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Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary ~ Oscar Wilde
Reid groaned, rolling over and stretching one of his arms above his head, feeling the muscles in his shoulder and down his back shift as he did. Morning’s weren’t really his time of the day, he struggled to wake up properly when the shrill alarm went off. He hated mornings. In the summer they were too bright, sunlight streaming into his bedroom and pooling across his bed, often hitting his eyelids and waking him up. His fingers pressed into the groves of his wooden headboard, each finger stroking over a new filigree leaf worn smooth by countless mornings of the same routine.
The only thing different about this morning was that he didn’t need to force himself to sit up and push his messy hair from his face before pattering into the kitchen to make himself some coffee. As he stretched in a cat-like way, spine popping as he arched it, the smell of fresh coffee wafted into the room. He sat himself up, one shoulder going cold as the oversized sweatshirt he was wearing slid off his shoulder, exposing the pale skin.
“Mmm... “ He yawned, hand pressing over his open mouth before falling back against the pillows. Outside he could hear the birds, the dawn chorus. Now that was one thing he liked about the mornings. The quiet chirruping of the birds outside, the sing-song nature of each call.
“Mornin’ sleepy head.” A rather growly voice made Reid look over to the door frame where Morgan was leaning nonchalantly, a smile twitching the corner of his mouth. There were two cups of coffee in his hands, one in a dark mug with white letters spelling FBI on the side, the other a white mug with tan coffee lines on the side of it. “You sleep well?” Reid made a soft grunting noise in affirmation, sitting himself up again so he could accept the drink being held out to him.
“Slept better, but also slept worse.” He took a sip of the drink, humming as he did, feeling the warmth of it follow down into his stomach, warming him from the inside out.
“Slept worse when I wasn’t here huh?” Morgan teased, and Reid laughed. He stuck his tongue out playfully, the tip of it touching the surface of his coffee. He wanted to say something back, but he was too tired to think of a witty comment to snap back. Morgan gave Reid a lazy smile as he moved to the window, looking out across the small balcony and the tiny garden behind the block of flats Reid lived in.
“Apricity.” Reid finally said, coming up behind Morgan, his arms winding around his partner’s waist, chin coming to rest on his shoulder. Morgan leaned back into the gentle touch, his head tilting slightly to rest his cheek to Reid’s.
“Wassat mean?” Reid loved the fact Morgan stopped needing to ask if it was one of his favourite words, because he knew it always was. Reid knew about Morgan’s notebook, the one with the moleskine cover, full of neat blue biro writing of each word Reid said and the description. Beside words like komorebi, mamihlapinatapai and limerence were small hearts - presumably dictating they were Morgan’s favourite words. At least, the heart was the only thing there when Reid first saw the book.
If he looked at the book now, scrawled in purple on the komorebi page was a note that said ‘ makes the colour like Reid’s eyes’ and on the limerence page in lime green there was a note that read ‘ said this after our first kiss!!! ’.
“Apricity means the warmth of the sun in wintertime.”
“Like that lyric in Big Country?” Reid raised an eyebrow as he tilted his head to press kisses to Morgan’s cheek, looking out of the window with him. “Oh c’mon, you don’t know it?” Reid shook his head, squeaking as Morgan turned around and grabbed his hips, using the grip to sway him around the room.
“Morgan! What are you doing?” He laughed, wrapping his arms around his partner’s neck, Morgan pressing their lips together for a brief kiss before he began to sing.
“I’m not expecting to grow flowers in the desert, but I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime.” Reid grinned at Morgan started to sing, something he didn’t do nearly enough in Reid’s opinion. He had such a lovely voice, soft and full of tone, never a note offkey.
“I didn’t realise you were a country lover.” It was now Reid’s turn to tease and Morgan just snorted, carrying on singing, Reid humming the tune along with him, because of course he knew the song. The soft sing-a-long diffused into silence, but Morgan didn’t remove his hands from Reid’s hips. He held them there, leading his boyfriend into a slow dance conducted by the cries of the birds outside their window.
Fairy lights, fairy lights everywhere. It was Garcia’s birthday, party at Rossi’s house, and boy had they known how to impress her. Wound around the fencing of his decking were tiny white fairy lights that Reid couldn’t help but touch, admiring the way they didn’t get hot even though they’d been on for hours.
“Hey, handsome.” He looked up at the sound of Morgan’s voice, his boyfriend watching him from afar, two glasses of champagne in his hands. “We’re about to toast the technical analyst we could never had dreamed of, and I was sent to grab your daydreaming ass.” Reid blushed a little at the implication of Morgan’s words, lifting the delicate flute out of his hands.
“I was admiring the fairy lights. They’re pretty. Stop it from being so dark out here. In fact, they’re clinquant.” Morgan brushed a light kiss to Reid’s cheek, then another to the shell of his ear as he lead him back inside, both prying themselves from the other as they entered the large living room. The team didn’t know about them yet. They weren’t entirely sure they were ready for people to know. At that moment in time, the only one’s who needed to know were them and them only.
