate? ‘Oh, right, I accidentally skipped breakfast today.’ He thinks to himself with a mental shake of his head.

“Osamu?” Atsushi calls out to Dazai, noticing that the man isn’t listening.

“Hm?” Dazai snaps out of his haze and looks straight at Atsushi again.

“Are you…okay? I’ve been talking for a while now and you haven’t, said anything.” Atsushi asks, his hand naturally landing on Dazai’s shoulder as a gesture of worry.

“I never took you as the soft and caring type, At-su-shi! Does that mean I’m warming your cold-as-ice heart with my presence? Gasp I never realised I’m this charming! I should be a model instead of a police officer.” Dazai says, deflecting from the situation and focusing on teasing Atsushi from hell and back.

“Osamu! I’m serious!” The albino says, his tone reflecting his genuine concern and the very faint, almost missable, tone of annoyance.

“I’m fine, my sunset! I was just mesmerised by your beauty! It’s a privilege to be so close to a person with such beautiful eyes!” Dazai says dramatically, cupping Atsushi’s left cheek and grinning from ear to ear (is he genuinely amused? Who knows?) when he sees the younger man’s cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink.

“A pink face suits you more than a pale one. Makes you the picture perfect image of a blushing bride!” Dazai laughs, wiping nonexistent tears from the corner of his right eye with the index finger of his free hand, the one not cupping Atsushi’s face.

“I-I’m not a woman, and I’m not a blushing b-bride!” He says, embarrassed by Dazai’s antics. Even if he’s seen and heard all sorts of teasing remarks from Dazai for the last month, it still doesn’t seem to make him immune to it.

“Careful, sunset. You’re blushing even harder now.” Dazai teases, running up ahead and laughing maniacally while doing that.

Atsushi runs after Dazai, surprisingly catching up to, and staying in pace with, him. This catches Dazai off guard, so much so that he doesn’t school his expression of bewilderment and also fails to notice the street light in front of him and crashes into it.

“–gh–!” Dazai grunts in pain and surprise and falls to the concrete ground, biting into his lower lip hard enough to break skin and draw blood.

“Osamu!!” Atsushi rushes to the man’s side and starts fussing over him, though not being able to help much and resulting in him simply flailing his hands around Dazai’s arms, face, back, head and neck. All while asking him all sorts of questions about if he is okay and if he needs to get him to the hospital for a concussion.

“It’s okay, Atsushi.” Dazai says, nursing the area of his forehead where the street light hit him the hardest.

“Your l-lip’s bleeding.” Atsushi points out, taking out a clean handkerchief from his pocket and gently dabbing it onto his bottom lip to wipe the blood off the cut.

“Are you going to be my knight in shining armour and save me?” Dazai swoons.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Osamu. I’m just…trying to make sure that you’re not too hurt. It is my fault that you got hurt, you know.” Atsushi says, the guilt audible in his voice and visible in his actions.

“No it’s not, I wasn’t looking while running. Stop taking the blame for someone else’s actions, Atsushi.” Dazai says, sounding serious for the first time since this conversation began.

“But–”

“No.”

“It was m–”

“It wasn’t your fault nor was it your responsibility to look after me.”

“Osamu–!”

“I’m not listening!”

In the end, Atsushi decides to “compensate for his carelessness” by offering to take Dazai to a nearby café and paying for his lunch. The brunet obviously agrees to it, not missing the opportunity to eat food that he doesn’t have to pay for.

Atsushi hands him the now-slightly-bloodied handkerchief.

“Give it back to me when you get it washed, okay?” He requests.

“Of course, of course! I won’t forget it!” Dazai ensures with a toothy smile, something that makes him look like an innocent man, if not for the sparkle of mischief that’s perpetually in his eyes. That, and…a glimpse of nothingness.

The only other thing that can undo the mask he’s perfected over the years.

But that hollowness is quickly patched up by his over-the-top actions and drags Atsushi to the nearest café, telling him that he knows just the spot for “a romantic lunch date”.

Thinking about it now, Atsushi realises that he has, essentially, asked Dazai out on a lunch date. Oh well.

Chapter Text

So they end up in a quaint little café that Dazai’s frequented, judging by how familiar he is with the owner of the café and his wife.

