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Clove felt so small, he hated it.
He hated when this happened, when he would slip into that airy space of mind whenever he was too stressed or overwhelmed.
He had only told one person about it, Cassidy. He was the only one who knew more than the most base level knowledge about him, the only one he trusted.
But even then he struggled to tell him, only providing brief explanation before walking away quickly, red dusting his face.
So logically when he felt himself slipping he acted as if everything was normal, surrounded by his peers wasn’t a time to be vulnerable.
It’s fine it was almost the end of the day! Just this period, then gym… oh god gym.
He stared aimlessly at his paper, stuck in a frozen state as he tried to think, he couldn’t, the words flew from his mind.
Eventually he gave up, folding up the paper and walking up to the teacher’s desk, he didn’t want to use how the teacher’s pitied him but he could barely even think about the questions, no less answer them.
He put the folded paper on the desk, she looked at it confused, pointing over to the turn in tray.
“Can I please finish this tomorrow? I just- I just can’t.” Clove’s voice was barely above a breath, hating how shaky he sounded.
The teacher looked at him, concerned, she sighed and just nodded, taking the paper and putting it in a desk drawer.
He walked back over to his desk, looking down at the beige colored surface blankly, hoping that he would be able to hide in the bathroom for the rest of the day without anyone bother him.
And of course as soon as he thought this he felt someone tap his shoulder, looking to the side he saw Cassidy, frowning slightly.
“You alright dude? You seem… a bit spacey…” He whispered, clearly having spotted how odd Clove was being.
He waited a second before responding with a simple “I’m ‘kay…”
The second the words escaped his mouth he was begging the gods above to make it so Cassidy didn’t hear him.
His normal tone of voice is at least an octave lower and he never talks like that. He always speaks with the grammar of an English literary professor.
Cassidy only responded with an expression mixed of confusion and concern, hesitantly going back to his paper.
After what felt like only a second of staring he heard the bell go off, making him jump in his seat, the chatter of his classmates along with the sounds people talking even louder as they crowded into the hallways only made him slip further.
He waited till everyone had left the room until he got up, not wanting to deal with the unnecessary contact as people flooded out from the room.
Noticing Cassidy was still there in the room he only put his palm out in a small wave before hurriedly leaving.
Clove immediately went to the employee bathroom in the basement, it was the only place teachers or students didn’t go, it was too out of reach for the teachers and most of the students just used the normal bathrooms.
He didn’t even bother flicking the light on, shutting the door behind him and locking it before letting himself sink to the ground.
He looked in his bag for a moment, he turned on his reading light to see better and pulled out an old giraffe plush, he hid it deep in his bag out of shame, but it was the only thing he had to cope with when he slipped into his current state of mind.
He held it to his chest and pressed his nose into it, it smelled of roses and incense, relaxing him instantly.
When he realized his thumb was in his mouth he pulled it out as if it was poisonous, blood rushing to his face.
Knock knock
Clove didn’t respond, he hoped the person on the other side of the door would just think the bathroom was out of order.
“Yo dude! I got some of those weird like chalky candies you like! I know you’re in there so don’t make me look crazy!” He heard Cassidy chuckle from behind the door.
He still didn’t say anything, but he quickly shuffled to put the plush away before opening the door just a bit.
Cassidy waved with a big smile, his ears perked up and his eyes starry.
He didn’t want to let him in, he didn’t want him to see him like this, but there wasn’t a way he could do that without him getting even more worried so he opened the door.
Cassidy practically skipped into the room but when his hand went to the light switch Clove snatched it as if he were about to touch a burning stove.
“Hey! What was that for?” He exclaimed, only a quarter with annoyance and the rest with concern.
“Sorry, sorry… lights just…” He trailed off into a frustrated hum, trying not to fall back to the floor.
Cassidy sighed softly patting him on the shoulder which made him jump, receiving another concerned look from him.
“I get it man, overwhelmed? Tired? Or something else?” He asked as he sat on the floor, gesturing Clove to do the same.
He sunk to the floor once more, clenching his thumbs in his fists. “It’s different.”
Hesitating for a moment, he continued. “Remember when I told you that sometimes I get really spacey and I float into that sort of airy space in my head?”
“Yeah you told me about it at 100 words a minute and then walked away like I heard it.” Cassidy teased in response.
Clove did not catch the hint. “Well I think that happened, everything feels like too much and I feel so small compared to everything.”
He tilted his head, narrowing his eyes. “I could be wrong but I think that’s like, regression, like when you feel younger than you are?”
“No.”
“What do you mean no? Are you saying you don’t or are you saying that’s not what it is.”
Clove only shook his head, trying not to let his mask slip.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You went through bad shit and now you find ways to deal with it!” He spoke reassuringly, offering Clove a sleeve of chalky wafer like candies.
