Archive of Our Own

-Now, one of those nights-

2:30 a.m., 3rd of September, Armin thought sleepily when he heard soft noises coming from the living room downstairs. Weekday.

He cast a look outside his dark bedroom window, adding to his mental notes: Clear sky. Waxing crescent. A quick glance at his phone. And an outside temperature of 71.6 °F

Sitting up, Armin grabbed the blue notebook hidden in the drawer of his night table before quietly heading downstairs to check before writing anything down whether Eren was just rummaging through the living room or doing “it” again...

-Back then-

“One day, when we are grown up…”

Buying our own amusement park

was written in somewhat crooked but confident letters on the first page of the notebook.

This first official entry was made on the evening of Eren's eighth birthday. Along with his parents, he and Armin spent the day at Rosewood Amusement Park, and it was perfect in every way, with laughter and music surrounding them, with pieces of funfetti cake covered in chocolate fudge made by Eren’s mom, with their fingers sticky from pizza and fries, and traces of milkshakes decorating their smiling mouths like lipstick, and with endless amounts of fun on the many rides of the park.

As Eren was the birthday boy and already a little adrenaline junkie chasing speed and stomach flips, they ran from one roller coaster to the next. Armin bravely accompanied his best friend onto every single one of them, though he often returned rather pale-looking and with wobbly steps.

In the late afternoon, they discovered a ride they both could not get enough of: the log flume

Round after round, they sat in the tree trunk-shaped boats (Eren in front, Armin behind him), brimming with excitement whenever the ride would jolt to life and start carrying them up the railway. They held their breath each time they reached the top, enjoying a magnificent view of the park area for a moment before the log dipped and rushed down, sending their stomachs lurching as they held onto the boat’s side (a few times, it was also Eren’s waist that Armin held onto) while cheering and (in Armin’s case) occasionally shrieking.

The water splashed around them, sparkling like a shower of crystals in the sunlight. With hair and shirts growing steadily wetter, they immediately dashed back to the line after each round.

As evening settled in, Eren's parents announced that it was time to start going home, as the park would soon be closing.

This was met with loud howls of protest, as both boys felt that 13 trips on the log flume were not nearly enough.

“I’ve got an idea,” Eren whispered in Armin's ear. “Let's hide and stay here all night!”

After one last round on the water ride, they sneaked away instead of returning to Eren’s parents.

Armin was all up for the adventure of secretly extending their stay. To his dismay, however, Eren chose the park's haunted house as their hiding place for the night.

It had been creepy enough for Armin to walk through this ride during the day, with his eyes cast to the ground so he didn’t have to face all the monsters and scary things in there.

The idea of spending an entire night in there felt like a nightmare.

In the end, it was Armin's terrified scream that gave them away after a mere five minutes. As they crouched between the spooky figures, Armin got his elbow caught in a giant spider web, which was of course just a part of the ride and not an actual web, but felt sticky enough to create the illusion that you are about to get grabbed by a monstrous tarantula any second.

As a result, one of the park’s security workers, who was about to close the haunted house, discovered them.

“Wouldn't of done you much good to spend the night in the park anyway,” explained the blond man, whose name tag identified him as Mr. Hannes, with a good-natured wink as he led the two boys outside and back to Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger, Eren looking very defiant, Armin rather embarrassed. “The ride’s shut down overnight.”

Later that evening, they sat in the tree house in the garden of the Jaeger residence, reminiscing about the best moments of the day as the sun hovered over the horizon, a glowing fireball of orange and red.

Right there, they decided that they would buy their own amusement park.

One day, when they were grown up.

“Then we can stay there all day and all night!” Eren beamed.

“And we’ll never have to wait in line,” Armin agreed happily.

Since it would certainly take quite a while before they had enough money to buy their own amusement park, they decided to write this dream down to keep track of it.

That evening, the dream journal was born.

Armin had received the beautiful notebook from his grandfather as a Christmas present some months ago. It was bound in a thick, dark-blue cover that felt both sturdy and smooth. Right in the center of the cover, there was a small white cloud floating, with an even smaller rainbow rising from it.

Many times, Armin had picked up the book with quiet admiration, wondering what to write in it. It was of such fine quality and clearly meant for something more special than everyday notes.

In case he'd spontaneously come up with a suitable use for it, Armin carried the book with him almost everywhere and also had it with him that evening in Eren's tree house.

“It's a very important goal, after all,” said Armin, opening his backpack to take out the notebook. 

Its weight made it feel important and appropriate for the occasion.

In big letters, Armin captured their dream on paper.

Then, to demonstrate their seriousness, they both added their signatures to the page.

“We should write down everything in here that we want to do when we are grown up,” Armin suggested, and Eren nodded eagerly.

Many years later, Armin still remembered the scene in vivid detail.

The orange glowing sky, the warmth of the setting sun, the scent of freshly cut grass and tree leaves; their faces glowing with excitement as they beamed at each other, and that tender feeling that seemed to fill every part of Armin's body and mind, sweeter than ice cream and chocolate combined.

They sat there, feeling deeply connected to each other in that moment that was the pure magic of childhood, looking toward the future, which surely held only good things in store for them.

Over the next years, more and more pages of the book were filled with dreams they shared.

Discover our own island (and maybe a buried treasure while we’re at it)

Build a time machine (to relive the best days of the past and see dinosaurs)

Build a huge tree house that we both can live in

Make our own video game (which would have to combine both survival horror and cozy farming vibes to satisfy both of their favorite genres)

Become a pro skater (Eren)

Become a veterinarian (Armin)

Win the NASCAR Cup (Eren)

Write my own book series (Armin)

Become an astronaut (Eren)

Become a movie director (Armin)

The dreams that belonged to only one of them left them a bit worried, as they had planned to continue doing everything together once they were adults.

But Armin didn't cope particularly well with moving at high altitudes.

When he had flown out on a vacation with his family, the hours high above the earth had left Armin restless and tense. He had been deeply relieved when the plane had finally touched down.

So if the sky already caused him trouble, how could he ever accompany Eren into space if Eren was to become an astronaut?

But in the end, they always found a solution to turn their plans into a shared adventure.

“If you can’t come to space with me, I’ll bring you a piece of a meteor. And some star dust,” Eren promised Armin solemnly.

Eren also declared that if he were to discover a new planet, he’d name it after a combination of both their names.

They also found a way to include Eren in Armin’s dream to become a movie director.

Armin had first suggested that Eren should become an actor, so Armin could hire him for his films.

However, Eren was convinced that he would not be able to memorize so many lines and generally did not like the idea of having to pretend to be someone else. He even avoided participating in school plays whenever he could.

Eventually, Armin came up with the perfect solution. “You’ll be a stuntman! You won’t have to speak any lines, just do all the super cool action scenes!” 

“Oh, I’d like that!” Eren’s face shone with anticipation, and Armin promised to make sure that the script of his future films would be packed with many dramatic action scenes that would make the audience go uuuh and aaah.

As soon as they were grown up…

Not all dreams had to wait for adulthood.

Like the one to conquer a mountain.

Mount Sonho was located an hour east of their hometown and towered at a height of more than 2,600 feet in the green countryside. Through their children’s eyes, it might as well have been 26,000 feet, so enormous did it loom before them.

“What's at the top?” Armin asked during a trip when Eren and he were sitting in the back seat of the Arlert’s car while passing Sonho.

