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Dinner had been a semi-peaceful affair, apart from Natsuo picking a fight with the old man, but that was to be expected. Shouto was fine with that.
In fact, Shouto wondered if he should pick a fight.
His old man had been trying to act like a father more and more since the Hosu Incident. And then of course, there was the battle with the High-End Nomu. Shouto had been worried about the man, but…
“Sorry to make you boys help,” Fuyumi apologised as Midoriya and Bakugou left to put the dishes in the kitchen from the table. She handed Shouto a dish to stack on his growing pile as well.
“It’s fine. Midoriya would be sorry not to help,” Shouto replied, smiling absentmindedly at Midoriya’s vehement denial to not needing to help a moment earlier. Bakugou hadn’t said or done much, just went along.
There was a pause, and Shouto knew where the conversation was headed without even needing to think.
“It’s not that I don’t understand Natsuo’s feelings… I share some of them,” Fuyumi confessed softly. There was a beat as she chose her next words. “But… it feels like we’re being given a second chance now, Shouto…” She looked up, her turquoise eyes just like Shouto’s left side warm and watching. “How do you feel about Tou-san, Shouto?”
Shouto had wondered about it a lot since the old man had fought against the Nomu and Shouto had been terrified he’d die.
But did he want the old man in his life forever? Did he care for him enough to give him a second chance?
“This burn… I think of it as something the old man gave me,” Shouto admitted. In his mind, he remembered the anger and contempt in his mother’s face as she stared at his left side and poured the water, only to apologise and try to help with her ice Quirk. He remembered her cries and mumbled apologies and how she disappeared a week later to a mental hospital.
He remembered crying and reaching out and trying to find his mother, only for the old man to drag him back for training and his body ached at phantom pains cast upon him.
“Kaa-san endured and endured... until she couldn't anymore. So I can't just decide to forgive the guy who wore her down…” Then he recalled her letter from earlier. Her neat handwriting, asking about his days and talking about meeting him and his siblings soon, to be together for a day. “But… Kaa-san is trying to get past all that now.”
He paused. His mom may be trying to move past, but even if she wanted to forgive the old man, Shouto had suffered under him for years. Had been beaten for failing, forced into some sort of perfect child with a perfect Quirk. Trained like a weapon.
“Honestly... I don't know how I should feel about him. I still... haven't seen anything that makes me want to forgive him,” he finally said.
In all honesty, all he felt was empty and hollow. All those years of anger and hatred and that fury of trying to not use the hot side of his Quirk because it came from the old man…
If he forgave the guy, it would feel like he suffered for nothing. Like the guy changed and he’s trying, but what he did doesn’t change and it annoyed Shouto that everyone seemed to believe he was fine now that he was getting better.
The door slammed open. “YER NOT S'POSED TO EXPOSE YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY TO GUESTS!! ALSO, ANY MORE DISHES TO WASH?!” Bakugou, loud as ever, barged in shouting.
In all honesty, Shouto never really saw Bakugou as his close friend, despite what he said in the interview. Sure, they were acquaintances and knew each other well enough, but close friends was a bit of a stretch considering Midoriya still seemed to walk on egg shells surrounding Bakugou, as Shouto had noticed before. And Bakugou always seemed to have something nasty to say about Midoriya.
He ignored it because Midoriya seemed fine with it ( Used to it, a voice whispered), but if Midoriya acted against it, Shouto would take Midoriya’s side immediately.
The most infuriating thing though was Bakugou just barged in and screamed at his sister, who cooked and was looking out for Shouto.
“Oh! Sorry, I just—” She sounded like she was about to cover it up, and Midoriya stepped in. Right, sometimes Midoriya did have a little more confidence against Bakugou than generally seen, which was good.
“Todoroki-kun has already told us, more or less.” A sharp glance at Bakugou, like he was slightly angry. Shouto could read between the lines. Shouto had told Midoriya at the Sports Festival and Bakugou had clearly overheard, eavesdropping most likely.
“NOPE! I OVERHEARD!” Bakugou shouted, still at a far too high a volume to be considered appropriate indoors. He also seemed slightly proud of eavesdropping on a private conversation between Midoriya and Shouto.
That was… infuriating, Shouto wouldn’t lie.
Bakugou marched to the table, grabbing more dishes, grumbling, “When ya host a dinner, it's s'posed to be civil and pleasant! Sheesh! Whatta waste of good szechuan mapo tofu!”
Midoriya sighed, and bowed. “I apologize for eavesdropping.” He straightened and walked to the table, picking up dishes as well.
