Work Text:
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When I get to drinking, I get to thinking.
I wish you were thinking about me.
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Lucifer's eyes scan over the papers and half-finished ducks scattered across his work desk. The room was dark with only the light over his desk turned on, illuminating the area in a soft glow.
Lucifer leaned back in his chair with an arm crossed over his stomach. A glass of red wine sat in one hand, almost completely untouched.
The top buttons of his shirt were undone. His usual black bow had been taken off and placed on the desk, along with his hat, and his cane leans against the desk.
Lucifer runs a hand through his blonde hair with a sigh. Pulling his eyes away from the half-hidden drawing that hung above his desk. He had been so lost in thought, and no matter how much he tried to work on something, a pair of honey brown eyes always seemed to invade his thoughts.
Things weren't supposed to end like they had. For him, it was only supposed to be a quick trip to Earth. One where he could ignore the divorce proceedings going on in hell. Ozzie had suggested it, and at the time it sounded like a wonderful idea.
A break where he could watch the humans do as they wanted to. Keep a distance but still be able to see some of the good that his gift of free will had given them.
Perfect idea. Amazing. Splendid even. Except…
He only meant to enjoy his time there. Not fall in love all over again.
Lucifer looks at the red wine in his hand. He tilts it to the side, watching as the liquid follows. A blush rose on his face as he thought about a pair of plump lips against the glass.
It was like the universe was out to get him, even on Earth, because while sitting at a bar during his visit, a male slid up beside him. Lucifer could still remember that award-winning smile and the deep transatlantic Southern voice that sent shivers down his spine.
He had tan skin and dark brown hair that was slightly curled. He was tall, much taller than Lucifer. He was sure that when standing up, he would come up to the other male's chest, and he had been right about it.
It didn't take much for Lucifer to get caught in the other male's web. One friendly drink had turned into two.
And then three.
And then he pulled out that damn smile again. Making Lucifer weak in his knees.
Lucifer could still remember the way that long, dark finger wrapped around his drink. Lips parted to allow the alcohol to slide down his throat.
Even now as Lucifer replayed the memories, he could see the way that Al Adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows. He had wanted to tease the skin with his own teeth. Watch as the taller male shivered.
“I need to stop thinking about him.” Lucifer whispers to himself, sitting up in his chair. He places his wine glass onto his desk as his eyes glances to a button down shirt thrown over a chair in his office.Lucifer turns away from it and shakes his head.
“He's probably not even thinking about me anyways.” Lucifer says. But even as he said it, it didn't mean that he would stop wishing for it. He wanted the other male to be thinking about him. Wanted to be his center of attention once more.
It didn't stop how his heart raced at imagining what could have been.
⊢———————————⊣
It's been ten months and 20 days.
I’m the last thing that's on your brain.
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“No, certainly not. I won't waste my time thinking of such nonsense. I have much better things to do.” Alastor says to himself, but that didn't stop his eyes from jerking over to a picture of a blonde male. The only photo he had ever gotten of him. The only proof that he had that Luci was real.
If he didn't have it, he would think of himself as insane. That it had all been some sort of hallucination. But there it sat, proof of what he once had.
Alastor's nose raises in disgust. He shouldn't be thinking of him. Not anymore. That ship had sailed a long time ago. It was no longer of use to him anymore.
And anyways, how likely was it that the literal devil would ever be thinking about him? Never. Not ever in the hundred years that he's been in hell.
Alastor had bigger problems that he needed to focus on. Like getting out of his deal. Not thinking of some blonde.
Alastor glances over at his shadow. Usually he wouldn't pay too much attention to it. It was simply an extension of himself in many ways. But it was hard to ignore the way its eyes looked at the picture of Luci. His eyes narrowed at the damn thing. He reaches forward and takes the photo and slams it face down onto his desk with a snarl.
Alastor leans back in his chair as his eyes flicker out to look at the Pride Ring through his window.
Meeting Luci that day at the bar had been a chance meeting. He had seen the blonde all alone, sipping a glass of whiskey as his blue eyes looked out onto the dance floor. He had guessed at the time that there was some sort of longing holding him back from joining, but there was something that held him back.
