Work Text:
For a man as utterly devoid of emotion as the Quattro Espada, death didn’t bother him much. Not that he’s depressed, or anything of the sort, but he is simply incapable of expressing *any* emotion aside from abject apathy. For a moment before his “death”, he felt the slightest smidge of sadness…or maybe joy?
Some time later, he couldn’t tell exactly when, the green-eyed Arrancar had seemingly reformed back in Hueco Mundo as if nothing had happened. Was this part of being a Hollow? Was this Aizen’s doing?
None of that mattered. He couldn’t feel any pressure that matched Aizen’s…or any of his fellow Espada for that matter. Were they dead? Perhaps the Soul Reapers slaughtered them to the last as recompense for the trouble they’d caused. Ulquiorra wouldn’t shed a tear for any of them, of course, they knew the risks of associating with a madman like Aizen (even if the only other choice was death, it didn’t change his perspective).
So, with no direction for the first time in possibly *decades*, the Hollow decided that he would find a purpose for himself…and he would do it by returning to the world of those curious “humans”.
—-One Moment Later, in Karakura Town——
The city looked just as disgusting as he remembered it. Full of lights and noise and smells, most of which were completely foreign to an Arrancar. It was as if everything in this realm was unconsciously trying to agitate Ulquiorra, but he wouldn’t rise to any such provocation.
When he appeared from his portal, he found himself not too far away from a local bar. He could tell from even across the street that the place was a liquor joint based purely on how much *noise* was coming from inside. He held himself back from simply blasting the place to dust with his Cero…but he didn’t know *why* he resisted. He loathed humans for their very existence, having that which he could never attain…a heart.
His languid gaze fixated on one person in particular. There was a woman who was wearing clothes that were something similar to what Ichigo was wearing, all black with some white. It must be some kind of…uniform.
What he didn’t know was that the woman inside was none other than Rangiku Matsumoto, the Lieutenant of the Soul Reapers 10th Divison. As she often did, she was using a Gigai to just aimlessly kill time, shop and fraternize.
“You..you guys are the *best*. If I…knew any better…I’d say you’re tryna liquor me up…for reasons I…could probably guess.” The blonde laughed at her own perverse joke, slapping an arm onto the wooden counter. She was somewhat inebriated, and she didn’t care about keeping up any kind of decorum that would usually be expected of Lieutenant Shinigami.
“Uh…Miss…there’s some waxed up creepo watchin’ you outside…a friend o’ yers?”
“H-huh?”
Rangiku lurched her head to the left, and made eye contact with a pair of empty green orbs. No light, no emotion…not even any visible sclera. The sudden shock of the sight caused her to almost tumble off of the stool she was seated on.
“Looks like one of those…emo kids from the school…probably just lonely…”
Meanwhile, Ulquiorra was planning his next move. Would he take advantage of the Shinigami’s state, and simply kill her?
A small, nascent part of his mind seemed to think “no”. He heard it in the voice of that woman…Orihime was her name. Even after death (and rebirth) that girl haunted him. Instead, his legs slowly stomped to the bar’s door. Instead of gently opening it or knocking on it, he completely ignored it and kept walking, uncaring as the door slammed against the wall due to his awkward posture.
“Hey! Careful with that, pal! That door cost me more than a year’s pay!”
Ulquiorra simply stared at the shopkeeper, before continuing on his way.
“Yoo-hoo! Tall dark and…h-handsome!” Rangiku motioned towards herself, trying to catch the attention of the mysterious new guy, but almost stumbled over her words due to her inebriation.
Handsome? He was a monster. A soulless creature that had no purpose but to serve, and to kill. Whatever senseless prattle that redhead…*Orihime*…tried to say to the contrary, the concept of love and kindness was a hollow joke with no punchline to him.
So why was he so damn conflicted?
“What’s yer name…hot stuff?”
“My name is…Ulquiorra Cifar…” The words sort of spilled out. This woman reminded him quite a lot of Orihime, except the fact that she was blonde, and was noticeably…bigger.
“Y’wanna buy a girl a drink? I’m practically *dehy*…deee….uhm…dying here!” She seemed to give up halfway on pronouncing the word “dehydrated”. Her awkward manner of speech was oddly endearing, if not a little sad.
There was a noticeable silence in the bar as Ulquiorra stood there, unblinking and unspeaking. Everyone in there was trying to see if this wierd man was a threat or not, and they were seemingly getting mixed signals.
