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In a quiet moment, the entire palace was as still as the breaths Zhen Huan held as she skirted around the shadows of the royal palace. She knew what she was doing was impractical, stupid, and if anyone knew of her actions tonight she might not have a morning to face.
She left the palace of Pearl Jade earlier that night, only Jinxi knowing of her plan. Her maid had heavily discouraged it but Huan didn’t listen to her. Only giving her a story to tell if anyone caught her sneaking out, into the Chamber of Chrysanthemums.
Her plan, which had been thought out over numerous sleepless nights staring at the curtains of her bed, was simple. Simple enough she didn’t even know if it would work. She’d leave the palace at night, and slip into Meizhuang's Palace through a small door that only she and Huanbi knew about, having found it in the corner once while following a butterfly in Meizhuang’s garden many months ago. It was small and would barely fit a child, but Huan was dressed in Liuzhu’s oldest clothes and no one would notice her dirtying them up more.
These past months there had been a burning in her lungs whenever she tried to speak. When she tried to stitch her hands would shake, and at night all she tossed and turned, each side of her bed more uncomfortable than the last. An ache in her heart that she couldn't satisfy, a twisting in her stomach that never went away. Her thoughts were unendingly consumed with anger, regret, sadness, longing. Anger at Hua Fei and her sickening plans. Regret that she hadn’t noticed anything earlier. How Cao Quinmo was able to take control of the story. How Huan had let it stand by and happen to her best friend. Sadness at the inevitable fallout, and the injustice of it all. How no one heard or listened to her or Meizhuang despite their truths. And longing. Longing to hear Meizhuang’s soft and comforting voice. Longing to see her gentle face and graceful smile. Longing to see her friend, who had done so much for her in the palace and outside that it hurt to be away from her for so long. Hurt to be apart in body and in spirit.
Huan found the door, barely able to be seen in this dark corner of the palace, No guards stood watch outside the chamber anymore, and tonight it was in her fortune that this was the case. She knelt down and pushed herself through with great effort, almost fearing she could get stuck. The old door must have been for animals in the past, but soon she got herself through, and was now all alone in the courtyard of Meizhuang’s Chamber.
She took soft steps, a drumming sound followed, scaring her for only a second before she realized it was simply her heartbeat shaking her so. Eventually she reached a door into her chambers, and with no hesitation she passed through.
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Shen Meizhuang hadn’t slept well in months. In her confinement she feared she’d gone mad. Always hearing voices in the halls, voices of her mother and father, grandparents, sometimes it was the Emperor and she could pretend he was there to excuse his actions and apologize.
Hearing his voice also served to anger her, as she remembered how quickly he turned against her. How quickly all his love and infatuation became disgust and mistrust. One scene staged by Hua Fei was enough to curdle his love for her, whatever his love was in the first place. And now she lay in her bed, watching shadows dance across her empty, cold, lifeless room.
In moments of particular grief, when the shadows closed in and Meizhuang couldn't breathe, she’d hear Huan’er call for her. She’d imagine her speaking to her, twisting all her worries into nothing and knitting solutions out of thin air. Her way of speaking was so clever and clear that
Meizhuang could almost feel her in those moments of pain and sorrow. Other times she hated hearing her friend. She’d imagine all the wonderful Zhen Huan was doing without her. How high she must be flying, how she must have forgotten about sad, unfavored Meizhuang.
“Meimei.” Huan’er called out to her now. She turned away from the opening in her bed. She had no time for these tonight.
“Meimei.” Huan’ers voice echoed again. Meizhuang closed her eyes in frustration and tried to forget her thoughts. Pursuing sleep with an upset fervor.
There was a touch to her shoulder and Meizhuang sat up in a startle, about to cry out before a hand was placed over her mouth. “Meimei.” Huen’er whispered. She was sitting on the edge of Meizhuang’s bed in servant's clothes, streaked with dirt and ash. Her hair was down and her face was in a controlled expression. What surprised Meizhuang the most was her eyes, which were alight and fiery, darting across her before meeting her gaze.
“Huan-” She began, but she couldn't finish it before she was trapped in a tight embrace. Huan’s arms wrapped around her and their cheeks touching so that Meizhuang could feel the tears falling down Huan’ers face.
“Your palace is so cold, Meimei. You’re so cold.” She cried. “I’ve been so worried about you.”
