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zhongxing didn't know what to do with himself.
well, he knew he needed to practice, yes. but how could he when he was so fatigued that he could fall asleep at any moment, standing up and with music blaring?
zhongxing was trying, he really was. but the team he was in gave him no help. whether they were talking about him behind his back – moreso, in front of him, within his general line of vision – or nagging at him to do this, do that, it all just made him more irritable.
he sat against the wall, trying to focus on the choreography video on the ipad he was holding. but, of course, that didn't last long, as sleep tugged at zhongxing once again and he dozed off.
he was in a weird state of half-asleep, half-awake, when he heard the distraught, shrill cry of someone's voice as he groaned, "please wake up!"
sho.
sho could be described with one single word (you know?):
annoying.
even before they'd been put in the same team, before the merge happened, zhongxing had heard whispers from the others about how difficult sho was to work with – how he taught people incorrectly and just wasn't very good in a general sense. his actual first impression of sho wasn't all that great, either; all zhongxing could notice about him off the bat was that he was very short. he gave angry chihuahua energy.
the second thing zhongxing noticed was that sho was just as bossy as the others described him to be. he always had something to nitpick, even while he himself wasn't doing any better. zhongxing didn't get along with his other teammates, either, but it was even worse with sho; they had nothing in common, and sho was nearly insufferable.
just nearly. and zhongxing did want to get along with him – with everyone – but it was hard to tell if sho felt that way.
just earlier that day, he'd gone off on him during practice because of his korean skills. zhongxing didn't understand anything he was yelling about, but it didn't matter. zhongxing had been dealing with enough; enough people, enough opinions. why would he let sho's opinion bother him, of all people?
but it did bother him, and he didn't know why. that was the worst part. among the other recurring memories of previous disagreements and scoldings, sho's voice was just a little louder.
it was stupid. he didn't even know what sho had been saying. it was just the straw on the sleep deprived camel's back, zhongxing supposed.
zhongxing eventually opened his eyes as much as he could manage, and had to resist the urge to roll his eyes into the back of his head when he saw sho, sprawled out on the floor and still calling out to him.
"is it your turn to sleep, now?" zhongxing muttered under his breath.
"what?" sho's head shot up. zhongxing didn't respond; he heard faint laughter coming from one of his teammates at the reaction, but it seemed to be rooted more in nervousness than humor.
sho got up from the floor, and zhongxing attempted to do the same. instead, he found himself sliding back down the wall and felt his eyes going half closed again. sho shot him a glance before getting back into the half-empty formation.
zhongxing did his best to watch as most of his team went through the first verse's choreography a few times, but he inevitably lost interest and shut his eyes again.
what are you doing? get up and practice. things won't work out like this. do you want to go home? would you rather be a soloist? get up. at least pretend to care–
zhongxing is snapped out from his mental self bullying by the very clear presence of someone in front of him and eyes burning into his head. zhongxing lifted his head very slowly to look.
"zhongxing, are you good?"
it was sho. zhongxing closed his eyes again.
"hey! wake up! listen!"
reluctantly, zhongxing finally managed to stand up. "what?" he asked with a grumble.
"are you doing alright? if you're acting like this because of something we said, tell us that so we can resolve it!"
zhongxing didn't understand. he tilted his head in confusion.
sho sighed, glancing around the practice room before raising his head again to look zhongxing in the eye. he said, simply, "come with."
zhongxing understood that easily enough, but he was understandably skeptical. come with where? but before he could even question anything, sho was grabbing him – not by the hand, not by the wrist, but by the forearm – and leading him out the door.
"what the hell are you doing?" zhongxing tried to protest, but it fell on deaf ears. looking back towards his other teammates, too, none of them seemed to be offering any sort of help. guo zhen was even shooting him dirty looks; zhongxing had to admit that he was even more insufferable than sho was sometimes. zhongxing narrowed his eyes back at him, but he almost tripped over his own feet in the process as he wasn't where he was walking.
sho shut the door behind them, and there was no rush to his steps as he walked down the hallway. sho's grip wasn't tight, persay, but his hand was so small that his fingers were practically digging holes into zhongxing's arm in an effort to keep a hold of him.
zhongxing had enough of that pretty quickly, pulling his arm away and swatting at sho as if he were some sort of mosquito (a gesture that sho, clearly, didn't like all that much). zhongxing followed sho, still, having no idea where they were going or what sho was planning, if anything.
