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Tim Drake hates his family. No, that’s exaggerating. They are smart; trustful, maybe; loyal to a fault; definitely resourceful, but HOLY FUCK do they have bad timing. For instance: Damian is supposed to be out of town, leaving Tim to be Bruce’s Robin for the weekend, and Dick is supposed to be in Blüdhaven resting after a long mission with the Titans, neither of them are supposed to be in a warehouse in Gotham at night on a Sunday, fighting against Black Mask’s crooks, but of course the little brat had arrived early and OF COURSE Nightwing had decided by himself that he was approved to be out on patrol, the restless shit. Now, Tim is not actually angry, more than he is beyond worried. Nightwing is clearly injured, he is obviously favoring his left side in order to be able to fight, and the little Robin looks tired as fuck, he fights sloppy and it is so obvious that he had taken no rest between finishing his mission out of Gotham and coming here to fight against Black Mask. They are a risk for the mission, but more than anything: they are putting themselves at risk.
They keep it under control for almost all of it, they secure the vans full of drugs that Black Mask was trying to protect and they send an alarm for the GCPD to clean this whole mess. Then it happens. He hears it more than he sees it: the shot. It all comes crashing down in a blur, too fast for Timothy’s mind to catch up. In a moment Damian is bleeding on the floor and Batman is throwing a batarang towards a crook that was hiding in the shadows. Dick is the first one to check on the kid and Tim has half a mind to think about why Dami was in front of Nightwing, then it clicks: Robin threw himself to stop Dick from getting shot, He sees the moment it clicks on Dick’s mind too, when he falls to his knees, checking on Damian’s wound while the kid struggles to push himself off the floor.
“Hey, don’t do that. You’re gonna hurt yourself more”. Says Dick while Dami puts his hands on his thighs just to end up falling face first on Nightwing's chest, making sure that he is breathing, that he is alive, that he got there on time. Nightwing lets him, pushing himself to control his own breathing. Tim doesn’t remember seeing Damian this worried for anyone that wasn’t Bruce and he half wishes he never got to see this, the sight is heartbreaking. They stay there for a while until Bruce puts a hand over Dick’s shoulder.
“Let’s go home”.
Despite the four of them getting on the Batmobile, the ride is awfully silent. Dick is carrying Damian on his lap, keeping each other close in a hug that is half for comfort and half for Dick to put pressure on the little Robin’s wound without making him ansty. The only things crossing Tim’s mind is that the hug looks way too weak from Damian’s side for his liking and that the stain in the left side of his cape looks way too dark despite Dick putting pressure on it. From the sight of Batman’s eyes when he looks at his sons from the rearview mirror he must be thinking the same thing, it makes Tim’s nerves peak and he has to turn on the cold air just to stop himself from feeling like he is suffocating. They arrive at the cave not long after that. Tim runs to clean the med-bay and make space for Dick to put Damian on the surgical table, Bruce takes off Dami’s top armor and his mask and Tim feels his older brother freezing at the sight of the wound and the raw pain drawn on the kid's face. Bruce works, getting a way too big bullet out of a way too small body. Tim helps, moving fast to pass Bruce whatever tool he needs. Dick stands there, locking eyes with Damian who refuses to look anywhere else himself.
It takes twenty minutes for Bruce to declare Damian out of danger: “He’ll just need some rest and medicine to prevent infections after this. For now, let’s let him rest”, after that it’s ten minutes for Damian to fall asleep and another fifteen minutes for Dick to actually move: he gets out of the cave without turning to look at anyone, and Tim, who was sitting at the right side of his youngest brother, feels his own nerves on edge again. The teen turns to look at Bruce who just sighs, not taking his worried eyes off Damian, then says:
“You can go”. Tim thinks about it, really thinks it through before shaking his head, “Tim. It’s okay, Damian’s okay and you’re worried over Dick, go check on him and make sure he’s here when your brother wakes up”. Despite that, Timothy feels unable to get off his seat, a knot forming in his throat, the rush of emotion finally catching up to him now that Dick’s own tension was out of sight. God, he almost saw his brother die. Again. His youngest brother who he barely passes time with. His way too self-sacrificing brother who loves animals and painting and theater. He almost lost Damian.
“I…” Didn’t see. Didn’t know. Did nothing. Froze. Almost lost him. “He…” Sacrificed himself. Got shot. Looked so small. Was going to die.
