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Sae was tired. No, he was exhausted.
He couldn’t understand the need for countless meetings that never served their true purpose. Meetings that ran for too long and with too many people than he cared to meet or even remember. He had never been good at either, given that his patience seemed to run thinner by the day.
Turning on the television in his room should’ve been somewhat of a reprieve, a little escape that would grant him a bit of rest before he fully unwound for the day. Yet, the sight that greeted him was one he loathed to see, a scene that should’ve been ordinary for most people.
If he were a fan, seeing that familiar face would have been a pleasure, a delight even. For that broad figure was the perfect vessel for someone’s hopes and dreams, a perfect build that could easily crush someone but could also carry the weight of the world like it meant nothing.
Yet the man himself was quite the opposite. He had neither hopes nor dreams. No matter how famous he got or how much fortune he had gathered, it didn’t fuel his will to live. At least not like it did before.
Sae sighed to himself, running a palm on his face like it could wipe away his frustrations. The room felt emptier than ever, even with the television’s noise mindlessly playing in the background, fading into a white noise that failed to invade the inner workings of his mind as his ears maintained a strong closure like a steel gate.
He couldn’t help but reminisce back to the time when his spirit still felt alive, a time wherein he could feel his vigor running through his veins along with an incandescent light that shone even if his eyes were closed.
And a brief period, a year when he knew the man named Bunny Iglesias, who somewhat shared the same light as him. Slightly less built but still huge in stature. But most importantly, this was the same person whom he once considered someone worth befriending, someone worth his time, and one who should’ve never been a ghost of his past coming to haunt him until this day.
—
Though Japan was known to be the land of the rising sun, there was something about summer in Spain that could rival the brilliance and brightness of the sunrises back in his hometown that he was now starting to miss.
The city felt a bit cold despite the climate. He was used to hearing birds or cicadas chirp outside his window, along with a gentle breeze from the trees that lined the pavements, but now he had to get used to seeing the dull grey cobblestones lining the streets wherever he went.
He thought he’d be the type to go out on weekends and explore the city when there was no practice, but alas, training in Madrid was brutal. Even more difficult than he had imagined.
There were days when they had to run laps in the blazing sun, a routine that the majority of the team was already used to. He wished he had packed more sunscreen from back home, given that people here embraced being tan and scorched by the sun.
Some of their regimen was tougher than what was relayed to him even before he came to Spain, with most of the work catering to different builds and exercises that were unfamiliar to him. It made practice in Japan look like gymnastics.
Despite it all, he still kept his positive outlook, noting that the key to surviving alone in this environment is to be mentally fit as well. Though he was physically tired, a change of pace through recreation was needed.
It seemed like their coach had thought about it as well, as he had coincidentally scheduled a little trip for the team in Barcelona, which would last around a week. Technically, its true purpose was to join a meeting with some clubs to form the national team for an upcoming tournament.
But for Sae as well as the other members, this was also an excuse to have a much-needed break from their usual routine. If he was being honest, the few months that he had been in Re Al didn’t exactly help him make any new friends aside from the few people he was comfortable making assists with and whatnot.
He had spent his first two months or so learning a bit of Spanish so he wouldn’t have that much trouble in communicating with his teammates. This yielded a few goals here and there during practice matches, with their coach nodding in approval of his small efforts that would hopefully get him on the starter team in no time.
The thing is, the people he left back home in Japan probably expected him to be flawless at his game. If he was the ace in his team back then, surely he would also be the star in whatever club he joined, right?
Oh, how wrong he was for thinking that way.
It turns out that even prodigies are humbled in the meekest way, especially when they are placed in a whole new environment that was meant to make them better. Like they were promised, a clear night sky where they could shine so bright that no one had any choice but to gaze only at them.
But for Sae, the sky he was thrust into already had a lot of shining gems, ones that shone more brightly than he did.
Playing his first real game with them also felt like an eye-opener. Like it was meant to be a lesson for him to continuously improve and not rely on his usual tricks, keeping his dream of becoming the best striker in the world on the back-end as he focused on how to be better every day.
It was a struggle for him to balance everything, playing professionally at his age whilst living in a country all alone away from his family, and the brother he would keep waiting for years until a timely reunion was needed to bring him back up from the inevitable downward spiral he would find himself in.
For now, though, he had to figure out how to meet the rest of the team as he exited the train platforms, alone, with his luggage in hand.
He had the bright idea of arriving earlier than everyone else, booking his ticket ahead of the team so that he would have more time to explore. To be fair, it had taken him time to navigate how to buy tickets and all, and it had been a triumph to even get on the correct platform.
It couldn’t be more complicated than riding the Shinkansen, he thought, as he navigated his way through the station, already feeling the subtle shift in energy and scenery of being in a new city. The views outside the train ride there were uneventful, just rows upon rows of land that seemed like an endless desert.
Though he was still in the same country, he could already feel a sudden shift, like something was about to happen. As any other busy place, there were a lot of people around walking in different directions and speaking way too fast for him to comprehend.
He definitely should’ve planned this more. He probably shouldn’t have been impulsive in going here first, ahead of everyone else. It was so unlike him to do something like this, yet he wasn’t feeling as panicked as he should.
