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No matter how many kids they had or how different they were to each other, Astarion was there for each and every one of them. Being the best father he could ever be to his little stars. Through out the years of his children’s lives, he found some way to let them know that no matter how the world saw him, he was their father. Not a monster. Not a rogue. Not even one of the heroes of Baldur’s Gate. Just their father. And through them, he learned a few things about being a father.
The first moment came when he took Orion to his first dance class. When Orion turned six and started school for the first time, Astarion and Felicity were approached by his teacher, encouraging them to enroll Orion into a dance class. His teacher described how Orion would dance during free time outside and she thinks he could get even better with the right guidance, no offense to Felicity. Astarion was unsure since Orion was already getting bullied by the older boys at the school, but when he saw his son’s eyes light up at the thought of lessons, Astarion folded. The teacher gave them the name of a dance class in Baldur’s Gate that focused mainly on children along with another for when Orion got a little older. One that first day, Felicity and Astarion, with 2 year old Celestia in tow, picked up Orion from school and took him into the city for his first dance class. Orion couldn’t stop bouncing on the balls of his feet at the thought of learning new dance moves that his mother couldn’t teach him. However, when they arrived, Orion froze and hid behind his mother’s skirts. It was all girls. No other boys were there. Astarion noticed Orion refusing to let go of Felicity’s skirts as his son watched the other girls lace up their dance shoes or put their hair up.
“Is that a boy?” a woman whispered.
“What’s a boy doing at a dance class?” another whispered.
“Isn’t that…the son of that former brothel dancer and the pale elf?” another gossiped,” You know, the ones who saved the city?”
Another scoffed,” It’s no wonder that he wants to dance. He’s watched his harlot of a mother,”
Astarion’s red eyes only glared at the noble women shaming his son and wife. Felicity only kept her head held high despite the tap tap tap of her fingers against her thigh, her stimming starting to show. Kneeling down to look his son in the eye, Astarion took Orion’s hand and smiled softly.
“Mama, Celestia, and I will be right here watching, okay? Can you be my brave boy and go show them what you’re made of?” he asked.
Orion shyly nodded and made his way over to the group getting lined up for practice. The teacher, an older elf maiden, smiled as he approached and helped him get situated by showing him where to set his stuff with the others. Orion wore no dance shoes like the others in his class. He just took his boots off, set them down with his pack, and walked barefooted over to the class. The teacher only smiled and began the class by doing stretches. Astarion, Felicity, and Celestia made their way over to the side of the room where the other parents stood watching their daughters. Felicity sat down on the bench, pulling Celestia into her lap as she signed the word for ‘quiet’ to her daughter. Astarion, however, couldn’t look away from his son. When the actual class began, Orion hit every point, every twirl, every leap, and every bar with dedication, perfection, and grace. He could see from the teacher’s face that Orion was doing something to catch her eye. Astarion smiled as he watched his son get asked by the teacher in front of the class if he knew how to do a fan kick and to demonstrate it if so. Orion didn’t question nor faltered. He raised his arms into position, readied his little body, and with one leg, kicked in a perfect arch. The teacher applauded.
“Excellent work Orion. Perfect figure,” she said,” Now girls, you try. One at a time. Get into line order and on count of three, give me your best fan kick,”
Astarion smirked before turning to the other mothers.
“What was that you lot were saying about my son?” he asked them,” How he watched his bewitching mother dance in nature where she feels most comfortable?”
The other mothers averted their embarrassed gazes from him, hiding their faces behind their fans as they witnessed their daughters fail one after another to do a perfect fan kick like Orion did.
“Alright students! Now comes the end of our lesson. Let’s bring a parent up here with you to help with our final practice,” the teacher said dismissing the students to collect their parent of choice.
Orion ran up to his small family. Astarion knew that Orion would choose his mother, but as he went to collect Celestia from Felicity, he felt a tiny hand grab his. He looked down to see Orion tugging on his hand.
“Papa, come with me!” Orion said.
Astarion blinked in confusion,” But darling, don’t you want your mother to go with you? Your dear mother who has clearly passed on her dancing to you?”
“I would love for mama to come too, but I know mama is…what did you say?…Carrying precious cargo?” Orion said quietly,” I don’t want the cargo to get hurt,”
Felicity hid her giggle behind her hand. Astarion and her had just found out she was pregnant with baby number three, but hadn’t told the kids yet. She turned her eyes towards Astarion’s and gave him a nod.
