Chapter Text
Mark was a clueless boy when it was about the romantic field. He never couldn't differentiate between someone being nice to him and someone flirting with him, which it seemed the same but were totally the opposite. Still, he was clueless about it… and it gets worse if we talk about his best friend.
He was used to Donghyuck’ affection, clingy and sulky side when it comes to him and, of course, he was also used to and comfortable with his presence. He was just used to having him around and he felt good to be it that way. Donghyuck was always like that, since they met… so he never questioned the younger behavior. Maybe he teased him a bit, but that was all.
In his mind, never crossed the thought of romantic feelings. Well, maybe he thought of kissing him once or twice but that was it! Nothing more. Or that's what he said to himself to convince his own self that he didn’t feel anything more than a friendship for the honey skinned boy who he called ‘best friend’.
And that was okay, they were okay like that. Their lives were already complicated and finally when all seems so simple, feelings came to make it complicated again? No, thanks. They didn’t need that. They already have each other and risk it to be more… Wait, is being in love with your best friend a risk? Why can it be something beautiful to add up to their relationship? Why don't think about it like still being friends, being for each other but adding the romantic flavor to it? Wait, wait… why was he thinking about love? Did he love Donghyuck? Well, duh, yes. As just a friend? Blank thoughts. Oh no, he was confused… like really confused, he didn’t know since when but he knew he was. The worst part? He didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. Well, maybe he had but he didn’t want to talk about it. Saying it aloud will make it real, did he want it to make it real?
Those thoughts tormented him for weeks, even when he was on his way to Donghyuck’ composing room. He had a bag with ramen and some energizers that he bought in the convenience store that was in front of his job since the younger one told him that he had to stay a little bit more there. So, Mark decided to make him company till he finished and then both can go to their apartment together but on the way there, somehow those confusing thoughts came back, making him even questioning who he was. Well, that was a bit exaggerated but for him, it felt that way.
When he got to the building and got inside, saying goodbye to the cold weather to be received with the warmth of the place, he decided that he needed to ignore those thoughts… once again. The security guard opened the glass door with a kind smile, he already knew Mark since this wasn't the first he was around. Both boys always treated him with kindness and respect, so he decided to be the same way -that man actually adored both, they made his job days better-. The black haired boy smiled at him while bowing as always.
—You know the way. —the guard said.
—Thank you. —he bowed again. Then, went to the elevators and got inside one of them, he pressed the eighth floor. When he arrived there, he was greeted by a silent brown wood with a lot of green plants in the hallway and some beautiful abstract paintings. From where he was, he could already hear almost clearly the piano being played, with an intact smile on his face he went directly to the office with the number 2 on it.
He knocked four times, then pause, two times, pause, nine times, long pause. It was their knocking code, created with the date of their friendship anniversary -adding the year was too much for both-. He didn’t have to wait that long to see the door open and finally be able to meet his best friend. The plum red hair, which contrasted perfectly with the dark golden skin, was all messy, strands of hair all over the place, in different directions, even there were a few in his forehead; his glasses weren’t perfectly placed in his nose like it should be and behind them, there were big and sparkly tired eyes with dark circles under them. That kinda worried Mark because that meant that he did not rest properly as he said -but also he knew that his friend wasn’t in the mood to be scolded-. Another thing he noticed was that the white t-shirt Donghyuck was wearing was all wrinkled and with some food stains. He looked really bad but also the thought of him looking really cute in front of him also passed by -but of course, he ignored it completely-.
—I brought food. —it’s what he first said happily, not even a ‘hi’, raising the bag in his hand. Donghyuck smiled softly, the tiredness still present, and opened the door to let his best friend get into his compose place.
When Mark got in, he realized that the mess didn’t stop in the younger’ appearance. The whole place was a mess. Papers everywhere, two, no, four cups of coffee in the top of the piano, some tissues with papers plates on the side of it.
—Oh God, what happened here?
—Don't judge. —he said with a low and soft voice, taking the bag of his hand and going to sit on the couch, that surprisingly was the only thing safe from the mess. Mark giggled and went to sit beside his best friend. —Oh, spicy ramen. Tell me the other isn't, I will not let you use the bathroom. —the black haired one frowned at him while he was taking off his jacket.
