Chapter Text
“You traitorous bitch!” There’s a slap. “You promised to always be on my side, yet you betray me like this?!” Then comes a punch. “You want to see me dead, don’t you? You want to leave me behind to suffer and die just like your bastard of a father, isn’t that right? Answer me Mari!”
A hard shove comes at last, sending the young blonde woman crashing down onto the floor. “Ah!” She squeaks out on reflex, but truthfully it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. “Mama, I’m not trying to abandon or betray you. I only said that I’ll be leaving for Tokyo soon. I’ll still-,” she starts, but is immediately silenced by the jagged edges of the glass bottle the irate woman now holds in her hands just inches from her face. She lets out a reflexive, visceral scream in reply.
“Mari-chan, stop your excuses and listen to me now.” She glares down at the woman who is now holding her slender fingers protectively against her scar. A regular reminder of her past sin. “You enjoy tormenting me, don’t you? Is this your revenge? You provoke me into threatening you with this; what I know will bring you in line, but then dare treat me like a villain? All because of a mistake?” She shakes the broken bottle slightly, Marina whimpering with every motion. “If you didn’t give me a reason, I wouldn’t need to do this, don’t you understand Mari-chan? It’s your own fault! Don’t put the blame on me! You never listen to me! You don’t care about me!”
“I’m sorry Mama!” Marina cries out, pleading. “Please, I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m always on your side and I love you so much. I swear I do, but I’m just asking you to listen to me for once!” She peeks through her closed eyelid and can see the woman beginning to waver slightly. She takes the opportunity to carefully wrap her hands around her mother’s and slowly lowers her arm until the glass is touching the floor. She begins tenderly stroking her mother’s hands, and at last the bottle lets out a light clang as it’s released and rolls freely on the floor. “Mama, let’s talk.”
The woman suddenly seems mystified, as though she’s in daze and has become suddenly quite docile. Marina gets to her feet and never releasing her Mother’s hand, she guides them over to the sofa. “Mari-chan, the Kombucha….” She makes the request as she sits down, legs together.
Marina nods. “Of course Mama, just one moment, ok?” She hurries to the kitchen to get some.
Barely a minute later she returns and hands her mother the glass as she takes the seat directly beside her. Her mother nods in silent thanks and takes a sip. “I’ll hear you out now, I suppose.”
“Thank you Mama.” She nervously steels herself, wringing her hands together, until she can finally manage to speak. “Mama, as you know, I’m already 22 and have never left this town. I’ve stayed here, together with you, even sacrificing my higher education prospects to take a local job as an Administrator at the Azuma clinic, which I was only fortunate to get thanks to Naoki….”
“Are you…blaming me? Are you saying I’ve been holding you back?” She grips the glass hard.
“No!” Marina panics slightly and immediately enters her de-escalation mode. “I was happy to stay here with you. I wanted to stay and made that choice for myself. I’m not saying I regret it.” Her fingers loosen around the glass. “However, I realize that no matter how much I love you, I can’t forget to love myself. I deserve to experience life, see the world and make mistakes of my own. I deserve to try something new that I want to do, and perhaps even…fall in love…maybe?”
Her mother suddenly gets a dim sparkle in her eyes. “Love? Mari-chan…are you, in love?” She places the glass on table, sits up straight and faces her daughter earnestly for the first time today. “Is it one of the Azuma boys? Junya? No, he recently married I heard, right after becoming the new head of the clinic after his father officially retired. So then it must be Naoki, right? Mari?”
Marina swallows hard, unsure of how to properly answer. It’s not because she doesn’t know her own feelings. She’s spent the last ten years, no maybe even longer, in turmoil over conflicting feelings she discovered, and at the end of every contemplation, there could only be one answer. It’s certainly not Junya. It’s not Naoki either, though she had a fleeting crush on him for a while. She didn’t have any real friends at school, and the boys never looked her way, especially after she got her scar. No, Marina has been overwhelmingly alone and misunderstand by all, except for one. The thought of it still makes her want to gag, yet her heart has never yearned harder.
“Mari-chan?” Her mother’s call snaps her back to the moment. “Tell me the truth. Who is it?”
“There’s no one yet Mama,” she decides to go with the white lie approach. “I’m saying I want to experience it for the first time. I’m not dating anyone right now.” Technically the truth. Kind of.
Marina’s mama slowly loses her small smile and her eyes narrow. “Mari-chan, why do you lie?”
“I’m not lying Mama, I promise. I really don’t have anyone I’m dating. I just hope I can-.”