“No? Aww…that’s no fun.”
“Do you know a…Orihime Inoue?”
“Oh Ori?! She’s such a hottie, ain’t she…I bet she’s got men falling over themselves for her…”
“You…are a friend of hers?”
“A-are you?”
“…No. I would assume not.”
“Heheh…I knew it…have a seat…you look so much cuter than these other *prudes*…”
Cute? Handsome? What was her game? It had to be some sort of scheme. Ulquiorra didn’t even second guess himself, he knew it was a ploy.
“Are you a Soul Reaper too?”
Rangiku’s eyes shot open at that question. Most people don’t even know Soul Reapers exist, let alone having enough knowledge about them to ask so frivolously.
“Wh-hut?!”
“Are you a Shinigami?”
“Where’d ya hear those words?”
“I assure you, I am no fool…”
“Oh? Yer a smarty pants? What if I said “yes” then?”
The buxom blonde took a long drink from her cup, keeping one eye locked tightly on the pale stranger.
“Then I will share a secret in kind…I…am the Quattro Espada.”
Rangiku comically spit her drink all over the poor bartender, her memories of being told about the Espada flooding back to her. From what she could recall, almost all of the Espada save for Tier, Nel and Grimmjow were supposed to be dead, and the guy in front of her didn’t look like any of those three. For a moment, she held her breath, the steady rise and fall of her partially exposed chest freezing as she tried to see if she could see through any possible deception.
“No kidding…what’re you doing here? I didn’t think you guys…liked alcohol…”
“We do not. I spotted your uniform through the door…it seemed…curious to me.”
“My “uniform” huh? Good save…”
Ulquiorra didn’t understand what she meant by “save”, but he didn’t say anything that would make it obvious that he was confused.
“So…are you gonna *destroy* me or somethin’?”
“…No.”
“Really? Aren’t you Espada like…crazy maneaters or something?”
“Some perhaps are. I am not.”
“Aaah…I don’t really get it…but I’m not exactly…not exactly at 100 percent y’know…”
“I could see as much…you do seem out of sorts.”
“T-Tell ya what…mister “Espada”…how about I…call it a night…I’m pretty sloshed…and *you*…can take this…my treat…”
The busty Soul Reaper reaches into her pocket, and pulls out a small phone-like device, handing it to Ulquiorra.
“What is it?”
“It’s a *Soul Phone*! It’s the main way us…us Shinigami can communicate when we’re not close enough to talk…face to face.”
“I…see…but…I’m not a Shinigami.”
“Well *duh*. I know that! You’re a cute guy, and I feel like you and I…have some…uh…chemistry? Let’s go with that.”
With a renewed sense of direction, Rangiku got to her feet, and walked to the bar’s door. Using her Zanpakuto, she used the Senkaimon technique to instantaneously travel from the Human World back to the Spirit Realm, using the bar’s entrance as a literal doorway into the Soul Society’s gate.
Ulquiorra looked at the phone…she called it a Soul Phone. It seemed brand new, with a small piece of red paper threaded around it so that it was kept as compact as possible.
Did…she just hit on him? Was that what “flirting” is like? Was it supposed to feel so conflicting?
Did he deserve it?
——-
Despite not entirely understanding his own emotions, or the situation at hand, Ulquiorra did as he was asked, and arrived at the same location he had been the other day.
The (literally) heartless Hollow ruminated on everything that had gotten him to this point. From invading the Human world, to practically kidnapping Orihime and Ichigo’s attempts at rescuing her, and even his assumed death at the hands of a monstrous, transformed Ichigo.
His last moments were spent regretting his actions, with only his former captive to try and comfort him. In that moment, before he embraced the chill of oblivion, he felt like he finally understood what the power of the heart truly was. It overcame his supposedly insurmountable power, it crushed him like a *bug*, in fact.
He was almost *afraid* of the power that the “heart” contained. After his return, and the realization that the only man he’d ever admired *even slightly* was now out of the picture…he felt…different. Had his battle with Ichigo changed him this much? Perhaps.
“Oh! You came! Mister spooky himself!”
At the entrance to that bar, Ulquiorra watched as Rangiku stepped out from an illusory Senkaimon gate to his right, her cheery voice snapping him out of his silent contemplation. She seemed oddly happy to see him, despite being a Hollow, who were usually exterminated on sight by Soul Reapers.
“What is it you wished to ask of me?”
