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5 years old
It's night, Simon is laying in his bed, trying to find sleep. It's confusing, he thought he already was asleep, but here he is, wide awake and tired. His blanket is pulled over his face but he quickly retreats it, so he can breathe freely. On his ceiling are many tiny LED stars that faintly light the room and make him even more tired. As his eyes started to close, he felt something shifting beside him. Fast he turned around to find nothing. He closed his eyes again and this time he could feel sleep pulling at him, taking him deeper until his breathing became steady and calm.
Complete darkness and peace, until-
Simon felt something touching his leg, but it was just a dream, so he let it go.
The feeling became realer and woke Simon up. It felt as if a heavy hand rested on his leg. He opened his eyes and saw someone sitting there. "Mum", he whispered, still sleepy. But it wasn't his mother. He really hoped it was her, but deep down he knew it wasn't. It was a shadow, sitting on his bed, touching him. He got scared and tried to call for his mother, but the sound didn't want to escape his mouth. He tried moving but couldn't. He felt the fear overcome him and cloud any other emotion. He stared into the shadows direction as it turned it's head, revealing dark eyes staring back at him.
Simon blinked. The shadow was gone.
Simon blinked again. The shadows eyes were right in front of his face.
Simon couldn't remember what happened after that. He just knew that his mother and sister came rushing into his room and held him. Rebecca turned on the light, "It's okay, Simon, it was just a dream", she whispered.
His mother stroked his head until he fell asleep again.
***
7 years old
Simon remembers having the dream several times after that first time.
The dream that feels so real, it's almost a joke to call it a dream.
His mother promised it wasn't real, but everytime she does, Simon wants to check if she's crossing her fingers behind her back.
He knows she's not lying, but sometimes Mom's don't know everything.
Simon's still scared of that dream, even if he pretends not to be. And everytime he dreams it, he screams. He knows that his Mother and Rebecca are getting tired of it. But they still come around everytime to assure him that it's not real. And everytime he doesn't believe them.
Before falling asleep every night, Simon holds on to the small blanket his grandmother has given him and asks it to protect him from the evil shadow. He even says please.
Sometimes the blanket protects him and when Simon wakes up, he's so happy he feeds the blanket. Of course his Mom gets angry, because she has to wash it everytime he spills something, but Simon loves smelling it before he falls asleep.
This time it didn't protect him.
Simon felt the familiar grip on his leg, that woke him up. Well, sort of, since this was a dream, he was still kind of asleep.
The shadow just sat there, staring at Simon, as always.
This time Simon really didn't want to scream. He tried talking to the shadow, but his mouth wouldn't open, all he could do was stare at it. It's eyes dark and cold as always. Simon felt he grew more afraid with every second that passed. He couldn't hold it anymore.
Simon blinked. The shadow was gone.
Simon blinked again. The shadows eyes were right in front of his face.
Simon screamed and his mother and sister came to calm him. "It was just a dream", echoing in his head.
***
10 years old
Simon didn't have the dream as often now.
It came every now and then, but he wasn't afraid to sleep anymore. After he dreamt it though, he couldn't sleep normally for a couple of weeks, because everytime he closed his eyes he got scared, without even really feeling anything. The shadow was always in the back of his mind, whispering promises of return and wishing him a good night. He always had a bad night then.
This time he felt the hand, he didn't immediately open his eyes. He knew what would be there anyway. So he just kept them shut. Maybe if he didn't open them, he wouldn't have to see the shadow. "Sssimon", it hissed faintly. Simon wasn't sure if he really heard it or just imagined it, but his heart was pounding and his mind racing. "Sssimon", this time louder, he couldn't keep his eyes shut anymore. It was as if the shadow put a spell on him, forcing him to open his eyes and stare at it until it was inches from his face and he screamed.
Simon was afraid that his mother wouldn't come to comfort him anymore. She was really getting tired of his screaming and crying, but he couldn't help it. Rebecca didn't come around anymore. The morning after she just rolled her eyes and asked him if he saw the "shadow" again, making airquotes around the word shadow.
Simon was still staring at it, his mind blank now, praying for it to disappear.
This time the shadow didn't seem as cold and dark as usual. Simon saw its lips getting pulled into a smile. He didn't want to see it. It scared him, reminded him of the creepy clowns at the circus.
