Chapter Text
I thought silence was my best friend—it used to be comforting.
Every day was a battle.
Every day was a struggle.
My thoughts were running wild all the time,
and I wanted nothing more than silent.
In silence, I found peace.
I was alone my whole life.
No one to fondle me when I was down,
no one to fix me when I was a mess.
Just me and my chaotic mind,
trying my best to find a place I belong to,
while clinging to the little sanity I had left.
And then he came.
He filled a void inside of me.
A gaping hole in my heart.
At first, I was reluctant.
What if he was just a phase?
What if he was just playing with my feelings?
What if he left me just like everybody else?
But then—to my surprise—he stayed.
He learned all my fears,
knew all my secrets,
discover all my insecurities,
and he still stayed.
Unfortunately, it was not for long.
Everything felt like a blur.
One moment, I was laying my head comfortably on his chest,
listening closely to the slow beat of his heart,
laughing happily while my fingers twirled around his unkempt hair.
I thought to myself, maybe forever was not too long.
Maybe I wanted to live an eternity with him—the love of my life.
But, as always, fate had other plans.
Before I knew it, he was gone.
Life is unfair, isn’t it?
I was living in hell my whole life.
Darkness was all I saw.
But then, a dot of light appeared into my life.
Soon, it grew bigger and bigger,
and my life became bright.
I thought it was what I deserved after enduring everything the world threw at me.
I was mistaken.
Turned out, it was all merely a glimpse of utopia.
A utopia I don’t belong in.
It broke me.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
The grief, the sorrow, the anger.
The pain.
It hurt so bad. I couldn’t take it anymore.
I wanted it all to end.
…
…
…
Why do I love him, you ask?
Is it his tender heart?
His contagious laugh?
His delicate touch?
His burning passion?
To tell you the truth,
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
But do I even need a reason?
To love and to be loved.
It is something I desire most in this world.
To find someone I can call home?
That’s a dream came true.
Truly, I want nothing more than that.
I found that “someone” in Jo.
He was the one I could call my home .
My rock.
My sun and my stars.
With him, I felt safe.
With him, I could fully be myself.
Was I too attached to him?
Possibly.
But could you blame me?
After all, I finally had someone I could depend on.
Someone I could trust.
He loved me for everything that I was.
Everything .
I couldn’t ask for anything more.
So what reason do I need?
To love him wholeheartedly,
despite all his flaws and lacking?
It was the least I could do.
With him, I was the happiest girl in the world.
If only it wasn’t so short-lived.
I envy you,
those who could move on quickly,
those who could find another partner easily.
I wish I could be like that.
Years into our marriage, I was in love not because I wanted to.
He had become a part of my existence.
The missing piece that completed me.
Two had become one.
Unseparated.
Until death do us part, we said, but I refuse.
I would not stop for death.
I would not accept this fate.
I would not lose him when I know for sure he was—is—all that I want.
In every life, I would find him.
In every universe, I would choose him.
If you ask me how much I would sacrifice to be with my beloved?
I would sacrifice everything .
And if I have to die ten thousand times, then so be it.
I would gladly smile in the face of Death—every single time,
if it means I have the chance to live one lifetime with him.