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There it was again... That faint feeling of something touching her hand, her arm, her cheek. She could barely see anything, but she definitely felt her presence.
When did this start? She didn’t even know. All she could remember was brown hair tied in a ponytail, hazelnut eyes with that soft, loving stare, a voice so unique it scratched an itch in her brain every time she heard it, and skin so soft it lingered in her thoughts long after waking up.
The weird thing was… she wasn’t real. She only appeared in Hakos Baelz’s dreams.
Every morning afterwards felt heavy, as though a part of her had been ripped away. But she was just that... Something created by her psyche whenever she closed her eyes.
Her first interaction with the ghost girl was nothing short of confusing. She remembered being on the street at night, the streetlamps flickering as the breeze wrapped around her body. She wore her usual outside attire and walked along the empty highway. Somewhere far off, she heard a voice humming a little tune.
It grew louder the closer she walked to it. The lights above flickered more and more until they died completely, leaving her in pure darkness. The last thing she remembered was the silhouette of a girl, her back turned.
It was a freaky experience, but she brushed it off. Dreams could get weird like that.
That was until the next night, when the dream picked up exactly where it left off. The ghostly woman was still there, only this time, she turned around. A smile grew on her face.
“Oh! Hi!” she said with sudden enthusiasm.
Bae froze. She tried to step back but realized she couldn’t move. Not because the girl was getting closer, but because she just… couldn’t move at all.
“How are you?” the woman asked.
Bae swallowed. Her throat closed up. She couldn’t answer. Was it fear? Or was it her doing?
“I’ve been watching you for a while now.” The woman continued. Her hands gently caressed Bae’s ears. The touch felt real. “You don’t have to answer. I’m just glad you can see me, too.”
A forced smile formed, as if holding back tears. By instinct, Bae raised a hand and brushed her cheek with her thumb. Her skin was so soft.
For a moment, neither of them moved. The night air was still, the only sound was ironically the silence of the dark. The ghost girl's eyes searched hers, almost desperate, as if she was memorizing every detail of her face.
“You feel… real .” Bae found herself whispering, the words finally leaving her mouth.
She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but instead, she leaned ever so slightly into Bae’s touch, closing her eyes for just a moment. When she opened them again, there was something about her stare, as if she longed for this but was also afraid.
Her fingers came up, wrapping gently around Bae’s wrist, not to push it away yet, but to hold it there, scared of letting her go. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to see me” she murmured.
Bae’s chest tightened, but before she could speak, “It’s getting late.” She said quietly. “You should go back. I’ll be waiting for you.”
She took Bae’s arm, lowering it gently but lingering for a second longer than necessary, her touch comforting. A faint, bittersweet smile was formed by her lips.
“See you tonight, Bae.”
"Wait, who are you?" She wanted to say, but before Bae could speak, her alarm rang.
She was awake. Was any of that real anymore? She didn’t care. She wanted to go back, to tell her it was okay, to see her again. And so she did. Every night since then, she saw and/or perceived her. She called her “Mumei”, “nameless”, a name she felt suited her and she also liked the idea, so it stayed as that… Mumei.
They spent all the time there talking, walking through that highway. Her heart fluttered with her beauty. Her outfit consisted of just a white gown, yet she still shone brighter than any light she saw.
When Bae mentioned Mumei to her friends, she got the response she expected: laughter at first, then concern.
“Maybe it’s tied to your sleep schedule?” one suggested, a tall, blue-haired woman.
“No matter what I do, it keeps happening. Long, short, normal hours. I always see her at night.” Bae explained.
The two women there exchanged looks.
“Are you… unhappy about it?” the other asked, a bit taller than Bae but shorter than the blue-haired one, with hot pink hair and a bit more tanned skin.
“No… I’m not. I just keep wondering… Do you think she could be real?”
Silence. They were probably trying to think of a way to respond without sounding harsh.
“Don’t answer. I’m probably going crazy or something, heh. Maybe Cecilia was right and the coffee is truly getting to my head.” The laugh she forced out hurt in a way she couldn’t explain, her heart ached. “I-I have to go. Talk to you later.”