Simon blinked. The shadow was gone.
Simon blinked again. The shadow was in front of him, smiling. Simon screamed, louder than he ever did before. He never saw a smile as terrifying as this. The corners of the shadows mouth were pulled up far too high and it's teeth were pointy and sharp.
His mother came into the room and sighed. Rebecca shouted, "It's just a dream!"
***
14 years old
In the last years Simon learned that the 'dream' that actually taunted him, was called sleep paralysis and could be medically explained. Now he wasn't scared anymore. He knows he can control those 'dreams'.
Now whenever he feels the hand on his leg, he just keeps his eyes shut and forces his body to move somehow. He concentrates on moving his fingers or toes and when he achieves that, the hand will be gone and no shadow will be sitting there. It's sort of a trance where your body is asleep but your mind is wide awake, so when you open your eyes you'll see weird things coming out of your dreams and you won't be able to close your eyes until you move somehow. Now he can just peacefully fall asleep after an encounter with the shadow.
Well maybe not everytime.
Simon had a long day at school and all he wants is some sleep.
He's lying in his bed, tired and sleepy. He doesn't know if it's been minutes or hours but he suddenly feels the familiar hand on his leg and the faintly whispered "Sssimon". He keeps his eyes shut and moves his fingers, turns on his side and continues to sleep.
Until- the hand is there again. He's getting annoyed. "Fuck off, shadow, I gotta sleep", he mutters, when he hears a quiet laugh. Simon freezes. The shadow is still there. He couldn't make it go away. He reminds himself again that it's just a projection of his dreams and that it's not real. He moves and opens his eyes. There's the shadow. This time it's less a shadow and more something- humanlike. It looks like a boy. Simon can't really make out his features, but he looks beautiful somehow. The dark eyes focused on Simon and the lips pulled into a smile, a real smile, not the creepy one he encountered on several occasions when he was younger. "You're not real, go away", Simon whispers. Suddenly he realises something.
If this is one of his sleep-paralysis situations, how is he able to move, speak and still see the shadow?
"Exactly", the boy whispers and nods.
Simon stares at him, heart racing and hands shaking.
Simon blinks. The shadow is gone.
Simon blinks again. The shadow is- still gone?
Simon looks around the room, nobody there.
He sighs and goes back to sleep. "It was just a dream", he whispers as he drifts off.
***
The next morning, Simon's still kinda confused but he doesn't care enough to tell anybody about it.
"You're tired", Clary says next to him. He shakes his head, "It's okay Clary, I slept, I just woke up during the night but I'm okay now". Clary looked at him compassionately, "The dream?", she asked and Simon nodded, not really, he thought.
They were in class and Simon's getting more and more exhausted as he stares out of the window. "Simon, I'm here", the teacher says repeadately and everytime Simon apologises and looks to the front, until he's too tired to do so. This time, when he turns his head to look out of the window, he sees that a part of it is fogged with breath. He's pretty sure nobody has been there, but there it was. It seemed as if there were words written into the fog. Simon concentrated on making the words out, but it seemed impossible. He got up and pretend to stretch, when he read the words he froze and almost fell to the ground. His mind was spinning and he wasn't sure if it's real. Simon sat back down and pinched himself to make sure he's awake.
His heart is racing and he's trying to keep his hands from shaking.
"It's just a dream", still written onto the window.
***
18 years old
Of course nobody ever believed Simon that his shadow had followed him and left a message on the window, but Simon knew that it's true, or is it?
He wasn't really sure either, fact is, he was really tired and anything could've been written there.
Anyway, he was happy it happened, because after that incident Simon never had the dream again, well not like that at least. Sometimes he dreamt of the boy's eyes, dark and cold but somehow beautiful. Simon never really saw how the boy looked, but in his dreams he longed for him, which is kind of scary, because the 'boy' wasn't really a boy, it was a projection of Simons dreams. But if it was, then Simon must've seen him somewhere, because your mind can't make up new faces, every face you see in your dream, you've seen in real life too, you just can't remember anymore.
Anyway, Simon was still happy that he didn't have the dream anymore, he wasn't afraid to go to sleep, his dreams were pleasant and calming.
This night though, something changed.