After the toast Morgan sidled up to Reid as he cut a small piece of cake in the kitchen.
“Clinquant?” Reid looked up at him, cake halfway to his mouth.
“S’an adjective.” He said quickly before taking a bite of the cake. One stemming from French origin as well. He liked French. It had a flow to it that other languages he found struggled to have. A flow that he could sit and read in, or listen to, for hours upon end. Morgan waited patiently for Reid to finish the cake in his mouth, checking over his shoulder before reaching up to brush some icing off the corner of his mouth, licking it off his own thumb. “Means glittering, or tinsel-like.” Morgan’s face changed to an expression of ‘ oh, I see ’ as he moved a little closer, closer than normal friends would stand. Close enough that they could lean in and kiss if they wanted.
“Hey, you two. We’re about to sit and watch some goofy movies, you in?” Rossi’s voice made Reid lift his chin, looking over Morgan’s shoulder to nod at his boss, who fired him a quick wink before leaving again. What Rossi saw, or didn’t see, wasn’t up to him. Whatever he did see though, he didn’t mention. Not even when Morgan spend 20 minutes throwing popcorn into Reid’s mouth.
Moonlight was spilling into Reid’s living room. He sat in the milky darkness, chin resting on his knees as a single tear rolled down his cheek. It wasn’t the dark that was making him upset, the moonlight was enough to placate the fear, plus there was a lamp within arm’s reach. No, it was the deep and unsettling feeling that something was wrong. What upset him the most about the feeling was that he couldn’t explain it. He couldn’t tell someone what was wrong, because nothing was. They’d just finished a case, only three victims where they could have lost a whole building full of people. A resounding success. Morgan was asleep in his bed, one arm under the pillow, the covers twisted around his waist like usual. They hadn’t argued, they weren’t even stressed out about people at work finding out about the relationship. There was no reason for Reid to be sitting on his couch crying at three in the morning, but he was.
He ducked his head, hiding his face from the rest of the room as if an audience was watching him, long shadowy fingers reaching through the darkness to point, their scratchy voices reaching his ears. Their laughter made him start to shake and his hand flashed out, fumbling with the light switch for 2.56 seconds (too long) before the room was bathed in a warm glow. He let out an inaudible sigh and relax into the cushion, free hand now twisting itself into the corner of a crochet blanket on the floor. He dragged the navy blue blanket up and over himself, letting the tears fall freely down his face without even a hint of a sniffle for fear of waking Morgan up.
Too late for that.
“Reid?” The voice of his lover made the uneasy feeling in his stomach shrink and he moved, resting his chin on the back of the sofa like a lost puppy, waiting for the other man to appear in the doorway. “Hey there cutie, what’re you doin’ in here ‘nd not snuggled in bed with me?” His voice was gruff, eyes squinting against the light of the lamp that was much brighter than the night light in Reid’s room.
“Nothin’.” He tried to say, but his voice broke easily, the following sniff too loud. Morgan had heard.
“Hey woah now, what’s going on Spence?” Ah, there he goes again with the whole first name thing.
“I don’t know.” Honesty, noun, the quality of being honest. If there was anyone in the whole world that Reid knew he could be honest with, it was Morgan, a man who was more broken than he would ever dream of letting on. Morgan’s pace quickened, coming around the couch to draw Reid into his arms, cradling the young genius to his chest.
“It’s gonna be okay, I’ve got you.” Reid let his eyes close, wracking his brain for something intelligent to say that wouldn’t turn into a sob.
“Shinobi naku. Japanese verb for shedding silent tears so no one knows you’re crying.” He finally decided on, mainly because he felt Morgan’s thumb on his cheek, wiping away the now cold tears, replacing them with his warm palm, fingers tucking Reid’s hair behind his ear.
“Well you don’t need to be silent, not with me here. If you don’t know why you’re upset, then you don’t, and that’s okay. You can’t always know everything kid. Just know I’m here for you, no matter what.”
Reid nodded, keeping himself curled up close to the security that was Morgan, only becoming less tense when he started to fall asleep again under the blue blanket around his shoulders.
There were bubbles floating around the living room, a smile on Reid’s face that could contest the sun itself. It was raining outside, and Reid had come back from work in a right foul mood due to the closure of the last case. He felt as if he’d done something wrong, that if he’d gotten into that living room seconds before hand he might have been able to save the poor girl from having her brains blown out, the last image in her mind a man with an FBI vest on telling her she would be okay. Reid hated lying. Morgan had sat him down with a green tea, telling him to wait a minute before bringing out the bubble mixture, knowing they would bring a smile to his face, and he had never been right. A bubble bounced through the air, popping on Reid’s nose and he honest to god giggled as it did. Morgan was sat cross legged in front of him, hands itching to touch his boyfriend, but he didn’t want to drag him from the reverie he was in. The giggle did it for him though, finally snapping, grabbing Reid and pulling him into his lap.