“Mari-chan, are you trying to make a fool of me? Do you really want to upset me again?” She looks at her with a suddenly sharp intensity. “Do you think I don’t know you? My own child?”
“Mama, what do you mean? I’m not doubting that. Why do you think I’m lying to you? I’m not.”
“You think I’m stupid, right? That it, isn’t it?” She laughs as though there’s something funny. “You think I haven’t heard the whispers around town? You think I haven’t seen the texts that flood your phone at night even as you sleep? You think I don’t know when you come back late?”
Marina’s throat gradually grows dry, and she begins to feel it constricting as her breathing rate rises. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about Mama. I’m sure it's j-just a big misunderstanding.”
“A misunderstanding?” Marina’s mother snatches her glass, chugs it down and then slams it hard on the table, forcing it to shatter and sending Marina into a panic once again. She then tackles her down on the couch, restricts her arms forcibly and pins her down as she hovers over her. “How can I possibly misunderstand that my Mari-chan somehow stopped being my Mari-chan? How could I not notice that my Mari-chan took an interest in pointless things like insects, dogs and games? How could I ignore your sudden desire to hang out after school with your ‘friends’? How could I pretend not to hear the gossip of the neighbors discussing how little Mari-chan was often seen around town with that poor, dirty, pitiful child of a loose woman? Do you think I’m a fool?”
Marina struggles slightly under her grip. “Shizuka is more than just that!” She curses herself. However, the mistake has already been made, so she can’t back down now. “I love her Mama.”
The older woman’s eyes snap open, the malice clear within them. “You hate me so much, that you’d degrade yourself to fall on your knees before the child of the whore who stole your father from us? You really despise me so much to let her corrupt and sully you? No…I won’t allow it!” She finally loses control, wrapping her hands around Marina’s slender neck and squeezing hard.
“Mama stop! That hurts!” She struggles against her, trying to pull her hands away. “Please stop it Mama! Listen to me for once in your life! Please just listen to me and let me explain! Mama!” She doesn’t stop or respond. She is too far gone. A tear slides down Marina’s cheek. “Enough!” She musters up the strength to push her off and jumps to her feet, then she runs towards the door.
“Mari-chan!” Her mother screeches like a banshee, calling out for her. “Mari-chan, if you leave me too…if you leave me just like that man did…if you choose that daughter of a whore…you’ll have killed me. Is it what you want? Do you want to see your Mother dead? Answer me Mari!”
“We’re already dead!” Marina finally finds her full voice and unleashes her true thoughts. “We died a long time ago Mama. You haven’t been the same since Papa left, and even though I’ve always been here by your side, it was never enough. You begged and pleaded for me to stay with you, to support you, to love you, but what about me? You say you love me, and I believe there’s still a part of you that does, but not enough to set me free. I’m your security blanket to hold in response to your grief. You cling to me to bring yourself comfort, but when have you last given me any comfort? When have you held me, supported me and consoled me? All you’ve done over these years is HURT ME! You hurt me and then guilt me into staying at your side because you hate to be alone. Yet through it all, you don’t really see me anymore. We’ve become ghosts who haunt this house like two broken specters of heartbreak and pain. Our love is now our graves.”
Marina’s mother falls silent, something finally resonating and getting through. “Mari…chan?”
Marina shakes her head. “No, you won’t summon me back, not this time.” She walks to her room and returns moments later, now wearing her purse, rolling a suitcase. “I’m going to go to a place that’s felt more like home than these walls ever have. It’s not a place actually, but a person. It’s a feeling that I’ve never felt with such intensity, and that honestly pisses me off. Even now I want to punch her in that stupid face because I already know the stupid joke she’ll make when I arrive. Yet my heart jumps in pleasant anticipation because no matter how annoying she is, it knows it’ll be safe. It knows it’ll be protected. It knows it’ll receive the love it’s always deserved, even if I don’t deserve it. Shizuka had every right to shun me after what I put her through, yet she’s the only one who’s SEEN ME. HEARD ME. SUPPORTED ME. CHOSE ME. LOVED ME!” She opens the door and turns around only once more. “I love you Mama, but it’s time to SAVE ME.”
“Mari-chan? Mari-chan! Mari-chan….” The woman cries deeply, but no one remains to hear it.
Marina walks down the path, wiping her tears on her sleeve under the moonlight. She arrives to the familiar spot of metal tubing, where a dark shilloette comes into view. “Wow…how tragic.”
“Fuck you!” She smacks the dark-haired girl on the head, but just as swiftly, falls into her arms.