Simon lays in his bed, reading a book until his eyes started closing. Suddenly he felt the hand on his leg. His heart skipped a beat. The feeling was so unusual and still so familiar. He opened his eyes and there was the boy. Now Simon could make out his features. He had dark hair and perfectly sculpted eyebrows, dark eyes and full lips pulled into a smirk. He was nicely dressed and somehow.. smelled good. Simon didn't know what to do, so he just started talking, "Where have I seen you?" he asks, the shadow - no the boy - tilts his head. "I mean this is a dream right?, so if I can dream you, that means I have seen you?", but I would remember such a pretty face, he thought. Wait, how can he think while dreaming? Is that even possible? The boy smirked, "You know I can read your thoughts", he drawled, with the calmest and, well, sexiest voice Simon has ever heard. "Oh, so you read that too?", he then asked, the boy nodded. "Did you leave the message on the window, like, 4 years ago?", Simon asked, finally being able to get closure, the boy nodded. Simon sat up now, "I'm dreaming right?", the boy smiled, Simon wasn't sure. It felt so real, the calming voice of this ... creature, his smell, the smell that enters through your nose and ends in your brain, dizzying you and pleasing all your senses. The dark eyes, looking into Simons soul and the smile, it sent shivers through his whole body. This couldn't be a dream.
Simon blinked. They boy was gone. Oh no.
Simon blinked again. He was still gone. "No, no, come back!", he shouted. Simon looked around the room and started blinking furiously, but he didn't come back. "Don't leave me", he whispered, when he realised that he was actually talking to a shadow, a projection of his dreams, that doesn't even really exist. He shook his head and pulled the covers up to his chin, when he saw the fog on his window. He got out of the bed faster than he does when he's late for school and runs towards the window. There are words. Simon feels like throwing up. The boy was real he knew it, yet he tried to convince him otherwise. Simon got back to bed and stared at the "It was just a dream" written on the window, until he fell asleep again.
***
The next day, Simon tried finding out what it was he saw. Was it a ghost? A demon? Or really a dream? Simon wasn't sure if he believed in these beings, but he just wanted to make sure. He found an article about Shadowpeople, ghost-like creatures that walk on our earth. Apparently Shadowpeople sightings have increased. It seemed plausible. But still- Shadowpeople?
Simon read some more pages until he found the number of a "Therapist for people suffering from supernatural encounters", Simon thought about it. It won't hurt talking to him.
***
"So, Simon, please tell me about your encounter", the therapist suggested. He was rather young-looking, of asian descent and had red highlights in his hair. Simon didn't imagine him to look like this.
He was sitting on a red armchair, leaning back and thinking back to his very first encounter with the shadow. It was so long ago, yet he remembered every single detail.
The therapist waited paitently for Simon to start.
Simon told him about the shadow he met when he was five, the creepy smile he saw for the first time almost 10 years ago. He told him about the messages on the windows and about the shadow's voice and smell.
The therapist seemed interested, noting things and frowning here and there. When Simon finished he looked at the other man, "Can you tell me what's going on Dr. Bane?", he asked. The therapist smiled, "Call me Magnus", he said, "You mentioned that the shadow recently took form and even talked to you?", Simon nodded. "Can you describe his appearance and voice maybe?", Magnus asked and Simon frowned. Why does that matter? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
As Simon started describing the boy, he felt himself drifting off, fleeting, the boy's scent lingered in the room, he could smell it everywhere. "He has dark eyes, they are cold but still kind somehow, as if the compassion is hidden under layers and layers of hurt, betrayal and distrust", Magnus noted everything, "His eyebrows and lips are beautiful and his hair looked really tidy", Magnus stopped noting and stared at Simon, seemingly confused. Simon continued, "He was nicely dressed and his voice was slow and deep and calming", he closed his eyes, "He smelled amazing, you know the smell, when summer starts and all the flowers start growing, when the sun shines and you take a walk in the evening", he sighed, "Like that. It felt as if he put a spell on me", Simon almost fell asleep when Magnus snapped his fingers, bringing Simon back to reality. Simon cleared his throat, he felt himself blushing. This was embarassing, he had a crush on a ghost. Magnus tilted his head, "Tell me Simon", he started, "Did the shadow tell you his name?". Simon shook his head. Magnus started humming as he thought, "Did he have a scar under his left eye?", he then asked. Simon thought about it. "Yeah", he nodded, "Now as you mention it, I'm pretty sure he did have one!", He smiled, happy that he could help Magnus with something. "Wait", Simon scratched the back of his head, "How do you know?". Magnus shook his head and got up. He put the notepad aside and hushed Simon out of his loft, "As soon as I know more, I'll get in touch with you", he briefly says as Simon stood outside of the door, confused and slightly embarassed. He could swear that Magnus muttered something along the lines of 'That damn boy is always so dramatic'. Wait, was he talking about the shadowboy?
