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3rd August, 1979. Regulus’ death.
Cold sweat ran down James’ back. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. It can’t be true. It can’t be true. How can it be true? After all they had done together, after all the good things they had sworn they would do, why would the universe punish him this way?
James' eyes widened in shock. Next to him were his two best: Sirius and Remus. Both of them had been with him through difficult times but nothing so devastating, so gut-wrenching and soul-crashing as this: they hadn’t been able to come to the cave in time. Regulus Black was dead before them. His body laid limp against the cold stone. Regulus Arcturus Black was dead. His one and only true love. Sirius’ one and only brother. Remus’ friend- and for a while something more.
He. Was. Dead. Never to be heard of again.
Just the next moment, Sirius broke down with an excruciating cry that could wake up an entire village. Tears ran down his face with such fury. He collapsed down to his knees and started holding Regulus close to him, as if maybe he would wake up this way. He wouldn’t
"Wake up Reggie.” He sniffed. “It’s me, S-Sirius. Y-your big brother." He started cooing in Regulus’ black, damp curls. "We’re safe now. We’re home. W-wake up p-please" His words, barely a whisper, reached James’ ears.
By the time James had processed the newly found information, Remus had kneeled down and was next to Sirius, comforting his boyfriend in the best way he could, while trying not to break down himself.
"No, no, no, no. This can’t be happening. It just can’t." James was walking backwards, away from the gruesome scene in front of him. "It can’t. It can’t. It can’t. It can’t…” James suddenly Thumpped into the rock tower behind him. He saw it, and started Thumpping his head repeatedly against it whilst murmuring over and over again that this couldn’t possibly be happening. He continued, until suddenly… everything was black. He couldn’t feel, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t help anyone.
“Fuck.” Remus muttered under his breath. He was the only one keeping himself sane out of all of them. Just for everybody’s sake. He saw James fall. Without an ounce of hesitation he ran to him and catched him just before his head hit the floor. His insides were screaming, but he had to keep strong for both of his friends. He carefully put James’ head next to him on the floor. Sirius now was between his legs, whilst James lay next to him on the floor.
Remus was internally screaming. He really couldn’t believe what was happening in front of his eyes. This looked like a total madhouse. Though he hadn’t been that close to the late Regulus as his other two friends, the feeling of having lost a part of him clung still. He really missed him already. But he had to keep his composure. He could break down later. Right now he couldn’t, unless he wanted for all of them to die in the same cave as Regulus. Fuck… Regulus was actually dead.
They stayed this way for quite some time. But time… Time was what Remus most feared. It was the sole enemy they couldn’t defeat. Time was a reckless little piece of shit that just knows how to fuck up your life in the right way. But, nevertheless, time was also beautiful. Something so precious to just ignore. Time was something you wish you could keep in a bottle to spend it in the best way.
"Hey, Sirius." he murmured softly into his hair. "We have to go.”
"Hmm? Why?" Sirius looked at him with teary eyes which made Remus’ heart break a little. "We have to take Reg, right? Right Reg? He will wake up, won’t he?”
"Sirius, luv. We can’t do anything about him. We have to go. People will start wondering where we are." He shot a concerned look over his shoulder to where James laid. His forehead now had bruises, but nothing very severe.
"Yeah you’re right. Let me just…" Sirius proceeded to take off his cloak and laid it on top of Regulus. Remus looked at Sirius with an inquiring look. "In case he is cold when he wakes up." Sirius shrugged.
"Here, hold on to my arm. Can you help me lift James?" Sirius nodded in response, his eyes still laid over his little brother’s body. Both boys kneeled and carefully grabbed James. "We have to bring him to St. Mungo’s. Can you manage to apparate on your own and meet me there?" Remus was carefully choosing his words, as if the wrong sound might startle Sirius and send him into another crying spiral.
St. Mungo’s Hospital was the only neutral place that they knew of in the war, though they weren’t really that sure of that now. Once Remus arrived the nurses surrounded him and took James off him. He could smell the antiseptic in the air and feel the anxiety of loved-ones waiting. They started asking questions about what had happened and if he was ok. But the only thing Remus could think of is where Sirius was. He hadn’t seen him arrive.
Sirius stayed a few more moments with his brother, saying his goodbye. He had to toughen up, that’s what his mother had taught him: big boys didn’t cry. They didn’t cry even in the most devastating situations, such as this. He kneeled down and pressed a soft kiss to Regulus’ head. He didn’t say goodbye, instead a mere ‘see you soon’. Sirius wasn’t done, not yet.
***
26th October 1967, Black Manor.
