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the city had slowly filled up with cool, peaceful autumn air. the sun was setting, and the clouds were painted with a light grey from the small drizzle of rain here and there.
perfect weather for leather jackets, baggy jeans, and an impending sense of heartache.
in the midst of families dressed in trench coats and tourists filming the bridge nearby, jeemin sat on a wooden bench— her calm face painted with warm shades of the streetlights.
she doesn’t know why she went out today.
doesn’t know why she’s got her earbuds in, legs politely crossed and hands in the pockets of her jacket.
but, she does know why she’s zoning out, and why she’s listening to the music that she’s currently listening to— thinking of someone in particular.
it hasn’t been long, really, but something about her… jeemin knows jungeun won’t go away that easily anytime soon. not even from the most hidden, darkest parts of her mind.
she misses jungeun. without expecting it.
her sharp eyes that always gleamed at jeemin, as if luring her in further. her questions to jeemin about what to do with her hair whenever she wanted to dye it, or change it somehow. her smile that healed jeemin, and her voice that jeemin just couldn’t get out of her head.
she yearns for jungeun still. wants her back in her arms, wants her soft lips against hers, wants to hear jungeun sing for her one more time— even if it’s the last time.
she’d be lucky enough just to know if it was the last time.
unfortunate for jeemin. she can’t do anything but sit here, feeling like a fool. a hopeless romantic, because of course— of course she’d end up falling for the girl that got a little too close. the girl that had such a breathtaking voice, it robbed jeemin of all her oxygen and her heart the first time she got to hear it.
jeemin sighs, her gaze flitting down to her shoes against the dark pavement. she knows she shouldn’t be aching for jungeun this much.
jungeun was never hers, anyway. jeemin just thought she was.
jeemin usually spirals when she thinks of jungeun— usually feels like curling into a ball and crying a mess into her pillows. the music in jeemin’s ears seem to keep the chaos in her mind calm, though, as she messes with a rock on the ground.
seems like the universe doesn’t want jeemin to be peaceful.
in the next moment, jeemin’s eyes move before her mind can catch up. her heart races before she even knows why. she tenses up and tugs her earbuds out, holding them in the palm of her hand.
that voice…
her breath hitches, sitting up a little bit straighter in her seat.
is that jungeun..?
jeemin has to squint a little and lean forward a tiny bit, recognizing jungeun’s figure just from the back. that golden brown hair, the outfit that girl is wearing…
it is jungeun.
her head turns to the side, enough for jeemin to see clearly, and the smile on her face… jeemin’s breath gets caught in her throat.
who is she smiling at like that?
—is jeemin’s first, automatic thought. she purses her lips, swallowing as she tries to hold herself together at the sight. there is jungeun, but she’s not alone. of course, she’s with someone else. a girl just a little shorter than jungeun, with brown hair tied into a neat bun.
she’s pretty.
they’re across the street from jeemin on the stone bridge, eating something and chatting about who-knows-what. as jungeun turns back to look at the river below them again, jeemin immediately glances at the tip of her exposed ear— blushing. she’s blushing at whatever that other girl is saying.
she’s moved on.
jeemin blinks. her teeth start to bite down on the inside of her cheek, her chest tightening.
she doesn’t want her heart to act like this. not right now.
her legs feel like fleeing, but her eyes want to stay— to look at jungeun just a little more. she feels stupid, feels dumb for falling for jungeun this hard. jungeun snapped her out of her expectations, made her realize that love isn’t as easy as it seems. she made it seem like she needed someone to rely on, someone to hold her and tell her she was okay.
jeemin was ready to do that, but maybe jungeun wasn’t. maybe jungeun didn’t need any of it.
she had her fun with jeemin. she wanted to see how far jeemin would go before breaking, before growing attached, because she liked the attention.
and all jeemin wanted to do was have jungeun realize that jeemin’s heart was beating for her. all she wanted was for jungeun to love her back, to finally come into reality with the fact that jeemin needed her. jeemin needed her to soothe the ache that jungeun caused herself.
but jungeun ended up leaving, without saying anything. she knew jeemin would realize, knew jeemin would come to the harsh truth that—
we never even dated.
jeemin thinks bitterly.
she knows she shouldn’t feel like this, not for a girl like jungeun. a girl that wasn’t even hers.
she forces her gaze away now, needing to get out of there— before she has nightmares for more months than she could count without feeling like shit.
as jeemin stands up and puts her headphones back in, she glances at the pair one last time. jungeun leans her head on that other girl’s shoulder a little bit, laughing with her eyes shining as bright as jeemin remembers.
jeemin hopes that girl doesn’t hurt as much as jeemin had to. she hopes that the girl is able to see the rest of jungeun, and maybe they’d work out. maybe jungeun would finally find a love worth it enough to stay, to come into touch with her feelings for once.
jeemin finally turns and starts to walk back home, a few tears escaping. she quickly wipes them, not allowing herself to feel this vulnerable again.
the right person will come along, and they’ll love jeemin loudly, with no room for doubt.
jungeun was never the one for her, because she knows.
she knows she can’t make jungeun love her.