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Ash loves his void : his vault. It's a little pocket just for him so he uses that to his advantage. That being said though, it also makes him feel so... numb? He doesn't think that that's the right word. He feels something like a light buzzing in his brain that won't go away. He feels a tad... empty? He knows it sounds odd. Trust him, he knows. Ash also feels like that while outside of his void, but it really festers here. Maybe that's because it's fucking freezing! It makes any motivation he may have gained by stealing stuff feel useless. He doesn't take kindly to the cold — it doesn't seem to like him either.
Moments like these, where Ash lies with his head on the ender chest he calls his vault; with his mind buzzing, his body empty, yet heavy, and his fingers freezing — make him miss sprawling out in the little bit of sunlight that would come out from his window before the day had really started, before any responsibilities were his, and before he had to be a person. Ash doesn't remember a lot about his home life, but he knows that he had had plenty of responsibilities.
(He also knows how much his family had loved him — he knows how much he needs to help them by any means necessary. His family always has and always will come first.)
Ash called it 'being kitty' because he kind of felt like a cat, as cringe as that may sound. Getting to lounge around and rest; to be free from responsibility. It was always such a nice and fuzzy ...experience? State of mind?? He doesn't really have the words for it, but it was like his mind was being wrapped up in a warm blanket. It was very calming to say the least, but Ash isn’t in that place right now; he's not physically in his home, not mentally kitty — much to his dismay. He's just a person who found himself in a cold ass void. But.... but what if... he wasn't? Perhaps he's lost his mind, but maybe if he just imagined himself elsewhere then it would help him cope! Like daydreaming!! Ash has done it before, he's sure. He can loosely remember times he spent pretending that he was at a normal job with a fellow coworker rather than working for an evil cause under a literal tyrant.
However, as absurd as what he did in the past sounds, it's actually easier than trying to pretend he isn't freezing to death. To death!? Where the hell did that thought come from!? He's not.. it's not that serious — right? He wouldn't! Oh, nonono… he can feel himself glitching between his void and cottage core hell. No, stop it! He doesn't want to be found like this — it's too vulnerable. Nonono — it's too much! He doesn't want to be in his void; it's so, so cold. But he doesn't know which of his choices would be better. His head is spinning and Ash feels like he's not at his normal capacity. Something's different...
It stays cold as Ash opens his eyes and as he knows — distantly — that it's over. It's always disorienting each time this situation happens, but he doesn't think that it's just the daze that's bothersome this time. He wants to curl up; to stop trying to think — it's become so difficult to think. But he won't do that here, certainly not here; it's too cold here.
Without giving nearly as much thought as he normally would to this decision, he teleports to the overworld. Ash isn't here nearly enough to actually recognize most anything. He's standing on this weird mix of dark, stone-like blocks and red stained glass. He spots Clown's house and immediately runs in the opposite direction. It's night, so it's a little chilly. Though, he'd call it a win as it's not nearly as cold as Ash's little void.
He sits down once he reaches a more comfortable distance from — why did he run away from Clown's house? Sure, Ash has stolen from the guy, but he's stolen from most people. Oh... yeah. He doesn't want to think about that, actually. Thoughts, especially thoughts like those, are too hard for him right now. Ash pulls his knees closer into his chest and rests his head on top of them. Well.. he's definitely kitty now. Ash lets his head run empty as he bathes in the closest remnant of the sun in the night sky : moonlight. He hums softly to himself in satisfaction. It's so calming...
"Hello?" Fuck. Her voice was soft — like it always was, and it seemed to be in a neutral tone.
It's fine — it's just Ivory; Ash silently attempts to reason with himself. She didn't usually talk to people, so he didn't have to worry about her telling anyone. And honestly, Ivory was one of the only people he actually got along with. He lifts his head to look up at her.
Her wings look tense as she fidgets with her hands. She lightly shuffles on her feet, looking down — more at the ground than at Ash. Ivory doesn't make eye contact with him; He finds it rather uncomfortable when people do, so he doesn't really mind. There's a bit of a pause before he's asked, "Can I sit with you?"