***
Simon would never admit it, but since he talked to the shadow that first time, he couldn't stop wishing for it- him to come back. He longed for the smell, it made him feel as if he was high. Actually Simon's never taken drugs, but he's pretty sure that a high feels like that. He longed for the eyes. He knew that, if he and the boy were friends in real life, Simon could stare into his eyes for hours, without saying a word and he would still feel fulfilled. It was weird, but he couldn't help it. Everytime he woke up without meeting the shadow, he cursed his whole existence.
***
"Simon, you seem stressed", Clary says next to him. He shakes his head, "No I'm calm Clary, just worried about stuff", he replies. She looks at him compassionately, "Exams?", she asks. "Yeah", Simon answers, not really, he thinks.
During lunchtime Simon felt like Alec was giving him weird glances the whole time. He couldn't take it anymore, so he asked away, "What is it Lightwood?", he asks, tilting his head. Alec shrugs, "Nothing. It's just that Magnus told me he had a client named Simon...That wasn't you right?", he raised his eyebrows and waited for an answer. So the Magnus Alec was talking about, is actually the ghost-therapist Magnus. That makes as much sense as the shadowboy leaving messages on windows. None. Kind of. Simon shakes his head, "I don't know anyone called Magnus".
After school Simon bid goodbye to his friends and left for the library. If he couldn't find any answers online or through Magnus, maybe he will find them there. Seems unlikely but hey, that's how they do it in the movies. He entered the big room, full of shelves and tables stacked with books. He walked around and looked for the supernatural genre. As he was walking around, Simon heard faint piano music playing in the background. Someone was probably practising in the room next door. He continued walking when the music got louder. It started freaking him out. While Simon was walking, the music got so loud that he had to cover his ears, earning weird glances from other people. Now his head started spinning and he closed his eyes, hoping it would go away.
Simon blinked. The music was gone.
Simon blinked again. The music was playing, but faint and muffled, coming out of the other room.
The melody sounded familiar and enchanting. He left the library and followed the sound. It came from a room down the hall. Simon followed the music while it got louder and clearer. He's pretty sure that he knows the song, but he just couldn't place it.
Simon was in front of the room, pressing his ear against the door, when he realised that the tune was from Nelly's "Just a dream".
***
Simon was laying in bed, he wasn't tired but couldn't wait to fall asleep. He wanted to see the boy again. He wanted to ask him if all of this is really happening. Did he really hear the song? Was there even a piano in the room? Damn, why didn't he check.
Simon tried to occupy his mind somehow, so he'd get tired. He picked up a book but found himself reading the same page over and over again without even knowing what was going on. He took out his iPod and started listening to music. This always worked. After half an hour he felt himself growing tired, so he closed his eyes and prayed for the shadow to appear.
As he drifted off, he felt the grip on his leg. His heart almost leaped with joy. He was about to open his eyes when he reminded himself to calm down, "It's just a dream Simon", he thought to himself, "I know you kinda have the hots for this ghost-dude, but it's just imagination, so get your answers and let it go". He opened his eyes when he saw the boy staring at him, suppressing a laugh. Oh, Simon forgot that he could read his mind. "Hi", Simon said, sitting up. The boy tilted his head, "Hello there, Simon", he drawled, "I hear you have some questions for me". Simon nodded, "Yeah, actually just one", the boy nodded for him to continue, "Are you real?", Simon asked. The boy contemplated for a while, then he turned to Simon and stretched out his hand, "Try me", he whispered. Simon gulped, it was just a dream, nothing will happen if I touch him. Simon stretched out his hand too and slowly touched the boy's hand with his fingers. He felt cold, but smooth and really silky. Of course he wasn't real. Nobody's skin could feel like this. Simon retreated his hand and nodded. "You know, this wasn't a real answer", he said. The boy just stared at him. He couldn't help it.