“I’m too tired to dance right now, love,” she said,” Go with your boy,”
And Astarion did. He went with Orion back to the teacher and engaged in this final lesson, which was mainly balancing practice. The kids, using their parents’ arms, had to balance on their tip toes while extending one leg out. Astarion could feel the eyes staring at them as he helped his son balance, but he didn’t let it bother him. He was a father in this moment. A proud father. A proud father watching his son do what he loves. As the class ended, the dance teacher approached Astarion in private as Orion ran to put his boots back on.
“Your son is very talented for his age. Good ankle bones, perfect poise, even great flexibility! And this is only his first day,” she said,” He must of had a great teacher,”
Astarion smiled before turned his gaze to Felicity, who sat with their daughter waiting for Orion to finish tying his shoes.
“His mother. He learned from watching her since he was old enough to walk,” Astarion explained.
“And you,” the teacher said,” Children will surprise you sometimes and only learn from one parent, but Orion, he’s learned from both you and your wife. Its the dramatics,”
They left that day with a very happy Orion. Their son kept asking when he gets to go back, completely different from the boy that first stepped into that classroom. From that point on, Astarion vowed to be a supportive father for his son and other children, no matter what the world said about his son’s dancing.
The next moment came with Celestia, their second child. Astarion wasn’t upset when his children were born without fangs. It actually made him happy. He didn’t want what he saw as a curse to affect them in their every day life. Or so he thought. Late one night, when Celestia was 5 years old, Astarion would face a part of his curse for the first time in 200 years in one of his own children. Felicity had just put their third child, Selene who was just 3 years old, to bed and was checking on Orion, now 9, when a horrible SCREAM sounded from Celestia’s bedroom. Astarion’s heart stopped. One of his daughters was screaming in pain and he didn’t know why. With his vampire speed, Astarion rushed to Celestia’s room and yanked the door open. His eyes widened in horror at the sight. Little Celestia was sitting in the middle of her bed, blood dripping from her mouth as she wailed and wailed.
“Daddy! Daddy, hurt!” she cried.
Astarion was at her side immediately, his breaths coming out in quick, panic pants.
“Where, darling? Show Daddy where it hurts,” he asked in fear as he looked her over.
Felicity came rushing in next, her eyes reading the same fear as Astarion’s at the sight of her daughter covered in blood. Astarion turned to her, panic in his scarlet eyes as he shook his head.
“I don’t know where it’s coming from!” he screamed,” Celestia, darling, show daddy and mommy where it hurts!”
Celestia continued to wail like a banshee as her little hands reached for Astarion.
“Daddy, mouth hurts!” she cried as she grabbed the front of his night shirt.
Felicity was at their side in an instant, gently moving her daughter’s silver hair from her face to get a better look. Astarion watched with fear laced eyes as Felicity gently lifted their daughter’s top lip and gasped.
“What? What is it?” Astarion asked,” Why is she hurting?”
“Astarion…look…,” Felicity said moving her finger a bit for Astarion to get a better look.
Right there, poking out of their daughter’s bleeding gums, was a fang. Not just one, but two perfect, sharp vampire canines. His curse can be passed down…and its now his daughter’s. Astarion’s face fell into sadness and disappointment. All he could do was wrap his arms around his sniffling daughter, blood be damned.
“I’m sorry…Daddy’s sorry, my sweet girl…,” he whispered in her ear,” You shouldn’t have to deal with this…,”
Felicity felt a gentle presence and turned to see Orion, awoken from the scream, standing in the open door way, Selene hiding behind him.
“Orion, can you bring mama the herbal ointment? The one in her medicine pack?”
Orion nodded before taking Selene with him to get what their mama asked. That just left Astarion, Felicity, and Celestia in the room. Felicity rubbed her daughter’s back as she whimpered through another throb of pain. Astarion only held her tighter.
“We didn’t know Astarion…It’s okay, my love…,” Felicity whispered gently as her husband, her children’s father slowly unraveled.
“She shouldn’t live in the shadow of her monstrous father…,” Astarion solemnly said,” None of them should…None of them should even have a monster like me for a father…,”
“Astarion, you know that’s not true! The children love you…,”
“Look what I’ve done to our daughter Felicity!” Astarion yelled as he clutched Celestia tighter,” She now has to live with the sins of her own father, and it’s all my fault!”
But a tiny voice spoke up above the yelling.
“Daddy…No sorry,”
Astarion looked down into the tear stained face of his daughter, the blood from her mouth dried to a dirty brown. The little girl lifted her tiny hands to her father’s face and gave him a tiny smile, her new fangs glistening.