“You’re. Too. Cute.” He said, punctuating each word with a kiss, each one making the dusting of pink on Reid’s cheeks head more towards scarlet and less a delicate carnation colour.
“Heimat.” Reid blurted out without thinking. He saw the way the light changed in Morgan’s eyes. His boyfriend stopped needing to ask for the definition of a word, he just needed to wait for Reid to explain. Heimat wasn’t a ‘thing’ per say, but then again, none of his favourite words were ‘things’. They were feelings, emotions that needed poems to summarise them, some in haikus and some in page long ballard. People could write novels on these, best sellers that’d fly off shelves and end up dog eared by the floor of someone’s bed. Reid wasn’t much of a writer, but with Morgan the feeling of heimat came so strongly to life he felt like he could put pen to paper. He felt if he did, and he wrote down the way he felt and published it, it would end up with soft, beaten spines and pages that didn’t quite lay flat anymore from excessive reading.
He couldn’t feel it anywhere but here. Anywhere where he couldn’t feel the heat of Morgan’s touch, or see the rich chocolate of his eyes, or the way his blush would darken his cheeks. When he was away he longed for the feeling of those arms around him and those perfect lips on his forehead, temple, or cheek. No matter where he was - hotel room, Rossi’s kitchen, Morgan’s office, or right there in his living room, Morgan was heimat.
“I lost you to that IQ of yours?” Morgan pressed another quick kiss to Reid’s nose and he laughed softly.
“Heimat is a German noun. It means a place that you could call ‘home’ - including a sense of… of belonging, acceptance and safety. It… it reminds me of you.” If he had had anything else to say, it would have been muffled against the kiss Morgan was now pressing to his lips.
Everyone else knew of course. Garcia could tell instantly from the way Morgan no longer had long looks that were directed at Reid, looks that made his eyes look sad and wistful. The day after their kiss she could see the permanent smile on his face and it all just clicked into place. She didn’t say anything though; it was up to them to make that choice. Garcia was JJ’s first point of call when she noticed. She saw the way Morgan touched Reid’s lower back, and the way his fingers lingered for a few extra seconds when he should have pulled away instantly. She also saw the way Reid’s hand stayed on Morgan’s bicep, all the pieces coming together in her head in such a way that she basically sprinted to Garcia’s office. Rossi knew from the moment he caught them in the kitchen, Hotch from a time he saw Morgan press a secret kiss into Reid’s hair, one that no one but he saw. He kept it quiet, smiling later when he was alone in his office at the thought. Prentiss was last to notice, and even she only noticed because of the cup of coffee and a sticky note (reading ‘ have a good day cutie ’) with Morgan’s handwriting on placed in the centre of Reid’s desk.
Reid knew everyone else knew. He loved the way they would turn away from him and Morgan so they could share a few extra seconds, or the way Hotch kept ‘accidentally’ not booking enough hotel rooms, so Morgan and Reid needed to share.
“Mokita.” He said one morning when everyone was sharing breakfast around the round table. Morgan thought this was something he might need to explain to the others, because they weren’t used to Reid’s sudden outbursts of random ‘Good Words’ as they’d come to refer to them as. Hotch just glanced over at him with a questionable look on his face, and Rossi tucked hand under his chin, obviously listening. The three girls just stopped their conversation to look at him, each waiting for him to speak.
“Yes, Reid?” Rossi was the one to break the silence, and everyone saw the gentle smile on Reid’s face.
“Mokita; noun. It comes from the Kilivila language, spoken in Kiriwina, which is the largest of the Papua New Guinean Trobriand Islands.” Rossi hummed, taking another bite of his bagel, chewing slowly as he waited for Reid to carry on. Morgan recognised the silent patience in the room, Reid did this to everyone. Just spouted a Good Word at an occasion where he deemed appropriate.
“What does it mean?” Hotch took a mouthful of his coffee, not looking at Reid, instead at his phone, but he wasn’t paying the screen his full attention.
“It’s something known by everyone but never discussed openly. The truth we all know about, but agree not to talk about.” As he spoke, he slipped his hand into Morgan’s, giving it a little squeeze. “I think we all know what I’m referring to.” A chuckle started from Hotch and spread around the table till everyone was laughing, Reid leaning on Morgan’s side.
After work Reid was heading to his car alone when he heard Morgan calling his name. He turned around, waving to his boyfriend, who jogged over, both arms wrapping around him.
“Of course you had a Good Word for earlier.” Reid just flushed, ducking his head so his hair would fall into his face. “Hey, no, none of that hiding from me. Bring them lips here so I can kiss ‘em.” Red couldn’t turn Morgan down and they shared a few sweet kisses before Morgan’s lips moved in the shape of words.
“What was that?” Reid asked, pressing their foreheads together, ignoring the way their noses bumped against the others.
“I said I love you.” Reid stopped, tongue flicking out to wet his lips before he thought about responding.
“I love you too.”
Reid might know a lot of ‘Good Words’ but those three? Those three were his favourite.
Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you ~ Loretta Young