“Wait, Bae!” the blue-haired woman called. “Make sure you rest well. And if you need anything. Me and IRyS are always available, okay?” She smiled, but Bae only nodded in return.
On the way home, she thought she saw Mumei in the corner of her eye. When she turned her head, she was gone. Was she hallucinating? Still dreaming without knowing? Her head hurt just thinking about it. So she shook it off and kept walking, but the feeling didn’t leave. It was like being followed but not in a threatening way, more like a presence hovering over you. Every reflective window she passed by seemed to hold a glimpse of someone with brown hair. Every passing strangers’ chatting or laughter turned into that familiar hum in her ears.
At the crosswalk, she saw her again, staring, her gaze the same she remembers. Bae rubbed her eyes in disbelief but the moment the light turned green, people moved forward, and the spot was empty.
Her pace quickened. She wanted to go home, to lock the door, to know if she was losing her mind or she was actually haunting her both when unconscious and in reality. But the whole way there, the shadows forming into her silhouette didn't help at all. A ponytail moving with the wind. But no… They are mundane objects that are changed by the shadows. Maybe her brain was playing tricks on her, she thought at first, but deep inside she knew she had something to do with this. Couldn’t say she wasn’t excited at the fact that she could very well be real. The ghost girl of her dreams.
When she finally reached her house, she immediately started the coffee maker. As it did its magic, she heard fluttering outside her window. She opened it to see a bird, she couldn’t tell what kind, flying away, leaving a single feather on the sill. It probably meant nothing… but she kept it and placed the feather beside her bed.
That night, she laid down with an eager heart. She wanted to see her again. She needed to. She wanted to ask her so many things.
But she didn’t.
The dream was empty, cold, hollow. Just silence. Nothing about her. As if she never existed. She knew that was bullshit. The next night, she searched every corner of it for her. Still nothing.
Night after night, Mumei was gone. Running through the void. Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING.
The absence uneased her. She thought of her constantly: at work, strolling outside, when she closed her eyes even for a second. The touch of her hands, the sound of her voice, the way she smiled... All memories becoming clearer than the day before, it was torture.
They inserted themselves in her brain as if they actually did happen. But they didn't, that was the point. But why? Why does she feel empty without her? Their banter, getting to know each other, her very real touch...
She started lingering by streetlamps on rainy nights, just in case. She thought that if she recreated the moment she met her, she would find her again. But to no avail. She kept the feather in her pocket everywhere she went. It gave her some sort of warmth, in these freezing empty nights.
She brought along a pen and notebook, and wrote down every location and sketched out the similar scenarios once again. Every passing night the sketches became more distorted and rabid. In rage, she ripped some papers off. It wasn’t working.
In her research, she decided to investigate which bird corresponded to the feather she had in her pocket. She found out it was that of a barn owl. It had that same color scheme and structure of the pictures she saw. She also discovered the meaning of the barn owl feather, they said that if you were to find one, it was a message from the beyond. Was that Mumei’s doing? Was she telling her something from beyond her point of view?
Maybe Mumei was just as lost, trying to find her way back. She had to find her, to help her find the way, maybe even the way to the real world, where they could be together.
She knew one thing though, she would keep waiting…
-
The nights dragged on without her.
A week. Then two.
Bae’s dreams were mixed between darkness, colorless streets, empty fields, or stranded island beaches. Every time she opened her eyes in the morning, her chest ached in a way she didn’t think was possible. It wasn’t just longing anymore, it was panic.
She began sleeping more, hoping to increase her chances of finding Mumei again. But the dreams remained stubbornly empty. When that didn’t work, she started drinking more coffee during the day and forcing herself awake at night, waiting until she was delirious enough before collapsing into bed, just to see if exhaustion might drag her back to that place.
It didn’t.
She started painting. Maybe a visual image of her could help. She sat down in front of the canvas she had bought, with a variety of reds as her palette. She drew one stroke. And froze.
“What did you look like?”
She was forgetting her. How she looked, all the little details she admired. Her breath became more erratic. Anxiety ran through her veins, her hands were all shaking and tears were welling up in her eyes as if one little touch would make her burst. She finally stood up and realized the paint she put on the palette started to drift into her skin due to the shaking. She went to her bathroom and violently started to get rid of the paint. Her breath quickened again. When she woke up again, she was on the bathroom floor. She fainted, but somehow she didn’t hurt herself. In the canvas remained that red stroke. Maybe painting wasn’t the greatest hobby for her now.