“Oh, son…” Bruce finally turns to look at him and stands up, walking towards him and hugging him. “It’s okay… He’s okay. You did good; you helped him get better. You can go with Dick, go take a breath, you both need it”. Tim breathes slowly, recovering his senses, Bruce was right: objectively he knows Damian is going to be okay and he does need a breath and to talk to Dick, he knows he’s not leaving his little brother alone: Bruce is there and if anything happens he’s going to call them. Still, his whole body felt heavy, as if he was rooted to the batcave. It takes everything in him to break the hug and stand up.
He gets out of the cave and over the roofs of Gotham, making his way to the penthouse where he knows he’ll find Nightwing. The weather is cold despite being summer, but then again that’s just the way Gotham is. He tries to think about whatever he is going to say once he gets there, but his mind doesn’t come up with anything, too engrossed with trying to distract himself from remembering anything that happened in the past two hours. His steps become smaller the closer he gets to the penthouse. Weird, the faster he tries to walk, the heavier his body feels. He turns to look at the sky, trying to guess if it’s still Sunday, willing the night to go away.
When Tim is finally face to face with Nightwing he finds himself unable to say anything. He had thought the words would come to him naturally; the way they come to him when Robin needs to comfort a hurt civilian. But this is not it, this is so much more complex than being scared: Dick looks utterly devastated, lost in what looks like a mix of regret, confusion, pain and guilt. Tim feels awkward just standing there with nothing to say, so he sits besides Dick and forces himself to look at the city under him so he doesn’t have to look at his brother and deal with feelings instead. Dick lets him, he doesn’t turn to look at him, probably trying to postpone the conversation himself, but Tim thinks it’s mostly because Dick hasn’t been able to understand his own wave of emotions. So they sit there for a while, waiting for the last drop to fall.
Dick is the one who breaks the silence.
“I don’t think you get it”. The statement breaks Tim’s heart in a million pieces.
“I…” He tries to refute, force himself to say: ‘try me’. It’s been so long since Tim and Dick weren’t on the same page. Then he remembers the way he looked at Damian and his world comes crashing down: Dick’s right, he doesn’t get it, not fully, at least. Of course Tim had been scared seeing Damian like that, but Dick? He looked… empty, as if Damian had taken his soul when he took that bullet for him. But more than that, Tim just didn’t get it: he didn’t get why Damian jumped in front of Dick instead of doing literally anything else. He didn’t get the tense silence that formed in the batmobile and felt so fragile, as if breaking it was prohibited. He didn’t get the looks Damian and Dick sent each other, they looked like a challenge, a silent scolding, but loaded with confusion, hurt, anger and somehow with compassion, trust and relief. So no, Tim doesn’t get it, and wasn’t that scary? He thought that finally, after everything, Tim and Dick had gotten back on the same page. Tim was no longer scared of falling and having no one to catch him, instead he found himself at the bottom of the pit, waiting for Dick to fall but not sure if he was going to be able to catch him. He shivered at the thought, counted to ten in his mind and then he forced himself to sit straight and answer: “No, I don’t”. Dick sighed, as if the conversation was over just like that. “But you look like you need to let it out and I want to understand, so help us both and just… talk to me”.
Dick looks like he is about to cry. Tim is worried for a second, he wonders if he went too far, inquired too much, said something wrong. Then he clears his throat and looks at the sky, probably thinking about what he is going to say next. Tim isn’t sure about what is going on, but whatever it is, it’s making his oldest brother look guilty for even thinking about it.
“I just…” Another pause, then a sigh and a rushed question: “Is this what my legacy will do to him?” Tim blinks, confused. Dick passes his hand through his own hair, he looks exasperated with himself, angry about not being able to find the right words to explain it. “Robin… is this what being Robin will do to Damian?”
Oh.
It clicks,
Dick’s asking if Damian was doomed to die after he gave him Robin.
“No”. Tim rushes to say. “God. Dick, no. You gave him purpose. You saw an angry child who just lost his dad and you gave purpose to that anger. You gave him a reason to fight for”. The words taste unfamiliar in his mouth, but Tim surprises himself when he realizes that he means them. “You probably saved his life when you gave him Robin”. Dick looks straight into his eyes for the first time in hours.
“I have a lot of regrets when it comes to being the eldest of the Robins” The words are spoken in a soft voice, almost a whisper, like a secret. “I’m sorry about not being there to protect Jason, years have come by and I still feel anxious every time he goes radio silent for too long, I’m still scared he’ll die and Bruce just… won’t tell me. I’m sorry for not being there for Steph, for not caring enough until it was too late, she had Babs caring for her as Batgirl so I just wonder why I wasn’t there for her when she was Robin and… Fuck. I’m so sorry Timbo… I gave you permission to be Robin, I was there for you and I thought I was doing well. But then, when you needed me most… I took Robin away, gave it to someone else and left you to go on a crazy mission alone. Fuck, if something had happened to you…”
There’s so much to unpack. They don’t have the energy to do it now, but Tim makes a mental note to tell Jason to call more often and Steph to join Nightwing in more patrols if possible. Then he lets the last part set in his brain. Despite everything, he’s made peace with the fact that Dick was just trying his best all those years ago: “You’re forgiven”.