Café Uzumaki is a place Atsushi’s heard of from his friends and Kyōka, his roommate who he sees as his own sister.

“This is, new.” Atsushi points out, his nervousness and curiosity all visible. “Right? The waitresses of the café love me here! I bet I can get us some good discounts from a few foods and drinks.” Dazai says with a comically evil smile.

“No need for that.” Atsushi sighs, shaking his head and taking his menu.

They order after about ten minutes. While ordering, Dazai decides to be a rascal and starts chatting up to the waitress, who seems to be an easily flustered woman in her late thirties, barely pushing forty.

Atsushi watches the whole thing in amazement. He also sees the woman basically brush him off with a hearty laugh and telling him to ‘stop shooting his shot’.

“You do this a lot?” He asks once the waitress is gone. “Hm hm~ pretty much.” Dazai says with a casual smile.

“…and they don’t say anything against that?”

“Oh, come now! You’re making me sound so awful.” Dazai pouts, not appreciating how low his ‘boyfriend’ thinks of him (though the pout is clearly not a real one, given how much his eyes sparkle with mischief).

Atsushi sighs and laughs under his breath. “Just wait for our food to come out.” He says, playing with the longer strand of hair of his bangs.

“Whatever you say, my sunset.” Dazai says with a grin, turning into a smirk when he sees Atsushi blushing faintly again.

“Not used to affection or not used to me?” He asks.

“Um, both? Both.” Atsushi nods, shifting his focus to the rest of the (quite tiny, he notes) café to find the waitress and their order. He definitely is not trying to avoid looking at Dazai, not at all.

Their order arrives after about twenty minutes or so, and almost immediately, Atsushi pounces on his food, eating like a man starved.

“Easy there, tiger.” Dazai jokes while taking his time to eat his own food.

“Speak for yourself, you haven’t even finished a third of yours.” Atsushi retorts playfully, though talking with his mouth full and resulting in him choking on his food.

Dazai hands him a glass of water and Atsushi accepts, drinking the water at lightning speed. “cough cough –gh–! cough t–thenk you–cough.”

“Don’t talk right now.” Dazai chides, a mild frown on his face.

After about five minutes, Atsushi recovers. He looks red in the face but he’s relatively fine.

“Um, t-thank you, once again…” He murmurs, tugging on the long lock of his hair nervously.

“Stop that.” Dazai says, holding Atsushi’s wrist lightly.

“Stop what?”

“That, stop pulling your hair.” Dazai tuts with a comically serious expression and says, “The hair might go into your food.”

Atsushi stops pulling on his hair and rests his hands on the tabletop. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for a-almost ruining this date. I really shouldn’t have been talking while–”

“None of that.” Dazai frowns, though he’s not seriously angry. “Everyone makes mistakes, yours don’t ruin anything.” He says.

“Are you…sure? I mean, really?” Atsushi asks, almost pleadingly. Almost.

“Of course, why else would I, the great Osamu Dazai, bestow such amazing knowledge upon you? That’s right, because I’m a gentleman!” Dazai throws his head back and laughs like a pompous old man.

This makes Atsushi giggle as well and he ends up laughing along with the brunet too.

Dazai looks at Atsushi and nods to himself. “See, nothing to worry about.” He huffs up his chest proudly. “You didn’t ruin anything. It just made things more eventful.”

“If you say so.” Atsushi says, picking up his utensil and returning to finishing the remains of his food.

All the while, Dazai hasn’t finished even half of his. But that doesn’t matter, they continue to eat their lunch in a comfortable silence.

What an eventful first lunch ‘date’.

Chapter Text

The days following the impromptu lunch ‘date’ are nothing special. If anything, there is no communication between the two.

Dazai spends the next week focusing on actually working to somehow earn enough to be able to pay Atsushi the amount promised (and also lamenting about how much paperwork he has to do), while Atsushi waits for Dazai to reach out to him again.

Ever since that first conversation they had on text, he’s decided to let Dazai text him first (“I don’t want to inconvenience him by randomly texting him like last time. He could be super busy, for all I know!” Is the justification he’s gone with).

