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Shauna had always been a runner. It was part of the reason she'd tolerated soccer, even though she'd never actually wanted to do it. She would run quick and fast, dodging and weaving through obstacles. Jackie had even lovingly called Shauna her "dodge viper" once, even though Jeff was the only one with an affinity for cars. Looking back on it now, that was probably where she'd gotten the information. Fucking Jeff.
But, back to running. She'd always be able to manuever her way throughout any situation. And another thing she was good at was running from things…metaphorically. Like when Lottie had asked who'd forgotten the snacks at a party afterwards, and eyes turned towards Shauna, she'd figured her way out of the situation, sneaking away and bringing snacks, saying it "Couldn't help, no matter who'd forgotten". She was absolutely good at it, and although she didn't flaunt it, she used it. But nothing changed the fact she was a runner.
So, when they got into the wilderness, Shauna ran. She ran around making sure everyone was okay, she ran around taking care of chores, she ran off to get supplies and forage for the team, and she ran away from her feelings. She hadn't explicitly liked Jackie. There were a lot of reasons why. Jackie was reasonably brash and sarcastic at times, and she barely asked or respected Shauna's opinion at times. As previously stated, she didn't even like soccer. She'd just joined because of Jackie. And she would much prefer to go to Brown, but Jackie had wanted them to go to Rutgers(and they would've, if not for…what happened). But she ran from the feelings. The complicated, fearful, angry, affectionate feelings that she felt for Jackie. And she wasn't always that bad.
But maybe that's because she was the one to run that time.
-
Jackie was a waiter. Not like someone who served dishes from a hot and steamy kitchen(though if that was true, she would absolutely serve in her job). She was a waiter in the sense that she waited. All the time. She'd waited for Jeff to notice her for months, and it was worth it. She could be reasonably patient if she deemed it worth it for the person. Jeff was deemed worth it, and he proved to be.
Almost. He couldn't quite fufill her, and hell knows why. She really did like Jeff. But something was always off. She was half ready for it to click at some point, and half ready to dump him as soon as she left high school for Rutgers. She was so excited. Perfect colour scheme, perfect everything. So once again, she was waiting. Waiting for college to start, waiting to room with Shauna, waiting for everything to click.
The interesting part is that would've happened. She would've achieved it. If what happened…didn't. She still remembered it, the argument, the stinging that she felt in her head, a slight thrum. Her and Shauna didn't end on good terms, and no amount of waiting would resolve the slight hum of pain in her chest each time she thought of Shauna. All the time, essentially. So she kept waiting. Maybe someday Shauna would join her. Maybe the wilderness, in all its cruelty, would take pity on the first kill. Maybe it would remember her dream as she died. She couldn't quite place all the details, but she knew it felt…so warm. Maybe there wasn't even a wilderness. Even so, she needed something to pray to. But she knew that it wouldn't do shit for her.
She couldn't deal with it much longer, being alive, she was sure. She would've never adapted to the David Attenborough, Steve Erwin type of shit she would have needed to do to stay in good graces. But she wasn't built for that at all. She couldn't. So she just waited for things to change. Waited and waited and waited. Until she couldn't. Especially after the night even Shauna didn't care when she was locked in the closet, desperately banging. And the argument after.
So for once, she became the one who ran.
-
"Really? You're seeing me in group settings now? Shauna, I'm telling you, you've gone batshit craaazy." Jackie commented, glancing down at Shauna. Months after…her death, and she was still hanging around. Maybe it was unfinished business. Or maybe Shauna really was batshit crazy. She didn't actually know.
"I am fine, so shut up. Now." She mumbled, spooning soup into her mouth. "Hey, Shauna, you say something?" Taissa asked, glancing up.
"I didn't say anything, sorry. Must've been the noise around us?" Shauna offered a weak explanation, and although Taissa had a lingering suspicion of what was going on, she shrugged it off, turning back to her conversation with Van. Shauna stared back down at her bowl of stew, a mix of leaves, some small amount of meat Natalie and Travis had scrounged up through a lot of work, and some water, wherever. Probably the lake.
"You know, it's pretty frustrating that you're annoying me. I mean, you're basically the reason of my death, and you won't even grace me with a response? Didn't realize you hated me."
Shauna let out a deep breath, pushing her chair up and standing up. "I'm going outside. Save my bowl." She said to no one in particular. Leaving the table, she sat outside on the ground, staring down at nothing.
"You do know that going outside isn't gonna help. I'm just gonna follow you…duh. C'mon Shauna, you're smarter than this." She inhaled, trying not to glare at Jackie. "…I know." Jackie sighed, sitting down next to Shauna and nudging her. She could almost feel it.
"Well, since you're finally responding, I think I should get to ask you a couple more questions." Jackie responded, twirling her hair around her finger as she glanced at Shauna. When she didn't get a response, only Shauna staring up at the sky silently, she continued. "Alright, let's start….What is. Your favourite colour."
Shauna looked up, chuckling slightly, even a small snort escaping her mouth as she glanced up at Jackie. "Really? My favourite color? That's the worst segway I've ever heard. Plus, we've been friends, for…forever, basically. I think you'd know." Despite her voice taking on a teasing tone, there was a sense of softness in her voice. Still affectionate with Jackie.
"Well, I know it used to be maroon…but I don't know now. Maybe it's changed. Maybe it's blood red. I don't know." Shauna paused at that, her eyes hardening slightly with guilt as she stared back down at the ground, fiddling with her clothing, and refusing to meet Jackie's eyes. "Is that a dig, Jackie?" She paused, glancing at Shauna, watching over her body. "I don't know. Do you want it to be?" She offered a slight smile, only half genuine, before sitting down next to her. "I think you know."
Shauna glared at her, this time full on. "Don't…just. I'd rather you say it head on, Jackie." Jackie rolled her eyes, before nodding, shifting slightly and offering a knowing smile. "Fine. I will. Why'd you have to eat me?"
Oh. That. It was pretty big, so no one could blame Jackie. But Shauna half did. "We were starving, Jackie. I'm sure if it was- if it was someone else that…it had happened to, you'd have done the same thing. So please don't fake being a saint…" Her voice was tired, and yet still slightly fond, as she glanced at Jackie.
Jackie shrugged, shifting over juust a little more, until she was right next to Shauna, nudging her shoulder. Shauna could almost feel it. "I'm not trying to be a saint…but Shipman, I would absolutely not have eaten anyone. I'm the team captain." Shauna couldn't help but let a small noise of teasing escape her mouth. "Not out here, not really. You aren't- weren't…exactly capable." Jackie laughed slightly, glancing at her, then the sky, then back. "Maybe. But still, you weren't some survivalist either. You were better, but still." Shauna offered a small chuckle in return, staring at Jackie(or what was left of her).
"Fine…I guess you're right. Truce?" Jackie nodded, her smile turning softer, almost human again. "Truce…"
Shauna smiled slightly, before reaching out to hug Jackie. However, she was met with the stiffness of air, half falling onto the ground.
Right.
She'd never get to run to Jackie again. But she didn't know how much longer she could wait.