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If you leave here
Before the rain lets up
Only the cold waits for you
Don’t go
Nam Woohyun was awakened by the endless, repetitive striking sound, which made the blood vessels on his temple pulse. He blinked several times and opened his eyes; the first thing he caught was Sunggyu’s short, curly blond hair. “Like sunrise,” he thought to himself, and reached out to touch it.
“The blond hair suits you. Why are you wearing white? Is the storm still going on?”
“Don’t be silly. I always wear white; and it never rains here.” Sunggyu took his hand, slim fingers wrapped around his palm- too soft, too cold- making his spine shiver suddenly. He pulled him into a sitting position; the other hand supporting his waist, and tilted his head up, “Hear the cheers, the drums, the strings. Because the show is going to start!”
Woohyun carefully stretched his aching body and looked up; it was the brightest storm he had ever seen, indeed. They were on a small stage that was wrapped in a transparent bubble, floating in the air; and there were hundreds of dim bubbles like this around them. The audience’s cheers and shouts were like thunder, their faces blurred by fog and the torches they held flying like fireflies. The stars lit up the sky; or were they actually dotted light showering down from the dome? That would make it even more splendid. He felt the pain in his chest dull.
Sunggyu smiled at him and leapt up, the wide collar of his white silk shirt dropped off his collarbone, barely hung over his shoulder,
“I knew you would like it.”
Woohyun struggled up, loosened his hand and began to feel panic.
“Where are we? And why are we here? I shouldn’t be here, should I?”
But Sunggyu wouldn’t let him go, fingers tightened and voice tangled around him with all Woohyun’s senses blooming like a clematis flower.
“This is the island of Ogygia, and I am your Calypso. Don’t go, and sing with me. Here I promise you love, happiness and forever.”
“But I don’t know what to sing.” Woohyun hesitated.
“You know.” Sunggyu stared at him, his narrowed eyes half opened and challenging, “You always know and you always want.”
Then the spotlight flashed upon them and the rest of the world faded into darkness.
Look out the window
The world's in disarray
Only hurt waits for you
Don’t go
“Wake up.”
Woohyun felt his forehead being pricked a dozen of times, the back of his head being hammered hundreds of times, and his chest being ripped open and punched thousands of times.
“Don’t sleep.”
Like he was able to sleep; it was too painful to anyway! It was not his fault that every bone and muscle in his body was paralysed and his senses, and his consciousness had leaked away like waves through sand.
“Open your eyes now or you will regret it forever!”
He opened his eyes almost reflexively. His hand flinched, to cover them from light, but there was none. Piercing through the heavy, sticky darkness, he could hear the storm, the true storm, the mechanical drumming on the ground above them, ruthlessly devouring them all. He shivered. Something dry and warm touched his shoulder. Immediately he raised his hand and grabbed the slim wrist. A surge of pain from the sudden movement caused him to groan and his hold to stiffen.
“Has the wound worsened? Myungsoo said there might be itchiness but the pain should lessen a bit.” Sunggyu paused before continuing, “I will call for help.”
Now he had adapted to the dark environment, Woohyun could see Sunggyu clearer. He frowned deeply, soft brown hair dishevelled and black leather armour ripped places.
“No need!” He rushed out and panted, “Stay with me. It was just a nightmare.”
“Take this. “ Sunggyu took out a small transparent bottle of blue liquid from his pocket to put it next to Woohyun’s mouth, let him sip one third, and reserved it aside. “Drinking too much painkiller might cause drowsiness. Myungsoo has located where the cure is, and he will get a hold of it once the storm has ceased. You need to stay awake, otherwise your neural system will get damaged, at least that was what the doctor said.”
Woohyun breathed hard. The painkillers hadn’t done their magic yet, and so he tried to distract himself, ”Where are the others?”
“Dongwoo has gone to the deeper part of the underground to contact other groups of androids. Sungjong is currently attending Sungyeol’s wound. “
“Sungyeol got hurt as well? When?” He used his elbow to support his body up and groaned loudly.
“Don’t move. You were in a much worse state than him.” Sunggyu pressed him down and he now could see a chip on Sunggyu’s jaw, a metallic blue glow dimming inside.
“What’s that?” Sunggyu quickly covered the lower half of his face, “It’s nothing.”
“He tried to get out to the ground when we knew which hospital stored the cure.” Sungjong approached them, examining the wound on his chest carefully, and re-bandaging it.
“That’s suicidal,” He bit at his lips and looked at Sunggyu unbelievingly, “To get into the storm.”
“The storm isn't the issue. The electronic attack operated by the humans on this city caused the storm, so we always linked the storm with the attack, but I could sense that the storm wound linger even when there is an interval of attack. I had to try.” Sunggyu hurried to explain; Sungjong shook his head and left them.
The medicine had finally kicked in and Woohyun found it a bit harder to concentrate. He tried to shake off his dizziness and Sunggyu brushed his fingers through his hair:
“So your nightmare. Were we attacked in it?”