Simon blinked. The boy was gone. No, no, no.
Simon blinked again. The boy was- wait?
"Where am I?", Simon asked no one in particular. He was in a hall, there were paintings on the wall, he could tell they were expensive. A big chandelier with crystals and diamonds hung from the ceiling and the entrance door was decorated with beautiful carvings. In the middle was a wooden table and two chairs opposite each other. The boy was sitting in one of the chairs. His eyebrows were raised and he gestured for Simon to sit down. Simon wasn't sure if he should, but after all, it was just a dream, so he did as he was told.
In front of him was a cup. Not a normal cup, it was golden and looked ancient. "Drink", the boy said and Simon did as he was told. He let the liquid go down his throat and he savoured every bit of it. It tasted like the boy smelled. Enchanting, sweet and fulfilling.
He looked back up to find the boy staring at him and smiling.
Simon blinked. The boy was gone. What?
Simon blinked again. The boy was standing behind him. Wow.
Simon should be shocked or at least surprised. But he wasn't. There was something calming about the ghost- or dreamboy, whichever it was. Suddenly, he kissed the back of Simon's neck. The kiss wasn't more than a light, feathery touch, as if a butterfly has landed there, but it was enough to make Simon freeze. All the hairs on his body were upright and he had goosebumps everywhere. "You smell like caramel", the shadow whispered in his ear.
***
"You seem weird", Clary says next to him. Simon shakes his head. "No I'm fine I just", he contemplated if it was worth telling her, "met a boy... kind of". Clary looks at him compassionately, "He doesn't like you back?", Clary asks. Simon shrugs.
After school, Simon is sitting on a bench near campus. He's waiting for Clary and Izzy. As he spots them, he puts away his books and phone, when he sees that he got a text message from an unknown number. His heart pounded. It couldn't be the boy, could it? He rolled his eyes at himself, "Get it together Lewis", he mutters as he opens the message.
'If you wanna know more about your shadow, come see me today. -Magnus'
So he has answers, Simon can't wait to get them. He gets up, as soon as the girls arrive, "Sorry, I really gotta leave, I totally forgot about the doctor's appointment I have today!", at least he's not lying about seeing a doctor. Clary looks at him compassionately and Izzy nods. "At least take the ice-cream we brought you", Clary suggests, handing him a small container with two scoops of icecream. "You're the best", he beams, kissing them both on the cheeck, "What flavor is it?", he asks. Clary smiles, "You always eat strawberry, I wanted you to try something new", she threw her hair back unconsiously, "It's caramel".
***
"Tell me Simon, before you saw the shadow for the first time", Magnus asked, "Did something significant happen in your life?". Simon nodded slowly, "Well, my dad died..", Magnus cut him off, "Ah! There we have it". Simon raised his eyebrows, "Have what?", he asked. Magnus sighed, "The shadow stems from your dreams, it's part of a sleep paralysis, what made it so terryfing is", he got up and walked across the room, "Mixed with your fear and hurt of losing your father, it seemed to be a shadow taunting you", he snapped his fingers, "When in reality it was your emotions, showing through your dreams". Simon nodded, it sounded plausible. It seemed as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He was so grateful to finally have gotten an answer. "Thank you so much, Magnus", he froze for a second, "But wait", Magnus looked at him curiously, "The shadow didn't show up for a long time. Now I can really see the ... boy, he took me to a place and we drank something and he... anyway, that was a dream right? How do you explain that?". Magnus closed his eyes and sighed dramatically, "I will have to check with some experts first", He massaged his temples, "I'll get in touch with you".
***
When Simon got home there was an envelope in front of the door. Nobody was home so he picked it up and headed inside. There was no name on it and Simon wouldn't be Simon if he wouldn't open it.
Inside was a postcard. The picture showed what seemed to be a hotel. In front of it was a sign. "Du mort", Simon reads. The picture was black and white and looked kind of creepy. Weird, who sends stuff like this? And also, who puts a postcard in an envelope? Simon turned it around to find a message written in neat and cursive handwriting. It was adressed to him. "Who..-?", Simon asks himself but he trails off as he reads the message. It's spanish. Weird, Simon's only good friend that speaks spanish was Izzy, but why would she send him a postcard when they saw each other almost everyday? He snapped a photo of the message and sent it to Izzy.
