Chapter Text
Regulus Black didn't know what to expect when his mother suddenly summoned him to her quarters. He dragged his feet, his migraine worsening when he thought about what his mother was going to yell at him about now. Perhaps he missed a note in piano? Couldn't be, the instructor was out today. She heard him swear under his breath? No, her hearing's terrible. Perhaps it was a rumour? Maybe.
Regulus knocked on the door to his mother's bed chamber. "Come in." she said, her voice monotone and completely devoid of any emotion. Regulus opened the door, bracing himself for whatever was about to come. "You summoned me, Mother?" he asked, keeping his head down. "Look at me, child!" she barked, causing Regulus to look up immediately. He did not flinch, he had lost that ability years ago.
"To me, you are still Cassiopeia, do you understand?" "Yes, mo-," "Do not interrupt me!" She paused for a minute, rubbing her temples. Walburga sighed before continuing. "You're to take the crown and inherit the kingdom.. But do not for a moment think that I am accepting your foolish behaviour, thinking that you are a man like your father! You are to be "king", just until your brother comes to his senses and comes back home and marries that nice young woman I chose for him. Do you understand?" Regulus hesitated. "Well? Answer me, child!" "Yes, mother.. I understand."
Regulus lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. He thought about the time when he told his mother he wanted to be a boy.
3 years earlier..
"Mother.." Regulus said, staring at the floor and fiddling with his thumbs. "What is it, child?" Regulus shuffled as she spoke to him indifferently. "I, erm.." "Spit it out!" Regulus flinched as she yelled at him. It was an everyday occurence, yet somehow it always caught him off guard. "I.. I don't want to be a girl anymore.. I want to be a boy, like Sirius.." Regulus closed his eyes, dreading the response from his mother, yet hoping that she would respond.
"What did you just say to me, Cassiopeia..?" "I-I said, I thi-" "That was not an invitation for you to speak! Cassiopeia, have you forgotten all that I have done for you? The gowns, the slippers, and jewellery I bought for you? You ungrateful pig!" She screamed as she slapped him across the face. Regulus could still feel the sting, even now, 3 years later.
His mother beat him until he was unconscious that day. That was how Regulus lost the ability to flinch. He still remembered when Sirius cut his hair, when he snuck into Sirius' closet, and stole his clothes. His mother beat him for that, and locked him in his room for days.
Present
Regulus tossed and turned, but he still couldn't get the image of his mother's disgusted face out of his mind. He sighed, running a hand through his curly black hair. He did not, even for a slight second, feel weary. Not even in the darkest hours of the night. Regulus was kept awake by pure gender dysphoria and self-doubt. Did he have what it took to be king? He hoped so, but yet again.. He knew he wasn't ready.