“Nothing,” replied his dad. “That part's untouched. There used to be plans to build hiking trails all the way to the summit at some point, but the upper parts are just too steep for anyone to reach.”

Eren had stared at the mountain intensely before saying, “I bet we could reach the top, even without any trail.”

“Maybe, but it’d be dangerous, and like I said, there’s nothing worth seeing up there, boys. Well, apart from he view itself, I assume.”

Armin found the very fact that the place was untouched most exciting.

He scooted closer to Eren. “We could be the first people to go up there,” he whispered.

“Yeah.” There was a conspiratorial grin tugging at Eren’s lips.

Of course, their parents thought climbing all the way up there was too dangerous because they didn’t know how to do it. Parents didn't climb mountains, trees, or fences or anything, really.

Admittedly, Armin himself was not the most skilled climber, but this would be an important expedition that also required scientific expertise. If geologists and cartographers had managed to ascend Everest and K2, he surely could do the same with Mt. Sonho.

“One day, we'll make it to the top,” they both decided, and a little later that day, they wrote down this goal their dream journal.

One bright afternoon in spring, at the age of eleven, they set their plan in motion.

Without informing their parents where they were heading, they took the train to the countryside, with water bottles in Armin's backpack and raincoats in Eren's, and no other equipment except a whole lot of determination and confidence.

The first half hour up the mountain was not particularly challenging. There were still paved paths beneath their feet, the air was pleasantly mild, and a spicy scent of plants and herbs filled the air.

They felt very heroic once they left those paths, now marching through the wilderness consisting of grass, scree, and scattered woodlands.

It took about another half hour before they began to deeply regret their idea.

The slope was relentless, and even Eren, with his strong legs and endless stamina, started panting. At times, they had to crawl on all fours and hold onto grass, plants, and trees to prevent themselves from slipping.

Their clothes became dirtier by the minute, while a patchwork of mosquito bites and scratches spread on their bare arms and legs.

Armin’s vision blurred with tears more than once. Each step sent fire through his calves, a sharp stitch gnawed at his side, and he simply lacked the strength that Eren possessed to keep pushing forward.

Still, Armin refused to give up or to be the first one to suggest they should give up.

Eventually, they lost all sense of time, and since the last stretch of the mountain was covered in thick forest, they could no longer tell how far away the summit was. Armin felt as if it took him entire minutes to take one step, and finally reached the point when it felt impossible to carry on.

He was about to tell Eren in a weak voice that he should leave him behind, as Armin was only holding him back.

Eren had to reach the top and live to tell their story.

With tired eyes, Armin cast an exhausted look around their current surroundings, wondering whether a memorial would be built at this very spot in remembrance of how far he had made it up the mountain before it brought him to his knees and whether his parents would be very cross with him during his funeral for having died while doing something forbidden.

Before he could voice any of these dramatic thoughts, Eren was suddenly behind him, putting his hands on Armin's shoulders and pushing him forward.

“We can do this.” Eren's voice sounded as strained as if he were biting into granite. “We’ll make it up there, together, you hear me!”

As Armin stumbled ahead with Eren’s support, tears came to his eyes once more, this time out of emotion at having such a loyal best friend who would not abandon him to perish in this cruel wilderness.

Eventually, the forest thinned out, and suddenly they saw bright blue sky ahead of them. The top was mere yards away.

“We made it.” Eren stopped in astonishment, his eyes big. “We made it!” he exclaimed once more, and to Armin’s surprise, Eren himself sounded quite close to tears.

Now that the goal was within reach, they covered the last few steps with surprising ease. 

Eren grabbed Armin's hand, pulling Armin with him, and together they stepped onto the house-sized grass-covered area that was the summit. 

All they wanted to do was drop down and catch their breath, but first things first.

“Flag?” Eren asked, and Armin took his blue and yellow striped backpack off his shoulders to pull out the flag they had made the day before.

One half of the flag was green (Eren’s favorite color), the other half was blue (Armin’s favorite color), with an intertwined E and A at the center.

With a grand gesture, they stuck the flag into the earthy ground together, smiling at each other, their hands touching in the process.

(Years later, it occurred to them that they were probably not really the very first people to ever set foot on this part of the mountain, but, even in retrospect, this knowledge did not diminish how special the moment had felt).

Eren then took the rain coats out of his own black backpack, spreading the fabric out on the ground for them to sit on.

Utterly worn out but also immensely proud, they sat next to each other, admiring the fantastic view of the surrounding forests and towns, which they had been too busy to pay any attention to during their climb.

A small part of Armin that was not about to collapse from exhaustion felt almost weightlessly happy to be here with the boy who was the person he liked best in the world and his fellow explorer of uncharted territories. It was wonderful to know that he’d have Eren by his side for all future adventures to come.

“At least it'll be a little easier going downhill.” Eren eventually sighed at the thought of the long way home ahead of them. “Just wish we had brought something to eat. I'm starving!”

With a smile, Armin unzipped his backpack once more, revealing his hidden treasures: two chocolate milk drinks, two green apples, a bag of crackers, and a packet of string cheese.

“Oh my god, I love you!” Eren exclaimed, and Armin’s ears suddenly tingled with heat.

Before making their way down later, Armin opened his backpack one last time to pull out their dream journal to put a check mark under the conquer a mountain dream.

- Whispers in the Dark-

When Junior High started, their dreams remained big.

Also, something peculiar soon started happening during the nights.

Shortly after Armin's 13th birthday, Eren stayed overnight at Armin's house, as usual. They had a sleepover at one of their places almost every weekend.

A second mattress was brought out for the occasion at the Jaeger household, while in Armin’s room, the boys spent the night sharing the sofa there, which could be converted into a double bed.

Both parents had occasionally joked that they might as well build additional bedrooms in their homes, as it was almost impossible to separate their boys for more than a few days.

It was a night like any other: they played video games, watched a movie on Armin's laptop, ate the many chips and candies they had secretly stashed in the room, and eventually fell asleep in the middle of laughing and whispering.

What was different this time was that Armin woke up some hours later when Eren placed a hand on his shoulder.

The room was pitch dark as it was the middle of the night, and when Armin turned on the lamp standing beside the sofa bed, he stared in disbelief and alarm at the sight next to him.

There sat Eren, his green-blue eyes wide with fear, clutching his knees. Armin had never seen his best friend like this.

“What's going on?” Armin whispered anxiously.

“You...you were talking in your sleep,” Eren managed to say.

“Really?”

“Yes. At first, I didn't know what was going on! I thought you were asleep and that someone else was talking!”

“What did I say?”

“You said, ‘I see you ’,” Eren muttered, and then blurted out, “That was creepy, man!”

“Creepy?” Armin repeated in surprise.

“Yes! Imagine lying in a dark room, knowing everyone around is asleep, and then suddenly hearing someone say, ‘I see you !’” It was terrifying!”

“Oh,” Armin said, dismayed. “I'm sorry!”

And they both had to laugh, because Eren was never scared, and the idea that shy and gentle Armin, of all things and people, had frightened him was extremely funny.

“So, what did you see in your dream that made you say this?” Eren inquired once they had calmed down.

“No idea,” Armin said truthfully. “I can’t remember having dreamed anything at all. How weird. I wonder whether this has happened before.”