“Love Daddy…No cry now,” Celestia said,” Daddy not a monster…Daddy is Daddy,”
Astarion felt his eyes sting as he looked into the face of his child and could only bring her back into a hug, her little hands wrapping around his neck.
“Love you Daddy…,” Celestia whispered.
From that moment on, Astarion vowed never to view himself as a monster to his children. Celestia never developed a taste for blood, just grew fangs, but he never viewed himself as a monster ever again.
The next moment happened with Selene, their third daughter. Selene was just like her mother in terms of how she processed the world. Differently. Loud noises frightened her, she stims just like her mother, she didn’t talk till she was three, she has items that are a great comfort to her, and changes to her surroundings or routine upset her greatly. When Selene was 4, she would face her greatest challenge yet: babies. Felicity’s fourth pregnancy came as a shock to her and Astarion when she gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl. However, the newborn twins were a bit of a handful. Constant crying and screaming at all hours of the day for comfort, nursing, diaper changes, everything that babies needed. And it upset Selene every time. Astarion would find her curled in her comfort corner Felicity made, hands over her ears and rocking to soothe her overwhelming mind. He would sit with her on those days, letting her tap on his hands or fiddle with the velvet of his coat. Anything for his little girl to feel safe. One day, Astarion went to Felicity with an idea.
“I’m going to take Selene for a day out,” he said proudly to her as she nursed their twins.
“Would she be alright with that? You know how crowds upset her…,” Felicity asked.
“Darling, I’m hurt. You’d think I’d do anything to hurt our daughter?” Astarion said with mock offend,” I’m just going to take her for a little outing in the woods,”
Felicity smiled at him before gently signing:
Let her know I love her
Astarion smiled before signing back:
She knows
The following day, Astarion helped Selene pack a small picnic basket of snacks, comfort toys, and blankets to take for their outing. Felicity kissed them goodbye, Orion hugged his little sister, and Celestia gave Selene a ribbon to play with for the walk as the two set off into the woods. It wasn’t long until Astarion found a quiet clearing a hike from their cabin.
“What do you think, my sweet? Should we set up our picnic here?” he asked Selene.
Selene smiled up at her father and gave a firm nod,” Here good! Quiet and pretty!”
“Then here it shall be,”
Astarion set down the basket and Selene helped get the blankets out. They laid them out just to Selene’s liking and began to set out some plates and cups for their snacks, despite Astarion not being able to eat them. As Selene laid out her comfort toys on their picnic blanket, Astarion couldn’t help the smile forming on his face as he watched his daughter light up for the first time since the twins were born. Felicity has told Astarion in secret how terrible she feels to not be able to comfort Selene with two babies needing her at every waking hour, but he knows that Selene is a smart girl. Selene and Felicity’s bond is strong because they understand each other in a way no one else can, because they both know what it’s like to live, process, and survive in a world they see differently from everyone else.
“Mama sad we left?” Selene suddenly asked.
“No. Mama is…just tired from the babies,” Astarion answered in order to not worry Selene.
Selene frowned,” Babies loud. Too loud. I…I wish sometimes they weren’t here. Am I bad papa?”
“No sweetheart…No…You’re not bad for thinking that,” Astarion said quickly,” You’re right. Babies are loud. You were loud too at that age,”
“I was?”
“Yes, very much. Bath time was a nightmare because you didn’t like the water on your skin sometimes,” Astarion explained,” But…over time, you got better. Caelan and Lyra will learn to soothe themselves and not cry as much anymore, but it takes time,”
Selene nodded to show her understanding as she fiddled with a fox plush Felicity made from fabric that Selene liked the feeling of.
“Mama love me?” Selene asked.
“Ofcourse she loves you,” Astarion said as he scooped her up to sit in his lap.
“You love me?” she asked again.
Astarion smiled and kissed her brow,” Always…Now, what does my precious girl want to do on her special day?”
Selene smiled before jumping up and tugging on his hand to stand up. She then dragged him down to the little stream nearby and knelt down.
“Rocks papa! Find rocks!” Selene gleefully said showing her father a shiny rock.
“Then find rocks we shall!” Astarion said as he sat beside his daughter to find stones to her liking.
After that moment, Astarion vowed to make sure his children’s needs were never ignored. Selene got used to the babies being a part of their lives, but Astarion never neglected her needs when she felt overwhelmed or upset. He made sure she and his other children knew he and Felicity would be there for whatever they may need.