“Well…I hate to admit it but…I was kinda…drunk last night, and I didn’t want to have a conversation with you like that, in front of all those people…it mighta been kinda embarrassing for both of us.”
“And why is that?”
“Well…hooow do I put this…it might’ve been the sake…but I do remember thinking you were…pretty handsome.”
Ulquiorra didn’t reply. He was comfortable just letting the blonde continue speaking, even if he wasn’t sure why he was even listening so intently. The warmth in her voice reminded him of Orihime, but it seemed more…welcoming in a way.
“Uhm…hooh boy…why am I so flustered saying this? I…uhm…wanted to know if…you were…available?”
“Are you asking if I have any…personal relationships?”
“Y-yeah!”
“I do not. I once had no use for them.”
“Weeell…d’you wanna…be my boyfriend?”
“What is a…boyfriend?”
“You don’t know?! B-Boyfriends go on dates and stuff!”
“Why would I have need of such knowledge?”
Rangiku sighed. He was almost as clueless as the Captain. Of course, she never really had any romantic interest in her Captain, mainly because he was more like a sibling to her, a rather snobby younger brother who’s much more bookish and hard working than she could be.
“I guess…I oughta rephrase my question huh? Do you like…me?”
“I do not know. I had only met you…yesterday. I assume your…physical appearance is rather appealing to others…yet…you are not entirely repulsive to me…which is a high bar considering how loathsome I find most of your ilk.”
“Hehe…you certainly have a way with words, don’t cha? You kind of remind me of the Captain.”
“I…see…and you are asking me this of your own volition? There’s no grander implications?”
“Nope! I guess it isn’t helped by seeing guys like Renji and Ichigo getting all lovey-dovey that kinda…forced my hand in a way.”
“You saw…others happiness…and wished for your own? I can understand your concern.”
“It’s not that I’m *unhappy* it’s just…I’m not exactly gonna get any younger here.”
“And you would attempt to court an Espada…the army of a traitor to your cause?”
“That whole “grim loner” vibe you’ve got going on is kinda hot, to be honest. It’s much more my style over some slobbering creep who just wants me for my body. Here…lemme prove it.”
Rangiku leaned forward, seemingly unconcerned with the chances that the Espada would use this opportunity to attack her…maybe she knew he was emotionally conflicted. With a showy “*mwah*”, the blonde kissed the Espada on his forehead.
“Oh, your skin is pretty frigid. Not quite as cold as I expected though.”
“Did you…enjoy that?”
“I *did* as a matter of fact.”
“That is…pleasing to hear.”
That same voice in his head spoke up, over the constant noise of his own self doubts and introspection. It said something to the effect of “you deserve happiness too, Ulquiorra”…he can only imagine that Orihime would probably say something similar if they were to meet again. Maybe she was right. Maybe he deserved a happy ending for himself now that he was no longer under the thumb of a pseudo-deific tyrant.
Clenching his fist outside of Rangiku’s field of view, the stoic Quattro Espada steeled himself, deciding that even if this feeling was but a fleeting microcosm in a vast sea of nothingness, that he wouldn’t run from it, or fear it. He would *embrace it*, and all it included.
“I believe I can…see the benefit of such a bond.”
“You know it. I’m sure you’ll come to see why I’m the most popular woman in the Soul Society…hopefully.”
——3 Months Later——-
“Ulqie! You look sooo cute in that color!”
Ulquiorra looked at his reflection in the mirror. The clothes he wore were similar to his old uniform, but tinted a shade of light green, the “fusion” of his trademark bright white and the color of Rangiku’s particular division in the Gotei 13.
“I do?”
“Yeah! It matches your eyes.”
Rangiku leaned over from behind the Espada, her chest pressing itself firmly against the black trails of hair that extended from under Ulquiorra’s headwear. From that distance, he could even detect the rhythmic beating of her heart as if it were a soothing melody only he could hear.
“Then…perhaps I shall try it…temporarily.”
In all honesty, Ulquiorra wasn’t too concerned about what color his clothes were. He didn’t care about much. He *couldn’t* care about much. But…he did feel slightly better with Rangiku around him.
“Good boy. Gimme a kiss ‘fore we head out, if you’d be so kind…”
Slowly tilting his head, Ulquiorra stood silently as the blonde pecked at him with two quick smooches.
“Y’know…beneath all that dark hair and angst…you’re a pretty sweet guy.”
“Sweet?”
“Oh you poor thing. Let Momma Rangiku teach you how to have some fun for a change…”