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Anaxa-Borg

Summary:

"I'll evacuate the customers, you call the navy!"

"Hello, Operator?" Phainon calls when he runs over to the phone, "get me the Navy!"

"Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service," a robotic voice comes through.

Phainon stills, eyes widening. "Mydei, the robots are running the Navy!"

"Not the Navy!”

Or:

Phainon watches a scary robot movie, cries about it, and convinces Mydei their boss Mr. Anaxa is a robot in disguise. (From: Spongebob "Krab-Borg")

Notes:

what if amphoreus trio was in a cartoon scratches chin

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It is late at night, and Phainon, for some reason, decides to stay up late to watch a movie. He's munching on some popcorn he just took out of the microwave.

"We now return to tonight's Creepy Time Theater presentation of Night of the Robot," says the TV narrator.

The movie shows a giant robot with piercing red eyes and metal pinchers for hands. It seems at some point, robots had taken over Amphoreus. "Ahh, ahh, ahh!!" A man screams as he runs away from the giant robot.

"Hurry, Cyrene, Bubbles, the scary robot movie's on," Phainon calls.

"Phai, I don't think you should watch that," says Cyrene, yawning as Bubbles makes an "awoo" sound like a chimera.

"What do you mean? Scary movies don't always freak me out," he says, scowling.

 

After watching the scary robot movie, Phainon lies in bed and hugs his blanket tight, whimpering and shivering.

"What if Mom is a robot? What if Cyrene is a robot? What if Bubbles is a robot?"

"Bubbles?"

Bubbles is snoring next to him.

"Psst, Bubbles? Bubs?" Phainon pokes Bubbles's sunglasses, waking them up.

"Awoo."

"Bubbles, if you were a robot, you'd tell me, right?" he asks.

"Awoo," says Bubbles.

"Oh, I've got nothing to worry about. And now to get a good night's sleep," Phainon sighs as he finally closes his eyes.

That night, he would dream about running away from the same giant robot from the movie earlier, except this time, he's the one screaming and running away from the robot. The next day at the Grand Chrysos, Phainon is in the kitchen, wide-eyed and panting because of his dream last night.

"Robot! Oh my gosh!" he shouts as he sees something in the corner. "Huh?"

The "robot" turns out to be a sack of potatoes, a dust pan and a broom and a bucket. Phainon chuckles nervously as the scene cuts to Mr. Anaxa holding down his money on his desk.

"How about a little music to count me money to?" Anaxa says as he turns on the dromas-shaped radio next to him.

The DJ from the radio announces, "And now for the number one song in Amphoreus: 'Electric Zoo'."

A techno beat plays from the radio as the mint-haired man starts counting his money.

"Hey, that's pretty catchy," he comments. "Bee-bee-boo-bop, bee-bee-boo-beep. Yeah, that's not bad. I love this young people's music."

 

A buzzer on the fryer goes off in the kitchen.

"I surrender!" Phainon screams. "Oh."

"Deliverer!" Someone calls. Phainon screams again and his hat flies onto a blonde-slash-red-haired man's nose.

"Mydei, why are you wearing my hat on your nose?"

Mydei removes the hat from his nose and slams it back on Phainon's head, "I'm not wearing your hat on my nose; I'm waiting for number 17's order!"

"Number 17…" he holds up a tray with food, "spaghetti and a blueberry milkshake. Course. Sorry Mydei, I'm not really feeling myself today," he says, "I guess I'm a little bit jumpy. I keep thinking robots are taking over the world, probably on account of this movie I watched last night where robots take over the world. I even asked Bubbles if they were a robot! Pretty funny, huh?"

"Hilarious," Mydei comments. "Just deliver the food."

Phainon proceeds to deliver the spaghetti to a girl with long black hair and red tips.

"There you go! Enjoy your..." he furrows his brows, "Say, you're not a robot, are you?"

She frowns. "No, I'm not."

"Well, keep your eyes peeled," Phainon says in a deep voice, "they're everywhere." And then his voice goes back to normal and he smiles. "Back to work!"

