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The debrief, post-mission or operation, isn’t always terrible.
Sometimes the group comes together, running on too little sleep and too much caffeine, to write their reports and fill in the gaps for superiors. They’re all dirty, smelling like too many hours, sometimes days, of sweat and grime. But if they can manage a joke or two, sharing wry, amused looks despite Moody’s impatience, it helps.
Today isn’t like that.
The room is silent when James enters. Moody and McGonagall are there already, speaking in low tones on the other side of the room, hardly sparing him a glance. James drops into the first chair he sees, stretches out his legs with a wince, and waits.
Frank and Marlene come in next. Frank tries for a smile that wobbles a little too much and Marlene looks paler than James has ever seen her. A far cry from the almost shocking composure she maintains during and after their worst battles.
But the night before wasn’t like the others and nothing reminds him of that more than when the door opens with a bang, startling half the room into drawing their wands. James is out of his seat before he even knows what he’s doing, legs eating up the distance between him and Sirius. He’s reaching out, hands desperate for contact, and stops short with the look being leveled at him.
“Don’t.”
It’s said so quietly, James wonders if he imagined it. “Damn it, Padfoot-“
“Evans?” Sirius takes a break from looking anywhere except James when he asks. “She okay?”
“She’s with Mary.”
Sirius nods and goes back to staring at nothing as he shoulders past James, maintaining the same cool, detached expression for the remainder of the meeting.
It happened like this.
Everyone knew the attack was coming.
For once, it felt like the Order wouldn’t be outnumbered and scrambling to push back the Death Eaters when they descended, bent on bringing about chaos and sheer terror.
The thing that had set apart this night from so many others was coming face to face with those they had called classmates less than six months ago.
Mary and Lily were fighting back to back, wands raised, something close to breathtaking in the way they fired off spells and curses, so in sync as they moved and taunted their opponents, picking them off with a skill that had James’ heart thrumming with admiration.
James had his own marching orders and focused back on covering Sirius and Frank as they worked to get the panicking crowd to safety. It was almost easy, routine.
Until it wasn’t.
The next time James chanced a glance in Mary and Lily’s direction, Mary had lowered her wand. James could see, in the light from clashing spells, how wide her eyes were, the way her mouth had fallen open. Lily was at her side immediately, hauling Mary back with one hand and brandishing her wand with the other, a look of wild fury etched on her features, even as she spoke gently to the other woman.
“Mary? Stay with me, love.”
And he knew.
He barked something out to Sirius and Frank, alerting them that the plan had changed.
Something’s off. Re-group!
And when the trio approached, James felt dread settle in his stomach at the familiar voice of Mulciber taunting a fleeing Mary.
“That’s right, Mudblood. Run. I’ll find you-“
“Enough!”
Lily’s spell hit him right between the eyes, sending him crumpling to the floor, but the damage was done.
The next voice to ring out sent chills racing along James’ spine, had him chancing a look over his shoulder and stepping directly in front of Sirius, as if he could protect him from it.
“There he is. My brother, the traitor.”
James couldn’t say who fired next, only that they were quickly plunged back into the thick of it. He heard Regulus taunt Sirius and Sirius’ answering snarl. Cold laughter from Bellatrix and calculated disdain from Malfoy.
There were others, too. Richards from Gryffindor, now hiding behind a mask and robe, taken down by Emmeline. Hathaway from Ravenclaw, who was James’ fourth year potions partner, aiming the killing curse at Peter.
James remembered every name and face, feeling something like despair rise up in him, battling with sheer terror when the fight was nearing its end and he noticed Sirius, separated from the others, dueling one on one.
In training, Sirius was a sight to behold. He moved with such ease, a natural dueler. James and Lily always teased him about how much he loved to talk, especially practicing. But even now, with the enemy, he kept up a constant stream of what could have been one-sided conversation.
He told them it was a carefully planned tactic, thank you, and not just him shooting off at the mouth. Get them riled up and off their game so he can knock them on their ass.
James saw none of that as he ran across the rubble, choking on panic, as Sirius looked ready to throw his wand down and tackle the person across from him. And he knew, even out of earshot, whatever his opponent was saying, had Sirius dangerously off his footing. Prepared to make the kind of mistakes that would get him killed.
“…too weak and foolish to know it would end this way.”
