Chapter Text
The waves crash against the shore so calmly, they move without a care in the world yet they manage to captivate the eyes of so many. Even when they take and they give and they give and they take. They stay so unmoved. Unaware of the awe and the despair they bring.
Even after all my years, I never thought the words I’d want to say the most would be, “Mother, I don’t despise Feng xin anymore, no, in fact I miss him dearly. I miss him more than anything. I even want to see Xie lian. I'd like to see how he and the crimson rain sought flower are doing.”
And even with all these wishes. I don't feel like I can keep on wishing so strongly forever. It's irritating really. For someone like me to even feel such despair at losing someone like Feng Xin, the one who would judge and pick at my every move. Tell Xie Lian that he disapproved of me. He angered me. He made me feel like the word criminal was branded on my forehead.
He and Xie Lian could never understand how I feel. Yet, they came close. Xie Lian was close, but Feng Xin was even closer. In all his stubbornness and narrow-mindedness, he managed to put his ideals aside and understand me.
Things seemed so bright.
🏹🗡🏹
The smell of seawater and oysters hit Feng Xin's nose harshly as he followed Xie Lian. Mu qing followed behind silently, their steps falling into a smooth rhythm they all knew by heart. Even as rocks and sand replaced solid ground, the constant clacking of their shoes made everything monotone.
Xie Lian went on a rant about the art of sabers and cultivation while Mu qing made the occasional comment on how he used his saber. Their conversation painted the day as even more monotone than Feng Xin had anticipated, not that he minded. As long as Xie Lian was fine, he was too.
“Your Highness, the Queen requested your presence at a dinner.” Feng Xin stated casually, too busy scanning the area like a threat was about to jump at him.
“Hm, I see. I'll attend it, she invited you, did she?”
Feng Xin simply nodded.
Xie Lian turned to Mu Qing and gave him an inviting smile, “Would you like to come along, Mu qing?”
Mu Qing's eyes widened slightly, his mouth attempting to form words before shutting down slowly. It wasn't like he had a choice, he had to say yes. Every logical explanation pointed towards a yes. “If his Highness requests my presence.”
Xie Lian only sighed at the ambiguity and took it as a yes before continuing his walk, and as carefree as Xie lian was, Feng Xin only felt wary. “Are you sure, Your Highness? Your mother requested you. I don't believe she stated anything about additional members.”
“If you're going to say you don't want me there, you might as well say it to my face.” His expression turned dark in a matter of seconds at the other’s words. To which the brunet's face responded with a sour expression..
“Nobody said that, you fool! Why do you always feel so targeted?”
Mu Qing only groaned and looked away. His finger tightened around his arms as he vented his frustration onto his skin.
“Come on you two,” Xie Lian smiled softly, “It's my mother we're talking about, she won't mind, Feng Xin. Please don't worry.” He waved his hand and stopped in front of a store selling jewelry full of diamonds and crystals. “Perhaps I should buy something for her? It's been so long since I've seen her.”
Feng Xin's eyes lit up at his prince's sign of kindness and quickly stood right by his side to admire all the necklaces and bracelets shining like stars in the night sky. He quickly pointed at quite a few pieces and they found themselves lost in a world of luxury and pleasure.
And even in their contagious enthusiasm, Mu Qing found himself taking a step back and shoving his hands inside his sleeves. He made sure not to stare at the pieces with too much yearning in his eyes and he made sure not to make any sudden moves. The last thing he needed was someone accusing him of stealing. He had heard enough of that every time something went missing.
So he tuned out the sound of their voices and looked around them. Taking in the grand palace that he could see from miles away. The people of Xianle walked around happily with smiles and giggles tainting their voices and expressions. Their robes without holes or stains. It was so different compared to everything Mu Qing ever knew. Perhaps that’s why they always glared at him when he passed by, because they couldn’t understand why someone like Mu Qing would follow a crown prince like Xie Lian.
If no one could understand why he followed then surely no one would understand why he was so closed off. Why he couldn’t help but pry.
“Mu Qing, how do you feel about this one?” Xie Lian held up a golden necklace covered in red rubies and sapphires. “Would mother like it?”
The black haired man only let out a small sigh and half heartedly answered back, “I’m sure she’ll be pleased to receive such a gift.”