Dick sighs, “Thanks. I’m still sorry, though, about everything. Will always be, probably”.
Tim doesn’t like the answer, but he forces himself to nod anyway. He needs to bring the conversation back to Damian. He needs to know what the hell went wrong tonight. He thinks about it for a few seconds before deciding that direct asking has always been best with the bats, no need to play the fool.
“What about Damian? Why do you feel sorry about him?”
Whatever imaginary bubble was protecting Dick from telling the truth breaks. Timothy watches as his brother’s face becomes dark and for a moment he fears that no answer will be said; that Dick will stand up and leave the penthouse and Gotham altogether. What happens instead is worse: Richard breaks. Tim realizes, awkwardly, that Dick is probably mulling his emotions instead of just feeling them for the first time in the night and it is awful to see. Dick panics, Tim sees the moment the guilt in Dick’s eyes set on his bones too, sees the moment he internalizes everything. It’s fascinating, the way every emotion becomes clear for a second (the anger, the sadness, the guilt… the regret) before going back to being unclear, a mix of everything. It’s fucking scary, too. Dick struggles to breath for twenty horrible seconds, Tim’s heart breaks for what feels like the tenth time in the night. Then they both lock eyes again and it’s set: once Dick starts talking there is no going back.
“I… didn’t just let him be Robin. You, Jason, Steph… you wore my colors with pride… I gave permission for you all to become part of the legend and fight alongside Bruce, but Damian? With him Robin was something mine again, he was my Robin. I got to see the red, green and yellow on a daily basis again. I got to train him. I got to know him and God, he reminded me so much of myself when I was younger. He was not only Robin, the symbol… with Dami Robin was back to being part of the Graysons legacy”. They both take a moment for the words to sink in, but after some seconds Dick starts talking again, as if he was scared about not being able to talk about this again if he didn’t do it now: “And then he died, I let him die. I was there, all over again, a few feet away and unable to do anything to save a Grayson. What if it happens again? I’m just scared, I guess”.
So that was it about Damian's fate being a tragic death as long as he wore the Robin colors, Tim realizes. “His death was not your fault just because you made him Robin. No one knew Talia would…”
“I did”. They both have to take a breath before continuing, “Damian remembers fondly his early childhood with Talia, some of it at least, and she has… become an adequate parent ever since Dami came back”. He speaks as if it hurts him physically to praise Talia, it reminds Tim of Damian. Cute. “But at that moment… she had already hurt Damian, broke him just to get to me. So I knew, I just thought I would be able to protect him. I thought that it didn’t matter if he fought with Bruce because he would always have a place with me and I thought that it didn’t matter how far Talia would go because I would always protect him. But then I failed at both things, just like that. Fucking stupid, to think that I could stop them from taking Robin away from me when Bruce had already done it once”.
There’s got to be more to it, Tim thinks, sure, Robin is part of Dick Grayson’s legacy, but being a Grayson has transformed ever since: it meant a lot more than just being Robin. Tim likes to think that every Robin that came after Dick is also a little bit of a Grayson. He tells Dick as much and the older man smiles at him, it’s fragile, but is there.
“Of course you all are, just as you made me a little bit of a Drake when you came in the picture. Hell, this family would have been doomed if we were just Waynes”. They both snort at the thought. “I love you all and on God my dads would have loved you as well Tim. The way you carry Robin with so much strength? you make me so fucking proud baby bird”. Tim raises his chest with pride, the “R” embodied in it shining in the moonlight, that’s as far as he can get without bawling his eyes out. Dick’s smile turns bigger, the pride in his words reflecting in his eyes. “You made those colors yours Timbo and you are part of my legacy and my family and my history. It’s just that…”
Tim completes the answer when Dick takes too long to continue: “Damian being your legacy is different in the sense that you see him as… your son?” Dick straight up laughs in his face.