They never found out whether it had happened before, but soon realized that Armin had more to say during his sleep.

During every night that they spend together, Eren would try to stay awake longer than Armin, which wasn’t much of a task. Eren was a whirlwind, and nightfall did little to slow his boundless energy, while Armin would start to doze off around midnight.

For fun, Eren started writing down whatever he heard Armin say in his sleep somewhere in the middle pages of their dream journal.

The next day, they’d have a lot of fun fantasizing about what Armin might have dreamed that would explain his latest comments, as most of the time, Armin had no clue what images his mind had conjured up the night before.

Sometimes, it was just single words that fell from Armin’s sleeping lips.

Good

Thanks

Okay

Other times, he’d utter full sentences.

I’ll do that tomorrow.

It’s raining.

And once, funnily enough, I’m not tired.

“We were about to make pizza,” Eren concluded one morning, reading out Armin’s latest late-night statement ‘We need to get cheese’ from the dream journal.

“But not just any cheese,” Armin suggested. “The last piece of cheese in a post-apocalyptic world.”

“Of course.” Eren grinned. “We want to make one last pizza on this earth and have to infiltrate a supermarket surrounded by zombies to get the ingredients!”

Another morning, the sentence they discussed was “It’s very pretty.”

“Clearly, you were looking at the giraffe I made last week,” stated Eren with a wry grin. For last week’s art project, Eren had crafted a giraffe that their teacher had not been too fond of. “Not many people were willing to recognize its beauty.”

“Well, you gave it huge round ears and wings,” Armin said. “And a tophat. I think it didn’t fit Miss Zoe’s idea of ‘biologically accurate’.

“Bah, she just didn’t get the vision.”

“As pretty as that masterpiece was, I think it’s more likely I was looking at the new city library they’re building in my dream. With a chocolate fountain and sky-high bookshelves!”

“And a slide from the top of the shelves all the way down,” Eren added with a laugh. He then made a face as if he had bitten into a piece of lemon. “Or…maybe you were dreaming of a girl who was wearing a pretty dress, or earrings, or something equally dumb!”

Armin shook his head indignantly. “I never dream things like that!” 

“How would you know! Most of the time you can’t remember what you dreamed!” teased Eren and threw a pillow at him.

Armin didn’t mind Eren hearing his sleepy whisper, as it always seemed to be very harmless things he told the world at night.

As time went on, however, Armin started to worry about the dreams he could occasionally remember…and the things he might say in those dreams.

Like: 

You have a beautiful smile.

I like you so much.

Or: I want to kiss you.

If Eren heard him say such things, would he know that Armin was dreaming about him?

- Steps between two Worlds -

Once they started high school, the dream book was rarely opened.

It hadn't been forgotten, but there were many other things on their minds now.

Perhaps it was also because their dreams had become less exciting and fantastical.

By the time you were preparing for college, you had a good sense of which goals in life were possible and which were not.

Many things changed during those years. They themselves changed, too.

They became a little more mature. A little quieter, a little less dreamy.

Maybe…well, maybe a little less hopeful and more realistic. Childhood was officially over.

What remained the same was their friendship.

The secret feelings Armin had for his best friend also remained.

Eren was the first to suggest that they should move in together after they both received acceptance letters from the same college.

Now that they were about to leave their parents' homes for the first time, it seemed only natural that they would look for a place to share.

“It’s gonna be like a never-ending sleepover!” Eren grinned as he looked up all the real estate websites for students. “No one there to send us to bed or tell us it's time to be quiet. We can have pizza for breakfast if we feel like it and do whatever we want whenever we want. It's gonna be awesome!”

Armin wanted all that, too, of course.

Still, he had to deal with the question of whether it was wise to live with Eren when a part of him saw Eren as more than his best friend and an even smaller part hoped that Eren would one day feel the same way, even though it didn't look like it.

At parties, he had occasionally seen Eren flirt with girls, though it was usually the girls who took the first step, as far as Armin could tell. Eren had grown quite a bit in high school, and girls seemed to find his athletic physique just as fascinating as the contrast of his bright eyes and his dark hair.

Would he manage sharing a place with Eren if Eren started bringing home dates or even got into a relationship one day?

Ultimately, Armin decided that he had to find a way to cope with it. After all, Eren was the most important person in his life besides his family.

In addition, Armin could not resist the temptation of having his own place, free from parental supervision, while enjoying his best friend's company.

They found a neat duplex apartment near the outskirts of the city since it was almost impossible to get a room in the dorms, as those were largely reserved for foreign students. The place they found was affordable thanks to its far-off location. Two bedrooms nestled onto the upper floor, a narrow staircase leading to the lower one, with a cozy kitchen and a small bathroom.

The best thing was the rather spacious living room with its two windows and a door leading to a balcony just big enough for two chairs and a little shelf for an herb garden, Armin’s newfound hobby as well as pride and joy.

He loved taking care of the plants, watching them grow, and always having a handful of basil or parsley, a spring of thyme or rosemary in reach to top off a meal.

Living with his best friend was great fun. Having their own little kingdom, selecting furniture and decor their parents would never approve of, doing crazy food experiments, staying up entire weekends. They had studying sessions, managed to keep the place clean enough, and took care of each other when sick or overwhelmed from classes and side jobs.

After a while, Armin stopped worrying about how he might feel if Eren ever got a girlfriend. Very rarely, there were nights when Eren went out on his own and sometimes did not return until the morning. Armin didn't ask any questions and was glad that whatever was going on wasn't happening in their apartment.

As a college student, Armin too got approached by a girl here and there during class or at parties. The way Armin enjoyed this kind of attention was rather tied to having been somewhat of an outsider during high school than to genuine interest. Maybe he would have appreciated attention from male students more. The only one Armin would have liked for sure was Eren’s.

Luckily, there were many other things to do in college than to invest much thought into dating.

Their freshman year had just come to an end when Armin, who was picking up some letters from the mailboxes on the ground floor, was approached by Mrs. Lavender, a friendly neighbor in her 40s who lived in the same building in the apartment next door, and whose balcony overlooked theirs.

Armin greeted her kindly as he took various papers out of the mailbox.  Mrs. Lavender returned the greeting and then stopped, hesitating.  

There was something she would like to talk to Armin about if he had a moment, she said carefully, and Armin listened. 

So, last night, she had briefly gone out onto her balcony to get some fresh air. She had seen that Eren was also out on his balcony, and...well, she didn't want to tell Armin and Eren what to do or not to do in their own home, of course, and she found them both to be very pleasant neighbors…but…

…but maybe Armin could ask his partner to at least put on some underwear when he went out on the balcony at night? That would be very considerate toward his neighbors.

The shock had Armin drop all the letters in his hands.

“I know the weather’s been terribly hot the last days, but still...” Mrs. Lavender said when she saw Armin's incredulous and horrified face, and politely helped him pick up the mail from the floor.

This left Armin with two unpleasant and embarrassing tasks.

First, he had to explain to Mrs. Lavender that Eren was his roommate, not his partner.

Second, he had to deliver the disturbing message to Eren.

Why Eren had done such a thing was a mystery to Armin. None of them ever walked around naked in the apartment, and the idea that Eren would hang out on the balcony at night completely unclothed seemed absurd to him.

But why would their neighbor make up such a story?

Armin addressed the topic in the evening when they were in the living room, sitting on the grey-blue sofa there after dinner.

