Chapter Text
Professor McGonagall caught Lily's arm right before she was about to enter the Great Hall, pulling her aside into an alcove. Her expression was grim and there seemed to be a tiredness hidden deeply in her eyes.
"Professor, what is it? What's wrong?" Lily asked immediately.
The professor's expression was even more stern than usual. "Miss Evans, I know that you and Mr. Potter often fight and argue-especially lately-and I stopped you to ask that you do not bother him." Lily watched her favorite teacher with a bit of anxiety growing within her stomach, forming an unpleasant pit as her mind sped into overdrive. McGonagall took a breath and gave a sad sigh before speaking softly."It will be all over the school by noon anyway, so I am going to tell you. His parents were killed this morning. Please give him space and peace to come to terms with what has happened" With that, Professor McGonagall released her arm and left her standing there, bewildered and deeply in contemplation on what she had been told.
After a few minutes, Lily left the alcove and walked into the Great Hall. She sat in her normal place at the table and played with her food, eating only several bites of toast before setting it down, not hungry. "Are you alright, Lily?" Alice asked worriedly.
"I'm fine. Just not hungry this morning is all." Alice nodded, accepting the excuse, but she looked unconvinced. Lily ate a bit more to appease her friend and then tried to push the matter from her mind. She had had only one truly civil conversation with James in the six years she had known him, and that was a year ago when it had seemed as if Remus were dying after a rough transformation when he had already been injured. Mostly they just argued and traded insults. Even if James still did occasionally ask her to Hogsmeade with him.
Lily's first class of the day was Double Charms. Her attention was far from the lesson being taught. "Miss Evans." Professor Flitwick called out over the class with disappointment. "What has gotten into you today? You have been ignoring me, staring out the window since before class even began, and I called your name four times before you responded."
"I am sorry, Professor, I meant no disrespect." Lily said quietly.
"Very well then. Would you mind practicing the charm? The incantation is invisibilis magnus. If you do it properly, the flower will not only become impossible to see, but also unable to be observed by any of the senses other than touch."
Lily took a deep breath to try and gather herself, but her eyes flicked once to James empty seat. Remus was watching her closely with a bit of concern. "Invisibilis magnus." She spoke twisting her wrist in what she believed to be the correct manner.
The flower turned to ice and then violently exploded, causing everyone near her to recoil and raise their arms, but Flitwick was not without skill as a champion dueler, and managed to throw up a quick shield to protect everyone. Lily flushed and then put her head down on her arms. Professor Flitwick put the class back to work and then walked over. "Miss Evans, are you feeling all right?"
"I'm sorry, professor. I don't know what happened. I've been a bit distracted all day."
He watched her for a minute before nodding. "Next time please do not attempt to cast a high-level charm without the proper preparation. The consequences may be more severe than they were today. It is obvious that you will glean nothing from this class today. You are dismissed. I do, however, expect a ten inch essay on the charm and also the dangers of doing magic with divided focus."
"Yes, sir." Lily gathered her book before she stood and left the classroom. She went to the library and was about to begin the essay for charms before she sighed and put the book down, resting her head on it. It was nearly dinnertime when Lily woke with a start, glancing at her watch with a groan. She had slept through History of Magic. It was granted that Professor Binns most likely did not note her absence, but she had still skipped a class.
Lily slid onto the bench and put quite a bit of food on her plate, hungry from missing lunch. After the hall started to clear for the evening as people finished, Lily slid over to sit across from Remus. "How is he?" she asked quietly.
Remus opened his mouth to respond, but Sirius beat him to it. "And why would you care, Evans? Want to kick him while he's down? It wouldn't surprise me, you have done it before." Sirius stood and stormed out of the room.
Lily stared after him in shock and then turned to Remus. "What did he mean?"
Remus sighed. "James likes you, Lily. I mean really likes you. He has opened himself completely to you more than once and you laugh at him. You have no idea how much that hurt him." Remus seemed to be fighting a battle within himself before giving in. "Did you know, in fifth year, that he cut?"
Lily shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.
"He did. I wouldn't be telling you this if half the school didn't already know. It got out because of the Quiddich showers. There was nothing any of us could do to make him stop or to find out what it was about. We were afraid that we would wake up one day and he would be dead. Eventually he confided in me what had happened. After James played that awful prank on Snape after O.W.L.S., you spoke to him. You told him that you hated him and that you wished he had never been born. He was struggling before that, but something about it made him gave up hope then. It took us almost six months to get him to stop hurting himself and act more like himself again. He does care, Lily, and what you say he takes to heart."
She couldn't stop a tear from escaping her eye. "I'm- That's-…" Lily looked down at her hands and bit her lip. "Where is he, Remus? I think I should go and see him."
Remus hesitated again, but after meeting her eyes he relented. "He is out sitting by the lake. I don't think he has moved all day. Sirius couldn't get him to respond, and he sent me away. Peter ended up in the Hospital Wing for trying to get James to eat something. Please be careful what you say to him."
She nodded and then left the Great Hall. Seeing a figure silhouetted against the water, Lily slowly walked over. It was James, drawing meaningless patterns in the sand with the tip of his wand, clearly oblivious to the girl standing behind him. After a brief moment of debating what to say, Lily sat beside him without a word, watching the setting sun reflect off of the still water.
Ten seconds passed, and then a minute. Half an hour was gone before James raised his head even slightly, not looking at her. "Go away." His voice was barely more than a whisper, but it spoke volumes of pain.
Lily looked at him as if judging his true feelings and made to move. She didn't miss the flash of disappointment and hurt that he showed for an instant. "I'm not going anywhere." Lily said quietly, slipping closer so that she could take his hand. "You don't have to hide it, James. I know how you feel."
James suddenly scowled and pushed her away, anger rising in his eyes. "How dare you pretend to know what I feel? Miss Lily Evans with her perfect world and perfect family. I thought maybe you came out here to be nice to me for once, but if you're just going to demean what I'm going through..." He huffed and turned his face away from her. "Why are you even here anyway?"
Lily knew he didn't mean what he said, and he didn't have any way of knowing, but she could not help the tears that began to leak down her cheeks. Once they had started she couldn't get them to stop. It was all Lily could do to keep herself together, and then when she no longer could, she stumbled to her feet and with a choked sob fled as fast as she could.
Startled, James Potter watched Lily flee. He had snapped, and what he had said clearly hurt her. He was sure he had heard her crying as she left, and everyone knew that Lily Evans never cried, not in six years of Hogwarts had anyone seen her cry once. He got to his feet and stared off into the direction she had fled to before swearing and taking off after her. It was the Forbidden Forest.
"What have I done?" James whispered as he began to follow her trail.