Maybe there had been. Like Lilith. Like hell. Like his own damn pride.
Such a simple night had started their whirlwind romance. Alastor had pulled Luci out onto the dance floor, spun him around, and held him close. His lips had dipped to whisper into his ear, satisfyingly watching the red blush that spread against his cheeks.
That day was the first time he ever had a notion of what lust might feel like. Alastor had wondered how far that blush traveled across his body.
Like the gentlemanhis mother had raised him as, Alastor had invited him out to dinner. Then the bookshop. They went to a rooftop to watch the stars. And to the park to feed the ducks.
And then Alastor found him pulling Luci into the more private side of his life.
He showed Luci his radio broadcasting room. Even let him sit in during one of them. He had invited him over to his apartment, where they found themselves dancing in his living room to some jazz music. He took him to one of Mimzy's vaudeville shows and introduced him to everyone.
It crept up on him, and then all at once he realized that he was in love with Luci. They never made anything official, but they certainly were ‘courting’ each other after that talk in the cafe.
And then….
“And then nothing.” Alastor growls, slamming his hand down on his desk. Luci had left after he had cut himself open and spilled out his guts to even mumble ‘I love you’ into Luci's naked shoulder.
The next time he saw Luci on Earth was during their last argument. It still left a bad taste in his mouth, like overroasted coffee.
Alastor shakes his head. He was getting nowhere.
He stood up, smoothing out his coat and picking up his cane once more to head down into the Hazbin Hotel to meet with Charlie for the day.
Alastor's smile grows, pulling himself together and reminding himself about the chain around his own throat.
Luci had to be an afterthought. He couldn't afford letting these silly little feelings win.
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Some nights, I think about the last time that we talked.
Back in November, maybe December
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Luci and Al sat in the corner of a café. It was small and quiet, the perfect place to sneak away from the busy streets of New Orleans. Al had a notepadand pencil lying in front of him, while Luci had brought a sketchbook.
Al had invited him out to a café. Christmas was right around the corner. There were so many people outside. And Al had decided to seize the moment and get Luci alone, under the claim of not wanting to work on ideas for his broadcast alone.
So here they sat.
Blue eyes kept glancing up at the brunette as his pencil moved against the page. He hadn't intentionally intended to draw Al, but the moment he started sketching the drawing, it came alive under his hand. He couldn't force himself to stop now.
Luci tilts his head and bites the tip of his tongue as he tries to figure out how to draw Al's eyes. His eyes narrow, taking in every line of the other male face. At least the part of it that he could see.
“If you keep looking at me like that…” Al says, his eyes glancing up at Luci. “People might think you're trying to court me.” Al let out a soft laugh and added, “Not that I mind.” A smile tugged at his lips as he did so.
Luci blinks as he takes a sharp breath in through his nose. He feels his body stiffen.
“And if I were?” He whispers. His hand grips onto his pencil a bit tighter. His heart was beating so fast he felt like he might throw up.
Al raises his head, surprised by the response. He had only meant to tease the other. He fully sits up to look at Luci. Their eyes meet as they both lapse into silence.
“Then I would say that this world isn't too kind to fellas like us.” Al says with a hint of sincerity seeping into his voice. His accent was thick, making Luci almost melt in his seat. “But then again, maybe we don't care too much about this world, do we?”
A blush rises onto Luci's face, and Al's eyes eat the sight up. He watches as Luci swallows hard. The way the edges of his mouth trembled.
“You don't even know me, Al.” Luci says, letting his bright blue eyes look down at the sketchbook on the table.
“Do I really need to?” Al rebuttal. He reaches across the table and raises Luci's chin. “The world is full of people wearing masks, but I have eyes, Luci, and I see you.” A thumb brushes against his cheek. “I'm not afraid of monsters. Only lies.”
Luci nods his head. Al looks at him for a long time before nodding his own head and continues to work on his outline for his radio show.
Jazz music washes over the two of them. Luci rests an elbow on the table and glances back down at his sketchbook. His hand starts moving across the paper once again.
⊢———————————⊣
All I remember is that you called me a piece of shit.
You said you never wanted to see my face again.