Eren's cheeks turned as crimson, just like Armin's, when Armin told him what Mrs. Lavender had witnessed. Armin hardly managed to look at Eren’s face while speaking out of embarrassment. 

“I… I don’t remember doing anything like that!” Eren looked horrified. He stared at the door leading to the balcony. “I really don’t. It’s not something I’d even consider doing!”

“Any chance you were under the influence of something?” Armin asked cautiously. They both drank at parties, Eren a little more than he did, but even after one too many, Eren had always managed to keep his clothes on so far.

Armin had never seen Eren touch any of the drugs that were generously offered at parties or around campus, but there’s a first time for everything…

Eren shook his head. “No.” He frowned. “Honestly, the only explanation I have is that I was sleepwalking. Happened to me a few times when I was a child.”

“You sleepwalked as a child?” Armin asked, eyes round in surprise. There weren’t many aspects of Eren’s life that he wasn’t aware of.

“Wasn't half as interesting as it sounds,” said Eren. “At least not from my perspective. It happened a few times when I was seven or eight. I didn't even notice that I had left my bed, nor could I remember doing it the next morning. Similar to when you used to talk in your sleep. Most of the time, I left my room and just wandered around the house a bit, doing unspectacular things.”

“Like what?” Armin asked, now curious. 

Eren shrugged. "Like turning faucets on and off, moving things around... and apparently, sometimes you could even have a conversation with me. When my parents found me walking around, I would sometimes recognize them when they were standing before me. Other times, I ignored them. They said I was even able to answer questions sometimes; other times, I just randomly talked about things to no one in particular. Or to the furniture. There were mornings when I remembered what I had dreamed those nights, but it was never anything unusual. At some point, it  just stopped.”

Apparently, it was back now.

From then on, two new rules were introduced.

Firstly, Eren started wearing boxers when going to bed.

Secondly, both the balcony door and the front door were locked at night, and the keys were kept in a safe place. Not only to avoid freaking out the neighbors, but also to protect Eren, so that he wouldn't get the idea to step out onto the street in the middle of the night or fail to realize in his dream that he was on a fourth-floor balcony and try to climb over the railing because he believed it to be a simple fence.

In addition, Armin took on the task of documenting Eren's behavior to identify possible patterns or triggers.

Whenever he found Eren was sleepwalking, Armon took notes on factors such as the weather, time, day of the week, and other details, as well as everything Eren did or said during such episodes.

Armin had never witnessed anyone dream-walking before and found it fascinating. Eren, too, got a little more interested after Armin had recorded a video of him wandering around at night, body awake but mind asleep, and showed it to him the next day.

“Freaky!” Eren commented as he watched himself standing in the dark kitchen, cutting the crust from a slice of toast before putting peanut butter and strawberry jelly on it and then leaving the room to place the sandwich into the bathtub. “God, this must be so weird for you!”

“A bit,” Armin admitted with a light laugh. “I wonder what you were dreaming about because that’s not an Eren-Sandwich.”

Eren never cut the crust from his sandwiches. Also, he wasn’t much of a PBJ fan.

“Yeah, not sure who I was making this for and why I wanted it in the bathtub. Well, maybe one day you can draw some conclusions from your notes. Maybe I only sleepwalk when there’s a full moon or when it rains or something like that.”

What Armin didn’t tell Eren was that he took those notes of observation in their old dream journal, near the end, where there were still some empty pages.

Armin assumed that Eren hardly remembered the dream journal from their childhood at this point, at least not consciously. It had been years since they had spoken of it, and even longer since they had held it in their hands together.

- Now, one of those nights - 

Clad in his oversized white sleeping shirt and blue rumpled shorts, Armin padded down the stairs into the small hallway, socks muffling his steps, careful not to startle Eren. Tucked under his arm were the dream journal and a pen.

He found his best friend and roommate sitting in black boxer shorts on the right edge of their sofa in the living room, his gaze fixed on one of the two windows, leaning forward slightly, forearms resting on his knees.

Eren’s posture was relaxed, and his face bore a peaceful expression. You might have assumed that Eren was awake and looking at the nighttime city outside, were it not for a certain distance in his gaze.

Someone who didn't know Eren well might not have detected anything unusual in his expression.

Armin, however, immediately noticed the absence of that vivid gleam that normally danced in Eren’s teal colored eyes, making them shine like a clear pond. Now there was a layer of fog over those usually clear waters, indicating that his spirit was wandering in other realms right now.

The soft light of the city at night fell through the two windows and the balcony door, bathing Eren's skin in a bright glow, highlighting the muscles on his body. A sight that stirred the quietest ache in Armin’s chest, shy, tender, and impossibly sweet.

Armin stopped at the other end of the sofa, standing still, waiting to see whether Eren would recognize him.

Depending on which dreamscape Eren’s mind drifted into during his sleepwalking episodes, Armin might be himself, another person, or a random object to him.

So as not to confuse Eren by suddenly transforming into a talking or walking tree, Armin always waited to see how Eren would react to his presence before doing anything.

Calmly, Eren turned his head to look at Armin, considering him for a moment; he then brought his gaze back to the nightly scene outside the window.

Armin took the opportunity to carefully sit down on the sofa, around six feet separating him from Eren on the other end.

Secretly, Armin appreciated these quiet moments when he had the opportunity to openly admire Eren in all his beauty.

His best friend had always stood a head taller and was naturally more built. In Armin's eyes, Eren had never changed much throughout their childhood and teenage years, but in the last two years, the shift from boy to man had been unmistakable.

Eren’s body was tall, lean, and defined by quiet strength, with muscles tracking his limbs and a six-pack carved across his abdomen. 

If it hadn't been for those small scars that were traces of their childhood, Armin wouldn't have recognized the wild, mischievous boy from back then in this picture.

A small white mark on Eren's wrist was a reminder of the surgery he had needed after breaking his wrist when he fell off his bike while racing down a hill. The jagged scar on his left shin, Eren had earned the day he had slipped while climbing a tree, and a broken-off branch had cut deep into his leg. The image of how much the wound had bled had Armin still shudder to this day.

Throughout their childhood, Armin had always been the one with long hair, but that title had been passed on to Eren, whose dark, smooth mane now reached past his shoulders.

To his mother's distress, Eren had also allowed the hair on his face to grow. The softest shadow of a beard had settled along his chin and upper lip. During every visit, Carla Jaeger lamented that Eren looked a little too rough and uncared for that way.

Armin thought that the style suited Eren (though he would never say that out loud, of course). It made Eren look more mature, which also fitted in with his now calmer nature.

As a child and teenager, Eren had had a temper that could flare up faster than a flicked lighter. Running headfirst into life, “act first, think later” had been his guiding principle, which had often enough steered him straight into trouble, whether he had been pushing the limits of his courage and strengths or had fought against unfairness.

Armin had always admired Eren’s fiery passion, but now appreciated this quiet, thoughtful Eren, who Armin didn't have to worry so much about getting himself into risky situations.

At the same time, a part of Armin missed the little Eren of the past; the one for whom, just like Armin back then, no dream had been too fantastic to achieve and for whom the word ‘impossible’ had not existed.

Armin's eyes fell on the small dark strand of hair curling behind Eren's left ear.

