Work Text:
Willow found the first letter while she was tidying her little house, getting rid of all the clutter that had built up after weeks of research. At first, she’d almost thrown it away thinking it was just a scrap of paper she’d scribbled on. But then she read the top line, and recognized the handwriting.
My darling Willow.
The words left a feeling in the pit of her stomach that she hadn’t felt in years. And now, sitting at her desk in her messy office, she couldn’t bring herself to read the rest of it. Books and scrolls were scattered across the space; some simple, and some she probably shouldn’t have just lying around. She made a mental note to hand those over to Gale when she next saw him. Willow organized the space in front of her, pretending not to notice the sheet of paper that was practically screaming at her.
At first, she’d kept herself busy. Housework, paperwork, any kind of work she could find. Then, she thought about going for a walk. Baldur’s Gate was remarkably safer now, even though she always found herself looking over her shoulder for signs of danger. When Willow had done all those things, the only damned thing left to do was to sit on her couch and think. She thought of her friends, how it had been too long since she’d seen them. She thought that she ought to start redecorating. Anything that would keep her from thinking of him.
But even that didn’t work. And a few hours later she found herself staring down at the note, itching to pick it up.
How bad could it be? Maybe he’d only written her a note to make sure she wouldn’t forget something, or a list of things she’d had to buy from Sorcerous Sundries all those years ago. If he’d known that she was sitting here jumping to conclusions over something as simple as a letter he’d be laughing at her.
She missed that laugh.
She took a deep breath, held the letter in her hands and began reading.
My darling Willow,
Chances are you’ll never read this. You lose things faster than anyone I’ve ever met, and I love you for it. And if this letter does finally make into your hands, you’d better tell me. At the time of writing this, we’ve already been through so much it’s hard to believe it. We’ve fought goblins, hags, a fair amount of crazy people, and things I could have never imagined I’d see in real life. We saved our friends, countless strangers and managed to stay (mostly) alive while doing it. I’ve never thought of myself as the hero type, but I suppose you made me want to be one.
We’re still a ways away from completing our adventure, and although it’s nice to think about what happens after all this, I know we don’t have the luxury of taking it easy right now. I hope you forgive me for being a little sentimental, just this once.
Tomorrow, we’re going to kill Cazador. The thought of a reality where Cazador no longer exists feels impossible. But before I met you, everything felt impossible. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I don’t know if we’ll finally beat him, or if we’ll lose everything. But I do know one thing. As I watch you read your silly little romance book Shadowheart leant you, I know that I only want one thing. Peace. With you. After everything we’ve been through, having a life with you would be the greatest reward I could ever ask for.
After 200 years of pain, you made me want to live again. For that I will always be grateful.
Yours,
Astarion
Willow stared blankly at the page, numbness spreading through her like a curse. There was no room for tears. She had wasted too many tears on him already.
How could she have gone so long without finding this? It had been four years since they’d fought Cazador and won, and only three since they had gone their separate ways. He’d claimed they weren’t good for each other. That after everything that had happened, it was better if they all moved on. How could the Astarion she’d argued with that day be the same one who had written her this letter?
Five hours and a whole bottle of wine later, Willow was prepared to erase the entire day from her memory. His words haunted her, circling around in her thoughts like spirits that refused to go away. She’d let all of her thoughts of him take over.
She highly doubted he was still in Baldur’s Gate. The first few months of adjusting after battling Elder Brain had been difficult, even for her. She could barely convince him to stay in the city when they were together. If he were still here, she would have seen him by now. Though she wouldn’t blame him if he was going out of his way to avoid her. She wondered how he was doing, if he kept in contact with the others. Tears pricked at her eyes, and she blinked them away before they spilled. She told herself it didn’t matter now. What’s done was done. There was no use mulling over the past. The next day would be a fresh start, like she’d never found the letter at all.
Willow had made her peace with that, until she spotted a loose piece of paper sticking out of that romance book.
Of course he did, she thought. Of course he would leave something written in that book. She hadn’t touched it since she’d moved in.
With shaking hands, she opened it, revealing another handwritten letter from the man she’d loved.
Willow,
Part of me hopes you never read this, but if you are then that means I’m not with you.
It means that I ruined everything.
I’m sorry. For wasting your time and for ever believing that we had a shot at forever.
But gods, I wanted forever.
Astarion