“God, it sound so fucking crazy, doesn’t it?” ‘Yes’ it’s what Tim wants to say, instead he waits for his brother to continue, “The truth is I don’t fucking know Tim. I’m glad his dad and mom are around now, I’m glad they have each other and if things have been different, if Bruce had been around back then, I would have had no problem with B taking care of Damian by himself. But things went the way they did and when I think about it, really think about it: he is my kid. He’s mine as much as he is Bruce’s, Talia’s and even as much as he was Alfred’s”. His expression turns dark again and Tim fears for what’s to come. “And when it comes to it, everything I have is his. He has Robin and my trapeze bars, but just as the league of assassins will be his to rule or Gotham will become entirely his to protect, he can have everything that’s mine: the Titans, Blüdhaven… Fuck, I will be so proud if he ever chooses to become Nightwing”.
Tim tries to imagine Damian becoming Nightwing, surprisingly, the idea it’s not that crazy. If anything the Damian in his mind looks honored, proud. He can almost see the annoying look he’d throw his way during patrol, a mocking ‘I’m Nightwing and you’re not’ look in his eyes. Fuck, now he is mad with future Damian.
“I think he’d like that, the kid has always struggled with feeling like he belongs somewhere so now that he’s made peace with both Talia and Bruce, if you ever told him how you feel, he’d be so… fucking annoying, actually don’t tell him, his ego is already too much for that”. Dick snorts and then goes back to contemplate something. “And I don’t know Dick, I don’t think your legacy is going to kill him, but if it is…” Tim pauses to consider his next words, “I’m sorry, but you don’t have a say on it”.
Dick chocks on air while Tim remembers the way everyone acted back at the cave and the warehouse, it made sense now: The way Bruce, their dad, took care of Damian’s wound with so much love, so much silent worry, making sure Damian was okay while trying not to scare Dick or Tim; the way Tim had been so fucking scared anyway, trying to help Bruce make his little brother feel better; the way Dick had been unable to do anything after putting Damian on the med-bay, shutting down because he had felt responsible, he didn’t want to hurt him anymore; the way Damian had thrown himself in front of Dick despite having other options to save him, the way he had clinged to his chest making sure he was alive. Everything made sense.
“I can’t see the future and if I’m being honest, while Damian probably will grow out of Robin and the whole ‘heir of Batman and the Demon’s head’ thing that he has going on, it doesn’t mean he’ll become Nightwing either, but legacy is not something you can just take away and whatever he chooses to be, that won’t make him any less of a Wayne, an Al-Ghul or a Grayson Dick, for better or worse, that's not your choice to make anymore, not since you took him in anyway. Today he was not shot because your legacy is doomed, he was shot because he was trying to protect his family. If you really care Dick, don’t ever fight while heavily injured and tired again, because that kid is too self-sacrificing for his own good, not because he is Robin, not because he is a Grayson, not because he is yours, but because he is Damian and he fucking loves you like that and you can’t take that away, you can just… only learn how to make it better”. Richard turns in shock and then, after he processes what was being said, he smiles and pulls the teen into a hug, Tim groans but returns it anyway.
“When did you become so smart?”
“I have always been like this, you just got dumber after being Batman”. Dick snorts.
“Trust the cowl to do that to you”.
They separate and go back to look at the city, like they did before the conversation happened. This time is not awkward, if anything, the atmosphere feels so much lighter. Soon it will dawn on Gotham, Damian would have loved the view from here. Oh, right, Dami, they need to go see him, they shouldn’t be out on the roofs at this hour either, it would not take long before the city gets crowded outside in the rush of a Monday morning. Dick seems to think the same thing, if the way he stands up and offers him a hand is anything to go by, Tim blinks and then takes it, getting up himself. They start to walk towards the cave in a comfortable silence and…
“What if he becomes Red Robin?”
“What?”
“I mean, I can see it Tim, imagine him with the jet pack wings”. Tim startles in answer and Dick fucking laughs out loud. “What if he becomes Drake!?”
That’s it. After all he had done for him tonight, how does he fucking dare? Tim punches his brother in the arm and starts walking faster. “Oh my God, shut the fuck up Dick!”
The laugh follows him no matter how fast he walks, “Come on Tim! Don’t you want Dami to be a little bit of a Drake too?” Tim groans.
“He is already annoying enough”.
“So you think you are annoying”.
The banter doesn’t stop until they reach the cave, Damian, who is already awake and talking with Bruce about some school project, turns to look at them funny. Both Dick and Tim full on grin before making Damian part of a debate about whether he would rather wear a Nightwing discowing suit or Tim’s brown Drake costume. Dick defends discowing like his life depends on it and Tim laughs every time Damian lets out an offended “No”, at some point Bruce intervenes just to say: “Chum, no suit should ever have a low neck that deep” and Tim falls to the floor in laughter.
Tim Drake fucking loves his family.