That little curl had been there as long as Armin could remember. It had outlived every haircut and change of style Eren had gone through, whether it was the unruly mop of his childhood, the longer strands descending his neck in high school, or the sleek, dark curtain Eren wore now.

The curl had always been the same length, and some years ago, Armin had found himself dreaming about tracing it with his fingers, to feel how soft it was (and then maybe let his finger run a little more down over the slender curve of Eren’s neck…)

It was the kind of dream that was meant to remain both unspoken and unwritten.

The tranquility of the living room, with its soft glow from the lights outside the nightly city and Eren's calm presence, created an almost meditative atmosphere, and Armin was lost in thought, staring outside the window where his little herb garden was growing, when Eren finally spoke.

“I can't find the sleeping bags,” Eren said. His eyes were still fixed on the window and the distance. His voice, too, seemed to come from far away. “I'm afraid I left them at home. Sorry.”

So, at least he recognized Armin as a person to talk to.

Armin carefully placed the dream journal in his hands onto the small wooden table in front of him. “Do we need sleeping bags?” he asked, curious to hear more details about the dream world Eren was currently wandering through.

“Yes,” Eren said with his faraway voice. “It gets quite cold at the lake at night, even in summer. You’ll see, Armin, the tent alone won’t be enough.”

Ah. So they were camping.

Armin’s heart made a little thump of delight, sending a wave of warmth through his body. So he was part of Eren's dream…

“Any idea where we put the towels?” Eren asked after a moment, now looking directly at Armin, whose pulse quickened. He wondered whether Eren saw him as closely in his dream as he saw Eren right now. “My hair’s still wet from swimming,” Eren added.

Amused, Armin looked at Eren's very dry hair.

“Towels are over there,” Armin tried, pointing to the pile of blankets next to Eren on the sofa, waiting whether Eren’s mind would conjure up the image of a towel from this suggestion.

Eren looked at the blankets next to him, considered them for some seconds, then picked up one of them. He lifted the piece of fabric and began to rub it gently over his hair and face.

Tender affection pooled inside Armin’s chest. There was something touching in this helpless action.

Eren kept “drying” himself for a while. Eventually, he put the blanket aside again and slowly rose from his seat.

Armin also stood up, ready to follow in case Eren left the room.

Eren walked around the table, past the TV, then stopped near Armin. “We really should have brought sleeping bags...” Eren muttered once more, his clouded eyes now fixed on nothing in particular.  

“Maybe...” Armin said softly, whispering almost, his eyes cast to the green carpet beneath him, “Maybe we could just sleep really close together, then we won’t be so cold.”

Under different circumstances, Armin would have never found the courage to make such a suggestion, afraid of how Eren would receive the idea, afraid that he would reveal too much of his hidden feelings.

In a dream, however, where things weren’t quite real, it seemed safe to express such desires that would never come true, knowing that Eren would not remember what Armin had said the next day or would at least not know that Armin had really said it.

Maybe Armin could tell Eren other things during those sleepwalking episodes that he would never dare to put into words during the day. Whisper out the truth to ears that would listen but not hear them outside this dream world…

“Good idea,” Eren agreed. “Sharing body heat would help.”

He stood still for some seconds, eyes now resting on the living room table in front of the sofa.

Armin waited patiently for what would happen next. Maybe Eren would head to the bathroom to go for a swim in the lake/bathtub.

But when Eren finally moved, he was walking straight toward Armin, who felt his heart drumming in his throat all of a sudden. 

Having Eren standing so close and barely clothed in front of him was a situation Armi hadn't counted on. He could feel the heat radiating from Eren’s body.

From this close proximity, he had to tilt his head back slightly to look into his best friend’s faraway face.

Armin’s breath hitched when Eren’s arms wrapped around his arms, shoulders, and neck.

His lips opened, but no sound came out. He stood in Eren's embrace, feeling warm, firm skin against his own. His forehead touched the spot between Eren's neck and chest.

Was this really happening? Maybe Armin was the one dreaming after all?

“Good night,” Eren whispered and closed his eyes.

Oh.

Armin hadn’t expected that it was already bedtime in Eren’s world by the lake.

Even less that Eren would actually try to go to bed in his dream and follow Armin’s suggestion to sleep closely together to keep each other warm.

While Eren stood there in tranquil stillness, Armin found himself trembling in his arms.

It had been a long time, years, since they had slept in the same bed, and surely never like this, with Eren holding him so close and gently.

Eren wasn't averse to physical contact, but when awake, no one would have described him as cuddly.

Which Armin sometimes thought was lucky, because if he had had to witness Eren pulling those girls he was sometimes flirting with at parties into his arms, caressing their hair or kissing them, Armin wasn’t sure whether he’d be able to deal with that.

Apparently, Eren was a lot more affectionate when asleep.

Or it was indeed just really cold in Eren’s dream at the lake.

Armin, for whom no lake existed, felt far from cold in this bare embrace during a summer night. The rush in his chest settled down as his body relaxed, his heart now beating less quickly, yet in a steady, deep rhythm.

There were no words for the bliss and sweet sensations that came with being in Eren’s arms, even when Eren had no real idea what he was doing.

Armin had to close his eyes for a moment to stop a secret tear from welling up in them. How often had he imagined being this close to his best friend and to not stopping there?

With a sigh, Armin opened his eyes again. As beautiful as this moment was, he had to put an end to it. If his dream dictated it, Eren might stand here half the night without moving.

Also, now that he was actually ready to sleep, it was only right to bring Eren back to bed.

“Eren,” Armin said softly, “I think the sleeping bags are in the other tent. Let’s go have a look?”

Eren opened his eyes and let go of him; Armin allowed himself a moment of regret.

“Alright,” Eren said, accepting Armin’s suggestion about a second tent.

Armin gently took him by the hand, grabbed the dream journal with his other hand from the table, and led Eren out of the living room and up the stairs to the bedrooms. Although Eren had no problem sleepwalking up or down stairs, Armin was always a little anxious about the idea.

Eren followed him, led by Armin, and the image of how many years ago Eren had taken him by the hand to help him up the last bit of Mt. Sonho came to Armin’s mind, bringing a smile to his lips.

There was something vulnerable about tall, strong Eren following him while holding on to him like this.

Armin entered Eren's room and led his best friend toward the bed. “Here are the sleeping bags.” He pointed to the mattress and sheets, hoping that Eren's mind would cooperate.

The bed sheets were black, with a giant hot dog printed onto the blanket as well as the two pillows. A birthday gift from Armin some years ago, as hot dogs were Eren’s favorite food when he was a teenager. It had mostly meant to be a joke gift, but Eren still used these sheets without a hint of irony.

Eren crawled into his bed without hesitation, to the right side and under the hot dog covers there.

He then lifted the left part of said covers while giving Armin a questioning look.

Apparently, the other half of the bed was the second ’sleeping bag’, which was intended for Armin.

“Um,” Armin made, half awkward, half amused, and somewhere between nervous and excited. 

He didn't know how to get out of the situation, nor could he think of an elegant solution for why he should have to leave if they were at a lake in the middle of the night.

Maybe the easiest way to bring Eren’s dream to a satisfactory end was indeed to just lie down for a moment.

Armin's hands shook a little as he placed the dream journal onto the night table before crawling into bed next to Eren, allowing his best friend to spread the covers over him.  