—I already know I can't take spicy food well, so I bought a regular one. I’m not an idiot. —Donghyuck laughed.
—If you say so. —Mark slapped his friend's shoulder softly, making him laugh again but a bit louder than before. —Hey, don't you have another jacket? —Mark raised his brow.
—Why?
—Because you always use that one. —he said pointing at it with his index finger while he was fixing his glasses with his other hand.
—Why are you bullying me? I brought you food. —Mark kinda sulked and Donghyuck only smiled at him.
—You are right, you are right. Sorry. —he sighed.
—Whatever and about your question, I don’t see a problem. It's my favorite one and looks good on me.
—Well, I can't argue with that. —he said in a murmur but Mark was able to hear it. Did that have a secret meaning behind it? He shook his head, it wasn't time to think about those kinds of stuff.
—Okay, I will go to the kitchen and bring some hot water.
—Hurry, I'm really hungry. —he said with a pout, looking all cute sitting there. If Mark wasn't able to control himself, he would probably have the biggest cute aggression reaction in front of his best friend -and probably would have kissed those pouty lips- but, instead, he just smiled and nodded before leaving the room.
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With the ramens cooked, both boys relaxed on the potato brown couch while eating and talking about their days. Mark one was more calm than Donghyuck one. He needed to finish a song before the week ended and at the same time, he was working on his own stuff.
—Hey, why don't you never show me your personal compositions and writtings? —Mark asked suddenly, causing the honey skinned boy to choke on his food. The older one, being all worried, patted his back gently till his best friend told him with a hand gesture that he was fine. The younger cleared his throat and finally answered.
—Because of that, they are personal, duh.
—Oh, come on. —the black haired rolled his eyes. —It’s me…
—Mario? —Mark looked at him annoyed while Donghyuck laughed. —Okay, okay, sorry. Jeez.
—This is serious. We never hide things from each other and you used to show me what you were working on.
—This… this is different.
—How? —he asked with a tone clearly that showed he wasn’t letting go of this topic easily.
—I don't know. Too personal? —he shrugged his shoulders. —I’m not even sure if I want the world to know about them.
—Am I like the rest of the world? —he asked, disappointed. Mark was really expressive on the outside, he could never hide how he was feeling at the moment and this wasn't different. On the other hand, Donghyuck was expressive but more in an internal and creative way.
When he was happy, Donghyuck composed.
When his heart hurted, he composed.
When he was feeling like his heart would burst with love, he composed.
When he looked at him, he composed.
When he was just there, existing… he composed.
Each time that new lyric, melody or complete song came out of his brain and materialized into the real world, Mark was always there. Every creation of his, Mark was the muse behind it.
But… who was Mark to Donghyuck? Well, in the eyes of everyone, Mark was Donghyuck’ best friend. Inside his personal bubble where he and his mind coexisted, he was the man he loved.
How cliche, right? Being in love with your best friend. But Donghyuck couldn’t control it and how could he? Mark was perfect. And that doesn’t mean that he didn’t have flaws, because he did and even that, was an inspiration to Donghyuck.
Oh, to be in love was something that made Donghyuck happy but at the same time, insecure. What if that love goes away and he is not able to compose anymore? Will he be able to find another muse that was as perfect as Mark was? Or was he overthinking too much? Like he used to compose before and people praised him for his natural talent, so why was he afraid? Probably because being in love with his best friend and if he finds out about it, will mean to lose him. Donghyuck couldn't bear the thought of losing Mark and not because he was obsessed or something like that, he was really important in his life… he was the one that stayed, the one who saw some value in him, the one who thought he was worth it. They only got each other in this big and horrible world.
No, Donghyuck couldn’t risk losing him only because he loved him. So, he decided to compose, to put every feeling and thought into lyrics and melodies to let it all go or at least, try.
Coming back to the question asked, Donghyuck looked at him feeling his heart ache at the view of him, the boy he loved, feeling sad because of him. He breathed deeply, looking now at the papers all around the room and thinking. Should he show him his most precious songs that were all about him? Will he be able to know what they are about? Was he sure he wanted to take the risk?