Then one week turns into two, and Atsushi still doesn’t receive any messages from Dazai. This makes the man worry. Sure, they're technically not a couple but it makes him worry even more.

“What if he’s found someone better for this…thing?! Doesn’t this mean he swindled me out of a lot of money?” Atsushi mutters.

Kyōka, his roommate, looks at him with worry and also a hint of annoyance.

Worry, because Atsushi’s been staring at his phone like a madman for the past two weeks.

Annoyance, because why should anyone care this much over a man? A man who sprung up a crazy proposition out of nowhere, too!

If anything, she feels rage on Atsushi’s behalf. She wants to meet this ‘Osamu’ and give him a piece of her mind for making her friend worry so much over him, to the point of intentionally skipping on sleep.

“Atsushi.” She calls out to him, which makes the latter jump.

“How long have you been standing by the door?” He asks but she doesn’t reply to that. “Dinner’s ready.” She says, walking off to their dining room.

‘Dinner?’ Atsushi checks the time. 8:32 PM. ‘When did the day pass by?’ He wonders to himself while getting up from his desk chair.

He takes his phone, pockets it and heads to the dining room after turning off the light and shutting the door.

“Sorry I didn’t help you out with dinner today.” He says to his roommate, remorse written all over his face.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to help me every night.” Kyōka says, practically piercing his eyes with her gaze that’s always been intense.

Atsushi looks away, half intimidated by her gaze and half out of remorse. “But s-still…!”

“I already told you that it’s okay, please don’t worry over such things. And anyway,”

She sets down the dish at the centre of the table. “this was a one time occurrence. Calm yourself.”

She smiles faintly at him. “Let’s eat.”

Atsushi decides to let go of the topic and focuses on enjoying the meal Kyōka had made for them. ‘Delicious, as always.’ He marvels. He’s always liked her cooking.

Days before Chuuya’s wedding: 15 days

Chapter Text

About five or so days later, Dazai breaks the radio silence and finally reaches out to Atsushi.

Atsushi receives a call at around noon. “Osamu”. He scrambles to get his phone from his office desk (earning some very warranted suspicious glances from Akutagawa, who was next to him with the intention of giving him some paperwork).

He doesn’t give Akutagawa much thought and focuses on the call. Dazai’s calling him, he’s being called after a week or so of silence.

“Hell–”

“Atsushi.” Dazai cuts Atsushi off, sounding serious, which makes the latter nervous. ‘Did I do something wrong?’

“…Yes?” Atsushi responds, trying his best to curb his worries, though ultimately failing and sounding shaky over the phone.

Though Dazai doesn’t even address the quaking voice and speaks up, “When are you free today?”

“Ummm, at around 5:30 PM. If I don’t have to do overtime, that is.” Atsushi says after a beat of silence.

“Perfect, meet me at the Uzumaki café. You know, the one where you took me on a date.” Dazai says, his voice carrying a hint of that tease that Atsushi’s gotten familiar with.

“G-g-got it!” Atsushi stumbles over his words a bit before replying, mentally facepalming himself. ‘Super smooth there, Atsushi.’ He chastises himself mentally.

“Today, we’ll go…” Dazai pauses for dramatic effect. “shopping for wedding attire!” He says, now sounding high and airy like always.

That’s when it clicks in Atsushi’s head: They don’t have anything to wear to the wedding yet. And it’s a week away.

“O-oh…oh! That’s great! I’ll try to finish my work before 5:30 then. See you then?” Atsushi asks Dazai.

“Yes yes, see you then, my sunset! Don’t think of me while working, I know I’m charming but you’ll never finish your work on time if you do that!” Dazai says dramatically but when Atsushi hears someone yelling at Dazai in the background, the brunet says, “‘Kay bye!” And hangs up, not letting the (by now, extremely flustered) man say “goodbye”.

Atsushi puts the phone down and sighs. Now he has a reason to finish his work quickly.

They meet up at around 6:00. Atsushi is slightly out of breath, while Dazai looks like he just got here. They’d both come later than intended.

“Oh, Atsushi! Did you run here?” Dazai laughs, finding Atsushi’s struggle with catching his breath amusing.

“I–pant pant didn’t want to make you–pant wait…” Atsushi says breathlessly, putting his hands on his knees and taking deep breaths.