It was a bittersweet situation, being invited into Eren's bed in a way that didn't quite match the one Armin would sometimes dream of. 

Eren's sheets smelled similar to Armin’s - after all, they used the same detergent. Fresh, slightly floral, but also different, with a hint of fragrance that was Eren himself, and impossible to describe, but very comforting.

“Good thing you found the sleeping bags,” Eren mumbled. Then, his eyes fell shut, and he slid a little deeper under the covers so that he was at the same height as Armin. His bare shoulder touched Armin's.

The little dark curl behind Eren’s ear came into Armin’s view once again, and Armin quickly lowered his eyes so he wouldn’t feel the temptation of tracing it with his finger.

For a heartbeat, Armin considered actually spending the night here, so close to Eren and heavenly comfortable, but how should he have explained his presence the next day? Sure, it had been Eren who had invited him into his bed, but Eren wasn’t aware of what he was doing. Armin was.

It would not have been fair to take advantage of the situation.

With a heavy heart, Armin waited another minute or so, then rose as quietly as possible to not wake Eren, sliding out of the bed. He reached for the dream journal and left the room on tiptoes, casting one last glance back to his best friend, who was now deeply asleep.

Once he was back in his own bed, Armin found himself far too awake, his mind racing with the sweet and exciting feelings that were currently causing chaos in his mind and chest. 

He turned on the bedside lamp and began flicking through the dream journal, from his current observations of Eren's sleepwalking to the things Armin had said in his sleep some years ago, right back to the beginning.

Soon, Armin felt a little wistful with each page as his eyes glided over the big dreams Eren and he had had in their childhood.

Many dreams that had been abandoned.

One page in particular made him pause in sadness.

Getting a dog

This dream of his had come true on his twelfth birthday, but it had ultimately led to the end of Armin’s other dream of becoming a veterinarian.

Nox, half Labrador, half Spaniel, small and covered in silky black fur, had been a rescue from the shelter and become part of the family after stealing the hearts of the Arlerts during a visit there. 

Armin had happily gotten up early every morning to take Nox for a walk, diligently brushed his black fur until it shone, and taken his new little friend wherever he went, so that for a while, the duo that was Eren and he had become a trio.

This happiness had lasted six months only, when Nox suddenly began to tire quickly and withdrew more and more often to his dog bed with concerning whines.

After numerous tests and examinations, the results of which Armin had awaited each time anxiously, Nox had been diagnosed with a congenital heart defect, which was now becoming apparent and causing him to grow weaker almost by the day.

A very sad month had followed in which Armin had done everything in his power to help Nox get well. He had soothed and encouraged him when it was time to take his medication, had been by Nox’s side at every vet’s appointment, and had held him in his arms at night, face buried in Nox's silky fur as he desperately implored his little friend to stay strong.

In the end, none of it had helped. The day had come when the vet could do nothing else but put an end to Nox’s suffering.

Armin had cried, as had his mother, who held his hand while Armin stroked Nox one last time before his little friend closed his eyes forever.

The veterinarian had also looked sad, explaining that this was already the fourth animal he had had to put down that day. His job was often emotionally challenging, he had said, and on days like this, it was downright heartbreaking and depressing.

At that very moment, Armin had given up his dream of becoming a vet himself one day. Never would he be able to bear to be confronted so regularly with the death of a beloved pet and grieving owners.

Nox remained Armin's only dog. After a while, his parents had offered to get him a new pet, but Armin had refused, almost frantically. He couldn't risk going through something like that ever again, helplessly watching a friend suffer and have him dying in your arms.

Armin swallowed the lump in his throat and hastily turned the page until his gaze lingered on Eren's messy handwriting, which proclaimed that he wanted to become an astronaut.

Another thing that hadn't turned out as hoped.

Indeed, this hadn't just been a childhood dream. Eren had pursued the goal to explore space one day with honest effort for quite some years.

Armin remembered the afternoon in the summer before their first year of high school when they had sat in Eren's room, covering the walls with colorful posters of planets and galaxies.

“One day, I ’m gonna look at the world like this,” Eren had announced, carefully placing a stripe of tape onto the lines of a picture of the earth taken from the moon, the tip of his tongue in the corner of his mouth. 

“I’m gonna see it as it is, Armin. In its entirety. Without borders and cities and all that.” Yearning had shimmered in Eren’s eyes. ”Just imagine what it must feel like, to see our entire planet, looking as small as a marble, while knowing how much life there is, how many things are happening all at once there, while you float in a moment of total stillness, being neither up nor down, away from time…”

Armin had been amazed and delighted to hear such unusually poetic words from his best friend, and even more so when Eren really applied himself at school over the next years.

A STEM degree was a must if you wanted to have a chance to become an astronaut, and to get one, you had to make it to one of the best universities in the country. This, in turn, required top grades in math and physics.

Eren's physics grades had been a good average during his first two years of high school.

Armin had realized just how serious Eren truly was about this goal when Eren started enrolling in several supplementary courses and tutoring classes, something he had never done before.

His grades in physics had kept improving, eventually even outscoring Armin’s and those of the other top students in their term.

Eren became better - but ultimately, not good enough.

Whenever test results had been handed out, Armin had held his breath the moment he saw Eren look at the score out of the corner of his eye.

Sometimes, Eren had sighed with relief.

More often than not, however, he had put the paper down in silence.

Soon, Eren spoke less and less about wanting to explore space, and eventually, he stopped talking about it altogether. One day, all the planet and galaxy posters disappeared from the walls of his room.  

Eren had quietly accepted that this dream of his would not come true.

The few times Armin had timidly tried to bring up the subject, in case Eren wanted to talk about it, Eren had not responded.

And just a few pages of dream journal later, Armin found more words that made him pause despondently.

Write my own book series.

As a child and teenager, Armin had found so many ideas and stories in his head. Adventures and characters, dramatic dialogues and exciting developments had filled his thoughts, just waiting to be put on paper one fair day.

About a year ago, Armin decided that the day had finally arrived. It had been a rainy afternoon, and the rhythmic patter of waterdrops against the windows had seemed like a perfect soundtrack for creative activities.

With care and anticipation, Armin had set up a cozy corner between his bed and the window in his room. There, he had sat down on a beanbag with his laptop and a steaming cup of cocoa, waiting for the words to bubble out of him.

…only to come to the sobering realization over the next hours that everything that had appeared in his head in such clear forms and bright colors could not simply be grasped and packaged into written words.

Armin wrote essays with pleasure and flowing fingers, but between his imagination, with which he had conceived so many stories in his mind, and the white, empty paper in front of him, there seemed to be a chasm that Armin could not bridge.

The words did not bubble up from his thoughts, but rather fell hesitantly, one by one, unsure of where they should land.

Armin had wrestled his way through the first chapter, each sentence hard-won. By the time he had finally reached the end, the rain outside had long since faded into silence.

As Armin had read through what he had written so far, only one disillusioning word had come to his mind: cringe.

Armin had read hundreds of great books in his lifetime and had been outraged at himself for having dared to write such nonsense.

If he had had to judge the author based on these words as an outsider, Armin would have guessed a 13-year-old teenager who had just discovered his emo phase and drew most of his vocabulary from some fantasy opera.

Why on earth had he thought it necessary for every noun to need at least two adjectives? And these dialogues! The characters basically screamed with secondhand embarrassment!

