Work Text:
Sword is casually sitting in Zuka’s car as Zuka drives towards a seemingly random park.
“So… what were you and Venomshank talking about??”
Asks sword confused at where he is being driven
“Oh we were just talking about the SFOTH deities.”
“SFOTH deities?? Why??”
Sword is confused at the information before spotting a purple horned dark grey skinned person in the park on a bench..
“Yknow.. apparently venomshank thinks it would be a good idea to talk to more of your…relatives”
“Zuka… zuka please don't tell me he's trying to make me hangout with HIM..”
“And I kinda agree..it would be a good idea to talk more to your cousin”
“NOOOOOO!!!”
Weeps Sword in disappointment and betrayal.
“Quit being over dramatic..get out the car”
Sword hesitantly gets out and stares at the car window with a sad expression like a wet dog.
“Heyyy there kiddo!!”
Says the obnoxious phighter.
“I'm 24.”
“No fun as usual..No wonder you're Venomshank’s kid”
“I'm 24.”
Sword repeats his statement.
“Geez oh my momma I GOT IT!!!”
Says banhammer getting slightly pissed off.
“So…what are ya youngings up to lately?”
“... Normal stuff, like training, playing games, enjoying snacks, trying to come up with combo moves.”
Replies Sword bluntly
“Booo that's too simple and mundane! Where's the challenge!! Where's the spice!!! Speaking of spice…you uhh…any guys ya find cute??”
Asks Banhammer acting like LITERALLY any annoying relative when it comes to relationships.
“Why did you automatically assume that I liked guys????”
“Uhhhh…ya don't???”
“..it's none of your business..but no I haven't gotten any PARTNER.. at least not yet...”
Sighs a bit looking over to were Zuka's car is parked.
“Okay, reasonable..must be too early for ya to be thinking about these things..”
“I'm 24.”
“Are you just gonna repeat that over and over??”
“Maybe..why? Is it pissing you off?”
“Yes.”
“Good”
He says jokingly.
“How is life for you?”
“Ehh it's kinda meh, been struggling to catch this one doctor guy, has a missing eye.. you heard of him??”
Sword takes a gulp as his expression drops.
“Uhh..yeah I think I might have heard of him..don't know much about him though..maybe you could tell me more about him??”
“Okay so he's like 30 years old, he has these big horns that look like those antler animal thingies..”
“Deer?”
“Yeah! Those things! Anyways he's from the lost temple, part of some kind of church, I'm after most people that have to do with that church..anyways so I heard he's actually from blackrock and like he has some history with that weird subspace guy, both him and subspace use some type of weird as phuck crystals idk what they do”
“Wooowww that sounds interesting and so unfamiliar to me I've never heard about anything similar like this EVER before hahahah…so what exactly makes him so wanted?”
He asks, sweating a lot and stumbling over his words.
“Apparently the blackrock guys consider him some kinda traitor.”
“I see..how about we change the subject! Maybe something to do with combat??”
Asks Sword DESPERATELY trying to change the subject.
“Sure, Phighting is SOOOO easy, I'm so good I have to blindfold myself to make it fair for other inphernals heh heh…but I bet you couldn't relate knowing how puny and pathetic your little sword is!”
“Okay now I remember yet again why I don't like talking to you.”
“What did I even do wrong???”
Banhammer asks clueless as usual.
“Idk maybe don't insult people and act all better than everyone?? People will not wanna talk to you if they're constantly being put down!”
Replies sword truthfully.
“Yeah…I guess ya are right! Maybe you're not as dumb and pathetic and unintelligent as I thought! Thanks kiddo! I'll maybe try listen to that advice!”
“Thanks but also: nr1: rude! Nr2: I'm 24.”
“There we go again with the age stuff…WHY DOES IT MATTER!! AGE IS JUST A NUMBER!”
“Yknow that saying weird stuff like that can be taken horribly out of context and you could end up locked up ??”
Sword states the obvious that wasn't so obvious to Banhammer.
“Oh yeah..but like how could they even do that?? I'm LITERALLY the one who catches the criminals, how could I catch myself!?”
Sword thinks for a moment before replying with:
“Well maybe Windforce could give you some ‘time alone to think about what you've done’ hehehe”
“Shut up! I'm not some kid!!”
Banhammer raises his voice despite secretly being terrified of the idea of disappointing and being punished by his mother.
“Anyways, would you look at the time! I should probably head home now! Bye”
Says sword urgently leaving Banhammer all alone.
Banhammer takes a moment to think.
“Am I.. actually mean to people? Am I a good person???”
Banhammer takes his blindfold and stares at it for a moment before putting it back on.
“Nah..I'm a good person..I'M A HERO!!”
He yells out before leaving the park too and heading back to Banlands.