Being alone for the past months must’ve sedated him a bit, feeling a little reassured that no one in the city knew him and that he could mess up as many times as he wanted to. Although what he didn’t take into account was where he was headed to next, profiling which stranger he was going to have to ask directions from.
Everyone around him looked like they had a purpose, a certain confidence that one gets when navigating through confusing platforms and exits, the Roman letters and numbers somewhat mocking him in the way his own language does when foreigners visit his home country.
The noise he heard blended into his thoughts, strangely calming him in a way that solitude would. Yet this was easily shattered by a mild impact, a person mindlessly walking around while he struggled to hold onto his luggage.
He immediately checked if everything was still intact, noting that safety in Europe was different from that in Japan and that pickpockets were a thing. It would also be odd if said suspect would suddenly stop right beside him and stare as if everything was normal, and to be fair, he’s had weirder days than this one.
“A, lo siento,” he said, the simple phrase escaping his lips before he could think of anything more profound to say, but was immediately met by a curt smile and what should’ve been a more conventional greeting.
“It’s alright, it was my fault for bumping into you.”
His eyes widened in shock from hearing the perfect English coming from who he assumed was a Spanish man, fully focused on how absurdly tall he was as he heard a small chuckle that made him look up, “You seem surprised.”
Shaking his head a bit, he switched to the same language as him to keep the momentum going, “I didn’t expect you to speak in English.”
“Well, I didn’t expect you to know Spanish either,” he smiled, looking at him with those ruby red eyes that held some intrigue in them. He also noticed some of his hair peeking out of the cap he wore, but couldn’t really tell its color or style since it was hidden so well.
For Sae, this could easily be classified as an awkward moment. Hell, maybe this should’ve been his chance to ask for directions. But he knew he had to figure things out on his own if it meant he could save himself the embarrassment by avoiding this friendly… stranger.
So instead of asking where the nearest taxi bay was, he just waved a hand, mustering up a little white lie that he hoped would do the trick of making this man disappear like a rabbit in a magician’s hat, “I should get going, my team is waiting for me.”
“Your team?” he asked, curiosity getting the better of him. This was definitely not the way to end a conversation that you didn’t want to linger on.
“Yes, I’m actually here for a meeting and I—”
“Got too excited that you went here ahead of them?”
Sae wasn’t used to getting cut off mid-sentence, and he certainly wasn’t used to someone completing his thoughts for him. This fellow might as well be one of the most perceptive people he has met in Spain so far, “How did you…”
As if on track, he didn’t miss a beat, answering back like he had rehearsed everything he was about to say, “I’m actually here for some friends of mine. They wanted me to pick them up, so I just got here early in case.”
That made sense, he guessed. Though he wasn’t really interested in everything else that would come afterwards as he bowed his head in the way he used to back home, never foregoing that habit no matter where he went, “Then I should get going. I’ll see you around.”
Without waiting for his reply, he had turned around with his luggage in hand and made his way over to the nearest exit. One that he would later figure out would be the wrong end of the building. At least, he didn’t have to hear anyone making fun of him for it.
The dumbfounded stranger still stood there where he had left him, a small smile still gracing his flawless face. Taking off his cap, he ran his fingers through his wavy hair, smoothing it down as he caressed it onto his face to give him some makeshift bangs.
Though he could no longer spot the new face he had just met, he knew that wouldn’t be the last time he would run into him as he muttered to himself in the not-so-far-off distance, “Yeah, I’ll definitely be seeing you.”
—
A day or two later, Sae found himself in an unfamiliar venue, one that took a while to find after waking up a little later than he was supposed to.
He had spent the day before going around the city so much that he was so tired when he got back to his hotel, and slept past his alarm. To be fair, the meeting wasn’t until noon, but he didn’t want to be late, given that he had arrived earlier than his team so that he could see more of the place.
The venue had a nice sprawling field that looked well-maintained, he noticed. The grass was perfectly cut and boasted a green color that didn’t make the summer heat as obvious as it should be. It didn’t take too long for him to spot his teammates, all sporting the same polo shirt they usually wore for outside trips from Madrid.
“You should’ve told me you wanted to go around, Sae-chan! I could’ve been your personal tour guide,” he heard Luna say, annoyance easily creeping its way through his body as it tried not to be too repulsed by the sudden arm slung around his shoulder.
“Don’t you think you should know by now that I don’t want to be associated with you outside of official matters?”
“Suit yourself. Guess you’re better off alone, then,” the blonde man shrugged after removing his arm. At least he knew when to take a hint when it came to personal space.
“You know what I mean. I don’t need distractions while I’m here,” he steeled himself to say, walking over to the other end of the field to try and get away from him, but was still followed, regardless.
“That desperate to make it onto the starting team so soon? Don’t you think you’re aiming a little too high?”
For Sae, there was no such thing as aiming too high. His being there away from his old team, his friends, and family was already a big risk in itself. Why wouldn’t he aspire for bigger things even after making it this far?
“I’m already here, why won’t I be doing just that?”
