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"My god I've been feeling so happy these days" you say the day after we split, you were so quick to leave me the moment you realized that your friend wasn't with me
I'm being pushed away, aren't I? I can't help but feel like I'm third wheeling now
I'm so glad you're happy, and I want that so bad
But please don't push me away, I don't think I can take it
You mean so much to me, every word, every moment we spend, I enjoy it truly, even if we're separated by a screen. I miss you already, even though I know it was for the best, this quick distance already hurts, feels harsher than it should
I'm sorry
I'm sorry that we could never be together
That I could never hold you
To support you
To love you the way you should be loved
I want what we had back, not even as partners, but as friends
I want to talk with you, to be with you, and not have it be a silence that seems to never be broken, how small conversations always seem to die
I miss you, I love you, and I know that our separation was the best for you and I, but it still hurts
I feel like I'm being torn in a paper shredder, heart crumpled and skin peeling
It hurts, it hurts, everything hurts so much. I'm loosing you already, aren't I? You'll forget about me, I feel like I'm already being replaced
Maybe this is how you felt without Blue, a painful yearning that never stops and only seems to get worse as the days pass. I'm sorry I judged you, I'm sorry for being jealous even silently, you didn't deserve it, my jealousy. I never knew how much pain you were really in.