Mu Qing’s eyes flicked toward the necklace only once, before lowering again. The red stones were so vivid, like blooming camellias soaked in blood. It reminded him of the ones his mother used to dream of but could never afford. The kind she once joked would suit him better anyway, “like a prince,” she said as her fragile fingers grazed his cheek. Her kind eyes choosing to ignore the troubled look on his face as she embraced him.
Xie Lian turned to admire another necklace, completely distracted.
Feng Xin, however, wasn’t. His eyes had been lingering on Mu Qing for some time now. “You don’t look so good,” he said, low enough so only Mu Qing could hear. “Something wrong?”
Mu Qing didn’t answer. His fingers curled tighter in his sleeves, his jaw tense. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not!”
“I said I’m fine.”
Feng Xin narrowed his eyes. “If you’re planning something-”
Mu Qing’s head snapped toward him. “Planning what? You think I’m going to rob the store? Of course you’d think that.”
“That’s not what I meant-”
“But it’s what you think.”
Feng Xin opened his mouth, but no words came. The air between them grew thick, even as the sun sparkled across glass and gold. Xie Lian was already walking ahead, humming quietly to himself, lost in a fantasy of reunions and gift-giving.
Mu Qing took a breath. Then another. Then turned away from the necklace. His eyes already narrowing at the other’s attempt at accusing him of yet another imaginary crime.
“Seriously you two. Do you ever feel the need to stop fighting? Xie Lian sighed heavily before purchasing the necklace and tucking it away inside of his sleeves, “Let’s get along and go visit my mother. We can even visit yours, Mu Qing.”
Mu Qing’s eyes lit up before dying out as quickly as the spark came. He could only swallow his pride and shame to utter out his words, “I have nothing to give her. My visit would be pointless.”
Feng Xin’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, but before he could make another tasteless remark, Xie Lian placed his arm in front of the brunet and gave Mu Qing another smile, “Would you like me to give you something? Perhaps a shiny bracelet would make her smile?”
As kind as Xie Lian was, Mu qing couldn't help but glance back at Feng Xin. Bracing himself for the other to start criticizing his Prince for being too giving. For allowing himself to spend money on a mere servant. Yet Feng Xin only nodded to himself.
“Women do appreciate jewelry. To an obsessive degree.”
Xie Lian only let out a light hearted laugh in return, “Anyone can appreciate pretty jewels, Feng Xin. It'll be a nice gift.” Without any further questioning, Xie Lian purchased a golden necklace with a single gem which was the same color as Mu qing's robes. The little jewel burned holes through Mu Qing's head as it glared at him. A symbol of shattered pride.
Still, he swallowed down the feeling and let his fingers wrap around the now bagged item. If it was for his mother, then he could endure whatever he was feeling. Her smile couldn't compare with the feeling. No, her smile had a much stronger effect on him.
“Thank you, Your Highness.” He bowed deeply, making sure his gratitude was somewhat seen.
“Could you at least smile?!” Feng Xin piped up again, apparently not finding Mu Qing's bow grateful enough. He now wanted the other to smile.
“Shut it.”
“You-”
“How about we get some tea?”
They both turned to stare at the Prince like he had just suggested they commit a petty crime. Truly, his ways of calming down a fight didn't really do anything for the simmering anger that built up every time an argument was left unfinished.
The three of them ended up in a quiet teahouse tucked between a silk merchant’s shop and a perfumery. The air smelled faintly of lotus and steamed rice, and light filtered through thin paper windows, casting shadows of trees and passing figures across the low table beneath them.
Xie Lian sat first, his sleeves brushing the lacquered wood. “Their osmanthus tea is excellent here,” he said with that same easy cheer, though it felt more like an attempt to keep the peace than an honest comment.
Mu Qing remained standing for a moment longer, gaze fixed on the faint stain in the wood grain before lowering himself opposite Feng Xin. The seating put them directly across from each other, an arrangement that felt far too much like a duel.
The server arrived with steaming cups, the porcelain warm against Mu Qing’s palms. He let the heat seep into his fingers, focusing on it rather than the pair of eyes watching him from across the table. The necklace still weighed heavy in the confinements of Mu Qing’s sleeves. He didn’t know why, but he still felt so cautious. Even if this was a gift, he still didn’t feel like it should have been in his possession.
Still, he calmly sipped his tea and let Feng Xin and Xie Lian speak about matters he couldn’t pay attention to in his current state of mind.