Work Text:
1
Jonny’s got a headache.
It’s the shit end of a shit day at the ass end of a shit week. And, to put the icing on the cherry on top, the freeway was a nightmare and he’s having to take surface streets home. Which means he’s stuck in traffic, creeping along Ogden, still at least fifteen minutes from his condo.
He managed to squeak through the last light but he’s been stuck in front of a car wash so synonymous with misogyny and sexism that the owner - whose name is apparently actually Alan - named it “Bob’s Suds” so people would, inevitably, spraypaint an extra “O” on his sign. Jackass. Because who doesn’t want to layer sexism on top of hurting the environment? Not Bob, apparently, is the answer to that ageless question.
So, now Jonny’s tired, angry, in pain, and basically parked in front of a local embarrassment that wastes water and only employs women willing to work in bikinis and hot pants.
Ugh.
He glances over, furious, fighting the urge to glare at the scantily clad women who are surely standing by the sidewalk, beckoning sexist pigs into the car wash line, when he does a double-take. Because there is a gorgeous blond standing on the sidewalk, looking as pissy as Jonny feels, hip cocked, soaking wet, and wearing a crop top. But it’s not a woman.
Jonny shakes his head to clear it - is that - is there a man in Daisy Duke cut-offs holding the “Come In To B(o)ob’s!” sign?
The guy meets Jonny’s eyes as he rolls to a stop next to him. And if he wasn’t so hot, it wouldn’t be so surreal. The guy gives Jonny's car the once over and sneers at him, and Jonny looks away, blushing.
The car in front of Jonny starts moving, and Jonny’s never been more grateful for a green light in his life. He sneaks a look at the man in his rearview mirror, and he’s still glaring at him, so Jonny concentrates on putting as much distance between them as he can. As the road curves away, he looks back one last time and sees the man turn away, lifting his sign, but his shoulders seem to droop a little, and Jonny suddenly wants to turn the car around.
***
2
On Sunday morning, it’s pouring rain and Jonny knows no one will be getting their car washed, but his errands send him near that corner of Ogden, and when he drives by Bob’s, he glances over at the empty parking lot.
There’s no hot blond out front but Jonny spots him in the office, sitting with a brunette who's talking animatedly, and whatever she’s saying makes him laugh suddenly. The guy’s huge dimples are visible even from thirty feet away, and when he responds, she frowns and punches him in the arm. The guy shrugs and rubs his arm but he’s still grinning, and when he looks out the window, he meets Jonny’s eyes.
Jonny waves like the dumb ass he apparently is. The guy’s smile wavers a little before turning sheepish as he waves back. They hang suspended, hands raised, for a long moment until the guy spasms and turns back to the girl, who’s tickling him and trying to peer around him at Jonny. He bats at her hand, his cheeks pink.
He doesn’t look back over at him but Jonny still smiles all the way home.
***
3
Monday, for no good reason since it’s the opposite of his usual route, Jonny finds himself driving by Bob’s in the morning on the way to work. It’s open but there’s no sign of anyone inside or out, and Jonny frowns, annoyed at himself for being disappointed. He spends the rest of his commute in a foul mood which hasn’t improved when he’s on the way home, rolling to a stop in front of Bob’s. Jonny glances over, unable to resist the siren call of the hot guy he’s evidently now scheduling his commute around.
Sure enough the man is out front, except this time he’s not holding the sandwich board. This time it’s much, much worse.
He’s soaking, wet curls bouncing while he chases a tiny girl around the parking lot with a sponge. An upended bucket rolling around in a half-arc is the culprit, no doubt, a small river of suds trickling from it onto the asphalt of the parking lot. The guy catches up with her, swinging her around by the waist, her squeals of laughter piercing through Jonny’s open window. When he finally puts her down, she slides all the way down his front slowly, and they stand there, frozen, staring into each other’s eyes, the girl’s foot honest-to-god lifting up as she leans forward, head tilted up.
Jonny grits his teeth and drives away.
He doesn’t look back.
