Chapter Text
3rd November 1974
When Sirius opened his eyes that morning, he felt overwhelmed by a strange and unusual sense of happiness. Turning fifteen didn’t happen every day, and even though the house he lived in was filled with painful memories and sorrow, nothing that day could dampen his joy.
He was already looking forward to the sweet pleasure of spending time with his best friend, Remus, who always knew what to say and do to make him forget, at least for a while, his miserable existence.
He wished he could get up and wake up to the sound of Starman, but he would never dare to listen to that “vulgar and unnatural music” (courtesy of Walburga Black, ladies and gentlemen) for fear of the consequences. He had to resist, at least until that afternoon. Remus had offered his basement to celebrate, just the two of them and their favourite records.
He heard a knock at his door but didn’t have time to answer before it opened, revealing the pale face and contrite expression of his brother, Regulus.
“Get up before Mother comes to wake you in her own way.”
“Good morning Sirius, happy birthday Sirius, love you Sirius,” Sirius mimicked after Regulus left the room without even looking back. He missed Regulus, but he also knew his brother was much more like their parents than he was, a reckless rebel who constantly tried to annoy them.
Still, Sirius tried every moment of every day to get closer to him. They were supposed to be each other’s pillars, each other’s support, but instead they were constantly at war.
Sirius sighed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and getting up. He opened the window, stretched his back, and breathed in the sharp November air.
He meticulously made his bed as he had been drilled to do with countless punishments, got dressed and, before leaving, checked once, twice, and finally three times that his room was perfectly tidy. He hated that room and couldn’t wait to grow up, become an adult, and a rockstar, and to go far, far away from Grimmauld Place.
“Good morning Mother, good morning Father,” he greeted politely as he entered the dining room, where breakfast awaited him on the elegantly set table.
“Good morning, Sirius,” replied Walburga. “Happy birthday.” A tight smile flickered across her face for a few seconds before vanishing into her usual disapproving scowl.
“Thank you, Mother.” He sat down, poured himself a cup of tea, and nibbled on a delicious egg toast.
“Remember, there’s your birthday dinner tonight,” Orion reminded him from behind his newspaper. Sirius hated the dinner that was organised every year for his birthday. The whole family would gather, including his hateful cousins who tormented him at every possible occasion. Anything would be better than that torture of opulence and etiquette.
“Sirius,” Walburga growled. “Your father spoke to you and it’s polite to reply.”
“Sorry, Mother. Father, of course I remember. I’m looking forward to it.” He hoped his voice didn’t betray the sarcasm behind those words.
“If you keep being this insolent, I’ll have to punish you,” Walburga said. “And you know how much I hate punishing you.”
Sirius swallowed hard. “Sorry, Mother.”
Breakfast ended in a silence thick with tension. Regulus hadn’t uttered a word, his focus entirely on his food.
“Mother, Father, have a good day.” He turned towards the door, then remembered he needed a believable excuse for his late return. “After school I have the debate club, I might come home a bit later. Hope that’s not a problem.”
His mother scrutinised him closely, searching for any sign of a lie. Sirius had become an expert liar by now, so his expression remained perfectly neutral, almost bored.
“No problem, Sirius. Thank you for letting us know.” Sirius nodded faintly, then left the house as quickly as possible.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!” He heard Remus’ voice behind him and turned sharply, a huge smile spreading across his face.
“Moony, my Moony!” He ran to him, arms wide open, ready for one of his bone-crushing hugs.
Though Sirius was a few months older, Remus was already noticeably taller than most boys their age, with long legs and arms that gave him a slightly lanky look. His slim frame fooled everyone into thinking he was weak, but in reality, he was one of the strongest people Sirius knew. If Sirius was rebellious and impulsive, a chaotic force that crashed through everything around him, Remus was more thoughtful and calm, carrying a different book every day under his arm, but no less mischievous. He was just better than Sirius at not getting caught.
“Happy birthday, Sirius,” Remus repeated when they were close enough to speak normally. Before Sirius could reply, Remus grabbed the camera hanging around his neck and snapped a photo.
“Blimey, Moony,” he said. “You could’ve warned me, I’d have posed.”
“You’re more handsome when you’re caught by surprise.” As soon as Remus realised what he’d said, his face flushed scarlet, and Sirius barely managed to stifle a laugh.
“I’ve got the afternoon free,” Sirius said, changing the subject. “But you know I have to get home for the dreaded family dinner.” He feigned a gag.
“How did you manage to free yourself this afternoon?”
“Debate club.”
“But you’re not in the debate club.”
“That was the first excuse that came to mind,” Sirius said, shrugging. “I’ll find a way to actually join, so I can deflect any suspicion.”
“Debate club is so nerdy.”
“Speak for yourself, chess club loser who spends half his time with his nose in a novel and the other half locked in a darkroom developing God knows what photographs,” Sirius shot back, sticking his tongue out at him.