He scurries away as the girl shrugs her shoulders. Phainon walks by Mr. Anaxagoras' office and he hears someone say, "I feel completely recharged!"

"That sounds like Mr. Anaxa…" Phainon hesitantly looks through the window.

"Come on, little buddy, play it again," Anaxa shakes his radio, "please? One more time, for me."

Phainon ducks behind the door. "That was strange. Mr. Anaxa was talking to his radio, and he says he feels 'recharged'," he laughs, "If I didn't know better, I'd say he was..." the camera zooms in on his shocked face, "...a robot! Nah."

 

In Mr. Anaxagoras' office, he's calling the radio station.

"Yes, hello. I was wondering if you could play that song again."

"Hmmm... which one, man?"

"The one that goes 'bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep'."

The radio DJ corrects, "No, man. You're thinking of 'bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop'."

"Bee-boo-boo-boo-boo-bop," Anaxa asks and the garbled telephone noise replies. "Bee-boo-boo-bop?" More garbled telephone noises. "Boo-boo-bee-bop?"

He continues making more beeping noises until Phainon freaks out and curls up into a ball.

"Oh... Oh my gosh. Why was Mr. Anaxa making all those beeping sounds?" he frowns, "Could it be that he's..." The camera zooms in on his shocked face again, "...a robot? Nah." he brushes away the thought with his hand.

Phainon takes a peek from the window again and his eyes go wide when he sees Anaxa dancing like a robot on top of his desk. The radio is playing techno music. Phainon gasps and jumps into Mydei's arms.

"Oh, Mydei, it's terrible!" he shouts, "Mr. Anaxa... talking to radio... beeping sounds... strange dancing... robot!"

Mydei, annoyed, picks up the man off his arms, "that's great, Phainon. Why don't you work on this problem back in the kitchen?" says Mydei, throwing Phainon in the kitchen as he lets out a laugh, but Phainon reappears right beside him. Mydei looks around in confusion like he'd figure out how Phainon teleported.

"I'm serious, Mydei! Mr. Anaxa is a robot. And I can prove it, too."

"How did you...?"

"Let's see, in the movie the robots didn't have a sense of humor! They couldn't laugh," says Phainon. "Hey, Mr. Anaxa!"

Anaxa walks up to the counter, "what is it, boy?"

"Mydei just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it!" he smiles.

"Is it true, Mydeimos? Is it hilarious?"

"Uh... yeah, sure." Mydei deadpans.

"Well, let's hear it, lad."

"Okay, here it goes!" Phainon was about to tell the joke, but Mydei never said it, "uh, how'd it go, Mydei?"

The blonde man chuckles nervously, "uh, it went, um, uh, let's see, uh... why couldn't the 11-year-old get into the pirate movie?

"Why?"

"It was rated," he winks, "'Arr'!" Mydei laughs, "Arr! Because it's... about... pirates."

Nobody else laughs.

"I'm not paying you to do stand up, Mr. Mydeimos!" Anaxa scolds. "Now get back to work!"

Phainon gasps, "Not even a chuckle! See, Mydei? He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's..." The camera zooms in on his face and he looks mortified. "...a robot."

"There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, Phainon. He's obviously heard it before. The only reason you think Anaxagoras is a robot is because you watched that stupid movie," Mydei explains, "Now why don't you..."

"Hey, Mr. Anaxa!"

"What? What is it, boy?"

"Mydei's father never hugged him. Isn't that sad?" Phainon pretends to cry.

"Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Mydei can hug himself during his break! Now get back to work!" Anaxa walks off.

"Just like the robot in the movie; he couldn't cry either."

"Phainon, this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much."

"That's the final test, Mydei, the love test. Robots can't love," Phainon says, squinting.

"No, wait, Phainon!"

"Hey, Mr. Anaxa!"

Anaxa is about to throw something out the window, but walks up to the counter again. "What is it, Phainon?!"

"I just wanted to tell you that Mydei loves you!" he replies, putting his arm around Mydei and smiling. Anaxa stares at him blankly.

"Get back to work, Mr. Mydeimos," he walks away.

