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“I will leave you words: Underneath your door. Underneath the walls that sing. Close to the place where your feet pass. Hidden in the holes of your couch. And when you're alone for a moment; Pick me up whenever you want
.”
— Je te laisserai des mots
; Patrick Watson
One year ago.
How could a human being be the reason one’s heart races?
It’s been over five months since the flood; since Folcalors’s sacrifice. With everyone hard work, Fontaine recovered from the disaster and the losses not longer after, yet hearts still mourned, wounds were still open.
And Neuvillette still felt distant from her.
“Neuvillette!” Furina’s voice filled the room when she abruptly opened the office’s door, her mouth full and her hand holding a small plate.
“Knock first.” he said, not giving attention to her extravagant entrance. “What is the matter?”
“Navia gave me a slice of cake and, I thought, why not share some with this sad guy?
How could a name make someone feel so agitated? Since when it could turn him into a total mess?
His eyes shifted towards the cake she held. He rubbed his hands against his thighs and his face flushed slightly red. He tried to hide it, but he couldn’t escape the former archon’s keen perception.
“I knew it!” Furina yelled, like she caught the criminal red-handed. “I hereby declare that Monsieur Neuvillette is guilty of being in love!”
Furina laughed at the expression he wore, flushed, eyes widen. Seeing the Iudex in such a state was something she never would have expected, not even after 500 years. But she noticed it: he was growing closer to humanity, to emotion each passing day.
“Turn it down.” He said, standing authoritative as always, though the girl didn’t feel threatened.
“I’ve been collecting evidence against you for weeks now! The way you react when her name is mentioned or how you look at her.” She cut into the cake with the fork. “I got an eye for this!”
“And since when do you understand about this matter?”
“I’ve been reading some novels. And I can see through you!” She chewed the cake slowly.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” He muttered, turning away.
“Stop ignoring me!” She pointed the fork, still smeared with cake at him. “Ahem. Will you really just sit there and do nothing?”
“Nothing about what?” He walked to the window, looking at the starry sky.
“About your feelings for her, duh.” She stood by his side. “She is easy to talk and who knows... maybe she also likes you.” She gave him a soft bump on his arm with her shoulder, already knowing the answer.
“She doesn’t. Not after what happened with her fathe-“
“Cut it.” Furina interrupted him. “C’mon, Neuvillette. It’s been so long, and she’s already forgiven you, I’m sure of it.”
“Some wounds take longer to heal. Some emotions do not settle quickly once stirred.” His voice was a whisper under the rumble of thunders of his heart. “And even if she has, I can’t simply appear before her and confess this. I cant’t even believe in it myself. I’ll probably end up talking about something else.” He sighed. “And what if she doesn’t feel the same?”
“And what if he doesn’t feel the same?!” Navia’s voice echoed in Furina’s head.
“You two are really helpless.” She whispered and looked around his office, the countless papers he had on his desk and somehow managed to keep it organized and finished them before the deadline, but when it came to his feelings, all that existed was disorder.
“If you can’t say it, write it.” She handed him a paper.
He looked at the paper and sighed again.
“You say it like it is easy.”
“Or maybe you’re the one making this more complicated than it has to be.” She arched a brow, smiling. “It wouldn’t hurt to try. Sure, rejection might sting, but wouldn’t the regret of never trying, of find out what could’ve been, hurt even more?” Opening his hand, she set the paper down on his palm and walked out.
Neuvillette didn’t think Furina would stir up feelings he’d tried so long to bury. His eyes returned to the paper, and his fingers traced its surface, imagining the words he might write, and her reading them.
“So, this is love huh?”
He scoffed, not sarcastically, but admiring how his heart pounded against his chest just by the thought of the woman blessed golden curls and a smile that stole the breath from his lungs.
The papers on his desk were pushed aside, ignoring their importance and urgency for the moment. The pen was already dipped in black ink. In that instance, his heart once troubled and fearful, found peace, as he turned feelings and thoughts into written words.
_____ 🌧️ _____
Mademoiselle Navia,
I hope these words find you well. Is everything alright back in Poisson? Please, do not hesitate to reach out if anything is needed.
It is quite complicated to explain why I am writing to you. A friend told me it’s better to express what my heart carries this way, yet I admit, the thought of you reading this does not make it easier. Nevertheless, I can already experience peace, and I am afraid to regret not telling you about my true feelings.
Maybe it is not reciprocal. Perhaps, you still carry resentment towards me. I will not blame you, nor beg for your forgiveness. But only one thing I ask of you, and it is to read this with the warm and open heart I know you have.
If there is something I definitely lack knowledge of, it is love. Or rather, feelings in general. However, even in our moments of tension or those of silence, your presence alone would make my heart race. At first, I pushed it aside. I believed it was due to the guilt of the past. Though, the more the time passed, the clearer my mind became. I have no right to carry these feelings, but we really can’t help it, can we? Can we escape from our soul’s yearning? We can run from it, but all it causes is ache. And in this moment, I only long for one thing.
You.
How to even explain the way of the heart? How does it beat faster when you think of someone? How does it feel much calmer now after so many nights under the storm? This is what you operate in the depths of me. Warmth, peace, like the waves of my heart finally found tranquillity.
I adore you. I don’t want to lie anymore. Not to you nor to myself. I eagerly hope you will respond truthfully, no matter what your answer is.
Yours sincerely,
Neuvillette.
_____ ☀️ _____
He tried to hide it for so long. To bury his feelings in the depths of the sea in him. Yet, in that moment, he found himself running, desperate, searching for the one who held his heart on her hands.
And as he expected, he found her outside the entrance of Poisson, her curls moving with the wind and eyes on the lake that was almost calm. Just like his soul. He was certain of one thing: he wanted her to read his words, to know his heart and he hoped she felt the same way.
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