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Zack’s engine revved and heated as he drove down the winding, narrow roads. The area was sparsely populated, the roads were paved through the woods. This was the only way Cloud could’ve gone. There were streetlights that hung over the road, trees that towered above. The day was moving into evening, dusk starting to set in.
He rounded a corner, seeing Cloud’s car. He sped up, taking the oncoming lane to drive beside Cloud and pass, hitting the brakes and forcing Cloud to stop; blocking the road. Zack parked his car and got out, jogging to Cloud’s door and knocking on the window.
“Cloud, please get out.” Zack said, voice strained. He was tense, and could hear his heartbeat. The sound of blood rushing around his head as if he was going to pop.
He saw Cloud gripping his steering wheel, knuckles white with the pressure. He saw the wide eyes, the chest fluttering with rapid breaths, the trembling that started the moment his body started to relax and submit to the situation.
Zack saw Cloud’s car door was unlocked, so he pulled it open; “Cloud-”
He was cut off by Cloud leaning away from Zack, fingers removed from the steering wheel and replaced into his hair, pulling as his eyes darted around in a panic. “Why, why.. Why, why, why, why me , why me!” Cloud wheezed, in a frenzy as he practically shivered.
- · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
“There’s a high likelihood that if Cloud feels cornered he’ll panic.” Tifa said firmly, needing these words to sink into Zack’s mind more than any others she had spoken. “It’ll be obvious, but in case it’s not intuitive for you, he’ll be erratic. He’ll probably scratch his skin or pull his hair, he’ll be unable to breathe deeply, and he might start saying things that don’t make sense.”
Zack nodded, brows pinching together. “What… should I do if that happens?”
“Give him space. Back up.”
Zack was confused by this. “What? Wouldn’t I want to be closer to him, if he’s scared?”
“It’ll make it worse.” Tifa sighed, “He needs space to calm down. Don’t leave, but give him space. Let him breathe; encourage him to breathe. Tell him it’s okay, you know… that he’s safe, and everything’s okay. Speak softly, like if you’re too loud, Cloud will fall apart. He needs gentleness.”
- · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Zack backed up a step, crouching down to get on his level. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” Zack said softly; loud enough to be heard, but no louder. “You’re safe, everything’s okay.” Zack’s voice edged on a coo, even as his body was rigid with his worry. He watched as each agonizing second passed, collecting and turning into minutes as Cloud’s breathing slowly deepened, his shaking lessening.
“Cloud?” Zack asked, watching closely, head tilting as he tried to see Cloud’s face better.
Cloud timidly turned his head to look back at Zack, though still somewhat turned away from him.
“What’s going on?” Zack tested the water; Cloud looked so lost. Like he had completely let go of himself, and was now forced to regain consciousness.
Cloud put his face in his hands, mind filled with storm as his body succumbed to the safety he was being told was there. He was exhausted. “I can’t tell you.” He said into his hands, shaking his head slightly.
“Who can you tell?” Zack offered, trying to help problem-solve. It didn’t have to be him. He knew that they had… a tense relationship, if there was even a relationship left.
“Nobody.” Cloud said, causing Zack’s chest to tighten.
“Not even your mom?” Zack got no response. Silence hung between them, creating layers of space, as if without moving they were growing further apart. “Cloud, please. I can… keep a secret. If you need me to. I’ll leave you alone after, if that’s what you want. I’m… worried.” Zack was earnest, eyes never leaving Cloud as he spoke.
Cloud’s next word scratched his throat on its way out, his body shifting again, tension coming back. “No…” Zack tilted his head questioningly, but his gaze was still so gentle.
How dare he.
“No, no… no-no, don’t…” Cloud’s mind was a mess, landing on no one thought, bouncing between each one erratically, unable to grasp onto anything other than the only thing that was penetrating his whirlwind. Zack was right there.
“Don’t what?” Zack’s voice cut through the mess; Cloud nearly winced at how clearly the words reached him. It had been so long since he heard so clearly. It was… confusing.
“Don’t… go…” Cloud settled on, body reacting to his own words by turning slightly toward Zack now, so he wasn’t angled away.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Zack said, “I have nowhere else to be.”
Cloud turned further and placed his feet on the pavement outside the car, bending down to bury his face in the tops of his knees. The streetlights flickered over them, the sky turning purple.
What would Sephiroth think, Cloud turning to face another man. Allowing another man to look at him for so long? He could hear the yelling echoing through his skull; slut. Attention whore. You belong to me, why do you chase the affections of other men?