“I’m just saying, there might be someone else who will be ‘jumping’ to bigger heights than you,” he joked, but Sae didn’t get it.
“What on earth are you talking about?”
Luna wasn’t the type to be a jokester. He was someone who knew how to get on your nerves, but never the type to speak in riddles or make puns out of nowhere. It seemed like his unusual choice of words was about to come to life like a fable or storybook, as a group of players had entered the field from the side entrance.
Sae’s instincts held him back from looking towards the side, still focused on his route to the other end by the goalkeeper's post. But it seemed like something, or rather, someone had caught Luna’s eye as his hand gripped Sae’s arm, forcing him to stop in his steps as he shouted in an audible voice in that irritating tone of his,
“Hey, Iglesias, come over and meet our new rookie here!”
Ignoring the name he had just heard, Sae focused on the latter part of his statement, slightly offended that he would introduce him like that to someone else, “What do you think you’re saying, you know full well I’m not a rookie—”
“Well, look who we have here.”
A familiar voice caught his attention. The same voice he had heard a few days prior. He hadn’t whipped his head to the side so quickly, but that motion wasn’t comparable to the sudden nerves he felt upon seeing the man whom he had seen at the station, this time wearing a jersey he was all too familiar with, one he would never dare to come close to, had he known that he was part of that club in the first place.
“You’re…” he muttered, almost speechless. The words ‘FC Barcha’ in bright printed letters felt like whiplash to him, yet also familiar in a mix of unequivocal madness that he had yet to comprehend. The other man, on the other hand, looked quite amused to see him in a state of distress upon noticing the familiarity.
“The name’s Bunny. Bunny Iglesias.”
Sae scoffed, face turning sour upon his introduction that he didn’t ask for in the first place, “What a ridiculous name. Who would even call themselves that?”
The man, now known as Bunny, just snickered to himself, like it was his lucky day, “It’s nice to meet you too, Itoshi Sae.”
His eyes widened, almost cut off again, but didn’t let the shock stop him from continuing their back-and-forth, “How’d you know my name? I didn’t even mention it at the station the other day.”
As if on track, Luna butted in like the menace that he is, looking at both of them as his hand released Sae’s arm, “Oh? Have you two met already?”
“No,” Sae butted in, not wanting this so-called meeting to go on even further, “In fact, don’t even waste your time asking.”
Bunny’s face sulked, with an expression that looked like a child. It seemed mismatched because of his tall stature, yet he was not afraid. To act like he wasn’t a full-grown adult, “How rude, weren’t you the one who said ‘see you around?’”
This time it was Sae’s turn to act like a child, turning his entire body away so he won’t have to look at him, “It’s not like I expected to see you again, idiot.”
Despite his annoyance, a part of him wanted to hear what he was about to say next, but was quickly interrupted by Luna once again, with a gentle nudge to his arm and a whispered question into his ear, “Um, Sae-chan, a word?”
His puzzled expression was just what Luna was waiting for as he hastily pulled him away from Bunny and back to their team, who were now starting to assemble in the corner. It felt a bit rude to suddenly end the conversation like that, but the other didn’t seem to mind as he shouted behind their backs, “I’ll see you guys at the pub later, then!” like he wasn’t afraid to be heard by the other people in their vicinity.
After walking a bit further away, Sae couldn’t help but turn to his side, confronting his teammate about the abrupt interruption, “What is it now?”
Luna sighed dramatically, making him prepare for another one of his uncouth monologues that barely held any substance, “I know that seemed like fun banter and all, but I’d advise you to stay away from him at all costs. He’s only going to cause you trouble.”
Sae couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips, finding the whole situation to be somewhat hypocritical yet amusing. It was one thing to meet the same person you just saw at the train station the other day at some training grounds in Barcelona, but it was another thing for his own teammate to introduce him that way and then the next second, give a warning like he was about to commit the next big mistake of his life.
“What’s so funny?”
Settling down for a bit, Sae shook his head, halting to a stop on their way to their team so they don’t have to hear any of this, “I don’t know, I’m not used to getting unwarranted advice from someone like you.”
“Still, it’d be nice to keep it in mind, yeah?”
Whether it was his sincere tone or the fact that he wasn’t acting like an asshole for once, Sae thought it would be better to have someone on the team whom he could confide in rather than someone he fought all the time. It wasn’t exactly his goal to get closer to him, or anyone, in fact, but at least now he could find solace in the fact that someone was looking out for him.
“Fine,” he muttered, walking again but at a slower pace.
Luna couldn’t help the smirk on his lips, looking back at Bunny joining his team as they huddled together for a brief call for attendance, “Why do I get the feeling that you’re about to run off and disobey me?”
As if a switch inside him had been switched, a not-so-new side of Sae began to come forth, with the same old ease he had with his old teammates now catching up to mingle and thrive anew with his team and newfound competition from FC Barcha, “Because you know I live for the thrill of getting on your nerves. Plus, your kindness seems misplaced, don’t you think?”
“I’d chide you for fraternizing with the enemy, but if that’s the sort of thrill you’re seeking, then by all means, be my guest, Sae-chan,” Luna replied, his smirk dissolving from his face as it was replaced with a more sinister kind of smile that creeped him out.