Dazai hums. “Well, since we already came this late, why not go straight for the shops?” He suggests with an easy smile, hands in his pockets.

Atsushi considers it for a moment. Logically, he’s not wrong but he really wants to sit and talk with Dazai. Maybe another day…

“Sure, let’s go.” Atsushi nods, sounding less enthusiastic than he’d expected himself replying.

But Dazai doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t even look puzzled. “Let’s go!!” He laughs and takes Atsushi by the arm, dragging him (and accidentally hitting his leg with the suitcase [‘Where’d that come from? And what’s it for?’] he’s been carrying since he’s got here) to the shops where they would be able to rent a suit for next week.

Dazai takes him to the first store in his “checklist”, so to speak.

Atsushi is dumbfounded at the prices. “Are they always this expensive?!” He whispers to Dazai in disbelief, to which the brunet silently nods, as if he’s not fazed in the slightest.

They leave after twenty minutes, when Atsushi, being the more financially responsible person of the couple, deems the prices as too high for the average person.

The next store they go to is a much humbler place than the previous one. “The prices aren’t outrageous.” Atsushi notes, murmuring to himself.

Dazai finds it interesting how much Atsushi cares about how much money he’s spending. He’s never been too fond of being financially responsible.

“I do hope you remember that I told my friend that I’ve got a girlfriend.” Dazai chimes in casually, not looking at Atsushi’s reaction to that information.

“So…what, do I just buy a dress for the occasion?” Atsushi deadpans, not liking the prospect of wearing something that can be blown up by the wind.

Dazai has a mischievous gleam in his eyes and nods enthusiastically. “Ab-so-lu-te-ly!” He says, keeping his suitcase down and grabbing Atsushi’s left hand with his two own.

“Just think of how beautiful you’d look in a pale green dress! Or maybe pale blue? Whatever you decide! And hey, we’ll match colours too.” The brunet’s smile reaches his eyes, which are shining bright. He seems oddly pleased at the idea of seeing Atsushi in a dress.

The albino hums, thinking about it. Truthfully, he’s never cared about any clothing being “masculine” or “feminine”, he’s even worn a few skirts and dresses back when he was around 13 or 14. So, he decides to bite the bullet.

“Alright then, let’s…rent a dress.” Atsushi smiles shyly, still a bit nervous about the prospect of wearing a dress after so long.

It doesn’t take Dazai more than fifteen minutes to find Atsushi a dress. He’s decidedly gone for pale blue. (“To give it a…sky theme!” He insists.)

For himself, he buys a pale blue suit to match.

The clerk assumes that Atsushi is a really flat woman (thanks to his androgynous features) and throws some shade at ‘her’ figure. Atsushi doesn’t mind it much.

At around 7:30 PM, they head back to café Uzumaki and sit down to eat.

Atsushi decides to ask him about the suitcase.

“It’s the money I owe you. Of course I’ll pay my dues on time!” The brunet laughs.

Dazai sets the suitcase down, slides it across the table and opens it. Sure enough, it has ¥500,000 in full.

His expression is casual when he says,

“After next week, we will no longer be a couple. We will become strangers or acquaintances at best.”

Atsushi’s known that this was inevitable. He’s known the transient nature of their relationship. And yet…

Is it wrong to grieve for a relationship that never was? He thinks that it is not.

“I…I’m aware.” He says, nodding slowly and laughing wryly. “I enjoyed my time with you, Osamu. I’ll enjoy this last week as well.”

They eat in relative silence, only speaking when it’s required.

Chapter Text

It’s finally time for the couple to attend Chuuya’s wedding, their reason of being together in the first place.

Atsushi wears his blue dress with a hint of nervousness, and wears white flats instead of heels. He has no good accessories to go along with the dress, so he chooses to go without any sort of jewellery. Besides, his body does not react well to any kind of metal, gold or silver.

Dazai wears his blue suit and goes with brown shoes, spraying a hint of cologne as well.

The wedding starts at around 5:00 in the evening, meaning that they have a lot of time to get to the event.

They meet up at Atsushi’s dorm at around noon. Kyōka is at school, so this is the perfect time.