***
4
After the vivid display of the guy’s clear heterosexuality, Jonny makes himself go back to his normal commute. So weeks go by and he’s not even thinking about the guy when he’s out running and decides to cut across Ogden to get to the old town neighborhood where he’s been thinking of buying a place. There’s a small cottage going on the market next week and his agent wants to know if he’s willing to put in a peremptory offer since the last few places he’s been looking at were on and off the market in six hours.
He plugs the address into his phone and heads out, and he’s been running for forty-five minutes when he ends up on the corner of Ogden where Bob’s is located. He looks up and sure enough, the hot guy is out front. Again.
This time they’re so close, Jonny can’t really avoid meeting the guy’s eyes, and he might be imagining it, but he thinks he sees the guy’s eyes widen in recognition, a smile forming. Up close, the dimples are even more devastating, and in the early afternoon sun, the guy’s hair is shining, curls a little long for Jonny’s usual taste, but somehow working for the guy. The shaggy, unkempt look balances out his perfect cheekbones and the sharp cut of his jaw. He’s wearing those ridiculous cut-off jeans and a Bob’s Suds t-shirt, with a name-tag that says Kaner. His eyes are a stormy blue-grey and he’s got long, dark blond lashes.
Jonny nods at the guy - at Kaner - and speeds up, the loud sounds of his iPod drowning out whatever Kaner is opening his mouth to say. He turns the corner and lets himself cast one more glance sideways and Kaner’s mouth is still open, a dumb look on his face before he snaps it closed and turns his back.
Jonny snorts and keeps running, firmly ignoring the urge to look back again.
***
5
Because Jonny’s nothing if not a masochist, he can’t get the encounter out of his head. Kaner hadn’t looked - he wasn’t exactly - well. Jonny’s seen looks like that before. So maybe Kaner’s not quite as straight as he seemed.
So when he drives past Bob’s the next day, he can’t help it. He turns on his blinker and pulls in.
Kaner walks over, looking down at a clipboard, and Jonny rolls down his window.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. What’s a man doing at Boob’s, your tits are kinda small, har har, are they charging extra now to get the hot girls to wash your car?” He says it all without looking up from whatever he’s writing on his clipboard and he’s wearing a smirk, but there’s a bitterness that makes Jonny want to smooth his ruffled and wet - again, Jesus, is this part of Bob’s new marketing strategy, douse his employees in water to pull in customers?- curls, tell him it’s gonna be okay.
He squints at Jonny, shielding his eyes from the sun. “Don’t worry, they’re all over there, waiting to serve you.” He gestures at a bunch of women carrying buckets and cloths by the exit of the car wash, who are almost as scantily clad as he is. “What kind of car wash do you want today?” He glares at Jonny when he doesn’t respond. “What kind of car wash?” He asks again, slowly, the “asshole” at the end left unspoken but coming across clearly enough.
“Nothing, just,” Jonny shrugs, his cheeks heating. “Um.”
“What the hell,” Kaner says under his breath and bending down a little so he can see inside Jonny’s Tesla. When he makes eye contact with Jonny, his eyes widen comically. “You’re… I mean, uh.” He swallows and then laughs a little. “Hi.”
“You know this car wash is an environmental nightmare, right?” Jonny snaps his mouth shut, horrified. “I mean - sorry - I”
“Oh, yeah, right,” Kaner snaps. “One of those. With the fancy-ass electric car and the snooty urban hippie principles.”
“No, sorry, I didn’t - “
“No, sorry, I didn’t,” Kaner mocks. “Get the fuck out of here, asshole. Bad enough that these poor girls have to get ogled by the likes of you, you can keep your judgement to yourself.”
“Hey, I wasn’t - “ But when Kaner just snorts and sweeps a hand out, indicating Jonny should drive on, Jonny sets his jaw and puts his Tesla into gear, pulling forward and circling around until he’s in the exit lane without saying another word.
“What kind of car doesn’t make any fucking noise, anyway?” Kaner says, arms crossed from a few feet away where he’s watching with narrowed eyes. “It’s un-American.”