Brushing him off and walking a bit further away, he ran up to their teammates whilst Luna took it as a headstart to run after him to close the distance, “Please stop calling me that.”
Without a second to think, Luna was back to his usual teasing self, with both of them leaving the thoughts of Bunny Iglesias behind, “Hmm, I don’t think so.”
—
The meeting felt as long as ever, with the gist of it being that the next 6 months will be a trial slash tryout period for the different clubs in order to form the national team for the upcoming U20 World Cup.
Truth be told, it was never a part of Sae’s plan to get involved in something other than joining an international club, but since he was already there, he might as well make the most of it. Besides, he was well on his way to global recognition, a huge step from the minor and national leagues he played back then in Japan.
The only problem that seemed to stand in his way was none other than Bunny Iglesias.
Bunny’s lax and laid-back attitude didn’t quite match the positive outlook he had. His eyes seemed so full of life that he would be bursting at the seams if he were a piece of clothing. His height certainly made it easy for him to jump around the field, and it didn’t matter if they were training in Barcelona or Madrid.
Because either way, he brought that energy with him wherever they went, and it was starting to get on Sae’s nerves.
Despite Luna’s earlier warning not to involve himself with Bunny, the latter made it a bit difficult for him to avoid him during practice matches and other training that they had together. Though it was originally his plan to take Luna’s advice and avoid him, it was easier said than done when he would find himself face to face with him on the field, just as he was called to replace one of the starting members.
“So, what makes your plays unique?” Bunny asked, cornering him like a predator catching its prey, yet Sae couldn’t help but find it ironic that he was being quite lenient with him despite the earlier comparison.
Running up ahead of him, the taller man quickly caught up, setting his sights on the ball that Sae had just caught from a teammate, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I guess what I meant is, what are you trying to prove here, Sae?” he huffed, jumping farther ahead of him to kick the ball away from his feet, passing it to his own teammate whilst the other players on the field rushed to the opposite side.
He was used to the way Luna called him by that ridiculous nickname. He figured he must have watched some anime or something, because where else would he even learn that supposed term of endearment?
As for Bunny, though, he didn’t even know the guy for a month, yet he was already acting like he had known him for ages, prompting him to run up to him, catching up despite the ball being possessed by another person on the far end.
“Didn’t think we were close enough for you to be calling me on a first-name basis, Iglesias.”
Now running side-by-side, Sae was so close he couldn’t miss the bright smile that graced Bunny’s face, like he was bursting with optimism and just had to find an outlet to make the sparks fly all around him, “Don’t be so formal, you can call me by my first name too, you know?”
In what world or universe did Sae even sign up for him to even deal with someone like him? Ever so imposing, intrusive in a way that the thoughts seem to leak out of his mouth before even going through his brain, and an endless energy that he never had, even at his peak moments.
He knew what his goal was. He knew what he wanted to achieve, and he thought he already had all the necessary requirements to reach his goals, yet in his time so far in Spain, he had only realized that what he lacked was something that other people already had, and it was getting more difficult for him to ignore it.
Before long, a whistle rang out in the distance, signalling that FC Barcha had scored a point against them.
His steps slowed to a halt, catching his breath like he had just finished a full workout. Bunny was still beside him, breathing heavily on his own, making the thoughts in his head become so jumbled that instead of keeping them to himself, he just blurted them out loud instead,
“Have you made it your life goal to be an inconvenience in my life?”
Bunny just shrugged, as if his team wasn’t the one who just scored, “There are things you still can’t do. And I’m not sure how much training you’ll need to even try and achieve it.”
Well, that was a bit too honest. For someone so positive and full of sunshine and rainbows, that was something Sae didn’t expect to hear from him. Perhaps that was the first crack he ever saw, one that he would try to ignore like a dull scratch on dry skin.
It was there, kind of obvious, but wasn’t exactly harmful to anyone. At least now it still wasn’t.
“I don’t need you hovering around me like a helicopter. Nor do I need a teacher breathing down my neck,” he muttered out, turning around to leave him there, but couldn’t help but be drawn to his voice that spoke like a clean record just waiting to be played on an endless loop,
“Wasn’t offering anything to you, but now that you mention it…”
That was it; he couldn’t take another second of this. He immediately turned around, straining his neck more than he should have, but spoke with as much venom in his tone as possible, “You have 5 seconds to get out of my sight or I’m bumping you on purpose in the next round so I can get off the field.”
What should have been a threat must have sounded like a vague invitation for him, keeping up the suave manner of a playboy out to get as many carrots as he could that day, much to Sae’s dismay, “Aw, you’d risk a yellow card for me? Aren’t you very nice?”
Sae is fine, he’s trying to be, but he can’t help but feel that every meeting with Bunny is starting to derail him little by little. It was as if Luna’s pestering wasn’t enough, now he had to deal with a nuisance that was taller and more broader than him that he was sure he couldn’t take him down if they had a physical fight.