“Cloud… what happened?” Zack asked, still crouched a few feet away, watching carefully. He was following Tifa’s instructions as best he could; watching, waiting, listening. Patience.
“Remember… the holiday?” Cloud mumbled against his legs. He was doing his best to ignore the voice of Sephiroth in his mind, telling him to stop talking, to ignore until Zack left.
“Yes, of course.” Zack nodded, head tilting further as he watched Cloud’s hands find his shins and grip into his pants in a kneading motion; fingers moving against the fabric, pinching and pulling and squeezing.
“You did… such a good job.” Cloud said, voice tight.
“Is that why your mom-”
“You convinced me.” Cloud interrupted, stunning Zack into silence. Cloud took a deep breath, face hidden against his knees. “It felt so comfortable. And… I could never find that in anyone else. I tried.” Zack was processing the words as they met his ears; was he hearing this right? “So I… let Sephiroth have me. Why not, right? Not like I have any lower to go.” Cloud lifted his head slightly and rolled up his sleeves, showing his arms. Littered with bruises, healing cuts, bandages.
Zack had known he would be hurt, but this… “Cloud, you’re wrong.” He said firmly; louder than he had intended to.
“Am I?” Cloud pushed back, glancing up. He looked defeated. Like he had no reason to change anything. “Look, Zack. I… this will probably be our last conversation.” Cloud said, eyes welling up again as he looked off to the side, unable to meet those worried, caring eyes.
“What?” Zack asked, confused. Not so much about Cloud not wanting to speak to him again, but the way he was saying it. As if not only would they not speak, but Cloud would never see him again. Like Cloud had no control over what happened next.
“But I…” Cloud spoke again, breath catching in his throat as he tried to fill his lungs; “I think I love you.” He whispered so softly, so quietly the wind almost carried his words away before they reached Zack. The creaking of the treas around them being pushed, a symphony of sadness to harmonize with Cloud’s sentiment.
Zack’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“But… you have Aerith.” Cloud smiled shakily at that, tears rolling down his cheeks. “And that’s amazing.” He sounded completely genuine; no frustration, no jealousy, nothing. “And so… I’ll take what I can get.” Cloud rolled his sleeves back down, nodding to himself. “And keep the consequences to myself.”
“Cloud-” Zack tried to speak, but was interrupted again.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to guilt you.” Cloud huffed, realizing he sounded like he was holding himself hostage someone, and Zack was ransom. “I just… I know you have someone. And you should stay with her, you know? You two seem so happy… I’ll just… do my own thing.” Cloud nodded along with himself as if to reassure himself what he was saying was true, and okay. His hands were shaking, so he grabbed his knees to steady himself.
“Cloud-” Zack tried again.
“You can… go now.” Cloud said, refusing to look at him. His form was so small like this. Folded in half, he was shrunk in on himself. Refusing to let Zack any further in.
“Clo-”
“I’m sor-”
“Stop interrupting me!” Zack barked, Cloud straightening up slightly at the sound, eyes wide in shack.
“Aerith and I broke up!” Zack said, exasperated.
Cloud’s jaw dropped.
What?
“And… you asked me not to go, so… I won’t!” Zack said stubbornly. “I have nowhere else to be.”
Cloud was reeling.
What had he just heard?
“You… what?” Cloud shook his head to try to clear it of the mud that had flooded in.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Zack said firmly, frowning now.
“No, the other-”
“Oh, yeah.” Zack rubbed the back of his neck, finally looking off to the side, up toward the streetlights as he let out a breath. “She, uh… well. We realized maybe we weren’t the best match-up afterall. We’re still friends, though!”
“What…” Cloud trailed off, bewildered.
“Between you and me, I think she’s a lesbian.”
Cloud was in shock. He had no idea what to say to any of this. First, he thought he was confessing to a taken man, who he’d been avoiding because he was so in love with him that it was causing him to be sick. Now he had almost burned the bridge, almost ended it, and it turned out…
“Cloud?” Zack’s voice brought him back into reality again.
“Why are you telling me this?” Cloud asked, barely able to speak through his confusion. His swirling feelings. He reminded himself; he’s still straight. Maybe not taken anymore, so he didn’t have to feel guilty for his partner, but…
“What do you mean? Because… weren’t you upset because I had a girlfriend?” Zack asked, looking him in the eye again, head tilting. God, Cloud could barely stand to look at him like that. He frowned.
“And straight.” He said, looking down at where he tapped the toes of his shoes together. “And pretended to be my boyfriend, and amazingly shut it off as soon as we left. And I wasn’t mad you had a girlfriend, I…” Cloud trailed off, hoping to be interrupted.
