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The Santa Ana winds hit the windows of the pseudo Buckley-Diaz household. Buck is at the stove mixing a pot with a wooden spoon, with a checkered tea towel on his shoulder.
Buck fixated on the tomato sauce for the pasta he hears the clanking of Chris’ crutches down the hall.
He turns as Chris makes his way through the door, he really looks at the 14 year old boy and notices how he has changed since he last saw him, before exiting the house they both now stand in.
Chris makes his way to the chair, as Buck - by instinct, pulls the chair out making it easier for Chris to sit down.
“Hey Buck! What’s for dinner?” Chris says as he sits comfortably at the table looking up at his best friend.
“Chicken Parm with pasta, you’re right on time!” Buck states as he opens the oven, pulling a baking tray out and places it on the heat resistant pad.
Chris hums in delight as the smell fills the kitchen. He watches as Buck assembles two plates of food and then turns to place them down for the pair.
”Thanks Buck” Chris smiles, shovelling a spoonful of the food in his mouth humming , nodding, Buck smiles gently to himself, enjoying the moment.
Ever since Eddie successfully transitioned back into the 118, the schedule has been mixed around by Gerrad, as Bobby is still in the recovery process after surviving the lab explosion. Eddie and Buck have been on opposite shifts and have each taken the dinner shift on different days of the week. Friday’s and Saturday’s became Buck’s dinner date with Chris, while Eddie was away on a 48 hour shift.
Chris sets his knife and fork down after scarfing down two plates of pasta, deeming himself a growing boy. This gains Buck’s attention as he looks to the boy stopping his rambling on the re-brand of Lego.
“Hey Buck, can you..” Chris starts, then begins to hesitate tapping his fingers on the table nervously. “Can you make cinnamon milkshakes a bit later?” He continues.
Buck smiles brightly. “Of course buddy! I’m sure I can find a recipe online. Help me wash up and then I can make then, and maybe watch a movie?” Buck states as he begins to clear the table.
“I have a recipe somewhere, I can go find it” Chris says quietly, so quiet Buck almost misses it.
“Sounds great kid, cmon grab a tea towel you're on drying duty” Buck says turning back to the sink as he hears Chris groan and make his way beside him.
Buck begins to look around the counter in search of the tea towel. He feels a movement on his shoulder and turns back to Chris, who has the tea towel in his hand. Along with a smile on his face that is so much like his fathers, they chuckle and work in a comfortable silence until the dishes are complete.
As Buck straightens up the kitchen, Chris returns from his room holding an old looking small piece of paper and hands it to Buck gently. Buck takes the paper delicately, trying not to damage it.
“Can you make this one, please?” Chris says in a small voice, looking up at Buck wide eyed and almost innocent looking.
Buck looks at the paper and notices the list of ingredients are in the cupboard and nods his head gently. “Yeah, I can make it. You want to pick out a movie for us to watch?”
Chris abruptly shakes his head at the question, “I want to help please” he responds.
The two work in tandem creating the milkshake, although Buck can’t help but notice that Chris keeps shifting the paper gently, almost protecting it.
Once the milkshake is made, Chris and Buck make their way to the coach and settle in for the movie.
Halfway through the movie, Buck can no longer contain his rapid thoughts, holding the straw he looks towards Chris who is slowly yet happily sipping on his milkshake.
“Can I ask you a question?” Buck asks, causing Chris to look towards him, Chris nods his head, signalling for him to continue.
“What is the significance of this milkshake? It seems close to you.You haven’t asked for it before” Buck asks gently, treading carefully, worried he’ll cause one of Chris’ now common mood swings that comes with puberty.
Chris looks towards the milkshake and sits in thought for a few moments. He sighs heavily and stutters to find the correct words as tears form in his eyes.
In a panic that he’s caused Chris’ tears Buck gently puts both milkshakes on the table and pulls him closer, rubbing his back in small circles.
”I’m sorry Superman, I didn’t mean to upset you. We don’t have to talk about it, don’t worry” Buck says quickly to try and diffuse the situation.
Chris hiccups gently and sniffles, shaking his head. “No it's okay, I’m okay” he says through sniffles. Buck takes this as his sign that his question will not be answered.
After a moment of silence, Chris sighs deeply and falls further back onto the coach.
“My mum…used to make them for me” he says in a small voice, this gets Buck to turn to him with his undivided attention. He remains silent, giving Chris the space to continue, silently telling the boy to step into it.