If Bunny was the life of the party, a positive impact on those around him, he felt as if he was a dying lamppost who had started to lose their shine the closer they got to morning. This wasn’t the kind of attitude he had back in Japan, so it would be a lie to say that he wasn’t starting to get worried about his mental state, which he had tried to carefully maintain.
Through the weekly practice matches that he wasn’t keeping tally of, he learned that FC Barcha’s style of play greatly capitalized on each other’s unique strengths, playing it out like a rhythm that people can't help but be drawn to. It made him wonder if Re Al also had a specific way of playing, but no one had dared to tell him yet, making him figure it out on his own.
The only consistent thing he did notice, though, was Bunny’s style, which he couldn’t help but compare to his own. Sae had one goal, and that was to be the best in the world. He thought that his worth only depended on scoring goals for himself, an ideal that is kind of frowned upon, given that soccer is a team sport. But it wasn’t the kind of thing that you could just show up and perform your given role the same way every time.
It required great skill and observation for him to try and keep up with him, noting that he not only scored goals, but also helped in assisting his teammates as well. There was a certain camaraderie that rivaled the close-knit connection he had with his old team in Japan, and the freshly baked talent mingling with well-done geniuses that Re Al had spent years building.
And while his now so-called rival’s eyes seemed to grow bigger and wider, shining in the heat of Spain’s summer, he felt the bags under his own getting deeper and deeper with every day that he watched him.
Bunny would be an idiot not to notice, though, because he did.
Every time they had practice, he would zone in on Sae like a hawk, hoping that he had done well in their individual training for him to make it onto the starting team, which had grown more frequent in the following weeks. He was naturally a show-off in itself, but made a conscious effort to tone it down in case someone noticed that he was doing it just for Sae.
Even during their downtime at a sponsor dinner a few months later, Bunny made it his life’s mission to annoy him at any given moment, making the Japanese striker sigh to himself as he grabbed a glass of champagne from a nearby waiter and made his way to the balcony where he didn’t expect a single moment of silence, with the Spanish bloke following closely behind him like a moth to a flame.
Despite being socially adept, he admittedly didn’t see his teammates outside as much. He was well content with going out alone, sightseeing, and trying different restaurants by himself on a weekend. This time, however, he couldn’t help but be drawn to Sae, like he was there being tested instead of the other way around.
He’d be lying if he said he had boundless energy. Like all people, he, too, grew weary and felt exhaustion hit him like a million bricks whenever he woke up after a long and arduous night of drills. But if there was one thing they were both good at, it was deflection, and he made sure he was the first to break the ice that they were standing on.
“Aren’t you tired?” he asked, looking over at Sae, who was looking beyond the view in front of them, not really seeing much because of how late it was.
Like the person of few words that he was, he mindlessly answered back, “Of what?”
“Pretending that you’re actually okay when you’re clearly not.”
It was one thing to think of something, and it was another to hear it out loud. Of course, he’d thought about his mental state, given that his physical abilities weren’t as bad as he thought they were. It’s just not the best feeling to be called out, especially if it’s something he avoids thinking about.
“Bunny,” he called out, not expecting the reaction it would get from the man standing beside him.
He could hear a low chuckle, a glitch in whatever program had been running between them in the few months that they had known each other. If he thought about it really carefully, he wasn’t sure when was the last time he let himself go, noting that laughter was now somewhat of a luxury for him, “What is it this time?”
Bunny shook his head but didn’t break away from the way he was looking at Sae, “I think that’s the first time you’ve ever called me by my first name.”
“Does it matter?” he muttered.
To him, it shouldn’t have. It was such a mundane thing that it can’t even be considered a big deal. Sure, if they were in Japan, it would cause a stir, given that calling someone by their first name meant a huge leap in a relationship. But for Sae, he just thought it would be a good way to unload the stress he’d been feeling over that person whose name plagued his thoughts every time he saw him.
“Do you ever believe in fate, Sae?” he asked so suddenly, ignoring his earlier question.
“I think you’ve had too much to drink. I think I’ll go find Luna to slap some sense into you.”
Before he could leave, he felt a strong grip on his arm, stopping him from even entering the room again. “I’ll take that as a compliment that you think I look mature for my age.”
“What do you mean?”
“I may not look it, but I’m well underage, just like you. And don’t change the subject! Would it kill you to answer the question directly?”
How stupid was he to think that he was that much older than him. It dawned on Sae just then that beneath the friendly matches and the brutal practices and training sessions, at the end of the day, they were still teenagers who were scouted for a job. As much as he hated to believe it, playing soccer was their job, and it was no longer just a hobby that he loved to do in his free time because, in their case, it was all they did.
“No.”
Bunny frowned, but didn’t seem too offended. It was like he was already used to Sae’s attitude at this point, so he didn’t stop pushing him to the brink of insanity: “What’s the point of finding something or someone else when I’m already right here?”
“Because you’re not exactly someone worth looking for,” he deadpanned.
It wasn’t meant to be an offensive comment, nor was it enough to bring down someone like Bunny, who had all the charisma and optimism that Sae didn’t have. It was slowly eating him away, and the person he wanted to avoid as much as possible was also the same person who pointed out everything he wanted to ignore.