Simon: translate please?
Izzy: fue un sueño? who sent you that?
Simon: dunno. guess I have a stalker or something.
Izzy: it means "It was a dream"
Simon: thanks Iz.
He threw the phone onto the sofa. What? Who sent him this? Was it Magnus? Was it the shadow? How is a ghost even supposed to bring something to the post office? This was unbelievable. Simon's head started spinning again and he entered the kitchen. There was a note on the fridge his Mom left him.
'Me and Rebecca will be away for the night. Food is in the microwave. Love you'
Simon wasn't actually hungry so he skipped eating. He took out a sleeping pill and swallowed it with a glass of water.
If the answers don't want to come to him, he has to go get them.
***
Simon sat up as soon as he felt the hand. The boy was grinning and Simon rolled his eyes, "It's not funny anymore", the boy tilted his head, he seemed to do that a lot, "You're real right? You sent me that postcard." The boy smiled, "Did you like it?". Simon glared at him, "That's not even the point", he sighed, "Tell me what you are". The boy contemplated his options for a while, "I don't know if your small mind can handle it", he then proceeded to say. Simon cleared his throat, "My mind isn't small at all, thank you". The shadow rolled his eyes, "Maybe you're intelligent and all, but that doesn't change anything", he sighed dramatically, it kind of reminded Simon of Magnus, "You're still a mundane". "A what?", Simon asked and the boy got up. "No don't leave", Simon called out. The boy smirked, "Call me Raphael". Simon was surprised, Raphael, it was such a normal and pretty name, why did it belong to ... whatever it is he was. "Raphael", Simon let the name roll of his tongue and the boy stretched out his hand. When Simon stared at him in response, Raphael rolled his eyes, "Take my hand, we're going somewhere".
***
They were in the same hall from last time, but this time it was decorated differently. It seemed as if fog had entered the room and it was slightly cold. When Simon started shaking, Raphael snapped his fingers and it wasn't cold anymore. "Lo siento, I forgot that mundanes feel the cold", Raphael drawled as he led Simon to the table. This time it was a white marble table and it was stacked with food. Fruit that Simon didn't even know existed laid on a beautiful golden plate. "Take one", Raphael nodded towards the fruit and Simon stretched out his hand. He took a Lilac fruit that kind of looked like an apple but had small circles on it and it glittered. Simon took a bite. It tasted like caramel. He looked up to find that Raphael was gone.
Simon blinked. Raphael was there.
Simon blinked again. Raphael was standing behind him.
"It's my favorite", he whispered, "I love the taste of caramel".
Simon turned around to find Raphael wearing a completely different outfit.
He wore a black cloak with golden glitter on the edges. His hair was styled and he was wearing eyeliner and golden glitter around his eyes.
Simon was pretty sure he was also wearing lipgloss. Simon has never seen someone that pretty, he looked otherwordly, ethereal and fucking hot.
"You know", Raphael drawled, the smirk plastered on his face, "I can still read your mind", Simon just nodded. He was too overwhelmed by everything. The smell. The boy. Simon felt blessed. Raphael smirked.
***
Simon had spent the whole night with Raphael. They walked around in the castle, it was enchanting and Simon had not felt this fulfilled in a long time. They ate, drank and talked. Raphael still didn't tell Simon what he was, but it'll come, he said. At first Simon still felt hypnotised but as time passed, his usual self, that made Raphael roll his eyes more than once, came back. Raphael didn't kiss him anymore and Simon would be a liar if he said he wasn't disappointed. Raphael smiled, it'll come, he said.
***
The next morning Simon woke up and was really happy. He had a good night's sleep and still was able to spend the whole time with this handsome ghost guy. He knew now that Raphael was real, in some kind of way. Yes, it was a dream, but Simon was awake at the same time. It was something he couldn't explain to anyone else, no one would believe him anyway. It was supernatural and you couldn't explain it to other humans. But Simon knew it was real, and even if Raphael decided not to come back anymore, Simon would hold this memory forever.