all he'd noticed was that sho was holding onto their practice ipad (which, in hindsight, was probably an inconvenience to the other team members, but they were already missing 2 of their members by this point and zhongxing couldn't care less, truly. let them be left choreography-video-less, some of them deserved it).
sho stopped when he saw the rising sun teams leaving their practice room, and nobody did as much as bat an eye when sho held the door open and filed in after them. zhongxing followed, watching as sho took a seat against the wall, turning the ipad on. zhongxing did the same, shifting away from sho after realizing he didn't have to be right next to him.
it was pretty awkward, regardless; the room was completely silent, the only background noise being the soft echoes of the other teams practicing around them.
a few moments later, sho moved a little closer to where zhongxing sat, turning the screen in his hands towards him. upon looking, zhongxing saw a newly opened google translate tab, and a bland message from sho.
hello, zhongxing.
zhongxing's eyes flickered up to sho, who was looking at him with this strange mix of uninterest and expectation. "hello, sho...?" zhongxing mumbled.
sho turned the screen back to himself, typing again. where the hell was this going? zhongxing ran a hand through his hair, thinking about how much time he was wasting right now when he could be practicing.
not like he'd be practicing, really, he'd much rather go for a nap. but still; he wanted to be salty. sho handed the ipad to him this time, and zhongxing read through it with low expectations.
i'm sorry for lashing out on you. it wasn't your fault. i was frustrated with practice. i know you shouldn't be expected to know korean.
zhongxing looked up from the ipad, seeing that sho had turned his gaze elsewhere. huh. he didn't expect this from him. after thinking for a moment, zhongxing responded with a quiet, "it's okay."
sho turned to him, a frown tugging at his lips. "you don't need to lie. i can tell you aren't."
zhongxing tilted his head. sho sighed – but this time, it didn't seem to be in annoyance.
it wasn't very clear what sho was feeling, really; when he didn't have that judging look on his face or that nitpicky tone to his voice, at least. sho took the ipad back, typing again with quick fingers.
zhongxing leaned back, taking a good look at sho. somehow, even while he wasn't doing anything, something about sho still ticked zhongxing off. maybe it was his aura, the forced cuteness that came off as smarmy and just plain bothersome when it came to this performance. seriously, if it were any other song, that'd work out just fine for him, so why was he...
zhongxing was knocked out of his thoughts when sho repeatedly tapped him on the shoulder, just one too many times for zhongxing's liking. zhongxing glanced down at the screen and read what sho had written;
i can tell that something is strange about you lately. what are we going to do about this?
the translation was blunt and to the point, as expected, but zhongxing hoped there was at least a little sincerity behind sho's words. zhongxing looked back to sho with a blank face. upon meeting zhongxing's eyes, sho huffed and began typing again.
i want to be of help, if it'll make you perform better. sho paused, letting his fingers hover over the keyboard before adding, how can i?
when zhongxing looked at sho, something in his demeanor had changed. and, honestly, zhongxing was reluctant to believe sho's genuinity. sho reached the ipad out to him, waiting for zhongxing to take it; and after a slight bit of hesitation, zhongxing did. he switched the translator over to japanese and wrote out all he could think of.
i don't know. it's all complicated.
sho muttered something under his breath, and although zhongxing couldn't tell what he said, it couldn't have been something kind.
tell me something, at least. keeping your thoughts in your head will only make you feel more on wedge.
what? zhongxing looked to sho with his eyebrows slightly raised, expression blank. sho's own features were growing more bothered, but as he looked back down, he noticed his error and began rapidly backspacing. a moment later, he turned the screen again, deliberately avoiding eye contact.
more on edge.
zhongxing had to stifle a laugh. wow, can't even spell, pick a struggle. zhongxing snapped himself out of his annoyance, because sho was being nice right now. he nodded, starting to type as sho looked at him expectantly.
i feel like nobody is on my side, so i can't handle practicing together very well. also, i'm not getting much sleep. it's difficult.
sho pursed his lips, nodding as he read along. in response, he wrote, first, this looks easiest to fix. why don't you sleep enough?
there's no time. and i am not used to having roommates, they're too loud.