Atsushi sees Dazai in the blue suit and he swears his heart stopped momentarily. It’s not fair that someone can look so…radiant without trying. He can smell the scent of the cologne the brunet has on, smells like vanilla, maybe.

“You look good, really nice…!” Atsushi says, stumbling over his words for a moment.

Dazai laughs softly and shakes his head. “As do you, my sunset.” He says airily with his fingers combing through the longer strands of Atsushi’s fringes.

Atsushi smiles nervously and inhales sharply. “Well, should we eat something before we leave?” He asks him.

Dazai hums and pouts slightly. “But I don’t want to eat anything. I’d much rather get to the venue and then eat there.” He says but the expression on Atsushi’s face makes him reconsider.

He sighs and shakes his head. “Come then, let’s eat! What do you suggest, our usual café or somewhere else?” He asks Atsushi with his trademark smile that tilts up from the right.

“I’m cooking.” Atsushi says with a tone of finality and pride. “Sit back, I’ll go make us something.”

Dazai gasps and puts his hands together. “Atsushi, are you sure you’re not some saint?” He asks the younger man with wonder and what seems like gratitude.

Atsushi blushes faintly at the compliment and instead of replying, sits Dazai down on a chair in the dining room and heads to the kitchen bashfully.

About half an hour later or so, Atsushi returns with two bowls of tea on rice, ochazuke.

Dazai sniffs the food and pokes at it with his chopsticks, as if unfamiliar with the dish. “What’s this?”

Atsushi beams and turns to Dazai. “This is my favourite dish, tea on rice. Have you had it before?” He asks while sitting down to eat.

Dazai hums and shakes his head. “Not even once.” He lies, taking his chopsticks again and diving in.

The brunet’s eyes sparkle with mirth as he finishes his bowl, which he’d noticed was only half full and not completely like Atsushi’s bowl. “That was marvellous! Are you not blessed by the culinary gods?” He asks Atsushi, holding his right hand with his own two hands.

Atsushi blushes profusely and laughs at that possibility. “What, that sounds like a stretch. It’s only one dish, I’m not so good with other dishes.” He stutters, looking at the way his hand is interlocked with Dazai’s two hands.

Dazai sighs and tilts his head back. “You underestimate yourself, sunset! You could be a fine chef if you think about it.” He nods eagerly and hums in contemplation. “You could go for cooking classes if you’re that under confident about your cooking!” He suggests

Atsushi sighs. “If we’re done here, I think it’s time to go.” He says, pointing to the time on the clock that reads 1:45 PM.

Then he has a thought. “Wait, who’s driving?” He asks Dazai.

Dazai puffs up his chest and points his left thumb to himself. “Why of course, I am.”

Atsushi doesn’t think much about Dazai’s sudden initiation but he accepts it. “Okay, let’s go to my car then.”

When they get to Atsushi’s car, which is parked in a rental lot, Dazai decides to play the gentleman and opens the passenger side door for Atsushi.

“Oh, thank you.” Atsushi says meekly as he settles, unused to this.

Dazai smirks and closes the door before going to the driver’s side seat and sitting. “Keys?”

Atsushi then remembers that he hadn’t take the car keys with him while going out and blushes in embarrassment. “I…may have left them upstairs.”

He gets out of the car and heads to his apartment, returning about fifteen minutes later with the keys. He doesn’t look out of breath with how fast he’d booked it while going, must be athletic.

Dazai starts the car and pulls it out of the parking lot. “Ahh, Atsushi?” He calls out with an easy expression.

Atsushi hums inquisitively.

Dazai giggles and says, “You might want to hold on tight. I drive fast.”

And with no time given to the younger man to process the information, Dazai speeds up exponentially, making Atsushi clutch on the seatbelt tightly and pray that they make it to the wedding venue in one piece.

They start their journey at 2:15 PM.

Chapter Text

The two arrive at the venue at around 5 PM, which seems much earlier than what Atsushi had expected.

The albino’s heart is racing from the adrenaline, legs wobbly but his heart, strangely, exhilarated.

He turns to Dazai and smiles, half excited and half surprised.

“You drive very fast, Osamu! I’ve never actually driven this car faster than 45 kilometres per hour. That must’ve been…70 or something!”

