Chapter Text
The tingling sensation is one Kaiser becomes much too familiar with.
Hell, he shouldn’t be anywhere near this stuff right now, yet it’s the only thing keeping him from falling to pieces.
Of course, he would never become like his father. He’s only relying on this stuff to get his mind off a lot of things.
He can feel his throat tickle with that familiar tingle as he downs a drink. “Hell, Michael, you good?” Of course, as both a bartender and his friend, his concern is necessary. Yet, it pisses Kaiser off. It pisses him off that it’s his friend asking if he’s alright, and not that shitty excuse of a clown.
“Yeah.” His eyes barely reach the other side of the bar. Instead, he lays his head against the hardwood edge, trying to knock some sense into his head. “How about a non-alcoholic one? You got a match coming up, remember?”
His hair tickles his neck as he brings his head back up, his stomach suddenly burning. No, it isn’t like an acid burn. It’s more of a prickly burn, a deep feeling that he’ll never get what he wants. Even throughout his childhood, he had to work his ass off to get whatever he wanted. Yet, this thing… it’s much too far. No amount of work could get him this.
“Fuck that, I don’t have practice tomorrow. Just give me your strongest shit.” Suddenly, he digs into his jean pocket, grabbing out a wallet and placing down multiple 20 euro bills, pushing it towards the bartender.
“You shouldn’t be drinking this much.” He was so close to jumping behind the bar and beating the shit out of this guy. “I don’t want your concern right now,” He pulls on an extra 100 euro bill, placing it with the other 20’s.
The bartender's face morphs into an unreadable expression, but Kaiser can still sense the hesitation on his face. “Fine… But I better not see you here, matter-of-fact, at any bar, tomorrow.” “Fine, fine. Whatever. I’ll only agree if you give me extra drinks, though,” He places another 100 euro on the table before shoving his wallet aggressively back into his jean pocket.
Holy shit.
He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a million times better right now.
Of course, he hates the dependence he’s built on alcohol currently. Yet, having alcohol in his system gives him the confidence he’s lost since he came back from Japan.
As he’s lying against the brick wall in some random alleyway, his mind races back to his memories back in Japan.
He’s not sure if it's the alcohol or the thought of Yoichi that gets his body all heated up, that weird tingling feeling in his stomach returning. As he closes his eyes, all he can see behind his lids are those ambitious, brooding blue eyes.
The ones that hold so much emotion, the emotion Kaiser very much craves to see right now. He can feel his heart beat faster, his throat going dry.
Should he call him? His fingers itch to grab his phone, but with little consciousness he has, he tries his best to avoid such a situation. Of course, that would only worsen the shit he has to deal with, but he can’t help but hear his voice. Those cutting words that broke his ego into billions of pieces.
And suddenly, the loose shirt he’s wearing became tighter, restricting his chest from rising. His ‘oh-so-stable’ brain is shutting down, only being able to recall his words, his voice, and his touch even. Everything feels on fire, Kaiser’s skin burning.
Maybe it’s the humidity.
Maybe it’s alcohol.
Maybe– it’s Isagi Yoichi.
He lets out the loudest groan, partially annoyed, and partially so fucking desperate to just see that stupid Japanese boy again. Pushing himself off the raggedy brick wall, he makes his way to the nearest taxi parked against the curb.
As he stands in front of his apartment, he hesitates for a second. Is it too late to go to the airport? Too late to book a one-way flight to Japan? Is it too late to beg Isagi Yoichi to bring back his passionate ego? To have Yoichi mould him, right in his own hands?
He once again feels the itch to grab his phone and dial him, even if it’s just to hear his voice again. Kaiser’s head thuds against his door as he tries to knock some sense into his head, fiddling with random keys in his hands, hoping to find the one for his apartment.
First step into his apartment, he feels the emptiness he’s been dealing with ever since he got back. The weight of being home only worsens as the days go by, reminding him of what a broken man he is.
That’s why he’s using every single excuse to steer clear of this place. Using practice, the gym, Ness, the bar, and even Noel Noa to come home late.
Yet here he is, back to the place that only mirrors his shattered ego.
He should probably take a shower, but all the training he’s done with his legs today has finally caught up. He can only flop onto the bed, suffocating himself in his pillow.
As he closes his eyes, he suddenly sees those ambitious blue eyes staring right back at him. Staring with so much anger, frustration, and a hint of something else that Kaiser has always wanted to discover.
All Kaiser can feel is the mix of sensations returning.
Of course, when he first got back to Germany, it wasn’t this bad. He’d actually completely forgotten about Yoichi. That was until Noel Noa had a one-on-one talk with him, criticizing, while also subtly complementing, his plays with Isagi.
The name has brought up many forgotten memories, mainly because Kaiser was just too caught up in settling back and training for the World Cup.
And so, he went home that day and watched all the footage of their matches back in Japan, and he could not take his eyes off of Isagi Yoichi.
The way he moved and deliberately thought out every move using his field space was, and still is, truly amazing to him. He couldn’t stop staring at him, studying every single move, down to each muscle spasm.
He’d never admit this to anyone, but he did stay up watching all the clips over and over again, skipping to the parts where Isagi was playing.
Since then, it’s been a daily routine to think about the Japanese boy in so many ways, just hoping to see or even hear him at some point.
But tonight, it’s been hell for Kaiser. His body has been crashing down on him, and the alcohol he’d grown dependent on over the past few weeks is no longer numbing his desires.
Sure, when he had his first drink a couple of weeks ago to celebrate being back as a team, there was a sudden suppression of his constantly running thoughts about Isagi. But that same power is no longer present, if anything, only worsening these feelings.
He feels his regular emotions magnified by about 1000. So, he’ll figure out how to deal with all of this shit tomorrow morning.
For now, all he wants to do is close his eyes and hope that the Japanese boy will knock some sense into him.