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The rain poured down around the two of them. Al's eyes were narrowed as he looked at the blonde standing in front of him.
Two weeks ago, Al had worn his heart on his sleeve and told Luci that he loves him. Only for the blonde to disappear and not be seen.
“Who the hell do you think you are?” Al growls, taking a step forward. He was slightly tipsy from the alcohol that he had consumed at the bar.
The rain seeped into both of their clothes, but neither seemed to pay much attention to it as they looked at each other.
Al had tried to ask Luci the same question after he slid up next to him at the bar. An awkward smile and a tilt of his head was all he received. Not anything else to explain why he had disappeared off the face of the Earth for two goddamn weeks.
“Does it really matter?” Luci asked. He wraps his arms around himself, pulling his white coat closer to himself. His eyes glance up at the sky and then back to Al.
“Yes!” Al says loudly. As much as Luci could hear the venom in Al's voice, he could see it written on his face.
“It matters to me, goddamn it!” Al says. “It mattered every goddamn night that I spent awake wondering what I did wrong.”
“You don't understand!” Luci says, his voice rising, hoping and pleading with the other man. Wanting to reach out and explain everything. “It wasn't meant to end up like this. I wasn't supposed to…”
“I don't understand?” Alastor growls, taking another drunken step towards Luci. If he didn't have any sort of alcohol in his system, he knew he wouldn't be acting this way. His mother raised him better than this. But right now he couldn't think past how hurt he was.
“You've been gone for two weeks, Luci! No contact, nothing. As if me opening up and spilling my heart out to you had burnt you.” Al pauses and takes a deep breath.
“At least I meant it when I told you I love you.” Al growls, his hand balled up in a fist. "But I wish to God I hadn't." He spat out. Every word landed like a knife in Lucifer's heart.
“You're a piece of shit!” Luci says, pointing a finger at Al as tears run down his face, mixing with the rain. “You think you're better than everyone around you!”
They were both yelling at each other at this point. Neither could feel the cold from the rain seeping into their body. Maybe if they had things, they would have played out differently.
“And you're a coward! A goddamn liar,” Al snaps back, bitterly. “You don't love anything but yourself.”
Luci stares at Al. His blue eyes, red from the tears. Both of their faces burned with anger. Their chest heaving as they tried to suck more oxygen into their lungs.
“I never want to see you again.” Al says. Honey brown eyes glared down at the blonde.
A beat of silence passes between them.
“Fine.” Luci finally mumbles as he pushes past Al. He tries to wipe the tears away with his wet jacket only to feel a sob bubble in his chest. His nails dug into his hand as golden magic wrapped around him, taking him back to hell.
⊢———————————⊣
You regret everything that we ever did.
You're obviously over it, so over it.
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Alastor held his breath as a short blonde male stepped through the hotel door. He digs his claws into his cane. His smile tightens as that large hat stands in the hotel lobby.
All the feelings that he had tried to keep buried hit Alastor all at once as Lucifer softly looks at his daughter. He watches as the king places a hand on her cheek and speaks to her softly, making the young princess blush.
The moment didn't last long, but it squeezed at his heart. Feeling as if it was being torn out all over again.
They turned to the rest of the room, and Alastor could see it the moment his eyes landed on him. Their eyes met, and Alastor got the faint memory of how it had felt to wrap his hands around that waist during his time alive.
“Alastor.” Lucifer says. His voice was smooth as his eyes glanced over Alastor's body. He could feel how the king of hell's eyes took in small details of his body.
“You've changed.” Lucifer says, his cane outstretched before him.
“I died.” Alastor puts it bluntly. The two stared at each other, neither looking away, but neither of them moved closer.
The hunger that Alastor had damned with rears its ugly head the longer those red eyes are on his. He wanted to sink his teeth into that pale white skin. Would Lucifer still blush at the feeling of his teeth biting him?
Alastor thought we were broken by Charlie moving closer to them. “Do you two know each other?” She asked hesitantly. Alastor watched as her eyes glanced between the two of them.
Lucifer was the first to turn with one last glance at Alastor.
“It was a long time ago.” The devil says, with a forced smile. Even after all these years, Alastor could read the short male like an open book.