The white-haired man gulps, "Mydei?"

 

Anaxa is at his desk dancing to the song 'Electric Zoo' and writing something, when the radio slows down and stops working. The radio breaks. Smoke comes out of it and there's the sound of a broken spring.

"Aw, me radio died!" he sighs and takes out the batteries. "Hmmm, these batteries still have a little juice in 'em. I know! I'll give 'em to Hyacine for Christmas," Anaxa puts the batteries in his back pocket, smiling, and a few seconds later, a bell rings. He then walks over to a pot of boiling water.

"Me hard-boiled egg is ready!" he says as he picks up a pair of tongs. "I can already taste it. Come to Papa," he takes the egg out of the water with his tongs. "Got ya! And what good is a hot-boiled egg without a little salt?" Anaxa picks up a salt shaker.

"Mr. Anaxa!!"

Anaxa flinches, breaking the egg and accidentally tossing the full salt shaker into his good eye. "Ahhh! Oh, my eye!" he screams at the top of his lungs.

"Mr—" Mydei slaps his hand over Phainon's mouth.

"Will you be quiet? Now listen, what did these robots in the movie look like?" Mydei asks.

"Well, they had piercing red eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries," Phainon says.

"Okay, so tell me, does Mr. Anaxa look ANYTHING like that?!"

Just then, Anaxa barges out of his office, still screaming; his maroon-blue eye that isn't covered by an eyepatch is now burning red, the pair of tongs in his hand make a snipping sound, and the camera pans to the batteries he kept in his back pocket. The two men near the counter start to scream as well as Mr. Anaxa rushes into the bathroom.

"I'll evacuate the customers, you call the navy!" Mydei shouts.

"Hello, Operator?" Phainon calls when he runs over to the phone, "get me the Navy!"

"Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service," a robotic voice comes through.

Phainon stills, eyes widening. "Mydei, the robots are running the Navy!"

"Not the Navy!" Mydei panics and shouts over the loudspeaker, "Attention, everyone, run for your lives! Robots have taken over the world!"

The customers stay silent.

"Our world!" he says and all the customers run out screaming. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know!" Phainon notices a nickel, "hey, a nickel!" he points at it.

"Phainon."

"Sorry."

Mr. Anaxa walks out of the bathroom with his eye back to normal. "Ah, that's better," he sighs, walking back to his office. "Bee-boo-boo-boo-bee-bop, boo-boo-bop."

"We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Anaxa, but how?"

"Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot."

"They poop on the robot?" Mydei raises a brow.

"Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information."

"I never thought I'd say this, but Phainon, let's get that poop!"

He grabs the book titled "How To Torture" and reads it with Phainon, who's grabbed some rope while Mydei's got a hammer and a saw. Phainon also moves to snatch some old comedy records before they enter Mr. Anaxa's office.

"Oh, hello, boys," Anaxa greets, "what can I do for you?"

The two men are standing at the door with scowls on their faces. Mydei proceeds to lock the door, and a bead of sweat appears on Anaxa's forehead.

"Heh heh, why did you lock the door?" They slowly approach him. "Why do you have that rope? Who's watching the cash register?!"

Loud crashing and people screaming can be heard from outside the Grand Chrysos as the camera shakes before they eventually stop.

"Get your hands off me!"

Back in the office, Mydei is tying Mr. Anaxa to his chair as he struggles.

"Phainon, Mydeimos, what's the meaning of this?! Untie me this instant!" he shouts.

"Shut up!" Mydei slaps Mr. Anaxa right across the face.

"Sweet Davy Jones, what the heck is going on?!"

"I said 'shut up,' you bucket of bolts!" Another slap.

"I can't take it!" Phainon runs off, crying.

Mydei walks over to Phainon, who is curled up into a ball. "Phainon, are you okay?"

"Oh, Mydei, seeing you slap Mr. Anaxa like that is just too horrible to watch!"

"No, that's not Mr. Anaxa. That's Robot Anaxa." Mydei points to Anaxa, who's trying to get out of his chair.

"Oh, yeah."

"And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know."