“I remember the past in sections with my mum..and dad i guess” Chris starts.
”I guess when I was younger and I missed my dad while he was away..my mum would always..ya know do things to help me forget thinking about it. One of those things were cinnamon milkshakes”. Chris chuckles wetly and takes another breath.
”She always used to say that..the cinnamon was her…the vanilla ice cream was dad and I was the milk. So drinking it always made me feel closer in a weird way..it probably doesn’t make sense”
Buck nods gently, this was the first time Chris has opened up about his mum since he and Buck had the conversation of his "Bachelor Phase”, it was the first time Chris had ever hinted to him about missing his dad growing up. Not wanting to break his stride, Buck simply hums gently.
“Maybe being back in El Paso and Cap almost going..made me think about mum. I don’t..really know much about her. Like basic stuff, her name before she married dad, her favourite food, the type of music she listened to, things she liked. It feels like she’s a distant memory.”
Buck simply nods his head - it does make sense. Shannon left when he was young, then when she returned to his life she unfortunately passed away. It does beg a question in his mind - are his grandparents to blame for his lack of knowledge of his mother?
Buck removes the thought from his mind and gives his attention back to Chris, its perfect timing as he sees him inhale ready to open up again.
“Dad doesn’t really talk about her, I don’t want to bring her up and upset him but I feel like I don’t know her. I see photos and abuela mentioned her often in El Paso but she felt like…I dunno a distant relative and not my mum.” He says, frustration evident in his voice.
“Did you ever ask your grandparents about her?” Buck asks slowly, almost like approaching a startled animal but with your voice. Chris hesitates, now fiddling with a throw pillow on his lap - one Maddie gifted to Buck with an embroidered E on.
“No” he says with finality, then hesitates to continue. “I didn’t really feel like I could, I felt like I would get in trouble for bringing her up”
Buck feels a slight anger in his body, Chris shouldn't feel like he can’t talk about his mother or how her death affected him. Unknowing of what to do with the information, Buck stews on it for a moment.
Does he tell Eddie? Could he keep this from Eddie? He hates the thought of lying to his best friend and a recent revelation of the man he loves. Before he can get further into his spiralling Chris turns to look at him.
“How do you grieve someone you don’t really know?” Chris asks in a whisper.
The question hits Buck like a freight train, unsure of what shocks him more, the question being asked or the fact that a 14 year old is asking him the question. Buck settles on a simple and safe answer.
”I think that’s a question for your dad”
Chris silently huffs and wipes his tears gently mumbling something to himself.
“I know I know, talk to dad”.
Buck sits for a moment and asks a big question. “Is something making you feel like you can’t talk to your dad?”
Without hesitation Chris looks Buck dead in the eye and says “The day I left for El Paso”.
In that moment, Buck comes to the conclusion that Chris and Eddie never talked about Kim. The two have been passing ships in the night on the topic.
After Buck sends Chris to brush his teeth and get ready for bed, he hears the front door close and heavy footsteps that can only belong to one person. Leaning against the counter with a glass of water in hand, he looks towards the door as Eddie walks through it, looking tired.
“Hey Buck, how was boys night?” Eddie says with a gentle smile
“It was…good.Chris is getting ready for bed” Buck says distantly.
As always, Eddie immediately notices and tilts his head to the side like a puppy in curiosity.
”Did something happen? You didn’t get in a fight did you?” He asks, slight panic in his voice.
Then from down the fall, in Chris’ room he yells “No! We didn’t get into a fight!”
“Asked and answered,” Eddie mumbles, gently chuckling to himself.
“You should go see Chris, actually make sure his homework is right. New math confuses me”
Eddie laughs as he makes his way out the kitchen and round to his teenagers room.
Once Eddie arrives, he knocks on the slightly ajar door. Chris grants him entry and he makes his way inside, where Chris is sat on his bed in PJ’s - almost like he was waiting for Eddie to enter.
“Hey mijo, everything okay? Do your homework?” He asks, trying to lighten the mood, yet he can’t help but feel a heavy weight wafting throughout the house.
Chris sighs gently nodding his head, mumbling a small Hi Dad in response. Eddie makes his way and sits next to Chris on his bed, much like Buck, patiently waiting for Chris to open up to him.
Chris fiddles with the sleeve of his PJ top, nervousness evident on his body. Eddie reaches out and gently holds his hand hoping to calm him down - it works.