It was a cold rainy autumn night. Regulus couldn't sleep because of the lighting glowing in the night. He looked outside. The sky was pitch black, not a star to be seen, not a star to be saved. The clouds were immersed in a difficult dance with each other moved away by a ferocious wind. A cloud must have misstepped in their dance, because a loud roar was heard. 6-year old Regulus hid himself under the covers, this way the vile cloud which had misstepped in their beautiful dance wouldn’t reach him. But it happened again. Another cloud misstepped. Another loud roar was heard, this time followed by a malevolent light. Regulus tightened the covers over him. He couldn’t even breathe under them.
Regulus was scared of the outside. He wanted to be inside. He wrapped his covers over him, took his teddy and crept up to Sirius’ room.
“Sirius.” His little voice said. “Sirius.” He shook his brother gently.
“Hmm?” 7 year-old Sirius answered.
“Sirius, I’m scared. Can I sleep with you?”
“Sure.” Sirius’ sleepy voice said. “Hop in.” Regulus hopped in next to Sirius. He felt safer with him, finally inside. Sirius mindlessly rubbed his little brother’s hair.
“Could you tell me a story?” Regulus asked.
“Sure, what do you want the story to be about?”
“Hmm… The one about ‘The Wizard and the Hopping Pot’.”
“Again?” Sirius said in disbelief. It was already the fourth time he had told him the same story. The fourth time this week.
“Yes, again.”
“Ok… Once upon a time, in a lost village in the middle of Ireland, there was this very nice and kind old wizard.” Sirius began. “This very nice and kind old wizard used to brew potions to help his village…” Sirius continued his story. It talked about how one of the wizard’s potions had malfunctioned and now he was stuck with a hopping pot following him for the rest of his days. He always found this ending very amusing.
By the time he finished, Regulus was sleeping soundly next to him. He pressed a soft kiss to his head and went to sleep with the reconfirmation that his brother was safe.
***
3rd August, 1979. Regulus’ death.
Sirius wasn’t done, not yet. He couldn’t accept that his brother was dead. He composed himself quickly.
Sirius didn’t apparate to St. Mungos’. He didn’t follow Remus as he had been asked to. Instead, he apparated to the Muggle Department in the Ministry of Magic. Now an only thought remained in his mind: he had to save Regulus, no matter the cost. But how?
Sirius remembered that while he was eavesdropping over a conversation Dumbledore and Moody were having after an Order Meeting, he had heard something about time-turners being held in this department for its safety. Who would suspect they were in the Muggle’s Department? That’s why he was here. Although he had expected for it to be more secure. He could apparate without any inconvenience, honestly, someone should look into it.
Of all the sights he could have imagined, he surely didn’t expect this one. A long dark corridor was in front of him, with little to few lights. Only a few torches within eight metres of each other gave some light. The air was damp, which gave Sirius the impression he was underground. The only hearable sound was the one of a little mouse running away and his own heart trying to break his ribs. Thump. Thump. Thump.
"What the…?" he murmured.
He went left in the corridor. After walking fastly a few minutes he started getting paranoid. Where had he arrived? Was this safe? Was he sure nobody was watching him? He started walking in circles, full on crashing out.
“Breath. Breath.” He remembered himself. He was no use if he couldn’t even keep his serenity. “1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12…” He waited until his breathing had leveled out.
"Homenum revelio" He whispered, taking out his wand. The spell made a person’s presence known. But there was no one. Nobody at all, not a single presence. Hmm… weird…
He continued walking, almost running. He surely hadn’t run this fast in ages. That’s when he suddenly hit a wall. "Fuck." He said rubbing his sore nose. He looked up, but there was no visible wall. Gently, he took out one hand and placed it where the supposed wall should be. A gentle glow spread where his hand was touching. This couldn’t be it. Had he already found it?
Sirius thought of what he could do. He surely couldn’t break the ward alone, it seemed very powerful. Nevertheless, he tried to take it on his own. Spell after spell. Curse after curse. He tried and tried, but nothing happened. It didn’t even move an inch.
After half an hour of no success he sat down against the wall, staring blankly ahead. His thoughts were swimming through his head, a million at a time. That’s when the inspiration hit him: if he was in the muggle department, the lock must have some kind of muggle lock.
His eyes were sore but by squinting them he could see a kind of appliance he hadn’t ever seen before on the wall in front of him, the one he had been staring at for the past fifteen minutes. “Merlin, I’m thick.” He thought out loud.
Sirius came closer to the appliance. It was a hand-like shaped thing which had a twingly green light on it. He looked at his hand, then at the appliance, then at his hand again. What hurt could it do? He confidently placed his hand on the appliance. A sharp needle came from it. “Ouch!” He winced in pain. If James were here he would have said something along the lines of ‘Don’t be such a cry baby’. But James wasn’t here. Neither was Remus. At least he knew the last two were alive, because his brother wasn’t. Regulus was dead and he had to find a way to revive him. That gave the purpose to his mission.