“Not long enough.” Alastor growls, claws digging into his cane even harder. Charlie glances at Alastor, worried, with a hint of surprise lacing her features.
Lucifer moves his hand and places it on his daughter's arm, pulling her attention back to him. Always with the attention. Always wanting to be in the center of it.
“Why don't you show me the rest of your friends here?” Lucifer questioned.
Alastor watched as the two of them turned. He inhaled sharply. He could see it. Lucifer regretted it. Every single thing that they had done. He regretted being so human with him.
The thought aggravated him more than it should have.
Throughout the rest of the day, Alastor noticed how stiff the other male was. His movements were more hesitant, as if he was unsure of what he should be doing.
Alastor could feel the rest of the guests looking over at him with curiosity, but he never gave into it. He acted professional through and through. Something that would come to bite him in the butt after the battle with Adam and Lucifer now becomes a part of the hotel.
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So why do I still wake up at two in the morning?
Cold sweat, screaming your name
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[Narrative: Lucifer sat up in his bed as a tear slid down his cheek, Alastor's name falling from his tongue. His chest heaved as he looked around the dark room.
His nerves felt as if they had been set on fire as he threw his feet over the side of his bed. He grabs a robe to cover himself.
He needed a moment to breathe. Clear his head. Some fresh air would do him good, he thought. Then he would try going back to sleep.
Lucifer pushes the glass door to the balcony open, and with bare hooves, he steps out into Hell's humid air. A small breeze dances across Lucifer's legs as if to welcome him to a show he hadn't known he was invited to.
Once the door had closed behind him, Lucifer took a deep inhale. He moves over to the railing overlooking the pride ring and tries to ignore the light coming from the radio tower on the other side of the hotel.
But like an invisible force, his eyes glance over at it. They linger as he looks over the structure. Alastor's windows were tinted in yellow, making it hard to see through. So he had no idea if Alastor could see him standing out here on the balcony or not.
Did he even really want Alastor to know if he was?
Lucifer leans against the railing as the ON AIR sign flickers on.
Looks like the radio demon couldn't sleep either. ]
Alastor: You're listening to the voice of New Orleans. Tonight I have a little something for the insomniacs here in hell.
[Narrative: Lucifer smiles as he lets Alastor's smooth voice wash over him. Even now, years later, his voice still had the effect of being able to relax him. ]
Alastor: I must say, the air tonight feels heavy. Seems like it is filled with old songs and even older regrets.
[Sound: Loud bitter laughing static.]
Alastor: Tonight's show, I dedicated to a special someone. To the ones who left when things got too real. You know who you are. You always did love the spotlight, didn't you, my dear? I hope if you are listening tonight that the silence between us is as deafening for you as it is for me.
[Narrative: Lucifer opens his eyes and looks up to Alastor's radio station. He held his breath. His eyes glance around over the building as he feels the hairs on his arms stand up.
Lucifer finds himself gripping onto the railing as his throat grows tighter.
He hadn't wanted to leave. It was… He was scared. Unexpectedly so. He loved so deeply that it was ruined. Like with Lilith. He hadn't wanted the same for Alastor.
But now if he could go back, he would have said it all to him. Laid out his heart and told him everything he ever wanted to know. He would have dropped the mask.
Instead, he had vanished for weeks. Scared and afraid of what loving someone else would mean for him.]
Alastor: Now listeners, I'm not a romantic person. Far from it, in fact; many have even said I'm an ‘ace in the hole,’ to put it friendly. But even so I find myself curious as to how other people know they are in love.
[Sound: Fingers tapping in the background.]
Alastor (slower): I read once someone was trying to explain how it felt to love someone that is already gone and regret ever doing such a thing. They said that the feeling never truly leaves. It lingers in the space in between. Like perfume on your coat or like a picture you can't burn. We tell ourselves it's over and that they won't come back. But even so, why do we wait?
[Narrative: Lucifer looks down at his hands wrapped around the railing. He could feel tears prickling in his eyes. Alastor's words cut deep.
Is that how Alastor felt? Regret that he had even dared to love such a worthless being like him?