He took them, humming as he opened the package. “I hate when I get like this…” he murmured.
“Is it my place to ask why?”
“I feel like it’s… embarrassing. For some reason when I see that other people do it it’s normal but I feel like… like I’m not allowed to? If that makes sense.”
Cassidy thought for a moment, trying to rack his brain on what he could do.
“Do you think there’s anything I could do to make you feel less embarrassed about it?”
Clove popped a candy wafer in his mouth, hesitating for a moment before practically laying himself across his friends lap, his head resting against his thigh.
“Just be here.” He tried not to cringe at his words but he knew they were a bit cheesy, didn’t mean they weren’t true though.
He felt a tender hand run through his hair, gently petting his ears, it felt really nice to be cared for like this. Why did he avoid it so much?
“How little are you feeling?” Cassidy asked gently, trying not to make him retreat back into acting big.
Clove tilted his head, looking up at his friend with a confused expression.
“I’m 6’2… I guess?”
He tried to hold back but he couldn’t help but chuckle at the response.
“No dude, I mean age. What age have you regressed to?” He spoke with a reassuring smile.
“Oh.” His cheeks burned red as he stalled to answer.
“Do I have to answer that?”
“You don’t have to but it certainly would help!”
After a dragged out moment of silence he barely whispered a response.
“Around 8…”
“Good to know! Is there anything that usually helps you when you’re little?” His fingers traced stars on his back, melting the tension from his muscles gradually.
As much as Clove wanted to run away and never talk about this again his tail was wagging like it had a vendetta against him and he felt… nice, safe even, it had been a while since he felt like this.
His eyes darted to his bag and back to the floor, which Cassidy took note of, grabbing the bag and unzipping it, trying not to coo as he saw the stuffed animal.
Picking it up he handed it to the boy in his lap, a soft smile on his face.
“Don’t be embarrassed just because I’m here. I want you to do what makes you the most comfortable.”
He took the stuffed animal gingerly, holding it to his chest as he tried to ease the heavy sense shame and embarrassment that continuously laid upon his chest.
“You wanna skip gym and stay here instead, bub?” Cassidy wasn’t sure if calling him bub would come off the right way. He didn’t know much about regressing; all he was hoping was that Clove didn’t feel awkward.
Luckily he didn’t, hiding his small smile with the stuffed giraffe. “Yes please.”
“Cool! I got my laptop in my bag if you just wanna sit and watch cartoons till the bell rings?”
Clove hummed indifferently, he wasn’t opposed to the idea, but the hard tile floor of the bathroom was a bit uncomfortable.
“Orrr, we could hop in your car and I could drive you home and we could watch cartoons in your bed.” He proposed, hoping to get him more access to items of comfort.
“Please…” He murmured, being in bed in his pajamas under the blankets sounded so nice compared to the fluorescent lighting and cold air of the school building.
“Alrighty! Well let’s go out of the basement exit so we don’t get caught by any teachers.” He spoke as he stood up, brushing the nonexistent dust off of him.
Clove moved to put his stuffed animal and candy in his bag, standing up on unsteady legs.
He gently grabbed his hand and lead him to a set of stairs leading to a door, after pushing them open after some effort they scurried to the parking lot.
Once in the car Cassidy turned on some music, while Clove’s relaxing ambient music wasn’t his taste, he knew it made him feel calm.
He drove the speed limit, he didn’t have a license and he didn’t want anyone else to notice that.
After successfully not drawing the attention of the cops they made it to Clove’s annoyingly nice house, or what he liked to call it, ‘The Berri Estate’.
As much as he loved him, his friend was rich. Not like he got much choice in the matter when he was adopted but, he was annoying rich, rich enough to have a room the size of the trailer that Cassidy lived in.
Walking into the room only proved his point, silk sheets, a canopy, an en suite, a walk in closet, you name it he had it.
But he had to admit, it made him a little jealous, it’s not like Clove didn’t spoil him, all he had to do was pick something up for a few seconds and he already added it to the cart, he just…didn’t think it was fair.
But that wasn’t what he was focused on! He needed to take care of him.
Looking over at him he saw him gathering clothes from the end of the bed, stepping into the bathroom and coming out in a pair of light green pajamas.
Cassidy practically tore off his jacket, kicking his shoes off and diving into the bed. Clove followed much less energetically.
Reaching for the remote, he turned on a video essay, he knew he wouldn’t pay much attention to it either way but the background noise was nice.
He tried to resist the urge to huddle underneath the blankets but he felt so cold, and with another person there it was so much warmer beneath the blankets.
Feeling a pair of arms wrap around him Cassidy couldn’t help but smile, moving his hand down to pet Cloves head.
“Thank you for being here…”
“Thank you for trusting me enough to let me be here.”