As Bakugou stomped out the room, he paused in the doorway. “Just say ‘I’ll never forgive him’ if you hate the guy,” he said, then disappeared down the hall.
Midoriya sighed, watching him leave. “Again, I’m sorry about Kacchan, he… There’s no excuse for him eavesdropping on us at the Sports Festival and none for us eavesdropping here despite knowing some of the situation. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s… It’s alright,” Fuyumi assured, glancing at Shouto.
Shouto could tell she was wondering why he told Midoriya and, honestly, he was not telling her he thought Midoriya was All Might’s secret love child and how he had to be stronger than him.
Midoriya smiled softly and then turned to Shouto. “When we’ve cleaned up, before we leave, your garden looked really nice. Do you think we could go for a walk, show me around?”
Okay, woah, Midoriya seemed a lot more confident this evening. Shouto nodded mutely as Midoriya left the room with his stack of dishes.
Fuyumi sent him another questioning glance, but all Shouto could do was watch Midoriya’s retreating figure.
Fifteen minutes later, they were walking silently through the garden, Midoriya smiling peacefully.
Shouto watched the stars and the sky and the moon, and he wondered: Why? Why was he so torn upon a man who destroyed him?
A hand brushed Shouto's shoulder and he looked over to see Midoriya, smiling warmly, that kindness so endless in his eyes breaking through the dark haze like it had at the Sports Festival.
"You don't have to, you know," Midoriya murmured, keeping the eye contact as Shouto's breath hitched. “While Kacchan has no tact, I can agree that if you don’t want to forgive your father, don’t. His change in ways and apologies don’t mean anything unless you make it mean something.”
Shouto stumbled, looking at the shorter boy in wonder. He half-expected Midoriya to be the one to say “forgive everything,” so this was a shock.
As though sensing his surprise, Midoriya looked at him with a smile. “Odd, right, what I’m saying?”
“I expected you to say differently.”
Midoriya laughed, eyes crinkling, head tipped back. “I may not have been through your exact experience, but I do know abuse. And I do know anger. Your story, the one you told me at the Sports Festival, really made me think about my own experiences as a false negative.”
Right, Midoriya had been a false negative almost all his life, till the U.A. Entrance Exams.
“I was bullied for being Quirkless. Kacchan, though I said we were childhood friends, wasn’t really a friend after I was diagnosed. I mean, I get it, that he was influenced by outside factors, but that doesn’t negate what he did to me. He took part in the bullying though, and I thought maybe he’d change, until the beginning of Third Year in Middle School.” Midoriya took a breath, as though it hurt to talk, and it probably did. Shouto’s own view of Bakugou was rapidly deteriorating.
“He hurt me. One day, I hope he will acknowledge his mistakes and apologise, but he has yet to do so, and yet to take accountability for his actions because external influences does not mean he did not perform the actions,” Midoriya murmured, almost wistful. “I know that Endeavour-san did it without any external influences, so it’s not the exact same, but he still abused you and hurt you. It’s not the exact same, and I’m not saying I ever went through what you did, but if you don’t want to forgive Endeavour, don’t.
“I want to forgive Kacchan, but I’m slowly seeing that he may never apologise and I can live with that. I can live with Kacchan making new friends and changing and being happy for them because I’m not angry about what he said or did. I’m tired of caring about it.”
Midoriya truly did understand, somehow.
“I’m tired of caring. Of holding this hatred,” Shouto whispered, like it was a secret so deep, it hurt to say.
Midoriya smiled. “Then don’t. Changing doesn’t mean he deserves your forgiveness. But the anger inside you, it will hurt you more, so let it go. You don’t need to care anymore. You decide what Endeavour is to you, and you get to choose when that changes, no one else. If you don’t want to forgive him, don’t. If you believe he’s changed enough, and atoned for what he did, then do what you wish. Or, just move forward, and stop caring about how you feel towards him. It’s not your job to make him feel better about himself.”
Shouto stared at Midoriya’s eyes, and he wondered how he’d never seen the pain in them. The weight of it.
Midoriya understood him. Perhaps not exactly, but he understood his pain and anger and he cared so much, Shouto was glad he had him as a friend.
“What do you think I should do?”
Reaching up, Midoriya’s warm hand clasped Shouto’s shoulder. “I think that you were strong enough to let in all that anger, strong enough to hold out against Endeavour, so now you’ll be strong enough to do whatever you want, Shouto-kun. It’s your decision.” He brushed past. “I’ll see you inside.”
There was a lingering smell of cinnamon and, briefly, Shouto wondered how he’d never noticed the flowers in the garden were facing away from the house.