“I’m amazed at how your words usually contradict your true intentions.” The taller man lingered, breaking his gaze away from Sae as he looked ahead into the same view as he was.
He’d been staring at it for a while, but didn’t think there was anything too interesting about it. He knew that it could look even better in the daytime, but for now, there was not much to see, only that he knew it held a beauty that could only be appreciated when it shines in the daytime.
Much like this weird relationship he had with Bunny, where he doesn’t want to overcomplicate things with him, given that he feels like a temporary disturbance in his life, yet he willingly interacts with him in moments like these, where he doesn’t have anyone else to talk to, like a sponge absorbing any kind of liquid.
People like him must have ulterior motives and other intentions, he thought. But that didn’t mean that he kept his vulnerability to himself. In fact, he was so ready to throw it out the window in exchange for a momentary human connection, replying in a soft voice that he knew was audible enough for him to hear,
“How did you know?”
Ears perking up at the sudden answer, Bunny looked beside him again, “Know what?”
“That I’m not okay.” Sae sighed, looking down now, refusing to meet his gaze that looked at him intently. It was a good thing that his companion was both honest and talkative, because then he would just have to wait for some kind of untactical analysis that he could just agree or disagree with.
“The thing is, I’ve seen good actors and bad ones. You could’ve been a good one, yet you wear your heart on your sleeve so that it’s so easy to see.”
Can’t really argue with that, he thought, shrugging it off like it wasn’t a big deal, “I wasn’t even trying to be okay,” he muttered, because it was true. Some things meant a greater deal than others, and this is just one of the things he can brush off later on after it’s over. Unfortunately for him, ‘over’ wasn’t coming soon as Bunny tried to milk out as much as he could get,
“So are you saying this is as honest as you can be?” he asked, prying into him some more. He figured he could still take this a bit further than usual.
“I’m afraid so.”
It’s not like he was downplaying anything; he just wasn’t ever the talkative kind of person that people expected him to be. He was that way when he was still in Japan with his old teammates, he was that way with his parents, who didn’t think much about it, and he was like that with his younger brother, Rin, which would unknowingly be the last great image his brother would have of him.
“What’s it gonna take?” Bunny asked, breaking him out of his thoughts that threatened to take over once again, “Take for what?”
“For you to take me seriously,” he continued, his words matching his current expression.
He wanted to laugh, almost stunned at how simple-minded he was, asking for the impossible. Like, Sae ever took anyone that seriously, “How can I, when you’re like, the least serious person that I know?”
Bunny just shrugged, dejected but at the same time persistent in picking himself back up again like he wasn’t wounded at all, “You know, it’s harder than it looks to be positive all the time.”
“By all means, do give me some tips,” he answered back, sarcasm lacing his tone, one that would keep the other person on the tip of his toes, balancing his weight so perfectly.
“I thought you weren’t trying to be okay?”
All those seemingly never-ending questions should have bothered him more than they did, but instead it kept him up, and surprisingly, brought out an honesty that he wasn’t open to admitting earlier, “I’m not. I was just thinking about why I’m really here.”
Upon uttering the latter words, he didn’t know if he meant it or not. Sure, he thought about his real purpose there and if it was still worth waking up to every morning, but at the same time, he avoided it like a truth that hurt more every time he acknowledged its existence.
Oddly enough for him, a serene sort of empathy was one he didn’t expect a proud person like Bunny to have, attempting to comfort him in a way that wouldn’t scare him off, “This is the real world, Sae. We’re professionals now, we don’t have time for fantasies.”
“Isn’t this your dream?” he asked, finding it weird that he would have such a realistic approach all of a sudden. His answer didn’t make it easier for him either, since it was directed back at him.
“Is it yours?”
The answer should’ve been yes. It was always a yes way before they even met. It was his goal before he even stepped on the plane going to Europe, as it was the dream he had for most of his life growing up. Yet all he could muster to say was a half-assed “I guess so,” to the person who should really learn how to read the room and get out of it if he was uninvited in the first place.
“Why isn’t it a solid yes?” he pried, as expected.
“Because some part of me thinks that I’m only doing this for others and not for myself.”
That was the easiest answer he could think of, but in hindsight, it felt like a silent cry for help. One that would ultimately change the course of how he saw soccer and how he played as a ‘striker.’
“Can I give you some advice?”
Unwarranted advice was still advice, even if he wanted to hear it or not. It was up to him anyway if he was going to act on it or not, “Don’t you always?”
Breathing in deep, Bunny let out a sigh he didn’t know he held back. If Sae was more of the quiet type of person who was unconfrontational, he knew he was the opposite. If Sae didn’t want to say much about him, then he was going to keep guessing, pressing every button in existence until he found the one that would tick him off, regardless of whether it was wrong or right.
“If you’re the type of person who doesn’t like letting other people down, then don’t give them a reason to give up on you.”
He didn’t know it then, and he wanted to regret it even now, but that night Bunny told him this, he knew that his dream had already taken a huge turn, and that he would leave not only himself, but his brother at a crossroads that would take years and years for them to ever meet again.