zhongxing swore he could see sho roll his eyes. it took him longer to answer, this time; zhongxing leaned to peer over his shoulder, and for some reason, sho seemed to tense up, even if by only a bit.
you will always have roommates, and you will always need to practice with the group. do you want to be a solo singer?
not this bullshit again. zhongxing snatched the ipad from sho's hands (as politely as he could manage), and thought for a moment on what to say. typing was getting awfully boring, so he turned on the mic and spoke directly to sho. "no! i'm working on it, it's just hard when my teammates don't understand me."
sho glanced to the translation on the screen and gave him a dirty look before speaking back. "i'm trying to understand you right now!" he said, and while his tone was the same whiny one he'd always use to boss people around, there seemed to be some genuine intent in his words.
zhongxing paused. "really?" he spoke, and sho seemed to understand well enough, as he nodded, gaze never leaving zhongxing's. huh. sho seemed to be... sincere?
sho took his turn to speak again; and, for some reason, zhongxing found himself to feel much less irritated by sho's tone by the time he'd finished.
"i'll help you out if it'll help the team. we can't get eliminated."
for the team. zhongxing found himself oddly disappointed after reading this, which was weird, because he usually wouldn't care what sho thinks at all. but seriously, was sho doing all this – going out of his way to apologize and talk to him – just for the team? just to have a higher chance at a benefit and survival?
zhongxing took a deep breath. these negative thoughts about sho seemed to come on autopilot by now; but when he actually looked at the boy, it didn't seem like he'd been saying that to be hostile. sho was just very straightforward, it seemed. sho started to speak again; zhongxing must've been taking too long.
"i can't make everyone like you, but guess i can make myself like you."
zhongxing laughed dryly, leaning over to interject, "can you, though?"
sho read this and gave a small shrug. very plainly, he answered, "it might take some effort, i don't know."
zhongxing sighed, muttering a defeated 'okay', to which sho giggled.
cute.
what? no. he wasn't.
it wasn't. the laugh... no, it wasn't cute, it was loud and shrilly and sounded like it came from some rejected spongebob squarepants side character.
sho had returned to typing again, resting the ipad on his bent knees.
i still have much to learn, i think. the only thing i know about you is that "sexy." what was it?
zhongxing looked to him with a confused expression, and a moment later, sho mimicked (with very low effort, zhongxing must say), "sexy and hot... what?"
this time, when zhongxing laughed, it felt real, like there was actual humor to it. "sexy and hot, shining forever," he corrected, entertained by the way sho already seemed to cringe.
sho opened his mouth, as if he were going to repeat it, but stopped himself.
zhongxing couldn't tell what sho said after that, and he wasn't going to mind. but after noticing how sho had the slightest ghost of a smile on his lips (don't ask why he was looking that hard), zhongxing became curious. "what?"
sho only blinked, his unbothered expression from before coming back in an instant. he answered eventually, in english, "i said... that's stupid."
"why?"
"what do you mean, why?"
"why's it stupid?"
"because...?"
zhongxing rolled his eyes. this wasn't going to get anywhere. he took the ipad back, typing something in response. the only thing that i know about you is that you are bossy.
"when?" sho asked, his tone exasperated already, in a way it seemed he already knew the answer.
with that dancer guy. someone told me you were disagreeing with him.
"yumeki?" sho sighed out, before going on a highly detailed rant about the situation. he never took the ipad to translate, though, and seemed to just be talking to himself at that point.
zhongxing couldn't understand shit, but sho was hilarious when he was this mad, face all scrunched up and his voice on the verge of sounding like a whistling tea kettle.
eventually, sho noticed that zhongxing hadn't really been listening, and sighed to himself, again. wow, this guy truly loved sighing. "i was right," he simply summarized, "they were wrong."
zhongxing nodded, typing, fair enough.
sho wasn't done, apparently, taking the ipad back and repeating the same rant into the microphone. zhongxing found himself looking at sho's face again (purely for the entertainment, yes). he must've been looking for just a second too long, as he didn't notice sho had finished speaking until he looked to zhongxing, puzzled.
zhongxing began reading. just because he's this professional dancer doesn't mean that he is right all the time. i know which beat that dance move was on, and they were gaslighting me into thinking it was wrong because they hate me and want me to die. then, i was the one ridiculed for being off-beat, even though it's just because everyone else was behind.
huh, so he and sho did have something in common, which was the will to always be right. zhongxing only responded with a dry, "you should be a lawyer."
sho read the screen and scoffed, responding, "people are always telling me that."