The final moments came with Caelan and Lyra, the twins. Caelan resembled his mother to a ’T’, inheriting her features right down to her nose. However, at age 5, he went through the same horror that Celestia did and grew fangs like his father. Lyra, on the other hand, was the spitting image of Astarion from over 200 years ago before he fell to the hands of Cazador. He and Felicity thought the two would be so alike in personality and manners that they would have their hands full putting out fires or finding them in dangerous situations. Quite the opposite. Caelan was the first to show his personality to his parents. He was brave and prideful, but very loyal to his family. Felicity would teach all her children how to dance, but one day, Caelan announced to his mother that he was done dancing and that he wanted to learn how to fight like his father. Astarion worried that Caelan just upset and insulted Felicity by saying that, but all she did was kneel before her youngest son, place her hands upon his shoulder, and smile.
“I thank you for telling me. All I want is for you and your siblings to be happy doing what you want,” she said.
And from there, while the others learned dance from Felicity, Caelan learned fencing from Astarion. Almost every day, Caelan had his little wooden sword and would be out back with Astarion from early morning till breakfast, practicing footwork, attack stances, and simple attacks on a training dummy.
“Before long, my boy, you’ll be the one defending this family,” Astarion said to Caelan one day as they relaxed from training,” Your brother will soon be off for Druid training, your sisters and mother will need someone to protect them when I go hunting,”
“I won’t let you down dad,” Caelan said.
Astarion patted him on the back.
“I know you won’t,”
Lyra, on the other hand, took a while to grow into her personality. When she was first told the story of her and her twin brother’s birth, about how she was a surprise her parents didn’t even know about, it made her feel for a while that she wasn’t wanted. Not planned. Not special like her siblings. Astarion hated that she felt like that. All his children were special in his and their mother’s eyes, but Lyra didn’t feel so special. One day, Lyra approached her father in his study late one night, her stuffed rabbit tucked under her arm.
“Papa?”
Astarion looked up from his writings.
“Can I stay with you tonight?” Lyra asked.
Astarion smiled and reached his hand out towards her. Lyra padded over and climbed into her father’s lap.
“Just till I finish this page, okay?” he said as he stroked her hair.
Lyra nodded as she watched her father start writing again. As he worked, she began to fiddle with a spare quill on his desk, picking it up and twirling it in her hand. Astarion smiled as he watched her from the corner of his eye. Setting his own quill down, he reached for a sheet of parchment paper out of a box and handed it to Lyra.
“The ink goes here, sweet girl,” he explained,” Try putting something on the paper,”
Lyra set her sheet down on the desktop and with a careful, tiny hand, she doodle lines on one corner of the paper. Astarion watched as Lyra drew circles, squares, and other messy shapes until she set her quill down.
“What did you make, my darling?” he asked looking at the paper with her.
Lyra pointed at the different marks on the paper, saying they were ‘her, ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’.
“Well, you made me quite the handsome fellow. As I should be,” Astarion jested, making Lyra laugh,” I dare say we have a little artist in the making,”
That statement alone from her father changed Lyra’s view on herself. That night, Lyra found not just her personality, but her love for art. After that night, Lyra would ask Astarion for spare sheets of paper and a quill before wandering off somewhere in the house to draw. He kept a drawer empty for all of her drawing, which mainly ranged from zig zag lines to box animals. However, when Lyra was 7, she drew her first portrait.
“Almost done Papa!”
Astarion chuckled,” I’ve been posing for quite a while, my sweet girl. Surely, you don’t need to torture your father a moment longer,”
Lyra stuck her tongue out as she doodled a few more touches to her drawing before loudly proclaiming she was done. She turned the book she was doodling in towards her father.
“What do you think? I drew you!” she said with excitement.
Astarion’s face fell into one of shock. He didn’t know what to expect, but then again, no one ever drew him before. For a seven year old, Lyra still drew with less details than a painter who paints landscapes for a living, but he could tell right away that it was him. His curly white hair, dramatic hands, red eyes. Even down to the pointed triangles that stuck out of his wiggly smile.
“I never looked better, my darling,” Astarion said with a smile.
Through Caelan, Astarion vowed to never disgrace their children for wanting to be different than the rest of the family, to embrace their differences. Through Lyra, Astarion vowed to be a guide that his children could turn to in times of self doubt, confusion, or inspiration. The twins may share their parents looks, but need not follow in their foot steps, but shape their own.
Through each child, through every moment, Astarion learned new things that a father must be and new ways to be a better father for his children. But he knew no matter what, with Felicity by his side, he would never doubt himself as a father ever again. Not after witnessing the five miracles they are raising together.