—
He had gotten used to it. Or at least he had deluded himself into thinking that he was used to it. And by it, he meant him. Bunny Iglesias.
The man who stood taller than him at 191cm, who had a mix of platinum and lilac color for his hair, whose eyes stood out with how red they were, and most importantly, he was someone who wasn’t afraid to give out assists while at the same time scoring goals for himself.
He thought that soccer always had the same set of rules. He thought that he could only be relevant if he scored more goals than everyone else. He thought letting other teammates grab the ball and kicking it away from him meant a lost opportunity that he would never get back, because that was what it meant to be a striker.
Hell, he thought he was good.
And while he was battling all this inner turmoil, he couldn’t stop thinking about someone else. Someone who had completely derailed his thought processes through unwelcome intrusions that he had unknowingly tolerated for almost half a year.
It’s not like he was so much better than him; in fact, he couldn’t imagine him being better just because he had a different background or build than him, given that they were close in age. He just happened to have a less-than-pleasing personality and a penchant for being a bother when all he wanted was to find peace.
Even Leonardo Luna, his unrequited enemy slash teammate, was slowly becoming someone he had also tolerated, only because he would often ignore the subtle jabs and offhanded comments he would sometimes make whenever they had joint practices.
If he had been a less decent person with a low morale, he might’ve called him out on it—the change in his attitude, the sudden curiosity, the unbridled obedience, and most importantly, the unconscious staring.
Sae looked at people differently, when before, he wouldn’t even look at them at all.
It was as if someone had gotten his attention, piqued it, unlike anyone else had before. Or maybe he was lonely, and that the solitude he had been wishing for was just an isolated independence that hindered him from relying on anyone other than himself.
Either way, he had already changed. Spain was starting to shape him into something, or rather, someone else. And one thing about change is that it could happen at any given moment with no warning, regardless of whether he was prepared for it or not.
He thought the facade was meant to last, a connection that should’ve only gotten stronger, but instead, it was a brick wall that only got taller and thicker as time went by, and seeing him in practice a few weeks later would cement the change that would torment him for a long time.
Even if he was not the prime example of optimism, he made sure to greet Bunny every time they had a practice game. This time, the match was in Madrid, so he felt confident, having somewhat of a home-court advantage. But instead, the moment he entered the field, he was ignored, stirring up an unsettling feeling in his stomach.
So they played as usual. Him in Re Al, and the other in FC Barcha, like two stars fated to be in the same sky but never close to one another. Yet the other kept forcing their way into the other’s space, reeling him in until one day they would explode in the sky, sparks flying everywhere as their light spread all over until there was nothing left.
He practiced every night until then, making sure his moves were sharper, hoping to be noticed or commended by anyone other than him, yet the moment he scored, the second the ball had gotten into the goal of the other team, should’ve been the only thing he saw.
His victory should’ve been a core memory, a rush of adrenaline pumping through his veins despite it not being an official victory just yet. But upon whipping his head to the left, where they stood almost close to each other, he could see it.
It was so difficult not to see it, for it marked almost a quarter of his face, a faint yet obvious scar that had yet to set, one that would make a permanent vision onto his eyes and memory, hard to erase both mentally and physically.
Is this why he had avoided him earlier? Did he not want to see him that way?
Given their popularity, a scar like that would be hard to hide, but in Bunny’s case, he didn’t feel the need to conceal it. He only wanted to avoid talking about it to the person he was seemingly interested in.
He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t wait, but he also had to.
At that point, he no longer cared about scoring more goals, wishing he could just run up to the other player and ask the burning questions in his mind. His reprieve, however, only came around during the halftime part of the match, another moment that would forever cloud his mind but could never seem to regret.
Catching up to him as he was walking away, he called out in a slightly worried voice, “What happened to you?”
He stopped in his tracks, turning around dramatically as if it would help the growing tension and suspense between them, “What do you mean? I feel fine.”
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, coupled with the image he saw.
Gone were the days that Bunny was this smiling teenager without a care in the world. Now he just looked like an older person with no hope for the future, armed with a huge scar that he could clearly see as two slashes near his eye in a perpendicular cut,
Seeing it up close didn’t sate his curiosity. In fact, it felt as deep as the cut and seemed to grow even deeper the more he looked at him, “No, you’re not. You…”
“Calm down, Sae, it’s not life-threatening, so don’t worry too much about it.”
He was almost speechless, hearing how nonchalant he was about it. It didn’t help that he wanted to comfort him in a way, but didn’t know the right words to say.
“How can I calm down when all I have to do is look at your face and see…” he lingered, not used to letting out this much vulnerability at the worst possible time, where he was supposed to set aside all personal feelings.
“See what? It’s not like I’ve become a worse player just because of this scar,” he said back, pointing a finger at it like it was nothing.
Sae’s hand came up to grab his jersey, pulling it closer to him as Bunny stood firmly in his place, pissing him off now more than ever, “It’s because of that scar that I’m reminded of how good you are, yet you let a simple fuck up happen, and now you’re left with a reminder of your own goddamn stupidity!”