He pulls his hands away from the railing and wraps them around himself. His right-hand thumb brushed over his left elbow as his left-hand nail dug itself into his arm.
No matter what Lucifer had tried, the feelings still lingered. It felt like a curse. One that had been written so deeply into his soul that it burned every second he was away from Alastor.
But even then, he hadn't tried searching. Assuming that the other male was better off without him. That he wouldn't want anything to do with him after the argument that they had.
But even now those feelings still linger, don't they? Just like Alastor said. The love that Alastor once gave to him clung to Lucifer's soul like perfume on a coat. He could still smell it. Taste it with every fiber of his being. Like catching the scent once again.
Lucifer looks out to the Pride Ring, eyes slowly moving from one spot to another, taking it all in.]
Alastor: But maybe that's not the full picture of it. There are always three sides to a story. Yours, the other person's, and the truth. So maybe we aren't waiting only for them. Maybe we are longing for the version of ourselves that we were when they loved us back.
[Sound: Popping static.]
Alastor: Yet it's perplexing. In some ways they never truly leave. Their love changed you in ways you never imagined. And now you're stuck with the fact that you can never go back to who you were before them. It's an ugly cycle of learning about yourself and accepting the truth of those changes.
[Narrative: The wind blew against Lucifer's face. He blamed it for the tears that built up in his eyes. He wraps his robe around himself tighter, shielding him from it all.
He glances back over to the radio tower. He didn't want to go back to who he was before Alastor. Hell, even Lilith.
Alastor had shown him so much about humans. Things that he would have never known if he hadn't met the other male. Not only the good and the bad but also all the little things that came with being human.
Lucifer turns away from the building and lets his feet lead him back into his room. ]
Alastor: So what is it to you now? You closed that door and told everyone that you are fine. That you are better off alone. You don't need anyone else. It's time to focus on your goals once more. But listeners, is that truly it? Or are you once again hiding from the truth?
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Why do I get drunk and look at your picture?
Why do I feel this way?
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Alastor sat in his broadcasting room, his picture of Luci in one hand and a glass of rum in the other hand. He hadn't been able to get much sleep lately. Not since Lucifer had started staying in the hotel.
It was like his own personal ghost haunted the halls.
One light glowed in his broadcasting room. The light from the Pride Ring shone through the windows. Static rolls in the background to the room, heard under the sound of jazz music. An empty bottle of whiskey sat on his desk.
Alastor had poured the last little bit from the bottle into his glass over ice, but he had been sitting here so long looking at the photo of Luci that the ice had started to melt.
Alastor's claw taps against the glass of whiskey that he had in his hand. The ice inside lightly blinks against the sides of the glass each time his claw meets the glass.
Even now, while his thumb runs over the picture in his hand, Alastor doesn't understand his own feelings. They confused him to no end.
“I’ve killed things for far less than what you have done.” Alastor growls, his hand tightening around the glass. So why didn't he feel the same hatred that he felt for someone like Vox with Lucifer?
Alastor swirls the glass around in his hand before bringing it to his lips to swallow once more. He lets the bitter alcohol slide down his throat, burning as it does so. He pulls the glass away from his mouth and rests his arm on his armrest.
The picture of Luci was old and weathered at the edges. It was in black and white, with bend marks all over it.
It hurt that even the photo he held onto wasn't even a bad memory for him. No, in fact, it was one of the best. Alastor could still see the memory of what Luci looked like for that day, with his bright blue eyes that he swears sparkled.
Alastor had snapped the photo right before taking Luci out on their first official date, wanting to capture it to hold on to and even hang on their walls if Luci were to ever move in with him.
Alastor looks up as sharp static rings through the broadcasting room. He lets out a soft sigh and leans forward to set his drink onto his desk.
He leans back in the chair, letting his head relax onto the back of his chair. He closed his eyes only to find a scene of Luci leaning forward with his hands intertwined behind his back. He wore a teasing smile on his face. In the memory, Luci was looking up at him, making Alastor's heart pick up. His mouth was moving, but he could not hear or make out anything that Luci was saying.