"Right." Phainon smiles as he runs up to Anaxa and slaps him.

"Phainon, you got to ask him a question first."

"Oh, yeah. What color is my underwear?" Phainon asks, slapping Anaxa again.

"Phainon, let me handle this." Mydei says, bringing a lamp over and turning a light on Anaxa. "Where's Mr. Anaxa?"

Anaxa raises an eyebrow, "what are you talking about? I'm Mr. Anaxagoras." Mydei slaps him again.

"We can do this all night if you want," says Mydei, scowling, "where's Mr. Anaxa?"

"I'm Mr. Anaxagoras," the mint-haired man frowns.

"Where's Mr. Anaxa?" Phainon asks.

"I'm Mr. Anaxagoras."

"Where's Mr. Anaxa?"

"I AM Mr. Anaxagoras! I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am!"

"This is one stubborn robot," Phainon scratches his chin.

Anaxa, initially confused, starts to understand his predicament. He growls, making everything around him shake and knocking over the light and Phainon. "WHAT?! You think I'm a ROBOT?!"

"We don't think; we know," Mydei corrects.

"That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I am Mr. Anaxagoras!"

Mydei walks over to Phainon. "He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way."

"I got an idea," Phainon pokes Mydei's nose. "Keep an eye on him, Mydei; don't fall for any of his robo-tricks."

Phainon rushes out of the office, before coming back in with hands behind his back. "If Robot Anaxa won't tell us where Mr. Anaxa is, maybe one of his little robot friends will."

"Phainon, uhh, that's a blender."

"Yeah, but I saw Mr. Anaxa talking with his radio before. He called it his 'little buddy'," Phainon narrows his eyes at the dromas-shaped blender.

Mydei smirks. "Oh, really? Put it on the table, Phainon."

"You're gonna interrogate my blender?" Anaxa says. "You're crazy."

"We're just gonna see what your 'little buddy' knows." Mydei pulls out a bat and grins, putting a hand on his hip as Phainon sets the blender on Mr. Anaxa's desk.

"No, wait! What are you going to do with me blender?! That cost me money!" Mr. Anaxa shouts.

"Where's Mr. Anaxa?" Mydei asks, but the blender doesn't answer because it can't talk. "Not talking, eh?" he smashes the blender with the bat.

"No! That cost me $24.95!" Anaxa cries.

Phainon looks at the broken blender, then back at Mydei. "I guess it didn't know anything."

"Go get the toaster."

Phainon grabs a toaster that somehow also looks like a dromas and puts it on Anaxa's desk.

"No, not me toaster. That cost me $32.50!" Mydei destroys the toaster. Then, Phainon sets the food processor on his desk. "$62.67!" It also gets wacked.

Anaxa's dromas-shaped coffee maker is next. "Four... well, actually, that one was a gift."

It's smashed into smithereens.

"Noooooo!"

"This is the last robot, Mydei," Phainon says as he sets the cash register down.

"No! Not my cash register! I raised it myself. I got it when it was just a little calculator," Anaxa begins to wail. "No!"

He sobs and he sobs loud. Mr Anaxa's a surprisingly good crier.

"I thought you said robots can't cry," says Mydei.

"I also said they couldn't love."

"I loved it like it was me own," Anaxa cries.

A bead of sweat appears on Phainon's face. He grins nervously. "Uh, at least he's not laughing."

"Oh, I remember the laughs we used to share!" Anaxa continues to sob.

"Phainon, uhh, how did that movie of yours end?" Mydei asks, eyes narrowed.

"The movie? Oh, yeah! The ending was great! Turns out there weren't any robots after all. It was just their..." Phainon slows down, "imagination."

He begins to chuckle nervously, sweating, then checks his watch. "Hey, it's time to feed Bubbles."

Phainon dashes out of the restaurant while Mydei smiles nervously at Anaxa and then grabs a broom and sweeps the broken pieces on the floor. Mr. Anaxa scowls hard, growling and the camera shakes.

"Mydeimos!!!"

Notes:

i point my fingers together amphoreus gang could be cartoon material and the restaurant event is proof