Dazai laughs proudly and sweeps his bangs up dramatically. “Well! It was actually 75!”

They continue talking animatedly, with Atsushi listening to Dazai’s seemingly endless stream of stories from his patrols, and only occasionally chiming in to tell the brunet off about the lack of care for his own safety. This is, of course, brushed over by Dazai.

They enter the venue and sit down on a nearby pair of chairs.

“They’re so comfortable.” Atsushi marvels under his breath. Dazai simply chuckles at the simplicity of Atsushi’s happiness.

The other guests file in as well, Yosano being one of them. She is wearing a violet dress with heels of the same colour to match.

She spots the couple and sits next to Atsushi with a grin fit for an imp.

“Atsushi looks good in a dress.” She says with a slight wiggle of her brows, which makes Dazai pout.

“Don’t look at my girlfriend like that.” He huffs, wrapping his left arm around a flustered Atsushi’s waist and gripping it firmly.

Yosano laughs at the seemingly possessive display. “Relax, he’s all yours.”

Dazai smirks victoriously before he registers what she said.

“You knew?” He whispers, his face displaying a scandalised expression.

“Of course I knew, I’ve known this pipsqueak longer than you have.” She brags, wrapping her right arm over Atsushi’s shoulders.

In all this, poor Atsushi is stuck in the middle with arms around his shoulders and a hand on his waist. Not to mention the scents of her perfume and his cologne blending into one awful stench and making him nauseous.

Atsushi coughs, freeing himself from the bodily cage. “S-sorry, it’s just that your perfume and cologne are making me sick.” He explains.

“Sharp sense of smell?” The duo asks in unison, to which Atsushi affirms with a nod.

Atsushi nods and sighs. “It’s both a blessing and a curse.”

After about fifteen minutes, the entire venue is packed. Atsushi is still with Yosano, and Akutagawa decides to sit next to Atsushi in the seat that Dazai sat.

Atsushi is surprised to see Akutagawa here, so he asks him, “You were invited? By who?”

Akutagawa sighs and rolls his eyes. “By Chuuya, of course.” He replies flatly, his brows creasing slightly in irritation.

“But how are you here? As far as I’m aware, the only friends you have are the people in our office.” Akutagawa then registers Atsushi wearing a dress. His expression is blank on first glance, but he is very much confused by the getup he has.

Atsushi flusters in embarrassment and opens his mouth to explain but Yosano beats him to it.

With a mischievous grin, she explains, “Atsushi’s here with his boyfriend. He’s wearing this just for him.”

Atsushi covers his face in embarrassment while Akutagawa looks at his colleague with surprise.

“I see.” He replies flatly. “Personally, I wouldn’t have worn such a tacky colour this boldly.”

Atsushi frowns. “Hey, blue’s not a bad colour! You just like your wardrobe to be gloomy, like you.”

Akutagawa is taken aback. “That’s bold, coming from you.”

Yosano steps in between them before they can get into a full fledged argument.

“Don’t forget we’re here to attend a wedding.” She sternly tells them off.

Atsushi shrinks in embarrassment but Akutagawa simply folds his arms and scowl.

Yosano softens her voice and laughs at the sight.

‘They fight like brothers, these two.’ She thinks to herself fondly, shaking her head lightly.

Dazai is alone, outside the venue. He has a glass of whiskey in his left hand, and stares at nothing in particular.

His mind starts wandering into the same ‘what-ifs’, except something is different this time.

He isn’t spiralling down into dangerously tender scenarios like he usually does.

It’s as if something is stopping it.

Or someone.

He finishes his drink and heads back inside the venue to return to Atsushi. He sees him fighting with Akutagawa, and Yosano is sternly telling them off.

He watches the scene in mild amusement, then times his entrance to make it natural.

“Gasp ‘Sushi! What is this?!” He cries dramatically, clutching his chest as if he is wounded. “Is there someone else? Was I not good enough?”

Atsushi springs to his feet and clutches Dazai’s shoulders, as if to ground him and make him listen to what he has to say.

“This isn’t what it looks like! He’s just a colleague and he doesn’t like me like that!”