“Welcome Mr. Black.” The appliance chirmed. Sirius looked at it with curiosity. This was surely a benefit from being from one of the most ancient pureblood houses, he guessed. Afterall, the Black family had access to most Ministry institutions.
“Thank you?”
“You may come in.” And with that the invisible wall became visible. A click was heard and a door opened up before him.
Sirius went in. He looked around and saw that he had arrived in a white room. Completely white. It had very minimalistic decorations. The floor was so clean, it could reflect like a mirror. Sirius could see his reflection near his feet. The surroundings were light, not very charged and Sirius could smell cleaning products, and that meant a lot, seeming as he had just almost-broken his nose not a few hours earlier. He walked around, taking in his surroundings. The sound of his footsteps echoed through the room.
“Who's there?” a man screamed from far away. “I dare you to reveal yourself if you are a worthy person.”
Sirius panicked. He couldn’t be seen. He started touching his pockets to see if there was something useful in them. There was: James’ invisibility cloak. He remembered he had stolen it from him as a joke earlier today. He had never given it back to him after that. He carefully took out the invisibility cloak and hid under it. He was forever grateful for being James’ friend.
The man whose voice had come from was rather physically harmful to the eye. He walked with a hump, leaning over his cane to keep himself from falling. He wore very torn and dirty clothes, and a pair of worn-out sneakers on his feet. His eyes looked mad. Big yellow-ish mad eyes he had. But the worst part of his face was his nose: long and thin, with a wart at the end of it. He looked as if he was the male representation of a wicked witch pictured in muggle’s kids books. He had seen some of those horrendous drawings while walking through muggle London last Christmas with Remus.
The man crept up where Sirius was and started smelling with his nose. Sirius used all his willpower to keep as still as possible. He put a hand over his mouth to muffle his breathing. Suddenly, a door appeared where there wasn’t one to begin with. A tall man walked out, looking as if he owned the place. This man dressed very nicely. His appearance was the exact opposite of the small humped man.
“Ah! Aldus! pleasure seeing you here” Aldus was the humped man’s name. The tall man took off his coat and handed it over to Aldus, who took it gracefully. “Now please tell me, is everything in its place?”
“Yes, Sir. Everything is in its order.” Aldus responded, not looking directly into the other man’s eyes. If Sirius had to guess, he would say that the man in the suit was a very important figure, and he would most likely get information about something interesting if he followed him.
“Good, good.” The tall man looked around him, gathering his thoughts. “Very good. Lead me to The Room.”
“Yes Sir. Follow me.” Sirius also followed after them, still hidden under the cloak. Could The Room be where the time-turner was held?
And so the three men walked their way into The Room. Sirius was screaming internally with excitement, all the while he was dying with anxiety. He couldn’t make himself known. Aldus led the way. To Sirius, it seemed as if corridors, rooms, and doors were appearing just as they passed by.
“This door, Sir.”
“Very good, Aldus. You can leave now.” Aldus did as he was told. Now Sirius was alone with the suited man. This last looked briefly around him, making sure no one was around him. Sirius held his breath. The cloak still worked, thank Merlin. The suited man took out his wand and muttered an incantation that Sirius didn’t catch. Suddenly, the doors flew open and wind blew from inside The Room. A subtle golden glow poured out of the room, glowing straight into the suited man’s face. The man’s face didn’t change a bit, but Sirius was watching the glow with wide open eyes and his mouth hanging open in admiration. The man looked around the room briefly, stepped in- Sirius followed- walked around a few times and walked right out. Once Sirius could confirm that he was alone he took off the invisibility cloak and could finally look at the room.
The room was large, spacious, but at the same time it felt like the walls were caving in. It was so silent he could hear ringing in his ears. There was a feeling of dark magic covering the ambient that Sirius didn’t like in the slightest.
“Now, where am I?” He thought to himself.
He started taking in his surroundings, carefully laying a finger over the walls, but without touching anything. His instinct told him that he was in the right place, but not quite exactly.
He started carefully pacing around the room. In front of him were three black solid doors. They had a hint of gold in their handle, but they looked pretty solemn. Sirius thought that if those doors were an emotion they would be sadness. Just the mere presence of those doors made him feel uncomfortable.
Sirius’ eyes darted between the three black doors, each one looming like a silent judge. The golden plaques above them gleamed faintly in the dim light: Mundus, Tempus, Nihil. The air in this part of the room was heavier, as if the magic itself was holding its breath. He swallowed hard.
Mundus… Monde, he thought in French. World.
Tempus… Temps. Time.
Nihil… Nothing.
The last one sent a faint chill down his spine. The word didn’t need translating, nothingness didn’t sound like somewhere you came back from. He flexed his fingers, the echo of the suited man’s voice still ringing in his head. He didn’t have the luxury of trial and error, every second wasted was another second Regulus stayed dead.
