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“promise me you'll be there, alright?”
“the last time we were supposed to go to dreamflux reef, you didn't show up. you missed the rare display of my dj skills! i really wish you could've seen it, haha.”
“but honestly, this place isn't so bad. it's peaceful here and the view of the grand theater looks beautiful too, like a beacon of light. the golden hour is also reflected on its skies.”
“i just think this is a nice place to get away from the limelight and the buzz of the media. you'd definitely like it here.”
as you enter the dreamscape, you remember robin’s text messages to you. you wanted to tell her that she didn't need to go through lengths to convince you because regardless, you're going to be there for her, but you let her talk. it was rare to see her so fond of something and you hope that as you associate the place with her, you'll forget the reason why you didn't want to go here back then.
when you opened your eyes, the first sight you saw was the sky she talked about. so this is the place i'm looking at when i gaze up at the sky in the golden hour…
you blink once, getting back on track. you're not here to sightsee, you're here to accompany robin as she summons a servant for the holy grail war. frankly, you had no interest in this event because you believe it would just bring harm rather than good and that only old oti would benefit from this, but you are interested in seeing what kind of servant robin would summon and how she would be as a master.
you begin looking around the place to decide which direction to go to find her. as you walk around, you notice how empty the place is despite how the stalls and small shops are lit up. as much as you didn't want to break the comforting silence, you had to find robin, so you called out to her. you called her name and even called out to locals, but all you were met with was quietness and found not a single trace of someone being here.
you start to feel tired, so you stopped walking and just stood by the railing in front of the elevator. a sense of helplessness settled in a corner of your heart and questions like: what if something happened to robin? what if i entered a different version of dreamflux reef and am stuck here? swirl your mind, but with an exhale, they quiet down gradually and finally disappear as robin's words came back to you — you could really use more moments like this.
you feel like you're drifting across space. it's just you, the stars, and the buildings above you that are as myriad as the galaxies you remember passing by in your travels for work.
「 have you no sense of time? the holy grail war is coming to an end and this miss robin you're looking for is no longer here. 」
you thought things would be like this forever, but peace is ephemeral as always. the voice that spoke to you sounded familiar, but you didn't look at them right away. that sense of helplessness found its way back to your heart again.
『 i… had duties to fulfill and i thought that the start of the event was scheduled for later. 』
so the war is ending, so much for trying to finish work quickly… but maybe something must've happened for it to start much earlier? you mused, completely forgetting the presence of the other person.
「 you weren't invited, huh? a shame, i think you would've been a better master for me than that rascal from the ipc. 」
『 have… you two been eliminated? why are you still here, then? are the two of you scheming something to turn the war around and win it? is that why dreamflux reef became like this? 』
you try to say calmly, but you couldn't help the hostility from showing in your voice. with the rush of adrenaline, you turn around to face the mysterious servant that approached you, only for your breath to be caught in your throat once they came into view.
「 don't worry, i don't mean any harm. i've already done my part, now i'm just trying to enjoy the little time i have left in this world. 」
there was a wistful smile on his face. what is he talking about…? he seems to be saying something, but you couldn't hear it. you managed to avoid him once, but of course you wouldn't be able to avoid him forever. you can't just run from your fears after all nor from the truth that follows you like a shadow. he stopped talking, an unfitting concern now expressed on his face.
「 uh, are you okay…? 」
『 yes, i just… didn't expect you to be here. 』
you finally respond and you immediately looked away, looking back at the sky, at the grand theater from afar. you can feel your heart pounding inside your chest, how your fingers begin to fidget, and how your lips quiver ever so slightly. breathe, it'll be okay. stay calm, you'll be fine. it will all end soon, it will all be okay...
you try to hold onto these words and believe in them, but they just pass by you like the wind, bearing no weight to ground you down.
「 ah, i see how this is. i'm not exactly that person you're talking about, you can say i'm possessing him. no need to be so ruffled! 」
you don't know how to react to that nor how to feel about that because no matter who this person is in front of you, as long as they have his face, you won't ever know what to do or say. nothing you do just feels right or enough when it comes to him. you sigh inward, you have to move the conversation forward or else it won't end.
『 so, what are you doing here? why did you approach me? 』
you hesitantly turn to face him again. you remember robin mentioning that the servants that will be summoned for this event are historical figures. though you don't know who he is, you still have to show respect and treat him accordingly, so you offer him a small, but courteous smile.