Ash nods, yet takes a second to figure out his next words. "Yeah," he says, faltering slightly, "go for it." He hopes that it sounds casual enough; that it'll prevent her from realizing that he's different tonight.
She sits down alongside him in a similar position to his own, but her head leans back to look at the moon. Ash takes this opportunity to lay his head onto his knees again. Once again, Ivory's voice fills the air, "What brings you out tonight?"
He pouts at even the thought of having to do small talk, "Cold."
Ivory hums in agreement, "I like that it's chilly out here as well." She's trying to connect; some part of his brain reasons that much, but the rest of his thoughts are not nearly as logical.
Ash whines in disapproval of being misunderstood. Which, doing that, should be mortifying and it usually would be, but he doesn't really have the energy to give a shit about his reputation right now.
"Oh, sorry," she sounds a little more sheepish than usual, which he's a little surprised is even possible.
Silence hangs in the air between them. Ash loves the quiet, but it's even nicer now that his thoughts are as well. Through this silence, there are still little noises coming from the nature surrounding them. It's calming, even though he's not alone.... How nice.
"Are you alright?" she asks, "I feel like you're acting..." She pauses, "off." And there goes his calm!
Ash doesn't have the words for what's happening internally. "I-" he cuts himself off. He raises his head from his knees to look in Ivory's direction. He sighs, then shifts to face her a little more. Though he sits up with his legs crossed, he's slightly hunched over. "Everything? Too much!" Ash's hands follow his words for emphasis. He stops for a moment to unconsciously move his hands in a soothing pattern.
"Yeah," she breathes, "I can get that." She watched Ash curiously. It made him a little uncomfortable, but she didn't appear to be judging him.
There's a bit of silence before he settles on the words, "Cats don't have to deal with that."
Ivory laughs; it's short and a little louder than her usual laugh. If he had to guess, it was probably because it was out of surprise. She took a moment before speaking, "I've never really thought about that."
Ash nods slowly, debating on whether or not to elaborate that he's feeling like a cat right now. "Kitty," he points to himself and hopes that she'll understand.
Ivory mutters what he just said, then pauses. He can practically see the cogs turning in her head as she says, "I don't think I understand."
Ash shakes his head. Cats shouldn't have to worry about this.
"I'm sorry," As Ivory speaks in a remarkably sheepish manner again, she starts to curl in on herself. Ew, icky feelings! This is why he doesn't deal with people. Usually, Ash would just retreat back to his void; fleeing to not be involved in something so personal. But not today, no. He doesn't want to go back to his void right now. His void's too damn cold for that.
"How do I help?" he urges. If Ash can't run away from this personal moment, then he wants to make the icky feelings go away.
"What?" Ivory asks, seemingly startled, and he couldn't really blame her. Ash doesn't usually do this sort of thing.
"You're sad." He was pouting again, as if that would do anything. Ash is reminded of why he doesn't do this; he's awful at helping people.
They both stay quiet as Ivory takes time to think. This quiet moment hung more heavily. She laughs softly, "I don't really know. If you could make me better at talking to people, that'd definitely help.”
She’s clearly trying to alleviate the mood, so he lets out a chuckle. Ash is almost certain that he’s worse at socializing than Ivory. He grins, "Can't do much 'bout that." They're both smiling — this is nice.
Ivory looks at the sky again and abruptly lets out, "I have to — I have to go... It was nice to see you." She must’ve caught signs that the sun will be rising soon. Ash doesn't see any hints of it himself, but he understands why she's leaving.
He waves as Ivory leaves, waiting to see the sunrise she's hiding from (though, it's truly the people that she seeks to hide from). It'll be nice once it's sunny; nice once it's warm. It won't be as nice once people come out of their houses and try to talk to him, but Ash certainly isn't above ignoring people.
:)