He approached Mundus first. The instant his skin brushed the golden handle, a dizzying rush of euphoria shot through him, stealing his breath. He tore his hand back as if burned, heart pounding. Not safe. Not now.
The second door, Tempus, was cold under his palm — almost comfortingly so — until a child’s scream rang out from within, sharp and piercing, bouncing off the silent walls. Sirius slammed it shut, pulse racing. Whatever was behind that door, it wasn’t what he needed.
That left only one. He stared at the third plaque, Nihil, the word that had been tugging at the back of his mind since he’d heard Dumbledore and Moody whisper about time-turners. He drew in a long breath, turned the handle, and stepped through.
He passed the door’s threshold. A loud bang was heard. The door closed behind him. “No, no, no, no…” He went to the door and tried to open it, but he couldn’t.
He didn’t have another option than just going with the flow of the corridor. It was filled up to the top with paintings of old wizards from every age. He took a left and there he found it: the time-turner. It was a golden-like necklace with three rings surrounding a little sand clock in the middle. It could easily fit in his hand. The odd thing was that it was alone, at plain sight. Surely a trap. But well… It meant no harm trying to just grab it. Sirius’ recklessness won, and he stretched out a hand, trying to grab it. He touched it. Nothing happened. He touched it again. Nothing happened either. He grabbed it with his whole palm and a low voice started grumbling inside his head.
“Ah! A Black. I’m glad.” Sirius looked around but there was no one to be found. “Or should I say… a disowned Black, eh, Siri-?” He then let the time-turner fall to the floor with a loud thump noise. Sirius looked down, the time-turner at his feet, making a faint sizzling sound. He looked at his hand: he had burned himself. “Fuck!” he muttered under his breath. He looked around: he was again in the room of the three doors. The time turner had acted like some sort of portkey.
Sirius kneeled down and grabbed the time-turner. This time the same voice appeared in his head, but he saw that coming so he wasn’t as surprised. He fought the voice off and started turning the middle ring: hours. How many hours had passed since the cave? Five? Six? Eight? He turned the ring eight times - eight hours into the past - just to be sure he wasn’t late. Once he finished turning, everything around him began going backwards. He could see the suited man, he could see Aldus, and a bunch of other people that had passed through this room in the past eight hours.
Everything started slowing down.. He was once again alone in the room, but this time eight hours earlier. He left out a relief sigh. He hadn’t realised he had been holding his breath. It worked. Honestly, Sirius couldn’t believe it.
***
4th December, 1973. Sirius’ third year at Hogwarts.
“Chst! Hey! Moony!” James called out. He had just spent the past hour planning the absolute best prank ever, not paying any attention to History of Magic. It wasn’t as Professor Binns even cared.
“Moony!” Peter helped. “Moony!” Remus had obviously heard them but was deciding to ignore them on purpose.
Sirius nudged James with his elbow. “Just look at what I’m about to do now. I know just the perfect way to get his attention.” James snickered at his side, while Peter was left confused. “Oi! Moony!” He said in a sing-songy voice. “My one and true looov-”
“Shut. Up.” Remus spat, turning around and placing a hand over the long haired boy.
“Boys!” Professor Binns exclaimed from the top of the classroom.
“Sorry professor.” James responded back. His tone calm and serene.
“Won’t happen again.” Sirius added. Professor Binns went on with his lesson. His voice was the perfect solution if you couldn’t sleep. Wait, no, actually it could put you in a sleeping coma. That was the extent power of his monotone voice.
When the professor turned around to point something at the board, Sirius threw a piece of paper which hit Remus. “Ow!” He rubbed his hand against the sore spot. “What?”
“We have the absolute magnificent-” James started.
“-eloquent-” Sirius added.
“-eloquent perfect prank planned. But…” James made a dramatic pause. “... we kinda need a big brain like yours?”
“Could you help us out with this prank pretty please Remus my one and dearest friend?” Sirius tried to bribe Remus.
“Yeah..” Peter said, shyly.
“Eh…” Remus hesitated for a moment. He looked at James, then at Sirius. Sirius was putting on his puppy eyes. Who could say no to such a harmless adorable being? “Yeah, ok, I’ll help you.”
“Great!” James shouted. All of the students’ eyes were now on him.
“Something wrong, mister Potter?” Professor Binns asked.
“Eh.. No, nothing at all. Sorry.” His eyes were glued on the table to avoid looking at Sirius and bursting out in laughter.
The class continued pretty much the same. They were learning about the goblin wars, but who cared? Apparently Remus, who didn’t talk to them in the rest of the class.
The school bell rang. “You are dismissed.”
Nothing else to be said. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus were, in the blink of an eye, outside of the classroom, walking and talking joyfully about the prank. As they walked down the corridor, they whispered excitedly about the prank, something involving frogs, a charmed banner, and an unfortunate miscalculation with Slytherin pride. Remus stayed quiet, but he was already calculating the number of detentions this might earn them.