—Okay, you are right. You are not like the rest of the world, you are special to me. —he said without looking at him but he knew that Mark was probably smiling big. He stood up and went to the piano, where down the papers there was a blue folder -Mark favorite color, he was so obvious but was he to Mark?-.
He turned around with the folder in his hands, the black haired boy looked at him with curiosity. Donghyhuck started to feel nervous, shy and like he was going to get naked in front of him -and, in some way, was something like that-. In those papers, in those music sheets there was his heart, mind and soul poured. He hugged it to his chest like it was everything.
—Hyuck?
—Don't judge, okay? These… these are really important to me, okay?
—Of course Hyuck, I will treat them with respect. I only want to admire your work. —oh, the heart of Donghyuck skipped a bit. How he can be so… so…. so Mark? Does that make sense?
—Okay… —the compositor -and songwriter- sighed and moved forward to the couch again. He sat, looking one last time at the blue folder, and gave it to him. Mark looked at it with bright eyes, caressing the cover of it. —Do it in our apartment, when you are in your room alone. I feel a little shy right now. —the black haired boy looked at him and nodded, feeling like he had a treasure in his hands that he needed to protect at all costs.
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Two days had passed since Mark had the folder in his hands. Somehow, it felt like the universe was against him and gave him busy days where he ended up really tired to their shared home with Donghyuck and just ate or slept there. He didn't have the energy to do other things than that.
But finally, it was Sunday. He was finally free since he didn't have to leave his home for anything. It was him and the folder, no one else. Not even Donghyuck, since he went to meet his twin brother Jeno, who he was reconnecting with again. So, in both parts, it was a special day.
He sat in his bed, blankets on his legs, a cup of tea in the nightstand and the blue folder in his hand. He was feeling excited, shivers all over his body, he felt like wanting to jump. He took a deep breath to calm himself and finally opened it.
The first composition was named “ion heart”. Mark understood a little bit of music thanks to Donghyuck, so he could notice that the song was a ballad -and probably all of them will be since it was the favorite genre of the younger one-. The lyrics talked about a boy whose heart was treated poorly and even when all seemed so dark, in this heart there was still kindness, courage and bravery to move forward in life and face those traumas to become an amazing human being.
It was the first one and he already felt like tearing up but he kept his composure, since there were like nine more to read -yep, he did count them before starting-. He wondered if the boy he was talking about was real.
The second one was called "My Eunoia." He frowned hard as he read it, the word was unfamiliar to him. So he grabbed his phone, which was at his side, and searched it on Google. The first thing he saw was that the word meant "beautiful thoughts" and came from Greek. The meaning seemed to have something religious and spiritual on it but when Mark started reading the song, he realized Donghyuck had given it his own meaning. In this one, he talked about someone who made him have a lot of thoughts but not in an overthinking way, not like that. It was more like a love song and the beautiful things that go through your mind when you look at that person just existing. Wait, was Donghyuck in love? Since when? Why was he finding out through a song he wrote and composed… FIVE YEARS AGO? Five years ago… was this still going on? Who was he… or she?
He decided to read the next one. This was a sad one, more like a heartbreak song called “Close but so far”. In this one, he talked about the lion heart guy again and how he went from being his eunoia to an endless rain when he started loving someone else but he still decided to be by his side, in any way that guy left him. So, it was a he. He was in love with a guy and that guy broke his heart. The date was two years ago, so this DID still went on for a long time. How Mark wasn’t aware of all this?
Fourth song. “Yours”. Another bittersweet love song. He accepts hes still in love, that he is his but he accepts that the guys he loves will never be his. Unrequited love was all written in that song and the other ones that follow. More than fifteen songs about loving someone that doesn’t love him back.
Mark swallowed everything. Every word, every title chosen, every melody, metaphor used, feeling captured. He focused on every detail trying find out who this guy was but at the end, he didn't have a fucking clue.
Because Mark was clueless as fuck and that's why he didn't realize every song was actually about him.