“You’ll have to do better than this, Bella, if you want-“
“Who says I’m going to kill you, cousin? Next time we meet, I’m starting with that redhead mudblood you’re so fond of. And then your wittle boyfriend, Potter-“
And Sirius, beautiful even with such a twisted expression, prepared to scorch the earth with his anger, was ready to kill. James saw it on his face, the way his expression went absolutely deadly, replacing the mounting fury.
Right or wrong, James shot off a stunner, gasping and chest heaving with exertion as he bypassed her crumpled form and dropped his wand so he could throw both arms around Sirius, holding him close.
“What the fuck.”
“No!” James yelled, holding on to him in a bruising grip. “You can’t, Sirius.”
“Get off of me!” Sirius howled, struggling with everything in him.
“Padfoot, please…”
“I’ll kill her!”
Sirius fought James’ hold, thrashing and swearing, nearly out of his mind. And James knew, the moment he was free, he’d kill Bellatrix. So he held on, until Frank and Moody arrived, taking Bellatrix away. And even after, until Sirius had gone limp and silent in his arms.
When they arrive back at the apartment together, James offers to make breakfast. He knows whatever Sirius is feeling toward him, neither of them have eaten and they need a meal under their belt before they shower and pass out.
But apparently Sirius isn’t having it because he takes the boot he’s just unlaced and hurls it across the room so it slams against the wall and lands with a dull thud. Any other time, James would laugh at him being a literal child and throwing a shoe, but the gesture is loud and angry and James knows his temper has come roaring back all at once.
“I don’t want fucking breakfast.”
“Sirius-“
“You had no right,” Sirius returns, finally looking at James. “To do what you did. None.”
James is close to finding something to throw himself because he can do loud and dramatic and pissed, especially now that he’s aching and exhausted, but they both fall silent when Lily stumbles through the Floo, looking exhausted, with dark smudges beneath her eyes and her mouth pinched tight with worry.
She glances up at them and even though James drops his shoulders and Sirius goes back to unlacing his boots, like he wasn’t tempted to clock James with the other one, she knows.
“Whatever this is,” she says, looking between them. “You’re going to figure it out.”
“I’m not talking to him,” Sirius says quietly.
“And I’m not walking on eggshells around the both of you,” she shoots back.
The anger of her words is lessened somewhat when she kicks off her own shoes, heading first to James so she can stand on her tiptoes, brushing a kiss against his jaw before she goes to Sirius, giving him the same greeting.
“Figure it out, please. Last night was a disaster, and I’d appreciate cuddles from you two in the near future.”
They both watch her go, eyes tracking her movements as she gracelessly begins shucking her clothes, leaving a trail in her wake before closing the bathroom door behind her with a soft click.
James considers the situation and swivels his head, watching Sirius as he rifles through the cupboard for his favorite mug.
“Alright, go on. Let me have it.”
“Doesn’t work that way,” Sirius remarks, still not looking at him.
“How…what?”
“You tell me that, and all the anger just kind of…”
“Gone?”
“Maybe.”
The shower turns on in the bathroom and James drops heavily into a chair at the table, suddenly feeling every bit of the fight from the night before.
“First time you’ve seen all of them like that. Didn’t want you to do something you regret.”
Sirius takes the chair across from James and at least he’s back to looking at him, even if James can tell he’s far from okay.
“That wasn’t your call.”
“Going forward,” James starts, fingers tapping out a nervous rhythm on the table as he gathers his thoughts. “Handle them how you want. I just…you deserved time to think about it. To not have to make that choice in the moment.”
“I’ll kill any of them,” Sirius remarks flatly, “Because they won’t stop to consider their feelings before taking out you, or Evans. Or any of the others.”
“Okay,” he says, knowing Sirius is telling the truth, and that it’s more complicated than all of that, even if he doesn’t want to talk about that part.
The shower shuts off and James holds one hand out, palm up, allowing Sirius to decide whether he wants it or not.
For his part, Sirius huffs out a sigh, leaning forward so he can grasp it, allowing James to lace their fingers together with a fond smile.
“Okay,” James repeats.
And somehow, it is.
After the fastest shower known to man, together, without the usual fumbling and enjoyable parts, and an even quicker breakfast, the trio falls into bed.
There’s comfort in the familiar tangle of limbs, with James tucking his head into Lily’s neck, and Sirius kissing them both, trying to pull away only to duck back in again, because it’s easier than the things he won’t say yet.
“So that’s settled,” Lily says drowsily, both hands carding through their hair as they drop off to sleep.
"Yeah."
"Mhmm."
“Good.”