They arrived at the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and sat down in their respective seats.
“So, Remus… What do you think?” James asked joyfully.
“I think.. it’s doable…”
“Wohoo!” Peter exclaimed.
“Yay! Thank you Remus. I really, really love you!” Sirius said. A pit of butterflies grew inside Remus’ stomach.
“Welcome everybody.” The teacher, professor Esguirrez, began. His Spanish accent made everything he said even more interesting than it was in the first place. “Today we will be learning about a very dangerous, yet wonderful object.” The totality of the class’ attention pointed at him. “time-turners…”
***
3rd August, 1979. Regulus’ death.
Now it was time to think fast. What did he have to do? How? He had to go to the entrance of the cave, it was just before Regulus entered it. He had time, but not much.
In the blink of an eye he apparated at the entrance of the cave. Alone. The cold breeze messed up his hair, blocking partially his view. He could almost taste the salty waves that furiously broke under his feet. It wasn’t yet dark, but the clouds blocked out most of the light, leaving a sombre lighting. Sirius heard someone. No. Not one person. Two. How could there be two if they had found Regulus alone? Was he with Voldemort? Oh, Fuck! He was probably with Voldemort, which meant that they would find Sirius next to their secret entrance and would kill him.
“Why did I do this?” Sirius thought to himself, quietly muttering under his breath a string of cuss words.
Sirius looked around, trying to find a hiding spot near him. He saw a big rock just to the left. Without a moment of hesitation, he crept under the rock. He was hidden, but his shoes were getting wetter by the second.
“... you know what you have to do?” He heard Regulus saying to, presumably, Voldemort.
###
“Kreacher, do you know what you have to do?” Regulus said to his house-elf. They were almost near the entrance.
“Yes, Master. Kreacher has to make sure Master Regulus drinks the whole potion.”
“Very good, Kreacher.” He paused a second, holding himself up. He knew this meant death, he just didn’t want to die so young.
Sirius was holding his breath. Not making a sound. He hadn’t heard any more of the conversation that included his little brother, too busy hearing his heart thumping against his ribs; thump, thump, thump… A knot formed in his throat, mimicking the heart’s steps.
Just when he could see some big black boots, he heard a little tingling sound. He looked around, trying to find the source of such sound, just to find the hilt of a sword glowing in between the rocks. He was sure it hadn’t been there just a moment ago. It made him feel warm all of a sudden. Like the sword meant good. Of course, his recklessness won- again- and he took the sword without hesitating. Sirius had expected for it to restrain a bit from his touch, but the sword went to him willingly. He was taken aback by such willingness and stepped on a branch.
Regulus suddenly heard a creak.
“Who’s there?” he shouted “Reveal yourself now or else…”
Sirius closed his eyes momentarily. He put the sword behind his back and with all his Gryffindor bravery he stepped from behind the rock, keeping the sword hidden.
“Sirius?” Regulus’ eyes widened with shock. “Why in Salazar’s balls are you here?”
Sirius saw that next to Regulus was their house elfe, Kreacher. He was clearly not expecting that. “I could ask you the same question.” His eyebrows shot up.
“You need to leave.” Regulus looked away.
“No.”
“What?”
“I said no. I won’t let you die… again.” He said this last word in a whisper. No, not again.
“Who said I was going to die?”
“Who said you weren't?”
“Sirius, I swear to Salazar if you follow me, I won’t forgive you.”
“I don’t care. If you’re going, then I’m going.”
“No you’re not. You’re going to stay.”
“No. Final offer. I’m going with you, whether you like it or not.”
Regulus sighed and pinched his nose. “You leave me with no choice. I’m sorry, Sirius.”
“What?” Sirius' eyes darted around in confusion, looking for any possible threat. What he didn’t know was that that threat was his own brother.
Regulus took out his wand. “Petrificus Totalus.” Sirius fell limp to the ground, the sword still behind his back. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, just before heading to the entrance of the cave.
Regulus went on ahead, not looking at his brother. He had to finish what he had come here to do. Kreacher was following closely behind. The cold air swept through his black curls.
They got to the cave’s mouth in no time. Regulus had gone through the procedures on how to get in a million times already. The key to get in was an act of self sacrifice: blood given away at free will. Regulus took out the pocket knife Barty had given him on his fourteenth birthday. How he missed Barty and Evan and Pandora and Dorcas.
***
10th February, 1975, Regulus’ Birthday, Slytherin dorms.
“Shh!” Pandora signaled to the others. “Hide everyone! Hide!” Their dorm was decorated with coloured balloons and banners. A big silver fourteen was floating in the middle of the room. It smelled amazing. Barty had just finished baking his famous cupcakes with Emmeline’s help. They had snuck into the kitchens this morning, skipping half of their classes. But definitely worth it.