「 from the little bit i managed to see of the theme park, i can tell that this planet has changed a lot and i was right. it's so unrecognizable now, but it still has the feeling and charm that makes it penacony. as for why i approached you… well, i saw your face a lot around the dreamscape, so when i found you here, i couldn't help but approach you. 」
『 i see… i may not know who you are in penacony's history, but on behalf of the iris family, i thank you for all that you've done and given to this world. albeit brief, i hope that you were able to find happiness in your return to this world. 』
you gave him a half-hearted close-eyed smile. you hope that this would finally end the conversation and he'd go back to seeing the dreamscape, having been reminded that his time is limited, but no.
「 haha, if you knew who i was, you wouldn't say that, but thank you anyway... you're interesting, you know? i saw a magazine that reported on an interview of yours and the way you answer is so calculated, yet it still came across as somewhat genuine. you want to connect with the world, but you hesitate, just like right now. you carry yourself with dignity, you're confident, but at the same time, you're fragile and doubtful of yourself. what really drew my attention to you is that air of sadness around you, it's like the one i usually see on an old friend of mine. you being from the iris family makes my comparison even more fitting! you two are so similar… both of you radiant flowers carry not only your own hope, but of the people as well, like a light that guides and inspires the world to dream. despite that, you fall and sink into the abyss, where reality crushes your resolve and strips you away of your beauty. 」
you've tried to keep a neutral and polite expression, but you can't stop yourself from frowning now. you know the person in front of you isn't him, but the servant said these words in his voice. it hurts. what is he trying to say anyway? even though his compliments were followed up by the different dilemmas you're facing, you didn't mind them. you appreciated being able to know how your character is like to others, so you can use it to work on yourself, but then it took an unexpected and cruel turn. is this what you get from running away from the truth? instinctively, you look down and place a hand on your arm.
「 no- don't get me wrong… 」
he started with a slight panic and you looked up.
「 but unlike her... at least you live in a different era. it may not be perfect, but it's much kinder than the one we lived in. there is finally peace here, let yourself feel it and i know that one day, your dreams will come true and your radiance will never wither away. that's what i wanted to say…. i’m sorry if i hurt you. 」
he laughed sheepishly and you smiled hopelessly. if only that really is the case… but in a way your dream did come true, no? it may not be him, but at least you were able to hear his voice acknowledge and praise you. you can live with that. this is fine actually, this is enough already… you were about to thank him, but the next second robbed you not only of your ability to speak, but to breathe as well.
he had pulled you into an embrace, one that is full of affection when the two of you are just strangers to each other... perhaps he's seeing you as that old friend he spoke so highly of earlier, the same way you're seeing him as reca, the owner of this body. you hug him back, letting yourself close your eyes and melt into the embrace. it's okay to pretend that this is really him, right? you do it everyday, you do it for a living, can't you do it for yourself just this once?
「 got you. 」
he chuckled, but there was a subtle change in his tone that made you realize that it wasn't the servant anymore.
『 no… what happened? 』
「 his time is finished, so here i am. the real one. 」
you held him loosely now, you don't know what to do. you frown a bit with how warm your cheeks have gotten. you don't want him to hear the beating of your heart, but he held you tighter.
「 don't worry, it's okay. 」
it's okay, huh? if he's the one who says it, you can believe it. “it's okay” means a thousand things to you right now. it's okay, he says, so you embrace him with all your might, hoping that your feelings will finally reach him.
『 then… is it okay if i stay with you from now on? is it okay if i always want to be with you? 』
you say lightly, just loud enough for him to hear. no one else deserves to know the love and longing in your heart other than the person you've always desired. no one else deserves to see this side of you but him, in fear of the world separating the two of you and taking him away from you. you want him to be a secret — something far away from the reach of others, something that's only for you.
「 it has always been okay. i'm sorry if i never made it clear enough, i'm sorry that i never faced you properly. i… believed that things like love and companionship were beyond me and out of reach, but every time we meet, you prove me wrong. but i wasn't ready, i was afraid, but what made me even more afraid was the first time you didn't take the chance to meet me. i thought that i was losing you, that you were finally tired of me… i- i should be the one asking you if it's okay… i've made you wait and even hurt you. 」
you really want to see the expression on his face right now, but his grip around you was strong, you couldn't pull yourself away. you smile a little, embarrassed, upon realizing that you didn't have to worry about anything and that it was also unfair of you to assume things about him. you understand where he's coming from really, there was once a time when you felt like that, but the people around you helped you overcome it and now, you want to be the one who helps him overcome this feeling too.
『 …it's okay, i still love you anyway. it's true that there is no perfect love, but… i hope you can find it with me. 』
he exhaled, an invisible weight seemingly taken off his shoulders.
「 if it's with you, i'm certain i can find it. 」