Zack waited, giving Cloud no grace or escape from what he was about to say.
“I was.. Grieving the loss of what I imagined I could have. Or… we could have.” He said. It was their last conversation, what was there to lose? Nothing. There was no point to hiding it anymore. And with each word, he felt the fog clearing.
Zack hummed, his expression showing nothing of what he was thinking.
“It’s fine.” Cloud huffed, “I know it’s weird, and stupid, and uncalled for. I’ll… break up with Sephiroth, and just… I don’t know. Try not to disappear. But I might.” Cloud said, unable to decide what to do. He knew he should leave Sephiroth after all the turmoil it had just caused; after his mother had cried and begged him. But still, something deep in his gut was telling him to run.
“Cloud.” Zack said after another drawn out moment.
“Yeah?” Cloud met his eyes. This wasn’t allowed. His gut twisted, but he couldn’t look away. Not now. He was drowning in the connection.
“Can you step out of your car?”
Cloud did, standing up on shaky legs. Zack towered over Cloud as he stood up from his crouched position as well. He tentatively approached, watching Cloud’s body language closely. Cloud showed nothing to hint he was going to react negatively, so Zack closed the distance and pulled him into a tight hug.
Tension coursed through his body for a moment; what would Sephiroth think? He would be so angry. Cloud could practically feel the hand colliding with his body, over and over; but then… warmth.
“I’m sorry.” Zack said as he ducked his head down by Cloud’s shoulder, holding onto him like if he let go Cloud would evaporate.
“Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Cloud sighed, savouring the feeling of being in Zack’s arms. The gentleness, the strength, the smell .
Snap. Pine needles in his hands, the dry tang stinging his nose. Rain-soaked gravel crunching under foot. He took a long, deep breath, eyes falling shut.
Sinful. To allow himself to be held by another man. To take such pleasure in it. To feel so at home in his arms.
“I… feel like even though you asked me to be your fake boyfriend, I… led you on. Or something.” Zack said, adjusting his grip on Cloud to hold him even tighter.
“No… I just… caught feelings when I shouldn’t have.” Cloud said, embarrassed. His hands gripped the back of Zack’s shirt tightly without thinking. He felt like a bad person. This was his fault. Falling for a taken man. A straight man. Even now, knowing Zack wasn’t in a relationship anymore - somehow he felt even that was his fault. He attributed the failure of, what he saw as a perfect relationship between Zack and Aerith, to his crush.
“I’m sorry.” Zack said again.
“Stop saying that.” Cloud said, opening his eyes against the collar of Zack’s shirt, a frown crossing his expression.
“I am!” Zack protested, swaying slightly, weight shifting from foot to foot.
“You don’t have to be.” Cloud pulled back, Zack reluctantly allowing him to. “You shouldn’t be.” He added, cheeks warming as embarrassment flooded him.
“And yet…” Zack shrugged, hands still on Cloud’s waist, refusing to let go entirely. “I am.”
“You are a piece of work.” Cloud grumbled.
Zack paused, eyes flitting over Cloud’s face. Cloud was staring back, confused why Zack had gone quiet.
“I could be… your piece of work.” Zack said slowly; testingly.
“What?” Cloud asked, incredulous. “Didn’t Aerith just break up with you?”
“Cloud. You’ve been MIA for months. She broke up with me last November.”
Cloud took a moment to process, realizing how long it had been. “Oh.”
Zack hummed, watching Cloud’s face; watching him process what was going on.
Since when did Zack like him, anyway? Wasn’t he straight? Was he only doing this to calm Cloud down? Had Cloud manipulated Zack into this? He felt his stomach twist into knots; this wasn’t right. This couldn't be right. Cloud did something wrong. He did something bad.
“Wait… did you-”
Zack lost his patience.
He pulled Cloud back in, hand on his lower back, the other pressing up between his shoulderblades as he kissed Cloud. Cloud gasped against his lips, eyes wide; he was frozen. He couldn’t think.
Zack pulled back after a moment, apologizing. “Sorry, I should’ve asked first.” He mumbled, guilt covering his entire body; he felt like he fucked up again. What was he thinking? Kissing Cloud, who had barely come to calmness after he’d driven to his mom’s house to snitch. What kind of thinking was that?
Cloud’s mind was blank. He stared up into Zack’s eyes, not having heard a word he said, sinking into the concern he found there.
“If you-”
Cloud cut him off by grabbing his face, kissing him back; a lifetime of tension melting away in a second. He felt brand new, he felt… different. Lips sliding against one another’s; desperation. How long had it been since he last felt like this? Had he ever felt like this? Like he was alone in the world, but with someone by his side. It didn’t make sense, but it made perfect sense. His body ached as it relaxed entirely, being held up by Zack’s grip.