A distant conversation could be heard outside the dorm. Evan was talking to Regulus a teeny bit too loud to make their presence known. Dorcas put a finger to her lips and looked purposely at Barty. This last one rolled his eyes. He put a party blower to his lips and passed another to Emmeline who took it gratefully.
Evan opened the door. Anticipation could just about be tasted in the room. Behind him was Regulus. “Why is everything dark?” He asked.
“Surprise!!!” They shouted. Regulus was taken aback. He didn’t expect this. Not on his fourteenth birthday. Fourteen wasn’t an important age.
“Well, Birthday Boy, what do you think?” Barty asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“Wow! This is… Just wow! Thank you so much.”
“No need. We’ll do anything for you.” Pandora said, approaching the circle that was forming around Regulus.
Dorcas moved her wand and a record player started playing. The Beatles echoed throughout the room. The room fell into a quiet banter, everybody talking with each other, everybody having fun. Regulus was having so much fun with his friends. He never wanted to leave them. A few hours passed in what Regulus could have sworn were only a few minutes
“Whooo! Cake Time!” Dorcas shouted, levitating a cake over her shoulder. “Everybody, sit in a circle.”
“Oh brilliant! I don’t have a lighter on me.” Emmeline said, looking through her pockets. “Does anyone have one?”
“Oh, my dear Emmy. We don’t need one.” Barty said, putting a hand to his forehead.
“We have these.” Evan finished, pointing to his wand.
“We're fucking wizards.” Barty added.
“Ok, smarty ass.”
Evan lit the candles and everyone took in a deep breath to start singing.
“Stop!” Regulus said. “Do we really have to sing?”
“Of course! We have to, it’s tradition!” Dorcas said and started singing without waiting for a response everyone joined in. Regulus turned bright red and hid his face behind his hands. When everyone had finished Regulus blew out the candles and the room erupted in a cheer.
“Wohoo!!! Happy Birthday, Birthday Boy!” Barty said.
“You lot sound like a sick bird when you sing. Honestly, you should get that looked out.” Regulus said, his mouth twitching in a slight grin.
“As if!” Dorcas protested.
“It's not as if you yourself sing good…” Evan muttered under his breath.
“What?” Regulus asked, his eyebrows darting up.
“Nothing, nothing.” Evan said.
“Good. Because I thought I heard something against my beautiful voice.” Regulus laughed. Evan put a hand to his chest in false offense while everyone in the room laughed.
“Present time!” Pandora screamed in excitement. “Who starts?”
Dorcas put up her hand in excitement and handed Regulus a neatly wrapped rectangular packet. He took it carefully and opened it to find a beautiful silver self-inking quill. He was left amazed. They went around the room handing each their gifts. Emmeline gave him some sweets, Evan a little music box and Pandora a shiny little dragon.
“Who's left?” Dorcas asked.
“Barty, I think?” Pandora suggested.
“Here you go, Reg.” Barty handed Regulus a small package wrapped in silver paper. Barty was almost shaking from excitement. Regulus opened the package carefully, trying not to tear up too much of the wrapping paper. Inside was another rectangular box, similar to the one Dorcas had handed him before.
“Barty, you stole my gift!” Dorcas laughed.
“Chst, just wait.” He replied.
Inside the box was a pocket knife. Its handle was bright green with little red pearls adorning it. Its blade shined brightly. Regulus stared at his reflection on it. It was really sharp. Like incredibly sharp.
***
3rd August, 1979. Regulus' death.
He carefully put his blood over the rock, and as if it was magic, it disappeared leaving a big entrance to the cave.
Regulus grabbed his wand. "Lumos!" He whispered. As his wand illuminated the cave he could see a hundred crystals hanging from the ceiling, creating a magnificent light show. The cave was big enough. It smelled like salt water. You could hear the water droplets falling. It gave Regulus some kind of peace.
Kreacher already knew the procedure, so it was no problem to find the boat. They started rowing. The water beneath was dead black. He could see his reflection looking up at him. He saw himself from a few years ago, but quickly shook his head to keep that memory away.
After a few minutes rowing, they reached the island. Regulus was peaceful, he could feel this was the end. "Now Kreacher, I need you to listen to me carefully and follow each order you are
given." Regulus said calmly. The emptiness of the cave made the sound echo in every direction.
"Yes, Master. Kreacher is loyal, Master."
"Good, good." He took in a deep breath before continuing, observing the horizon. "Now, I'm going to swallow the whole potion and you are not going to try and stop me." Regulus looked at his elf to confirm he was understanding everything. "Afterwards, you're going to swap the original locket with a fake one."
"Yes, Master." Kreacher looked down. He was forced to follow his Master's orders, but he had grown up with Regulus by his side and didn't want him to die either.