The longer he looked at Luci, the more he transformed in his thought. The once blue eyes Luci wore transformed into the red iris. Behind his smile, Lucifer's sharp white teeth grew and peeked through his lips. Rose's red cheeks transformed into red circles.
Through it all, Alastor's chest felt tight.
The radio demon opens his eyes and picks up his head. His free hand reaches up to his chest and grips onto his shirt. He inhales sharply and glances down at the picture he still holds in his other hand.
“Did you ever love me?” Alastor questions, while his eyes narrow at the photo. “Or was I only a distraction to occupy your time with?” He growls, pulling his hand away from his chest.
It was stupid that he ever had felt this way at all. He wasn't even sure if he had mistaken Lucifer's fascination for humans for his way of showing affection.
Lucifer wasn't supposed to matter this much. Luci had never belonged to the human world. He wasn't meant to be there or even stay there.
But Alastor had pulled him into the world, showed him all of his favorite places, and allowed him to see a side of Alastor that Alastor didn't even know that he had.
Alastor huffs. He reaches out to the drawer beside him and jerks it open. He brings the picture over to it, prepared to drop it inside to forget that any of this had happened. But he finds his hand hovering over the drawer.
Alastor growls at himself. His hand balls up into a fist and slams down onto his chair's armrest.
“God dammit.” He says, frustrated. Finally dropping it inside and slamming the drawer closed.
Alastor reaches out and pulls the glass of whiskey back to him. He raises the glass and downs it in one go.
He leans back in his chair, his eyes looking out to the Pride Rings skyline. Finally he lets his eyes wander over to the apple-shaped tower on the other side of the hotel.
“I should have never let you in.” Alastor hissed. He slams his glass back down onto his desk and stands up. He runs a hand through his hair and walks out of his radio station.
He needed more alcohol. Maybe then he would be able to forget about that devil.
⊢———————————⊣
Why do I do this to myself?
And why do I even try?
⊢———————————⊣
Lucifer lay in bed. One that felt way too big for his small body. It felt as if there should be someone else lying beside him, and he wasn't sure if it was because Alastor was also in the hotel.
Don't get him wrong, Lucifer was happy to stay at the hotel with Charlie, trying to rebuild their relationship. Through his awkwardness and terrible communication skills, Lucifer would say it was going good. Splendid even. But he could definitely feel the unspoken questions that lingered over the hotel members.
Angel Dust had really been one of the only ones to point out the tension that filled the room any time Alastor and Lucifer were in it together, but in a much more sexual way. Even now, thinking of that made Lucifer shiver. He knew firsthandhow little Alastor liked being touched. He had firsthand experience of it. He had always been the one to let Alastor initiate a touch.
Lucifer sits up in his bed and sighs. He watches as his golden-colored sheet rolls down his body and pools in his lap. For a while, it was hard to pull his eyes away from them. A vague memory of Al's red bedsheets echoes in his mind as he looks at his own. Remembering the mornings when Lucifer would try to drag Al back into bed with him.
“Even now when I close my eyes I can still hear your voice.” Lucifer whispers to himself. He reaches out to run his fingers against the sheets but stops, seeing the button-down shirt he was wearing. The sleeves of the shirt were longer than his arms were, causing the cuffs to hang over his hands.
He brings the sleeve to his face and takes a deep breath. The smoky scent caused his body to relax but also brought tears to his eyes.
A long time ago, Lucifer had used his magic to keep Alastor's scent on the shirt. It was really an easy spell. He had done the same for some of Lilith's clothes and even a blanket for Charlie to sleep with when she was younger. But this shirt was the only thing that he had gotten to keep of Alastor's stuff.
Of course, Lucifer had the drawings that he had made, but this was the only thing of Alastor's he had now.
It made him feel so pathetic how much he clings onto a love he now knew was distant to fail. Every day in the hotel reminded Lucifer how much Alastor didn't care about him anymore. Alastor didn't even look his way.
Letting his hands fall back into his lap. His hands balled up as he sniffled. He tries to take a deep breath, but his eyes glance over to the other side of the bed, and another wave of sadness rolls over him.
Lucifer reaches out and lays his hand down onto his striped fitted sheet. He moves them up to the dark blue pillows that he had and lays his hand on it.