“A car that’s not destroying the ozone layer, not that you care,” Jonny snaps back. When Kaner rolls his eyes, Jonny guns the engine, and it doesn’t so much growl as purr, a fact he’s always enjoyed until today, but it just makes Kaner roll his eyes even more. “And I’m not.”
“Not what?” Kaner asks snottily.
“Not American,” Jonny says, rolling up his window with a flick of a button.
“Figures! You’re not cool enough to be American!” Kaner shouts after him as he pulls out of the parking lot..
And of course Jonny’s car is quiet enough that he can hear him, and his mocking tone makes Jonny want to turn around and punch him but he resists the urge, putting Bob’s - and Kaner - in his rearview mirror for good.
***
+1
Jonny’s looking around his new house, still awed that he actually purchased it. The floors are covered in hideous green shag, the windows all sag, and the roof is half-caved in on the garage, but it’s his. He sighs happily and goes outside to get another box out of the moving van. Dan and Dave ran to pick up a pizza an hour ago, leaving him with the bulk of the work, but he’s so happy today, he doesn’t even care.
He’s just gotten inside his house when a red Mustang convertible pulls into the driveway next door, the stereo blasting something explicit and loud. The car rocks as whoever’s driving it gets out, but Jonny can’t see around the overgrown hedge separating their homes, so he just shrugs away the concern that his new neighbor could be an asshole.
It takes him a few minutes to unload the box he was carrying and head back out to the truck for another one. There’s a bucket full of sudsy water next to the Mustang next door, and a sponge floating on top. Jonny cranes his head, trying to catch a glimpse of the driver but he can’t see anyone. The stereo is on again, at a more respectable decibel level, and Jonny finds himself humming along to what he thinks is a Kanye West song while he unearths the downstairs bathroom box with the hand towels and soap that he hopes Dan packed at the back like Jonny’d asked.
He’s bent over, shifting a box out of the way when a cheerful voice calls out to him. “Hi neighbor!”
Jonny peers back at the entrance to the truck and sees someone leaning his elbows into the truck, the sun bright behind him.
“Hi,” Jonny says, standing and brushing his hands off on his shorts. “I’m Jonny.”
“Oh, shit,” the guy breathes, and that voice - Jonny squints a little at the guy. His baseball cap is obscuring his face and it’s not until he steps back and turns a little to the side like he’s going to walk away that Jonny realizes who it is.
“You,” Jonny breathes. Because it’s Kaner, the asshole from Boob’s Suds who he can’t seem to stop thinking about. The reason he no longer shops at the Jewel-Osco on Ogden. “What the hell are you doing here?” Jonny jumps down off the truck.
“Uh.” Kaner scratches the back of his neck and adjusts his baseball hat. Jonny watches his hands, the fingers short and thick. They look strong and competent, even with the bitten-short nails and Jonny has to force himself to focus on Kaner’s response. “I live here?” He gestures at the house next door.
“You live here?” Jonny echoes, frowning at the small house and the Mustang parked in front, the roof up now. “You live next door?”
“Yep,” Kaner replies, biting his lip. “You bought Mrs. Swanson’s house?”
“Yep,” Jonny replies. “Just closed last night.” He shifts a little as silence falls between them.
“So about-” Jonny starts.
“I’m sorry-” Kaner says at the same moment, making Jonny laugh and serving to break the tension. “I’m sorry about what I said at the car wash, man. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”
“No, I’m sorry,” Jonny says. “I didn’t mean to say anything about Boob’s not being-”
“Dude,” Kaner says, looking around in alarm. “Do not let my sisters hear you call it that.”
“What.” Jonny says, nonplussed. They’re alone on the street, not another person in sight. “Are they home, too?”
“Oh, no, uh, they don’t live here, it’s just me now," Kaner says a little bitterly.
“Now?”
“My ex moved out about six months ago. Been bach’ing it since then.”
“She broke your heart, huh?” Jonny asks sympathetically. “Been there. My last ex-uh… My last ex-boyfriend dumped me.”