"me, too," zhongxing replied. after a few seconds of silence passed, he typed, "i get you, though, about all that."
sho hummed, his features starting to look a little less irritated. his voice was oddly soft when he said in a hushed tone, "thanks."
"mhm."
as the room grew silent once again, zhongxing found his thoughts almost going negative again. of course sho made this all about himself. go figure. but at the same time, it didn't matter to him all that much; sho didn't have to talk with him at all in the first place, but he decided to. it's only fair he gets to complain a little, too.
and for some strange reason, zhongxing felt a little lighter. still completely and utterly exhausted, yes, but it felt different.
zhongxing supposed it was nice to have someone to talk to, even if it was the most annoying guy on the show. and on second thought, sho could be worse.
after a long bout of awkward silence, sho glanced up to the clock, then looked back to zhongxing. "we should go back to practice."
zhongxing sighed; he could understand that well enough, and sho was right. "okay." he stood up, and sho did the same without saying another word, both of them heading to the door.
they were about to exit the door, but zhongxing stopped sho by placing his hand on his shoulder. "wait."
sho whipped his head around, seeming a bit too jolted by such a small touch. "what?"
"thank you," zhongxing said, slowly, watching as sho's gaze changed. even though the rest of his face was still nearly expressionless, it was almost as if sho's eyes softened a bit.
maybe. or it could've just been the lighting. yeah, that.
sho turned fully, responding with something quiet that zhongxing couldn't understand. but it didn't matter; the feeling was still there. zhongxing reached out tentatively to give sho a quick pat on the back.
he shouldn't have. because why did sho do the same thing? why did it become an awkward half-hearted, one-armed hug? sho was nice and all, but they were not on that level of friendliness.
zhongxing let a few seconds pass before he pulled away (only to be kind, because pushing him away might push away zhongxing's newly-found sole support outlet). zhongxing's other hand, which was still holding onto the ipad, hung awkwardly beside him, while sho's arm could barely even reach around zhongxing's waist. the top of sho's head reached just to zhongxing's shoulder, and they were unpleasantly close.
and– why did sho's hair have such a strong smell? zhongxing hadn't ever noticed before, he must use some sort of citrus-y shampoo.
why would he have noticed before? why is he thinking so hard about it now?
why won't sho move?
suddenly feeling uncharacteristically embarrassed, zhongxing took a step back first, and sho followed, not saying anything else as he turned and opened up the door.
zhongxing couldn't see sho's face, but something about the way he was acting was a little different.
they walked through the short hallway back to their practice room, and along the way, sho had finally spoken again. "don't fall asleep this time."
"what?"
sho huffed, taking a moment to reiterate, in english. "don't sleep."
wow, how encouraging. "i can try."
"when we're at camp, go sleep early."
"okay."
"don't forget the dance."
zhongxing wanted to retort, quit bossing me around, you oversized mouse. but alas, he didn't know how to translate that one properly, so he kept his lips zipped.
and, anyways, sho had been being nice before. maybe all this was in an attempt to be helpful.
sho was still a little annoying, regardless. but zhongxing felt like he understood him a little better.
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late that night, zhongxing and his team returned to the dorms for some much needed sleep.
but, somehow, as tired as he'd been, zhongxing couldn't bring himself to sleep right away. and somehow, he felt more energized now than he had the whole day.
when they'd gotten back to practice, sho made a clear effort to be nicer, simply giving feedback instead of commands, and even shooting zhongxing the occasional thumbs up when he did something right. sure, he was still a bit pushy and his voice wasn't any less bothersome, but it didn't matter as much anymore.
zhongxing wasn't sure if the behavior was rubbing off on their other teammates yet – that's something only time would tell – but the atmosphere was much lighter, and they were noticeably less negative towards zhongxing, which was a start.
and without thinking about it much, zhongxing had returned the favor to sho, even appreciating his dancing and teaching ability at some points. wow. it was easy to cooperate with someone when they cooperated with you, too.
zhongxing felt far less tense than he'd been the past 2 days.
and, for some stupid, unfathomable reason, zhongxing found himself looking forward to practicing in the morning.