“I built an empire, and all I can think about is the boy that called me ‘dear’ like it meant something.” Lucifer says as more tears build in his eyes. His hand balls up into a fist, clenching the pillowcasein his hand.
After so many years, one would think he would be used to sleeping alone. But even now he couldn't help himself from staying on ‘his side’ of the bed, as if there was supposed to be another person in bed with him. He could almost still feel his warm presence wrapped around him.
“I was never meant to fall for you.” Lucifer says, staring at the spot. It felt like he was staring into a void of his own feelings. “I knew what it would cost, and yet, I did it anyway.”
Lucifer had told himself over and over while on Earth that he couldn't do this. But he never left. At any second he could do so with the snap of his finger. Leave and never disappear.
But when he had, after Al had told him that he loved him, every second he was away from the brunette felt like his heart was being pulled out of his chest.
Lucifer lets out a breathless laugh. “Seems I have a habit of always doing the wrong things when it matters most.”
Even now, after a hundred years, seeing Alastor made his insides hurt. One part of him wanted to melt every time their gaze even looked at each other, but another part remembered Al saying he never wanted to see him again.
But he didn't leave.
Why did he do this to himself? Playing some sort of inevitable game that he wasn't cut out for. Why did he always do this to himself?
Was this another part of his punishment? That he was to always fall in love with humans? To grow so attached to them till it hurts?
Was this really what he got for loving humans more than God?
Lucifer falls back down onto his bed, eyes looking back up at the ceiling.
“I should have never let you in.” Lucifer whispers to his ceiling.
⊢———————————⊣
You don't, you don't.
So why do I?
⊢———————————⊣
It was another sleepless night for Lucifer. With a groan, he rolls out of bed and throws on a robe to head down to the kitchen. He didn't feel like sinking into the void that was his feelings once again tonight.
So tea it was. A good cup of tea would surely help.
The blonde creeps down to the lobby, pausing when he sees a low light coming from the kitchen. He pauses and glances around. No one else should be up at this time of night. It was barely even 2:30am.
Confused, he continues walking forward, only to be met with the backside of Alastor. His heart jumps into his throat and starts to race. He bites his bottom lip and pulls the robe on his body tighter.
He questioned himself if it would really be worth getting tea or if he should turn back around. But he was already here.
He wrestled with those thoughts for a second, only to settle on continuing forward.
“Sorry.” Lucifer whispers as he walks over to the stove, looking down. He pushes a piece of his hair out of his face as he moves deeper into the kitchen. For a moment all that could be heard was Lucifer's hooves shuffling over the floor till Alastor flipped a page in his book.
Lucifer glances over at the other male as he sits at the island table in the middle of the kitchen. Their eyes meet for a second, and Lucifer turns away as a blush spreads across his face.
His hands shook as he prepared his own tea with his favorite rubber duck mug. He had to remind himself that Alastor didn't feel that way about him anymore.
Lucifer reaches up and grabs another mug.
He stares at the kettle on the stovetop. He could feel heat climbing up his back. As if God's hundreds of eyes were glued onto him. It made his heart race and forced him to dig his nails into the palms of his hands.
Was this what Charlie meant by his anxiety spiraling?
Everything was quiet. Normal. The only sound that graced the kitchen was the sound of the water in the kettle warming up and Alastor flipping pages of his book. Every once in a while, he would hear the sound of Alastor's choice of food being put back on its plate.
Lucifer grabbed two different types of teas, one that was from Rosie's. He could smell the hint of copper and iron as he pulled out of the box. He puts it in the other mug while he places a vanilla bean tea bag in his own tea cup. One that Beel had sent him to try, something she was thinking of selling.
Once the water was done, Lucifer poured the water over the tea bags and let them steep for a couple of minutes. He even added a hint of milk and sugar to his own but left Alastor's plain.
Lucifer turned towards the kitchen counter and moved to the other side of it, across from where Alastor sat. He first placed Alastor's tea in front of him while taking a sip of his own.
Alastor only glances up to the blonde before glancing back down at his book. The only hint of emotion that Lucifer got was the smallest of trembles in Alastor's smile.