His hand held onto the cloth tightly, his chest heaving like he was personally offended by him. Yet Bunny still had the same blank expression on his face, followed by even emptier words that he couldn’t wrap his head around, “You don’t even know what happened, yet you’re getting more aggressive than I’ve ever seen you on the field. Doesn’t my getting hurt mean you’re one step closer to your goal?”
“My goal?” he asked, confused. Why was he suddenly turning the conversation about him?
“Don’t prodigies like you thrive on other people’s struggles?”
Hearing him call him a prodigy left a sour taste in his mouth. In the time that they had known each other, he never felt more superior than him. In fact, it was Bunny who had unknowingly influenced him to strive to do better, despite all the sarcastic remarks he made. He let his actions speak louder, learning from his movements and adapting however he could to improve his skills, yet all he saw was an unguided genius who only cared for himself and forgot about others the moment they stepped onto the field.
“Except… you aren’t struggling at all. Aren’t you?” he muttered, facing the ground now as he struggled to even look back at him.
“Good boy. So you do know how to be empathetic, don’t you, Sae?”
It wasn’t empathy that he was feeling; it was uncertainty. And when one didn’t know what to feel, there was a whole plethora of other things they were no longer sure of, “I… I don’t know what my goal is anymore.”
That should’ve been it. Those were the final words he chose, leaving things as they were like old antiques stuck in time, but Bunny wasn’t making it easy for him to let go just yet: “Yes, you do.”
Sae chuckled, the cold venom rushing through his veins and leaving his mouth in a rush, “And what is that?”
“You want to be more selfish.”
Selfish? That was too easy. That’s what a striker should be anyway, but before he could say it out loud, Bunny had already beaten him to it,
“I’ve seen the way you play. You always want to be the star player, the one people rely on. But really, you rely more on yourself.”
“And why wouldn’t I believe in myself?” he scoffed, mildly offended at his ongoing analysis as he went on,
“Because you don’t. You want to be selfish for the game, but you’re only selfish for yourself. You know that there are people out there better than you, and you strive for so much higher than you can reach. But don’t you know how good you can be if you just realize how to work with what you have?”
“I know what I’m capable of. I’m a striker after all.”
A deep chuckle left Bunny’s lips, a sound he had started to loathe the more he heard it. It didn’t help that the more he spoke, the more it made him feel like they were truly strangers who didn’t share a deep conversation a few weeks ago, strangers who had been playing against each other locally but were about to be thrust onto the world stage,
“Are you, really?”
Scoffing at his face that he already wanted to forget, he bit back with more words than he was normally used to, feeling another shift in the way they spoke, “I don’t need this smack talk from someone like you.”
Bunny just shook his head, like he was disappointed in him. Not that Sae wanted to impress him at all, anyway, “I expected more from you. We all did. Now you’re just a wandering shadow under everyone’s wings. You’ll get to fly eventually. But it’ll only happen when you set yourself free.”
Except, he didn’t want to be free. He didn’t go all the way across the world for a holiday, to get away from his normal life with his parents, his brother, and the group of players who helped him grow, but would most likely never even make the national team. “I’m not going to downplay myself for someone like you. Your words don’t mean a thing to me, Iglesias.”
“Didn’t ask you to do anything for me, Itoshi.”
Hearing his call him by his surname felt like a dagger in his heart, one he never noticed was there to begin with. It had been struck the moment he first laid eyes on him at the station, and it managed to plunge deeper and deeper in his chest the more they saw each other.
Only this time, Sae didn’t want to take it out. He wanted to bleed himself out until he dried out, if that would make him a better player. If he could see himself through a mirror right now, he was sure to find himself looking older than he really is, but with a renewed vigor that would carry him forth into a future where both of them would continue to meet but never cross paths.
“I’ll prove you wrong. I’ll show you my worth.”
An eerie smile was all he could see, the only part of Bunny Sae could bear to look at upon lifting his head. The scar was never his fault, but it might as well be, given that the taller man flaunted it like he was winning a battle that he never fought in. “Shouldn’t you have done that since we met?”
The game continued on after that, with Sae forging a new mindset that changed the way he approached soccer. The results no longer mattered to him if he wasn’t the one who ended up scoring the win.
And before he knew it, a year had passed since he moved there. It took another year or so before he was officially named as one of the New Generation XI players that the world would come to recognize as a fresh, but not really new, talent that showed promising potential in the future of soccer.
As if fate wanted to keep the charades going on, Bunny had also been named one of the new members, along with a German named Kaiser and an Italian called Lorenzo. The other two were easily grouped into his mental file of ‘People I Never Want to Associate With In Real Life,’ since he already had someone who got on his nerves without even trying.
In his new world of soccer, innate talent or skills no longer mattered. What’s important is how fast he can adapt to any given situation, even if he had to shift from being a forward to a midfielder, a role that he didn’t consider as him being less of a striker, but more of someone who didn’t need to be fixed to one thing in order to be considered good.
And as for the person who brought about this change, one who’ll never receive any kind of credit from him, he would continue to shine on his own even if his eyes always looked dead to those around him. For his true light had already gone, extinguished yet immortalized every time he saw those teal eyes fighting for their life, every time they stood on the same field.