Kaner’s eyebrows shoot up, almost reaching the bring of his hat. “Ex-boyfriend?”
“Yep.” Jonny fixes Kaner with a level stare. “That’s not gonna be a problem, is it?”
“No!” Kaner says quickly. “Nope, not - not a problem at all.” He jerks his thumb at himself. “Gay. Also dumped by my ex-boyfriend.”
“Oh.” Jonny relaxes, relieved that he’s not living next to a homophobic dick. “Sucks.”
“Or not,” Kaner says, sticking his tongue into the corner of his mouth. “Which really sucks, amirite?”
“Oh my god, that is so inappropriate” Jonny says flatly. Kaner stills until Jonny breaks, laughing at the panic in his eyes. "Man, you should’ve seen your face.”
“Pffft,” Kaner blows out a loud raspberry. “You suck.”
“I do,” Jonny says, leaning in. “I also swallow.” Then it’s his turn to blush when Kaner’s eyes go straight to his mouth.
“Do you now?” Kaner smiles at him, half leer and half unsure, before he leans in. “Maybe-”
A horn honks and they jump apart. Jonny’s car is parked in the driveway behind the van. Jonny has no idea when they pulled up but David is laughing at him so it was probably long enough ago to hear their conversation. “Ugh, be cool,” Jonny complains when David honks again.
“We’ve been watching you for two minutes, Jonny,” Dan chortles, pushing at Jonny, whose shoulder knocks into Kaner. Kaner rocks a little but he’s solid and warm and Jonny just… doesn’t move away. He’s happy to note neither does Kaner. “Your car is fucking silent. Perfect for sneaking up on someone.”
“I told you!” Kaner laughs when Jonny makes a face. “Shoulda bought American.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jonny says. “This is Dan and that asshole is my brother Dave. This is Kaner.”
“I’m - “ Kaner opens and closes his mouth. “How did you know my name?”
“Oh, uh. It’s on your uniform?” Jonny flushes, hoping the hot sun can be blamed. “You know, at Boobs.”
“Dude,” Kaner says urgently. “Do not call it that!”
“Boobs?” Dan says, laughing. “Do you work at a strip club, Kaner?”
“No, it’s a car wash,” Kaner says indignantly. “And it’s Bob’s Suds, not Boobs and Chubs.”
“Boobs and - chubs?” Jonny goggles at Kaner. “I didn’t - is that what it’s called?”
“Ugh,” Kaner says, sighing. “Get me a beer and I’ll tell you all about the time I made the mistake of calling it that in front of all three of my sisters.”
“You’ve got three sisters?” Dan and David chorus, shoving in between Kaner and Jonny. Dan wraps an arm around Kaner’s shoulder. “Tell us all about them.”
Kaner glares at him but then laughs. “I’d tell you to fuck off but frankly, they’re more than capable of doing that themselves.” Dave escorts Kaner into the house and Jonny’s to climb the steps when Dan catches his arm.
“He seems nice,” Dan says.
“Shut up,” Jonny groans bounding up the stairs to the sound of Dan’s laughter.
“So you’re only working at Bob’s because your sisters made you for talking shit about the girls who work there?” Jonny’s smiling around the neck of his beer.
“Yep. You’re lucky you only have a brother,” Patrick says, and Dave holds out a hand for a high five.
“Lucky isn’t the word I usually use, but -” Jonny laughs when Dave kicks at him.
“Serves you right for saying - what did you say, exactly, anyway?” Dan ask, making Kaner groan.
“Ugh,” Kaner huffs, but then he laughs. “I said that the girls at Boob’s - I’m sorry, Bob’s - deserved all the catcalls and handsy customers for wearing hot pants and bikini tops.”
“How did you get Bob’s to hire you?” Jonny asks, something he’s been curious about for awhile. “They don’t ever have guys working there.” When all three men look at him with a smirk, Jonny shrugs. “What, so I noticed, sue me.”