Lucifer wraps his hand around the duck mug as he places it on the island. He lets the warmth of the tea fill his body as hesitant silence builds between the two of them.
“I'm still in love with you.” Lucifer says, closing his eyes tightly and sitting down onto his tongue. He didn't dare to turn to look at Alastor, scared of what he would see written on his face.
“That's…” Alastor says. Lucifer could hear how hesitant the other male sounded. “A very dangerous thing to say, your highness.”
Slowly Lucifer opens his eyes. He stares at Alastor's plate of food before flickering to look at his own mug.
“I mean it.” Lucifer says. He glances up at Alastor to see his book now relaxing on the island. His ears stood up straight on his head, looking like a deer caught in headlights. “I know it doesn't mean anything to you, especially after how everything ended, but…”
Lucifer scratches the back of his neck. The bluntness that had helped him form those words failed him now. His eyes fall back to the counter.
“I thought you should know.”
“You don't make this easy, you know?”
“I'm sorry. I know… I know you don't feel the same way. But I was scared and unsure of everything; I still am, but well… You should at least know how I feel. I don’t…” Lucifer could feel tears building in his eyes. He brings his hand up to his eyes to wipe a tear away and sucks in a breath.
He wasn't going to cry, he repeated to himself.
It was silent; even the usual buzzing of static from Alastor didn't cut through the air. It left the kitchen feeling hollow.
“Do you have any idea how much damage you've caused?” Alastor hissed, his body leaning in closer to the counter. Lucifer could see how Alastor's eyes looked him over before meeting his gaze once more. “No. Scratch that, the damage that we both have caused to each other.”
Lucifer nods his head. He wouldn't cry. Not anymore. This needed to happen. Neither of them had gotten any sort of closure from that night.
“If I hand you the truth, would you throw it away so casually again?” Alastor asked.
“No.” Lucifer jerks up to look at Alastor with a shake of his head. “I don't want to hurt you anymore.”
Alastor studies Lucifer's face for a long time before finally nodding his head.
“Make a deal with me.” Alastor finally says. Lucifer stumbles with confusion as he leans into the island. He raises his eyebrow to the other male.
“What?” Lucifer stutters out.
Alastor leans his elbows onto the surface of the counter island. His hands barely covered the ever-permanent smile on his face as he looked at him.
“How am I supposed to know you aren’t lying to me again?” Alastor questions. “I want security to know that whatever is to come from this, you won't be fooling me.”
Lucifer picks up his mug again to take a sip of it. He could understand where Alastor was coming from, but he wasn't the only one that had not been telling the full truth. He hasn't forgotten that Alastor was a known serial killer and is still a cannibal.
Lucifer set down his mug and held out his hand.
“I’ll accept the deal as long as you are truthful with me too.” Lucifer says, watching as Alastor's eyes look at his hand and slowly climb to look at his face. The smile on his face grew a bit as he reached out and took the devil's hand.
“You have a deal, sire.” Alastor says as green and golden power filled the room. It started with their hand before bursting out through the room. Causing the kitchen to light up from their magic intertwining together. Chains wrapped around their hands before sinking into their skins.
Once the light in the room falls, Alastor pulls his hand back from Lucifer and picks up his tea. He takes a sip of it. Lucifer notes how his eyes widen in surprise but doesn't say anything as he sits it back down.
“So how do we do this?” Alastor asks, and if Lucifer knew anything about Alastor, he would say the other almost sounded nervous.
Lucifer smiles softly.
“We start over.” Lucifer says simply. “No more lies. No more masks. Just us.”
“I think I can work with that.” Alastor says.
“Good.” Lucifer says, letting the two of them fall into silence. Alastor takes another bite of his meat, and Lucifer sips his drink. He glances up to Alastor before moving around the island table. His fingers running across the surface as he makes his way over to Alastor.
He leans against the counter and smirks up at the other male.
“Lucifer Morningstar. You may remember me from such questionable life choices as falling head over heels for you and it staying that way.”
Lucifer watches as Alastor chokes back a laugh as he looks down at him. A warm fuzzy feeling grows in his stomach as he watches Alastor set down his mug.
Maybe this time they could make this work out.