It had been a humbling experience, and Armin had not dared to open this document on his laptop again ever since.

Subconsciously, he knew that every author had to start somewhere.

Writing skills were something that had to be developed and nurtured. Nobody put a magnum opus on paper on their very first writing attempt. How did the saying go? “You can't edit a blank page.”

If he wanted to get better, he had to keep writing.

And overcome his fear that he would still arrive at the conclusion that he had no talent after all...

With a deep sigh, Armin flipped back to the very first pages of the dream book, his heart suddenly heavy with melancholy.

Not only because some of their childhood dreams had remained unfulfilled, which in some cases had to be expected.

Of course, they’d never be able to buy their own amusement park, nor would they ever build a tree house large enough to live in.

No, what Armin grieved in that moment most was that time of wonder and innocence when they made such plans was gone.

The times of climbing tree houses and mountains, of sleepovers in the same room discussing the world and dreaming about their future.

Nowadays, their plans looked very different, and honestly, none of these got them as excited as those from back then.

Soon, both Eren and he would have to decide on their college majors. A task none of them felt truly comfortable with. Nothing had ever sparked Eren’s enthusiasm quite like the idea of becoming an astronaut, and these days, he never talked about what he would like to do.

Meanwhile, Armin might have had many ideas in his head for his own future career, but was worried he’d end up choosing wrong. Whenever he thought he had found his calling, he’d change his mind a week later.

Well, and there was something else that Armin missed dearly about those days when they had whispered and talked about big and exciting plans: 

The time when it had been just the two of them; when it had been crystal clear to them that Eren and he would remain best friends forever and never be separated, sharing every adventure, every high and low to come.

Of course, they still spent lots of time with each other; after all, they now even lived together.

But now…there were fewer adventures, less extraordinary things. Adult life clearly lacked the magic of childhood.

Even if they couldn’t own a giant tree house, it would have been nice to climb into one again, just for old time’s sake, to sit and talk and reminisce, to feel like children again who thought nothing was impossible in life.

But of course, they were too grown up for that, and the treehouse in the garden of Eren’s parents, where they had spent so much time as children and written down their very first dream of having their own amusement park, was long gone.

The things they did together nowadays were nice, sure, just less spectacular. Living together was still fun, just no longer a never-ending slumber party as they had imagined it to be.

Eren and he watched movies together in the evening on the sofa or at the movie theatre, went out with their friends and to parties, played video games together, went swimming in the summer, or hung out by the river in the park.

And one day, even that would fade.

Whenever they made plans for the future now, not only were those no longer fantastical, but they also no longer included both of them.

One day, when college was over, they would no longer be roommates. They would get jobs, find their own apartments... and sooner or later, partners. Families of their own.

One day, the time when best friends had been the most important people in their lives would be over. 

Even though Armin was old enough at 21 to understand that this was the natural course of things, that change was part of life, his heart sometimes sank with quiet sorrow at that thought.

Tenderly, he ran his fingers over the words Get our own amusement park on the paper.

At least here, on the pages of the dream journal, their childhood and friendship would be immortalized forever.

On weekends, Armin and Eren always had breakfast together, taking turns preparing it.

This Saturday, the morning after the lake-sleepwalking-night, it was Armin busying in the kitchen when Eren entered the room, freshly showered, in his casual outfit of a green shirt and black jogging pants.

Armin couldn’t stop his heart from drumming a bit faster when thinking about how close he had been to his roommate last night…

Eren's eyes lit up when he saw the pan Armin was melting butter in and the blue mixing bowl filled with batter standing next to him.

Bacon pancakes had been Eren's favorite breakfast since his early teenage years.

Armin had perfected the recipe from Eren's mother by not only mixing crispy fried bacon bits into the batter but also placing a whole strip into each pancake.

While Armin was cooking, he kept feeling Eren's gaze from the kitchen table on him. Usually, Eren would occupy himself with his phone until it was time to eat.

“You fine?” Armin finally asked after he had poured maple syrup over the finished pancakes and was carrying the plate to the table with Eren's eyes still following him. Him, not the plate, which made Armin’s stomach flutter a little, unrelated to hunger.

Eren hummed as he grabbed one of the pancakes with his fork, the blue-green of his eyes continuing to linger on Armin. “Yes. It’s just…I think I dreamed about you last night.”

Armin, who had been about to take a bite, froze, the fork in his hand pausing midair.

Quickly, he lowered his head and began awkwardly cutting another piece of pancake on his plate so that Eren wouldn't see his cheeks turning red.

“You...were sleepwalking last night,” Armin said, trying to keep his tone light. “Based on what you said, you and I were camping at a lake.”

“Oh. I see.” Eren stopped chewing, looking thoughtfully into space, as if trying to remember the details of last night’s dream. “Did I do anything weird again?” he added worriedly.

Armin briefly thought about how Eren had taken him into his arms and later asked him into bed with him, and shook his head no.

It hadn't been weird.

It had been sweet.  

“Good to know.” Eren smiled briefly and resumed chewing. “Man, those are delicious.”

Armin too tried to focus on eating, but his thoughts were suddenly filled with questions he wanted to ask Eren.

Was this the first time Eren had dreamed about him? Did he still recall any parts of the dream... and could he tell Armin what had happened after they had settled into their sleeping bags in the tent?

- Somewhere between Awake and You -

Some months later, just before six on a winter morning - a time still so dark it was barely distinguishable from night - they stood out on the street beside the old Volvo Eren had inherited from his parents, loading up the vehicle.

Just like in the previous year, they traveled together to their parents' hometown for winter break. The trip usually took three hours, and so close to Christmas, when the roads were packed with travelers and the weather report had announced snowfall, it would take even longer.

They had therefore decided to leave as early as possible in the hope of escaping the worst of the chaos.

As it turned out, they weren't the only ones with that plan. Traffic thickened before they had even left the city. By the time they finally reached the highway, daylight had arrived, bringing snowfall with it. First, just a few flakes, soon a steady cascade.

Eren, who was driving, had told Armin to have a nap if he felt like it, but out of solidarity, Armin wanted to stay awake and keep Eren company.

Although he was quite tired from getting up so early, and the steady hum of the engine as well as the vibrations of the car threatened to lull him to sleep…

At some point, Armin dozed off after all and blinked in confusion when he woke to Eren saying, “This is pointless.”

Eren had pulled over at a rest stop and was studying his phone. Outside the window, all Armin could see was white.

“Forecast says it’s gonna keep snowing like that for at least another hour,” Eren informed him. “I suggest we find shelter before we end up in a crash. It’s too dangerous to keep driving.”

It was too cold to just sit in the car like that while waiting, and keeping the engine running for the next hour was not a reasonable option either. 

The only accessible place nearby was a motel they found online, which seemed like the perfect solution to keep both the car safe and themselves warm.

“We could even both have a nap,” Eren yawned as he started the motor.

None of them had ever been in a motel before. After checking in at the reception desk, they went outside again, climbed the narrow staircase of the building to room number 8 on the first floor, and entered a room that looked pretty much like the ones they had seen in movies: there was a bed with white sheets, a table with two mismatched chairs, a small TV, and a door leading to a bathroom. It was nothing special, but wonderfully warm and a much more relaxing alternative than waiting on plastic chairs somewhere inside a rest stop. 