Akutagawa chimes in, “I prefer the term “hate” to describe what I feel about you.”

Atsushi huffs in annoyance. “Tolerate! He tolerates me.

Dazai continues with his act of being heartbroken, complaining about how he might ‘die from a broken heart’. Atsushi, despite knowing that it’s mostly an act, still decides to hug him to soothe the feeling of ‘hurt’.

Dazai is caught off guard by the hug but doesn’t pull away from it (‘It wouldn’t seem natural to shy away from your lover’s touch’).

Instead, he reciprocates it as well as he can.

‘So warm…’

Chapter Text

The couple is alone after twenty minutes of banter with Yosano and a few arguments started by Akutagawa.

Atsushi is on his phone, minding his business, while Dazai is pondering.

For some reason, the ‘what-if’ scenarios are coming to Dazai full force. As if his mind is taunting him for not confessing earlier.

‘Curse you, cowardice.’ He thinks to himself.

“Osamu?” Atsushi calls out, which snaps Dazai out of his funk.

He turns to Atsushi with a bright smile. “Yes, my love?”

Atsushi’s cheeks turn pink and ends up stuttering his question, “What is Mr. Chuuya like? I’ve never met him before.”

Dazai hums, then flashes a cheeky smile. “He is a short, feisty hat rack that loves being violent.”

Atsushi shudders. “And you’re telling me the truth?”

Dazai nods, being the picture perfect description of ‘earnest’. “Truly!”

Atsushi hums in suspicion but lets go of it after a while. He gets up to explore the venue a bit more, seeing as there is still some time before the wedding starts.

He ends up meeting a strange man. A man with black, short, messy hair, and emerald green eyes.

The queer man turns to Atsushi, having spotted his presence. This makes the latter jump in surprise and also a hint of fear.

‘What if this man is dangerous?’ Atsushi thinks to himself.

“I’m not dangerous.” The man replies, almost bored with this conversation despite it only having just begun.

Atsushi frowns and flushes in embarrassment. ‘Am I that easy to read?’ He asks himself.

The man hums. “I came here with Yosano.” He explains, almost sure that that statement will ensure his innocence.

Which, it does.

Atsushi eases up and sighs. “I see. So, what your name, sir?” He asks the man.

The man chuckles and huffs in pride. “I’m the greatest detective in Yokohama– no, the world! Ranpo Edogawa.” He introduces himself, extending a hand to shake.

Atsushi smiles and shakes the hand. “Atsushi Nakajima.” He introduces himself.

Ranpo hums. “Now that we’re well acquainted, mind telling me what’s with your outfit?” He asks Atsushi, a hint of tease slipping into his voice.

Atsushi flusters and looks away. “I just like wearing dresses, is that a problem?” He explains.

Ranpo laughs at Atsushi’s reaction and shakes his head. “Nope, just curious. Don’t think so hard about it.”

“And you’re friends with Osamu?” Atsushi asks him after half a beat of silence, composing himself to not look any more embarrassed than he probably already does.

Ranpo nods once. “We’ve known each other for a while, since he’s an officer and all.”

Atsushi makes an ‘o’ shape with his mouth. “Riiight. I see, I see.” He nods.

The younger man goes back inside the venue after chatting with the man with black hair, leaving the latter to his own devices.

Ranpo hums to himself and goes to find Dazai. He finds the man near the drinks table.

‘Typical.’ Ranpo notes. He goes to the man either way, feeling a bit more talkative than usual today.

Dazai is a little inebriated, having drank more than a bottle and a half of whiskey. “Ranpo?”

Ranpo gets to the point, his curiosity piqued. “How long have you and Atsushi been together?”

Dazai hums. “Three months or sssso…why, you like her?” He laughs at his own joke.

Ranpo shakes his head, a frown etched on his face. “I know that he’s a guy, so you can quit the lying. He barely did anything to look feminine aside from wearing a dress.”

Dazai sighs and clicks his tongue. “Who invited you anyway? I don’t think you know the bride or the groom.” He asks, crossing his arms.

Ranpo smirks proudly. “I’m Yosano’s plus one.” He explains.

Dazai nods slowly, his mind slightly fuzzy from the alcohol. “I seeeeee…good for you.”