They breathed, Zack pulling back after a moment to lean their foreheads together, staring into his eyes.
“I’m not straight, by the way.” Zack spoke with an exhale, grin plastered across his face.
“No shit.” Cloud responded back; “Is this a dream?”
Zack shook his head, “I sure hope not. If I wake up from this and still haven’t seen you in almost a year, I’m going to be so angry.”
Cloud laughed breathily, leaning his head down on Zack’s shoulder, letting himself meld into him. “I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you.”
- · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
“Cloud!” Tifa’s voice broke into a scream, sprinting toward him and nearly tackling him to the ground with her forceful embrace. Cloud welcomed it, holding onto her in apology. “Oh my god, thank god , you’re…!”
“I’m sorry.” Cloud mumbled, meeting her eyes as she pulled back to look him over. “I should’ve… I wanted to call.” He admitted, eyes welling up; this hadn’t happened in so long. The tears came so easily.
“I know.” Tifa’s eyes mirrored his own, “It’s okay. Are you… back?” She asked, glancing behind him then to see Zack standing there, hand on his hip as he leaned his weight onto one leg. He nodded curtly, and Cloud did the same.
“Yes, it… it won’t happen again, I’m sorry.”
“Cloud, it’s okay. I’m just so happy to have you back.” She smiled, a tear rolling down her cheek.
Cloud smiled sheepishly, thumbing her tear away.
“You’ll never hear the end of it, though.”
“I know.” Cloud nodded, “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“So… Zack’s with you.” Tifa said softly, eyeing him for a moment before looking back at Cloud. “What’s up?” She asked, tone hushed.
She had a hunch.
“He, uh… well. He rightfully fucked me over and told mom about everything.”
Tifa was shocked about that part. “Oh.” She looked past Cloud again to shoot a glare at Zack, who drooped with shame and looked off to the side like a dog faced with the remote it chewed the night before.
“I think… we’re okay.”
“Okay?” Tifa asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “Like you’re not going to avoid him now?” She asked, and caught a scoff from Zack.
“God, I’d hope not.” He said with a cheeky smile on his lips.
Tifa looked back to Cloud, whose ears had turned red. Hunch confirmed.
“Did he…” She couldn’t help her own playful grin from landing on her face.
“He, uh…” Cloud mumbled softly, hoping the words would only be heard by Tifa - and even her, barely. “He’s not straight.” He said, hoping that would get the point across.
“I knew it.” Tifa whispered, a laugh bubbling up her throat. “Did he kiss you?”
Cloud’s body stiffened. “Tifa!”
“Well? Did he?” She kept her voice hushed so as not to humiliate him, but she was pressing; back to normal. Cloud couldn’t help the comfortable smile that landed on his face. Was this what he had been missing? He’d almost forgotten.
“...Yeah.”
Tifa cheered.
“I can’t wait to collect my fifty.”
“What?” Cloud asked incredulously; it was mirrored by Zack. “You placed a bet?” Cloud clued in instantly, frowning in faux frustration.
“Of course I did.” Tifa grinned, taking a step back and bending forward, placing a finger to her cheek as the other hand landed on her hip.
Cloud rolled his eyes, blush spreading down to his chest.
“Are you taking him on a date?” Tifa called over Cloud’s shoulder toward Zack.
“ Tifa! ” Cloud gasped, scolding her.
“Of course!” Zack grinned.
“What?” Cloud whipped around.
“Oh, did I forget to ask you?” Zack said, genuine concern and embarrassment coating his expression. “Shit. I knew I was forgetting something.”
Tifa chortled, unable to help it.
“Cloud, would you go on a date with me?” Zack asked, despite knowing that Cloud hated this sort of thing - being asked such questions publicly. He’d been told as much, but he did it anyway.
“Yeah.” Cloud grumbled, unable to say no.
“Yes!” Zack cheered. “Good, because I have it planned!”
Cloud rolled his eyes, huffing quietly.
“You fell for an idiot.” Tifa whispered, and Cloud could only agree.
“I know.”
“I’m so glad you’re back.” Tifa said again, emotion rising in her once more. “And I’m so glad you’re going to be safe. He may be stupid, but god does he care.”
Cloud didn’t think he could get any redder, but he was sure he did. He hummed in response, both of them looking at Zack, who just smiled triumphantly.
“Yeah.” Cloud couldn’t help but smile as well; Zack’s was so contagious. “I noticed.”