“For your information,” Remus replied calmly, “the books I read are full of mysteries and adventures, so they’re pretty cool. And you know how many girls fancy me because of my photography.” His voice trembled slightly on the last sentence. Sirius knew that although Remus wasn’t sporty or a “pretty boy”, he had an irresistible charm that drew everyone around him. He also knew this embarrassed Remus terribly, and that the only time he talked so openly about it was to tease Sirius. “Finally, chess club may be nerdy, but not as much as debate club,” he concluded.
“You’re right,” Sirius chuckled. “But what could I do? Tell them I was coming to celebrate my birthday with you, like a couple of hooligans? You know how much they hate that you and I are friends.”
“Aww, really?” Remus said, placing a hand on his heart and pretending to be deeply moved. “I’m so honoured.” Sirius gave him a shove and Remus returned it, until they were both doubled over with laughter.
“I can’t wait to grow up, run away and become a rockstar.”
“You’d forget about me.”
“That’s not true, you’d be my official photographer, always stuck with me.”
“That would be nice,” Remus whispered, perhaps thinking he wasn’t heard.
“Listen, Moony,” Sirius started after a minute of silence, nervously scratching the back of his neck. “For this afternoon…”
“Yes?”
“Well, I was wondering if…” Remus’ hazel eyes studied him closely, leaving Sirius a bundle of nerves and embarrassment. “I was wondering if I could invite Regulus and his gang too.”
“Absolutely not,” Remus said firmly. “Besides the fact they’re the most popular kids at school and a bunch of nasty snakes, they’d never come anyway. I don’t want them in my house.”
“But… Regulus is my brother.”
“I don’t care.”
“I miss him,” Sirius said, voice breaking. “I know he hates me, okay? I know maybe it’s a lost cause and not even worth getting upset about, but I can’t help it. He is and will always be my brother, and I wish he’d realise sooner or later what kind of people Walburga and Orion are. I wish one day we could get rid of them together and run away.”
“Oh, Sirius,” Remus’ voice was full of pity. Sirius hated it. “I know you’re hurting, but he and his little friends are first-class jerks.”
Sirius was about to argue and defend his brother when the latter appeared a short distance away with his gang.
“Reggie!” he exclaimed.
“Don’t you dare call me Reggie in public,” Regulus hissed, glaring at him.
“Hey, freak.” Barty Crouch Jr had addressed Remus, ignoring the two brothers completely.
“Bugger off, tosser,” Remus replied, bored, as if Barty were a fly bothering him. Barty had no time to answer before Regulus’ head snapped towards him, silently ordering him to be quiet.
“What do you want?” Regulus resumed, fixing his grey eyes on Sirius’.
“Remus is letting me use his basement this afternoon to celebrate my birthday,” Sirius said in one breath. “I was wondering if you and your… friends wanted to join.”
“Interesting,” said Regulus. “I was convinced you told Mum and Dad you had a debate club meeting.”
Sirius knew it was dangerous to admit lying to his parents, especially to Regulus, because he was perfectly capable of tattling to Walburga, and then there would be serious trouble. But he decided the risk was worth it, especially since he had an ace up his sleeve to play if things got too bad.
“You’re right, I lied,” he said with the most indifferent tone he could muster. Regulus studied him carefully.
“I’m trying to understand why you’re telling me this when you know I won’t keep your secrets.”
“Because you’re my brother and that should mean something.”
“No, you know it doesn’t.”
Sirius didn’t want to do it. “I miss you.”
“You don’t make me feel sorry for you, honestly.”
It was a cowardly move, but Sirius was desperate. He had to find a way to reconnect with his brother, to bring him back to his side. There was still time to save him. He summoned his courage. “Regulus, don’t make me do it.”
“Do what?” he teased.
“Something I don’t want to do, especially not to you.”
“I’m not making you do anything. Leave me alone.” He turned to walk away.
“I know, Regulus.” He froze, still with his back turned.
“You know nothing,” Regulus said through clenched teeth.
“I know what’s going on between you and Barty,” Sirius whispered faintly. Regulus spun around.
“You know nothing at all.”
“Let’s not fool ourselves, Reggie.”
“Don’t call me Reggie.” He took a deep breath before raising his eyes to Sirius. “Are you trying to blackmail me?”
“It’s not blackmail,” Sirius said before swallowing loudly. “I don’t want to blackmail you. I just want you to come this afternoon and I want us not to be so distant. I love you, Regulus.”
“Ugh, stop it,” Regulus spat. He was silent for several seconds, and Sirius anxiously waited to hear what he would say. A shadow darkened Regulus’ eyes and a sly smile appeared on his lips. “Okay, I’m in. This afternoon, at Lupin’s.”
“Thanks,” Sirius said before Regulus motioned to his group and quickly walked away.
“I don’t like it,” Remus said. “I don’t like this at all. This situation makes me really uneasy.”
“Me neither, but he said yes, Moony. Maybe we still have a chance.”
And Sirius truly believed it.