He fills himself another glass of whiskey but is stopped by Ranpo. “Can’t have you blacking out right before the ceremony starts.” The other man says, taking the glass and putting it down.

Dazai frowns and ends up finishing that glass anyway. “Don’t nag me like Kunikida does.” He groans, his behaviour even more petulant than usual.

Ranpo sighs and shakes his head, going to where Yosano is while muttering something about how ‘freakishly high’ Dazai’s alcohol tolerance is

Dazai stumbles to where Atsushi is after having one [correction: far] too many, sprawling over his lap.

“O…samu?” Atsushi says in confusion and a hint of surprise, looking down at his lap.

Dazai hums blissfully, his cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol, though it is not so visible on first glance. “Yeeees?”

Atsushi raises a brow, a little amused but largely confused. “What are you doing?” He asks, chucking to himself.

Dazai does not answer that question, and instead, cradles Atsushi’s right cheek with his right hand, almost blatantly (or unintentionally) ignoring the younger man’s question.

“You’re really pretty.” Dazai says, smiling toothily. “Oh but not as pretty as my friend ‘Hat rack’.” He adds on.

Atsushi’s bashfulness is overshadowed by his confusion, reacting by furrowing his brows. “Hat rack? Who’s that?” He asks.

“Why, he’s the most annoying man I’ve ever met. His hair is so red, it looks like his head is on fire from a distance. His temper is atrocious and he’s so awful to me.” Dazai whines, almost sulking while talking.

And then…Dazai commits a grave error: He becomes vulnerable.

“Buuuuuut…hiiiis smile is so, so, sosososo adorable. Ah, don’t tell him I said that. He’s kind to the stray dogs he meets on the streets during his patrols, it’s as if he’s their kin or he has a bond with them. He’s just…so amazing, I wish I was the one marrying him.”

Atsushi freezes in place, could the ‘Hat rack’ be the groom of the wedding?

‘Surely not, don’t jump the gun just yet.’ Atsushi tells himself, shaking his head to get himself out of this weird rabbit hole he was close to diving headfirst into.

Dazai hums, confused by Atsushi’s silence. “Is ‘Sushi not feeling well?” He asks him.

Atsushi laughs nervously and shakes his head again, ‘convincingly’ sounding unaffected, though the stuttering and stumbling over his words gives him away almost instantly.

“Of course I’m feeling fine. I ate a hearty meal before we left, after all!” He smiles, though it is shaky.

Dazai huffs and rolls his eyes. “Lying is bad for your health, Atsushi.” He chastises almost seriously, as if he’s being completely honest about what he said.

Atsushi’s eyes widen a fraction. “My…my health?” He repeats hesitantly, thinking he misheard.

Dazai nods and sluggishly sits up. “Lying is not a good thing for adorable people like you. It’ll only lessen your appeal.”

Atsushi, who usually blushes at such brazen compliments, feels conflicted. On one hand, he’s recently discovered that Dazai’s in love with someone that he calls ‘hat rack’ but on the other hand, he’s still shamelessly complimenting him? What a confusing situation…

Dazai leans close to Atsushi’s face and whispers, “Don’t think too hard, you’ll have wrinkles on your forehead by the time you’re 30.”

It is then that Atsushi notices that Dazai’s slurring has basically eradicated. But it’s a moment too late, because the brunet does something that, in Atsushi’s mind, felt uncharacteristic of him,

he closes the gap between them, and kisses him. He takes advantage of Atsushi’s surprise gasp and slips his tongue in slowly, gently.

‘Is this…alcohol? Impulse? A way to punish me for thinking too hard about what he said?’ Along with a horde of other questions flood Atsushi’s mind, though all remain unanswered as his ears start burning up from how flustered he is currently.

This is a brief moment between the two, as Dazai pulls away first and pats Atsushi’s cheek, rising to his feet and leaving the sitting area without even so much as an attempt at explaining what just happened.

Atsushi reacts slowly, reaching his hand out to stop Dazai but it’s too late. The man’s already left, retreating to a secluded spot where not a soul can see him.

One question starts intruding Atsushi’s thoughts, heightening his conflicted feelings,

‘Am I…really in love with Osamu?’