“No. It started quite dreamy.” Remembering the lights, the cheers, the performance, Woohyun smiled a little bit, “We were humans and sang for the android audiences. They absolutely loved it!”
“Such an irony.” Sunggyu sighed quietly, a hand touched his own throat without noticing it, ”Us androids will always enjoy good music, whilst humans turn against us the moment we show any creativity, like music, like art. They prefer weapons, fearing some kind of AI fabricated war upon them, when they themselves cause strife and violence everyday.” Then he patted Woohyun’s head lightly, “I'm guessing you sang beautifully in your dream.”
“I did, and so did you. We sang an amazing duet. Maybe you should try to sing again, since I used to love your voice. I know your systems got damaged and your functions were modified long before, but if we experimented with some new algorithms…”
“Not worth it.” Sunggyu interrupted him, “I don’t care anymore. So why was it a nightmare then? It sounds like quite a sweet dream to me.”
Woohyun frowned at the quick change on topic and tried to recall his dream. They were singing, then something shocked him out of it. What was it anyway? He mumbled to himself and pushed his palm against his temple really hard.
“Just drop it.” Sunggyu pursed his lips and tried to hug him. With a loud crash, the underground began to collapse not too far away from them, and rain poured down into the tunnel. A tall forest of neon lights filled the water’s reflection like molten glass, dripping through the ground's wounds. So colourful, so dangerous. Woohyun felt all his wounds tear up again and the pain doubled with its return. He hadn’t realised he was screaming until Sungjong rushed over to soothe him.
“You guys follow me! I know somewhere safe!” He heard Dongwoo shouting.
“I need to fetch something.” He heard Sunggyu telling him.
Don’t go! Stay! He tried to grab something but ended with empty hands; he wanted to shout but his consciousness was slipping away one more time.
“I’m not stupid enough to go up there to the hospital; I will wait until sunrise. I need something else and will be back soon.” He heard Sunggyu’s words, but his dam was crashing down and there was no hiding from the wind and from the waves.
Look out the window.
The world is collapsing.
No one waits for you, no.
Woohyun knew he had returned to his dream when he saw Sunggyu kneeling beside him, curly blond hair, silky white shirt, hugging him in exactly the same position before the bomb dropped and the ground collapsed, jaw line smooth and immaculate. He touched it.
”Is this all my imagination?” Kim Sunggyu laughed hard at his words.
“I thought you would have understood me better.” He rose up slowly, and looked down at him, chin lifted high, so arrogant, so distant. But his lips were pouted and his soft eyebrows knitted together, so soft, so coquettish.
“I will always love to sing. I shan’t stop unless I die. You said that you would stay with me and sing with me, forever.” He stretched out his arm to him, his fingertips touching Woohyun’s cheeks, as lightly as butterflies on an early spring morning, and smiled.
Then Nam Woohyun remembered. They used to have their own unnamed yet popular band which played in a small, derelict but crowded bar every night. Sunggyu, usually wearing one of various white shirts, with metal studs and dangling chains, had said he wanted to dye his hair dirty blond. Woohyun thought that he would look gorgeous with the colour, under the dark and warm orange light, but instead he teased that he should dye his own hair bright red, so they would be a brilliant match and could name their band after their favourite Chinese takeaway, tomato and eggs stir-fry. Sunggyu tried to punch him, but he managed to avoid each blow nimbly with little effort.
Then they started to play, him a guitar in hand while he shook his head like a mad lion, as Sunggyu held his mic gently and breathed into it. Or they would sing a string of beautiful chords, hitting tricky notes so long and steadily that all the audience clapped. There was always an audience, so many of them, both humans and androids, some totally wasted and others who could still walk in a fairly straight line, cheering for them and asking for one more song.
Sunggyu’s voice was like cider and Woohyun’s voice was like milk, they had claimed. He still didn’t know what cider tasted like, since it wasn't something suitable for androids, but he imagined it must be like the first ray of sunlight in a winter morning or the coolest breeze of wind at a summer night. It must taste like hope. After the performance, they were so tired, but their adrenaline ran so high that they kept chatting over glass after glass of cheap alcohol for the whole night. He had a bubbly feeling bottled inside him, that they would fly immensely high, before things had turned dramatically southward and they fell down, down, down, down. Sunggyu had lost his ability to sing, and with it, he had lost his hope.
“We didn’t choose the war. The war had chosen us. All the responsibility, all the burden, it clamped us down heavier and suffocated us more everyday. Kim Sunggyu, outside in the darkness, would never sing again, even with his body repaired and algorithms fixed. But here, here is paradise.” He waved his hand around and Woohyun’s gaze followed his gesture: the cheers, the lights, the sky, everything they had wanted back then. “We can pick up our dream and mend it to shine brighter. This will be our garden that never withers, our safe haven from the darkness and storms.”
Woohyun stood up and Sunggyu approached him impossibly close. He sang by his ear.
Can you stay?