"Now..." Regulus twirled nervously his dark curls. "... as my last wish, I want you to find a way and destroy the real locket."
"Yes, Master. It has been great knowing you Master Regulus." It was his kind way of saying goodbye.
Regulus turned his back carefully to Kreacher and began drinking the potion. He downed it all in one sip. He fell down to the ground, the effects of the potion coming in. He was losing feeling over his limbs and his respiration became agitated, gasping for air each breath he took. He thought back to his life. He felt accomplished. In some way he didn’t know of, he fell into the dark lake beneath the cave. An army of inferi came roaring up to see this new-found specimen. The inferi started grabbing Regulus’ hair and putting their dead hands all over him. He could feel an important contrast between his cold body and their even colder bodies.
He suddenly felt a hand tugging at his shirt.
***
22 October, 1977. The Astronomy Tower.
It was a cold October night. The trees danced around, led by the wind. The wind sang its song to any opening ears who would listen. A million dotted lights covered the black sky, so bright yet so apart from each other. The full moon shone up in the sky. Regulus felt like the moon felt: only being able to reflect light, unable to shine by himself.
“Hi Black.” James said, coming up the stairs. “Holy shit! What are you doing? You’re gonna fall!” His eyes widened.
“Hi Potter. Nice to see you here too.”
“Please, just please, get off the railing. I don’t want you to fall.” James put a hand over his eyes.
“Oh? So you now care about me?” Regulus smirked.
“Yes! What? No. I mean, yes-”
“It’s ok James, I’ll come down.” Regulus sat on the floor just below the window. James sighed and joined him.
They didn’t talk for a while. But it wasn’t uncomfortable silence at all. “What brings you up here?” Regulus asked, breaking the silence.
“Hm?”
“I said what brings you up here.”
“Oh right… Eh…” James ran a hand through his hair. His golden silky hair. Oh, how Regulus would kill to run his hands through James’ hair. “I just had a feeling you were here.” James responded, avoiding eye contact.
“Uhu…” Regulus shifted slightly. He moved closer, but not that close to actually touch James, just enough for him to touch his hand if he wanted.
“I could ask you the same question.”
“I just… wanted to clear my mind off things.” Regulus sighed.
“What kind of things?” James inquired, but then rapidly added. ‘If you want to tell me that’s it. If not that’s ok too. Whatever you want to do is fine with me.”
“Just…” He sighed. “... things.”
James nodded at this. “I get you…”
“It’s just that Evan and Pandora won’t stop fighting over the most little of things and that puts me in a weird position because I don’t know which side to take, actually I don’t want to take either, I like them both pretty much, but again, Barty takes Evan’s side because he has this huge crush on him, but I don’t want to take Pandora’s side because if not Evan will feel left out but if I take Evan’s, Pandora would feel the same but if I take neither they would both be mad at me and I don’t know what to do.” James was taken aback by Regulus’ sudden outburst. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled.
“No, it’s ok. It’s ok to be confused about things.” James added.
“I just… can we just not talk?” Regulus said, closing his eyes.
“Yeah, that’s totally fine by me, Reg.”
“Wait, what did you just call me?” he said, opening his eyes and standing up.
“Eh… Reg?” James looked confused. “Do you want me not to call you like that?” He asked.
“No, no, it’s ok, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
Regulus sat back down and laid his head on James’ lap. He really liked this boy. He closed his eyes. James started running a hand through his hair. Strangely enough, he didn’t mind at all being close to him. He liked his physical touch. He liked James.
“Hey, Reg?”
“Hmm…”
“Do you like anyone?”
“I don’t know.” He did know. “You?” He liked James. “Do you like anyone?”
“Kinda…”
“Who is it? ”
“Why don’t I just show you?” James said and Regulus sat back up.
His heart was racing a million miles an hour. His stomach felt all funny. James put a hand on Regulus’ cheek. Regulus shivered at his touch. He pushed himself forward and kissed James on the lips. James had rough lips, but they were so soft at the same time. He stopped for a moment, thinking he had just fucked up this beautiful friendship. But James put his lips against his. And they were kissing. It wasn't fast and hungry, it was slow and passionate. It seemed like they were, at the same time, discovering each other and like they already knew everything about each other’s mouths.
They belonged to each other in every universe.
***
3rd August, 1979. Regulus’ death.
He suddenly felt a hand tugging at his shirt.
It couldn’t be Kreacher. Kreacher had been given very clear instructions to leave the cave at once and destroy the locket.
The strong hand pulled him up. He gasped for air and started coughing out water. Everything hurt so much, the potion was starting to take effect. His ribs echoed the pain from a thousand soldiers, his eyes were heavy against his eyelids. It felt like he was being shredded alive.