“Buck made cinnamon milkshakes” Chris says softly, looking towards his dad.
Eddie immediately knows the significance of the item and gives his hand a squeeze. Taking this as a good sign Chris, like before, takes a breathe and opens up to Eddie the same way he did with Buck
“I was just thinking about mum a lot,” he says softly. “I guess..I try not to think about it but then I don’t think about her and I feel like she floats further away.” Chris sighs gently and rubs his face, frustrated once again at the lack of finding his words.
Eddie nods his head, shocked that Chris is opening up about Shannon. He remains silent, not wanting to scare Chris at his revelation.
“Can you….tell me about her? I feel like I don’t know much” Chris said shyly, looking up at his father.
Eddie sighs deeply and thinks about the question, there were so many facts, likes, and dislikes whirling around his head about Shannon.
Eddie stands up, walks towards Chris’ laptop and goes onto Spotify. After a moment of silence, Use Somebody by Kings of Leon fills the room. Eddie makes his way and sits beside Chris, as the boy scrunches up his nose.
“She played this song all the time, it drove me mad…still does” Eddie says with a faint smile on his face.
“Kings of Leon…really?” Chris says. Eddie nods and makes his way to turn the music down to a reasonable volume that still allows for conversation.
“She was on the rowing team, it was how we met. I was on the baseball team, the lake wasn’t too far away. I was too nervous to talk to her, so my friend got her landline for me” Eddie began, reminiscing.
“What’s a landline?” Chris asked in confusion
Eddie chuckles and rolls his eyes playfully “I’ll tell you later” he says.
”She really liked the water and swimming, she was captain of the rowing team I think. She loved helping people - hence her job” Eddie continued as Chris laid his head against his dads shoulder.
“What was her favourite colour?” Chris asked
‘It was a green, kind of Sage”
”What was her favourite meal bisabuela cooked?”
”Hmm” Eddie hummed in thought, slightly spun by the question. “I wanna say Carne Asada…from what I heard abuela used to give her Pozole when she was pregnant with you” Eddie answered.
“I do like bisabuela’s Pozole” Chris said almost day dreaming about the dish.
“You do..she also hated animals, she was not a fan” Eddie said chuckling and Chris giggled.
“Your mum's always gonna be with you Chris, and I always wanna talk about her, or answer any questions you have about her. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t”
As Eddie ended his conversation, Chris yawned loudly and shifted against his dad.
“Thanks dad” he mumbled as he began to drift off to sleep.
Eddie gently shifts Chris into his bed comfortably and takes his glasses off his face. Taking the opportunity, he kisses Chris’ head and whispers a good night and exits his bedroom.
As Eddie makes his way back towards the living room, he sees Buck sitting on the couch with a beer in hand with another on the coffee table.
“Hey” he says as he sits beside Buck sighing deeply, much like his son did in the same position earlier.
Buck looks at Eddie in silence, patiently waiting for a reaction - unsure of what to expect. Eddie simply smiles softly and takes a sip of the beer.
“How did it go?” Buck asks gently
“You knew?” He asked Buck starring. “He mentioned it to you?”
Buck simply nodded and they sat in silence for a moment.
“Thank you, I’m glad you were there. You’re always there for us” Eddie said
”I’ll always be here for you. Are you okay?” Buck answered and Eddie nods in response.
Time passes and the two partners sit in a comfortable silence together, Buck feels a weight on his shoulder. He turns his head towards Eddie and realises his eyes are on him. The two stare at each other for a moment.
“Are you going to stay on the couch again?” Eddie asks with a gentleness in his voice.
Buck chuckles, “Yeah, it is my turn tonight” He responds, eye fixated on the TV.
The pair had been taking turns sharing the bed—Eddie Monday to Thursday, Buck Friday to Sunday. After plenty of bickering, Eddie finally caved and took the extra night.
Buck feels the couch shift as Eddie gets up, then his hand is in Eddie’s, being pulled to his feet and guided towards the bedroom. Too tired to argue, he just follows.
Once they’re both changed, they end up brushing their teeth together. Eddie comes to the conclusion that this is everything he has been wanting. The simple, everyday stuff. Brushing their teeth before bed and bickering over Chris’ homework.
In bed, Eddie takes Buck’s hand, fingers slotting together in a quiet way of saying I’m here and you’re not alone anymore.
Their hands squeeze simultaneously once, legs slowly tangling together as they fall asleep.
An action they both know says I love you.