Can you stay?
On our own island just you and me
It was subtle, only a whisper, but he could hear it so vividly.
Can you stay?
Can you stay?
When you've lost your way
He had no other choice but to sing along with him. All lights were on them and the pain faded away; all the cheers sent his spirit beyond the clouds. Old memories bloomed and he felt like they had returned to that small bar he had cherished so much, with him blowing a kiss to Sunggyu and getting a wink in return. This might even be better, that they were like two stars only revolving around one another among the endless background of the universe. Surrounded by fireworks. Woohyun thought he might be able to touch the concept of eternity, only the next second he had realised they were not fireworks. They were explosions.
“What’s that?” He asked Sunggyu.
“It’s nothing.” Sunggyu turned his head away from him.
Such familiar dialogue, he laughed at himself helplessly. Now he recalled how he had been kicked out this fantasy dream last time. They were in one of the bubbles floating in the air, and other bubbles around them had started to explode. Like his old dreams. Like his current illusions. Like the reality outside this utopia. All shuttered into dust. That’s why he had called this a nightmare.
“This is not going to last, right? My wound is getting worse and my body won’t hold on much longer, so reality is leaking into my dreams and now even my dream world is decaying. All your words of endlessness are a lie.” Nam Woohyun crouched down, hammered his fist on the ground, then stood up again wandering around the bubble stage, kicking everything in his way, and throwing small items around. Instruments and mic stands knocked loudly into each other, glass shattering and cutting his foot when he passed by. Kim Sunggyu just sat on the floor quietly, with his head down, totally shutting away the outside world.
“Of course he gave no reaction; he was your imagination anyway,” Woohyun thought to himself sarcastically, although he still didn’t dare getting any closer to him. He was so angry he wanted to smash anything he saw, yet he feared Sunggyu would get hurt or fade from his nightmare in the blink of an eye. He walked to the edge of the stage, and pushed hard on the transparent wall that kept them safe, kept them captured. “Why can’t I escape? Why haven’t I woken up already?” He picked a camera up from the ground and hurled it with all his strength towards the wall. “I need to return to reality now. I need to return to my group! Why can’t I?”
“Because you don’t want to leave here.” Woohyun turned around and saw Sunggyu standing several steps away in front of him, staring at him calmly. “You are the creator of this sub-space. You shape all things around here in your mind piece by piece. You won’t enter here if you don’t want to, and you can’t leave here unless you are willing to.”
Woohyun lowered his head. Sunggyu moved even closer to him, dress shoes clicking elegantly on the floor.
“And be honest with yourself,” he continued, “What kind of life is waiting for you in reality? Endless pain and directionless wandering with no place to be called home? Surrounded by the ones you call family, but constantly make you feel disappointed, with them and with yourself?”
Woohyun ground at his teeth, ”But it’s all my fault. It’s not your fault or anybody else’s.”
Sunggyu raised his eyebrow. “It might not be my fault, but you are definitely not happy about my choice. “
“You always chose the harder path, and made promises that are so difficult to keep.” Now Woohyun found he could not stop. ”You never listened when I told you to stay. You never looked back or tried to sing again. How can I believe that you will bring me back to the bar one day? The struggle seems everlasting!” He found his sight became blurry and hot tears rolled down his cheeks.
“I am sorry. Everything will be fine. You just needs some rest.” Sunggyu closed the gap and hugged him tightly. “This land might not be able to last forever, but time within a dream always feels longer. There are so many bubbles and this one will be the last to explode. Before it, we can still sing, sing to the end.” His voice cracked a little bit, so Woohyun wondered whether he was crying too, but he didn’t dare to check.
Don't leave until the sun rises again
This place can be our all till the world ends
Sunggyu sang softly and Woohyun sang with him. He felt tired and wanted to close his eyes.
So please hold on don't fall asleep till then
Till the end
Suddenly Woohyun jolted, and his body recognised it before his mind did. This was not the voice of Sunggyu anymore. He tried to focus; he could tell that the voice did not belong to the Sunggyu he had been imagining, whose voice became deeper and a bit coarse. The voice was from the depths of his memory, from their golden time performing in the bar.
“Sorry, my Calypso, my Ogygia, but I need to go home now. Because my Penelope has called.” He opened his eyes and the dreamland faded away. All the coldness, darkness, pain and hurt returned and he embraced them happily. His whole body now had been soaked by sweat, and he panted like he had gone through a marathon. That was close, he thought, since he had just gone through an Odyssey. He tried to sit up but a hand pressed him down and wiped his face with a piece of cold cloth. Sunggyu, Sungjong and Dongwoo all sat around him. The song played again and again in the background.
“Where is the singing from?” Sunggyu opened his palm and a small black square box laying there.
“It’s a recording, from before.“
“And you alway keep it with you?” Sunggyu nodded and a ray of sunshine painted his hair, a shade of shining blond.
Finally the sun rose.
And I’ll kiss you
Kiss you kiss you Oh