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Lizzie wanted to sleep. Oh how much she wanted to fall into a peaceful slumber, just to forget everything for some time. But even after everything was resolved; the tape, her argument with Lydia; she couldn't get rest.
Her thoughts had been clouded by this whole affair and she had barely time to think about everything except Lydia and how to ease her pain.
But now that she was better, not yet fully back to her normal self, that would take time and a lot of effort, Lizzie could think a little about herself again.
Herself and the manner of how she had left Pemberley that fateful day.
Sighing she stumbled out of bed and headed for the kitchen to make herself some hot milk, hoping that this old receipt form her grandma would make her sleepy, like it had when she was a child.
On her way back to her room, she saw the camera, she hadn't bothered to put away, still sitting in the den and without much thought she got it running and sat in front of it.
For a moment she thought about what she could even say to her viewers, but then she decided it didn't matter, because she could still edit everything out if it was crap the next morning.
„So...things are better. Lydia is getting better, I've been spending the whole weekend with her and it feels good. It's like I finally get to know her. But still I can't sleep properly, if you were wondering why I am in my pyjamas.“
She looked down on herself and smiled sleepily.
„My name is Lizzie Bennet ...and I can't stop thinking about a certain CEO.“
There she said it. Everything that had been in the back of her mind felt like spilling over. And she just admitted to all of the internet, that she couldn't stop thinking of Darcy.
Well, she could edit all that out, after all...
„Lizzie?“, a voice rang from the door. It was Jane, she looked like she just came home, with her bag and her coat still in her hand.
„Hey, Jane“, Lizzie said and smiled. The oldest Bennet sister sat down next to Lizzie and observed her sister carefully.
„Why are you still awake?“
Lizzie looked down, suddenly embarassed. „I couldn't sleep...“
Jane's face immediatly showed an expression of deepest concern, but also understanding.
„He still hasn't called then?“, she asked, very quietly. Lizzie looked away form the camera. Of course Jane would know what was up with her.
She shook her head. „I haven't heard from anyone since I left Pemberley Digital...not from Gigi, not from Fitz and certainly not from Darcy. It's like they are all avoiding me suddenly.“
„No Lizzie, I don't believe that!“, said Jane taking Lizzies arm in an attempt to comfort her. „They're probably just busy and don't want to bother you.“
Lizzie smiled at the always good nature of her older sister. Although new Jane Bennet was a badass, she still was the kindest soul on this planet and couldn't think bad of people.
„I don't know, Jane. The way Darcy didn't even said goodbye to me at Pemberley. It felt like... he was disgusted with me...He probably doesn't want to get involved with me or our family after all this. For the sake of Pemberley and Gigi...“ Lizzies voice trailed off and she looked weakly at the camera.
Now it was Jane's time to shake her head. She couldn't believe this, not after all Lizzie had told her about Darcy.
„No Lizzie, listen to me. Darcy isn't like that. Of course he wants to protect his sister, but I don't think he would just cut you off like that. There must be a reason...“
„I hope you are right, Jane...“, said Lizzie, her voice sounded sad, even to her ears.
How did this happen? How did Lizzie become attached to the man she was once resolved to hate with a burning passion?
She didn't know when it had begun...she just knew that she was in the middle of it, before she knew it. And now, everything seemed in vain.
Why couldn't she have seen who he was before? Why did she have to be so prejudiced against him? So determined to see fault in him in every way possible?
Lizzie looked at her hands, and then at the camera. „I just...“, she broke off and looked at Jane helplessly. Jane hugged her with one arm, smiling understandingly.
„I just... I miss him.“