“Reg! Regulus! Regulus!” someone unknown but fairly familiar screamed. “Reg! It’s me! Sirius, your big brother. You’re ok. You’re ok.” Sirius was crying a river of tears. His voice was breaking with each word he took. Sirius was shaking from fear. “Reg, please, please, say something…” he pleaded. “Don’t die. Not yet.”
Regulus opened his eyes slightly. Sirius’ face illuminated. He let the sword fall to the ground with a loud cling. “Hi, brother.”
“Oh my god, Reg, I thought you were dead.” All concern in Sirius's face was washed away with the last river of tears, happy tears. Sirius went ahead and picked up Regulus from the floor. He hugged him close to his chest. Regulus winced at being touched, an army of needles poking him everywhere. “I’m so sorry Regulus, I should have never left you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
Regulus felt himself drifting out of consciousness. His body hurt too much to even try to fight it. He couldn’t even talk anymore. He stared into his brother’s eyes. They were tearing up. He stared at his mouth: it was moving, saying something that he couldn’t make out. He stared at his hair: pitch black, just like his, and messy, the contrary of his. It seemed, afterall, that he couldn’t escape his brother, no matter how much he wanted to.
Sirius’ eyes were the last thing Regulus saw.
Sirius’.
Eyes.
Were.
The.
Last.
Thing.
Regulus.
Saw.
***
25 December, 1975. Christmas Day. Grimmauld Place.
Regulus was in his bedroom, laying on his bed. Sleep evaded him. He always hated Christmas, and this one hadn’t been any different. In fact, it had been even worse than the others. Sirius had dared to go down to Christmas Dinner with a dress, no matter how much Regulus had advised him not to.
“No, Reg, if you have to wear one, I’ll wear one.” Sirius said, his eyes fixed on the closet.
“But they want me too. They don’t want you to.” Regulus said with teary eyes. “Sirius… they’ll kill you.” He murmured .
“Then it would have been worth it.” He looked at Regulus straight in his eyes. He held his face while he said this. “Reg, I’m going to wear a dress because you have to wear one. Don’t worry about me.”
But Regulus did worry. He worried all dinner. He worried with all the tense silences, the unspoken screams, the undone curses. He knew what his parents were capable of.
He worried when they took Sirius to a room alone. His screams echoed through the whale house like the smell of rotten corpses. His screams reconforted Regulus because it meant that Sirius was still alive, breathing.
He heard Sirius’ room door open. He heard his hurried steps going down the stairs. He heard his silent sobs, either from physical or mental pain, it didn’t matter. Regulus followed him and sat at the bottom of the stairs.
“Where are you going?” he whispered.
“Away. I can’t be here anymore.” Sirius was looking around, getting anything that could be useful. He really was leaving.
“Oh…” Regulus followed every movement with his eyes.
“Come with me.” Sirius said, not quite looking at Regulus. His eyes were scared, they were scattered throughout the whole room.
“They’ll kill us both, Sirius.” He said.
“No, I promise you they won’t.” Sirius went to the stairs where Regulus was sitting and kneeled down. “I’ll protect us both.” He promised. Such a big promise with so little faith in it.
“Sirius, they’ll hunt us down. They’ll kill us both.” Regulus evaded Sirius’ eyes. “I can’t go.”
“I’ll protect us. We-we can go to the Potter’s. I’m sure they’ll love to have you. We can start over.” He said, hope filling his voice. “Reg, we’ll get to live…”
“Just go, Sirius.” Regulus’ voice was breaking. “If I stay, one of us gets to be happy. If I leave with you, both of us will end up dead.”
“No we won’t-”
“YES WE WILL!” His eyes met his brother’s. “They’ll find us, they’ll hunt us down, we’ll never be safe.” Sirius was taken aback by his sudden outburst. “Just leave, Sirius. He stood up and climbed the stairs. “Just go…”
“I won’t leave you here.”
“YES YOU WILL!” He screamed. “They won’t hurt me, they need an heir. Go, just go!”
And just like that, with no last goodbyes, with no last ‘I love you’s, Regulus would never see his brother the same. Sirius would never see his brother the same. Hatred would fill their eyes for quite some time…
***
3rd August, 1979. Regulus’ death.
Sirius knelt on the cold, hard floor, his arms locked around the weight of his brother. The cave loomed silent behind them, as if mocking him. He had gone back, he had fought time itself, and still it had slipped through his fingers. Regulus’ head rested against his shoulder, his curls damp and heavy, eyes closed as if submerged in a peaceful sleep he would never wake up from.
Sirius staggered out of the cave, the cold night air slapping against his tear streaked face. Each step felt heavier than the last, the roar of the waves below merging with the pounding in his chest. He stopped at the cliff’s edge, the salty wind tangling his dark hair. For a moment he just stood there, yearning the boy he had once sworn to protect. Slowly, he tilted his head back towards the sky, searching for a single star, any star - but the night had swallowed them all.
He had failed to save a star.