“I don’t know, I think Jess went in and threatened to organize all the workers into demanding better uniforms if he didn’t,” Kaner shrugs. “She’s a fucking badass, man. Do not get on her bad side.” He shudders a little and it makes everyone laugh. “She also found the tightest pair of jeans I’ve ever had to stuff my junk into and then took ten years off my life while she cut them off so short I have to go commando.”
Jonny chokes on his beer and Dan pounds on his back cheerfully until Jonny knocks his hand away.
“Anyway,” Dave says loudly, rolling his eyes. “Jonny was an asshole about his whole green living bullshit - “
“Hey!” Jonny protests. “It’s not bullshit!”
“-and you were an asshole about him being an asshole.” Kaner raises his bottle to Dave, who clinks it with his own amiably. “And now you’re neighbors.”
“Yep,” Jonny says, scratching the side of his neck, which is heating. He swallows the last of his beer, putting the bottle down on the floor with a muffled thunk. He looks over at Kaner, who looks down at his own bottle quickly. “Who wants to help me unload the rest of the truck? I have to have it back by 4:00.”
Dave and Dan groan but Kaner volunteers to help. They get the rest of the truck unloaded and Jonny returns it to U-Haul just before it closes then drops Dave off before heading home, tired and sore but buzzing with an undercurrent of anticipation knowing Kaner’s gonna be back at his house.
When Jonny pulls into the driveway, Kaner’s running the hose over his car and he waves at Jonny when he gets out.
“I’m starting to think car washing isn’t a job, it’s a vocation with you, Kaner,” Jonny chirps.
“Fuck off,” Kaner responds lamely, a smile playing around his lips. “You wish you could get a car looking this good.”
“Hmm,” Jonny hums, giving Kaner’s car a once over. “It does look nice.”
“See,” Kaner crows, poking a finger at Jonny’s admittedly filthy car. “Your car is a disgrace and frankly, it’s bringing down the property values in the neighborhood.”
“Fuck off,” Jonny grumbles, making Kaner laugh at him. “Your mom brings down property values.”
“Oh my god, are you thirteen? Mom jokes, really?” Kaner guffaws and Jonny can’t have that, so he grabs the hose from the driveway and sprays Kaner before he can react. Kaner squawks and runs towards the house, and Jonny follows him up onto the porch, soaking him, but he turns the spray off when Kaner yells uncle, laughing and soaking.
“Asshole,” Kaner says, ringing out his shirt, which is plastered to his chest, which is as broad-shouldered and muscled as Jonny remembers. His nipples are small points that keep drawing Jonny’s eyes, and Kaner catches him, and bites his lip.
“Would you,” Kaner stalls out, his cheeks pink. “Maybe I could make you dinner tonight? You know, welcome to the neighborhood, neighbor.”
“That’d be - I’d love to, Kaner,” Jonny says and Kaner beams. Jonny’s helpless not to smile back at him, and they stand there for a long moment, until Kaner clears his throat and looks away and then back again. He bites his lip again and Jonny can’t help stepping forward and reaching out to tug it free from his teeth. It’s red and wet and Jonny’s leaning closer, his breath coming short when Kaner snatches the hose out of his hand and pulls out his shorts, sticking the nozzle in and locking it on and then darting into his house.
“Oh my god, you asshole!” Jonny yells, trying to pull the hose out of his pants without spraying his junk directly, the water quickly soaking him. “What the fuck!” He can hear Kaner cackling from inside his house and when he looks over, he’s got the curtain pulled back and is watching Jonny dance around with the hose refusing to come out, water still pouring out of it.
“Sorry not sorry, Jonny,” Kaner says, his tongue poked into his cheek. “Wet is a good look on you, though, you should work at Bob’s!”
“I don’t have any clue where my clothes are, dick,” Jonny grouses but Kaner doesn’t look the least repentant.
“Somehow I think you won’t melt,” Kaner says dryly and Jonny finally gets the water turned off.
“Is that a garden hose in your pants or are you just happy to see me?” Kaner says, chortling when Jonny levels an unimpressed look at him. “Why don’t you go home and clean up and come back around six for dinner. Steaks and grilled veggies good?”