Her friends noticed. The blue haired one kept checking on her, asking how she’s been, she didn’t respond. The pink-haired one offered to hang out, maybe watch the newest movie on Netflix to distract her. But the only thing she wanted was the quiet of her room, the weight of her blanket and the feather beside her pillow.
Some nights she heard that familiar humming. Others, she woke up with wet cheeks, though she couldn’t remember crying. And others, she just woke in darkness with the faint feeling of hands cupping her face before briefly disappearing again.
-
She was fulfilling her routine of walking in the night once again, finding similar places from her dreams, a few rung some bells but nothing too special. She had been walking past the park when she spotted Mumei, sitting on a bench under the moonlight, her eyes closed as if drifting to sleep herself. Her heart sank. She ran towards her, each step heavier than the last. The distance felt longer and longer, but she didn’t care. She was almost there.
Mumei looked up. Their eyes met.
And then… The bench was empty.
Bae, breathing heavily, fell to her knees. She pressed a hand over her racing heart, whispering her name. “Mumei…”.
The echo of her name kept running laps around Bae’s mind. Everything felt fragile. Like if she tried hard enough she could break the world itself. She stumbled back home, defeated.
That night, she dreamed again. But it wasn’t the same. She was standing in a void, this time warmer than most days. Then faintly a hand touched hers.
“Bae?” Mumei whispered.
“Mumei?” But just like how space has no air for sound to travel, that void swallowed her voice. The touch slipped away. And she woke up, the taste of the moment still lingering through her for the rest of the day. Was she cursed to never seeing her again? Was she so ungrateful and now the world was punishing her?
But, it didn’t matter if Mumei was a ghost or nothing at all. She would keep chasing her, even if it meant never waking again.
Days turned into nights and nights into dreams.
Bae could no longer tell which was which anymore.
She stopped talking about Mumei to her friends. Every time she mentioned her, their worried looks only deepened, and she didn’t want to hear their pity. They didn’t understand. They couldn’t.
The feather stayed under her pillow now. She swore it still carried some sort of comfort from the first night she found it.
And finally, one night, when she closed her eyes, she found herself back on that familiar street.
The lamps flickered. The breeze which at first was freezing now felt like an old friend hugging you. Her voice, she heard it nearby. Her ears twitched, and followed the melody, she ran towards it, and… there she was.
“Mumei…”
The name left Bae’s lips out of pure muscle memory at this point. Everything back then was Mumei, but for the first time in what felt like decades, she was right there.
Mumei smiled, sad, but relieved. “You came back.”
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Bae said, her voice breaking. “Please… don’t disappear again. Don’t leave me. I need you. Where were you? Have you been looking for me?” The barrage of questions didn’t stop, the other lady didn’t say anything, her gaze instead of the usual comfort was… scared, sad, as if she did the wrong thing.
“I never left Bae.” Mumei whispered. She stepped closer, her presence warm and solid this time. “This place… it’s not safe for you. If you stay too long, you might never wake up.”
Bae’s heart pounded. “Then I’ll stay.”
Mumei’s eyes widened. “Bae, you don’t underst-” She raised her voice but was interrupted.
“I don’t care if you’re real or not. I don’t care if I never wake up. I just want to be here. With you.”
For a long moment, Mumei said nothing. Then, slowly, she took Bae’s hand and pressed it to her cheek. “Bae...”. On her face ran several streams of tears. Sadness, happiness, Mumei herself didn’t know. But this time, Bae was finally able to brush them off.
The lamps around them flickered one last time, and went out.
When Bae’s friends found her the next day, she was still in bed, her breathing steady, a faint smile on her lips. The feather lay beside her hand.
They found her canvas. The red paint drawn to look like a landscape also shaped into something. A girl where only her silhouette was visible.
Bae’s body would remain, but her mind was somewhere else. A place she could only dream of.
And in that place, Hakos Baelz never stopped holding Mumei’s hand.