Meizhuang held her, stunned into silence. Huan’er was so warm in her arms, she was here, in her chamber, with Meizhuang. She pulled back and looked Huan in her eyes. “Why are you here?” She chastised. “You would be dead if you were found, you would be locked away in the cold palace. You would be-” She felt a few tears slip down her own cheeks.
“I had to know if you were alright.” Huan grabbed her hands and held them to her chest. “I hear awful things about you in confinement. They said you went mad. That you forgot your own name, that you claimed to be pregnant again, that you- oh Meimei I couldn't stand not seeing you. Please forgive me.” She nestled her head into Meizhuang’s shoulder. She couldn't see Huan’s face but Meizhuang knew she was earnest. Hadn’t this been everything she’d wanted anyway? To see Huan again? She let herself relax in Huan’s embrace and tried to let the moment last as long as possible.
When she tried to open her mouth to give Huan some comfort she couldn't say anything. She had been going mad left alone. She hadn’t been as vocal as some seemed to have claimed, but without the outside world to keep her company she had withered away, only feeling like a shred of herself, slowly ripped away with each week stuck in her prison. She held Zhen Huan like it was the first and last time she would get to do so.
Soon their tears ended, and Huan lifted her head.
“How are you?” Meizhuang asked before the other could get a word in. “Has my position changed yours?” Hoping it hadn’t. Hoping for that as close as they were, they were not as close in the Emperor's shortsighted mind.
“No, Meimei.” Huan shook her head. “Hua Fei gloats over me, and his majesty cares not. I am fine.” She leveled her now much colder eyes at Meizhuang. “What do you need? I can bring it in secret. Do you need charcoal-”
“I need you to be safe.” Meizhuang interrupted before she finished. “My confinement could be lifted one day, but if anyone finds out you're here I could never see you again.” In truth, she doubted she would ever be free. Even if she left she knew she would just be a pawn in a greater game. One played by Hua Fei where she controlled the board and all the pieces. And all the Emperor would do is stand aside, and make excuses for her every cheating move.
She held Huan’s hands in her own. They were soft and delicate without her nail guards. “I care about you. More than anything else in the palace.” She spoke softly. “If you can’t be with me, live outside for me.”
Huan clenched her hands around Meizhuang’s. “I’ll do more than that.” She promised. “I’ll argue for your release, you won't be here forever.” She paused. “When I came to the palace, I wished for someone to love, to grow old and gray with.” She paused again, the silence dragging on for some time. “I used to think it was the Emperor who I would come to love. And we would live out our days like a married couple, like the ones back home. But now I know. I know I want to grow old and gray with you, Meimei.” Her face was open and honest, her eyes were relaxed. Meizhuang knew she truly meant what she said, and that every word had meaning behind it. Huan didn’t need to console her with words, or think of some scheme to make everything alright again, she just needed to stay by Meizhuang’s side and Meizhuang would be happy.
“Huan’er.” She spoke. The time they had left together weighed on her. Her maid must have heard something by now. “Huan’er, I want to grow old in the palace with you.” Her hands were shaking in Huan’s. “I want to be left alone, and I want to care for you like you were all I had to care for. I would be alright if all I had was you.”
“Meizhuang.” Huan put her forehead against hers. “I’ll make it right. I’ll stay with you.” She raised her head and placed a soft kiss against Meizhuang’s lips, pulling away after. “We’ll be safe, together.”
“Together.” Meizhuang echoed, her lips tingling and her heart racing. She didn’t have time to think about what Huan had just done, and what she had meant by it, because the girl was already standing up and leaving her bed.
“Huan!” She called softly. “You’ll be in my heart.” She said it hastily, thinking of something heartfelt to say for their last time seeing each other in however long.
“Meimei, you have always been in mine.” And Huan carefully reentered the night, and Meizhuang was left alone once more.
She sat for a moment, and then rested her head on the pillow, facing the opening of her bed now, watching the dancing shadows in a new light. The room may have been dark now, but dawn would soon come, and then all the shadows would be taken away. She would have her bright morning soon.
Meizhuang closed her eyes, and with the feeling of Huan’s lips on hers, drifted into sleep.
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Zhen Huan darted back through the streets of the palace, her future now set for her. The Emperor was a misguided man whom she could love, but Meizhuang was the only person she would ever let have her heart.