Jonny agrees and he manfully ignores the squelching noises he makes as he walks back to his front door. After a long, hot shower and a few boxes, he finds the one with the contents of his dresser. He’s ready long before six, and he’s having a beer when he looks out his window to see Kaner running the hose over Jonny’s car, which looks cleaner than it has in months. He grabs another beer for Kaner and heads outside.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Jonny says, handing Kaner a beer once they’re standing on Kaner’s deck, overseeing the grill. “My car looks great.”
“No big deal,” Kaner says with a shrug, taking a long pull from his bottle, his Adam’s apple moving up and down. Jonny has to look away, but when he raises his eyes, all he can see is Kaner’s wet, pink mouth around the opening of the beer can. Kaner catches him and waggles his eyebrows, even as his cheeks get pink again.
Jonny might be starting to have a thing for Kaner’s blush.
He looks away and clears his throat. “Seriously, though. Thanks,” Jonny says. Kaner just looks at Jonny, running his tongue along his upper lip to lick at a little wetness from his last sip. He’s peering up at Jonny from between his lashes, and Jonny steps closer, grabbing Kaner’s beer. He sets both of their bottles down and pulls Kaner into his arms. Kaner’s hands go around Jonny’s waist like they belong there.
“Can I?” Jonny asks, shifting in even closer. Kaner nods, lips parting, and Jonny can’t wait another moment, he has to kiss him. It’s chaste and gentle and sweet for several long seconds until Kaner makes a noise in his throat and pulls Jonny closer, tilting his head and opening his mouth. Then it’s a battle for dominance, with Kaner’s tongue fucking into his mouth, making Jonny moan and pull Kaner in tighter.
Long minutes are spent like that, Kaner’s mouth pulling embarrassing noises out of Jonny, and when Kaner pulls back, he looks wrecked, hair a mess from Jonny’s fingers, his mouth even more swollen, his jaw scraped a little from Jonny’s beard.
“Wow,” Kaner says. “That was. Yeah.”
“Profound,” Jonny laughs, squeezing Kaner’s waist. “And ditto.”
“Gotta flip the steaks, Jonny,” Kaner says, kissing him one more time before turning back to the grill. Jonny adjusts himself, blushing when Kaner catches him and raises an eyebrow.
“Whatever, like you’re any better,” Jonny says, nodding at where Kaner’s erection is pressing against the front of his jeans. Kaner shrugs happily and slides back into his arms.
“What are you gonna do about it,” Kaner whispers in Jonny’s ear, biting the lobe gently. Jonny’s lashes flutter shut.
“Kaner-” Jonny growls, burying his hands in Kaner’s hair, tugging him forward until he can kiss him fiercely. “I’m going to do everything.”
“Jonny, fuck,” Kaner whispers, voice hoarse. He leans his forehead against Jonny and they breathe like that, calming down, and Jonny marvels at how perfect Kaner feels in his arms. He pulls back eventually to get the steaks off the grill and they sit down to eat, learning about each other, sharing weighted glances and twice stopping for long, tantalizing kisses.
“Kaner?” Jonny says, pulling back from the second kiss. “Thanks again for washing my car.”
“It’s Patrick,” Kaner says nonsensically.
“What’s Patrick? Did you name my car?”
“God, you’re a dork,” Kaner chortles and pushes Jonny back into his own seat. “No, I’m Patrick, my name is Patrick.”
“Patrick,” Jonny says, testing it out and then shrugging. “Well, whatever your name is, thanks for washing my car. But next time? Can you ask me first?”
“Oh, god, yeah, sure, sorry, I should’ve - “
“Because next time I’d like you to wear your uniform,” Jonny says, grinning when Kaner laughs and pushes at his shoulders. “Deal?”
“That did it for you, huh?” Kaner’s flushed down to the collar of his shirt and it’s a very good look on him.
“Baby, you can wash my car,” Jonny warbles badly to the Beatles tune, and Kaner barks out a laugh.
“Only if you promise never to sing again.”
“You got it, baby,” Jonny says, pulling Kaner into his lap. “Now shut up and kiss me.”