After parking the car in one of the garages and taking only the most necessary luggage to the room with them, Armin went back downstairs once more to the two snack vending machines he had spotted in the reception area.

Armin loved vending machines.

Buying sweets and snacks at a grocery store wasn't half as exciting, because there was always plenty of everything right in front of you. With vending machines, you never knew what was available until you stood before them, and you were happy to discover your favorite treats.

“You know we could have bought all that at any supermarket for less than half the price, right?” Eren remarked with playfully raised eyebrows when Armin entered the room a little later with his arms full of bars, cans, and packs. Eren had already made himself comfortable on the bed. Since the holiday season was near, he had even shaved, and along with his white hoodie, printed with a colorful string of lights looping around him like a Chritmas tree, Eren’s style was, by his standards, downright festive.

“That's not the same,” Armin explained cheerfully, dropping his treasures onto the empty side of the bed. “Have you never noticed how vending machine snacks taste much better because you usually find them in times of need and after long travels?”

“Can’t say I have”, Eren said, “but I’m willing to let you convince me otherwise.” He held out his hands.

Side by side, they sat on the bed, backs resting against the wall, legs stretched out. Eren turned on the TV while they indulged in cheddar crackers, lemon sodas, peanut chocolate, strawberry gummies, and blueberry pastries. It was still quite early, and the shows weren’t particularly interesting.

Being in the warmth and on a comfortable bed, along with a now full stomach and the white noise of the TV filling the room, Armin felt his eyelids growing heavy once more.

His head started to tilt. His body seemed to be floating on water, sinking a bit deeper with each calm breath.

He was vaguely aware that the soft thing his head was now resting on must be Eren’s hoodie-clad shoulder.

It’s just for a moment, Armin told himself before reality slipped further away, his mind drifting into a sea of stillness.

It was a perfect nap. Hovering just a few feet under the water’s surface, not descending into its darker depths. Your mind and body resting and recharging without fully shutting off.

Time was melting, and the rest of the world seemed far away.

Armin couldn’t tell how much time had passed when his mind started to float back toward the surface, not fully breaching it yet.

He was in that magical realm between sleep and awake, where everything was still warm, soft and hazy.

What he could tell from his environment was that the TV was no longer running.

And that he had sunk further down on the mattress, now fully lying on it, but instead of the pillow or a shoulder, Armin’s head was resting on Eren’s chest, one arm loosely draped over Eren’s middle.

Armin realized that he could not have just accidentally gotten into this position while falling asleep because he could feel Eren’s cheek resting on his head, and one of Eren’s arms lightly wrapped around his shoulder. Judging by the deep, even breathing, Eren too had slipped into slumber.

So…who had sought out the other in their sleep? Or had they simply drifted together, unconsciously meeting in the middle?

All Armin knew was that he did not want this moment to end.

A moment in which the world didn’t feel quite real yet.

He tried to lie completely still, fearing that if he moved, he’d wake Eren and then Eren would shift his position or get up, and then this wonderful moment would be over.

Only moments later, something subtle shifted in the rhythm of Eren’s breathing, growing just a touch more distinct. Breaths that no longer sounded like sleep. Yet he did not stir.

“Are you awake?” Eren’s voice was very quiet, very soft. A whisper, almost. Words that Armin felt rather than heard, words that seemed like a caress on his ear.

“Yes,” Armin replied just as softly without moving. “Unless this is a dream.”

“Huh. Well, who knows,” mumbled Eren, and Armin instinctively knew that Eren still had his eyes closed but was smiling. He just knew what Eren’s smile sounded like. “Maybe I’m sleepwalking right now. Or maybe you’re just speaking in your sleep again. Or it’s both.”

“Then we are lucky we met in the same dream,” Armin said, now smiling too, without opening his eyes.

He could feel both their heartbeats, quietly drumming almost in sync. Once again, just like when he had lain in Eren’s bed that night in summer, Armin breathed in the soft fragrance that was the detergent they shared stemming from Eren’s clothes, laced with the subtle, comforting note that belonged to Eren personally.

Briefly, Armin wondered whether the little dark curl tucked behind his best friend’s left ear was in reach.

He was too comfortable to open his eyes to check.

Lying here nestled against each other, just the two of them, body feeling both weightless and heavy from sleep, only the two of them seemed to exist, with the world outside so quiet and far away.

“Do you remember the dream journal?” Eren’s voice broke the winterly stillness of the room once more.

A part of Armin suddenly felt very awake. And radiant.

So Eren did remember their dream journal…

“Of course”, Armin said, tempted to inform Eren that not only did he remember the dream journal, it was currently sitting in one of Armin’s suitcases in the trunk of Eren’s car.

“Do you think there's still hope that we can scrape together enough money for our own amusement park?” Eren asked.

Eren referencing the very first dream they had written into the book broadened Armin’s smile.

“Unless you have a seven-figure sum sitting in your bank account, I’m afraid things are looking rather bleak on my end,” Armin said. He felt Eren chuckle lightly.

The room went quiet for a while, and Armin thought Eren might have dozed off again. None of them had opened their eyes yet, he knew.

“You know,” Eren’s soft voice melted into the stillness, “maybe we can’t buy an amusement park…but maybe we could visit one in the near future? We haven’t done that in almost a decade.”

“Oh yes, please.” Armin felt the desire to cuddle closer against Eren’s chest as a reaction to that wonderful idea. “This time, we could spend the entire day riding the log flume.” It would be like getting a piece of their childhood back.

“We absolutely will,” Eren said. He then noted, “There are quite a few things in that dream journal we haven’t done yet. And some things we never will.”

Armin recognized the same wistfulness in Eren’s voice he had felt some months ago when flipping through the journal, looking at shattered and abandoned dreams.

“I guess some stuff just wasn’t meant to happen,” Eren said.

Armin was sure that Eren was thinking about his former dream of becoming an astronaut. He dared to press his head just the slightest bit firmer against Eren’s chest in a quiet way of showing comfort.

“We used to have sooo many plans back then that we didn’t even know where to start.” Eren’s voice had gotten even quieter. “Nowadays, I hardly have a clue what kind of job I want to get later.”

“Same,” admitted Armin with a sigh.

“I assume some ideas we had were a little too big,” Eren went on. His voice was still so soft and his body so quiet that Armin wasn’t fully convinced yet this wasn’t a dream. “Like discovering an island. There probably aren’t many left to discover.”

“In fact, researchers continue to discover small islands all the time,” Armin reported. “Volcanic activity means that there will always be new land emerging from the sea somewhere. But yes, it’s unlikely that we’ll be the first to explore one. At least as long as we don’t have our own boat.”

He felt Eren nod gently.

“But maybe…we could travel to an island together one day. You know, for a vacation,” Armin suggested, timidly almost, nervous that Eren might not be up for such an idea.

“Bora Bora,” Eren said immediately.

“Why that one?” Armin asked.

“I just like the name. It sounds funny.”

Armin chuckled lightly. “Then the Boo Islands in Indonesia might be a suitable destination, too. They are uninhabited, though. But maybe that means there are still things to discover there.”

“They got those lodges in trees on some island resorts, no?” Eren mumbled. “Maybe we could fulfill that dream of living in a giant tree house after all, at least for a while.”

“That’d be wonderful.” Armin wanted to hug Eren tightly for taking them back to all those childhood memories and trying to find a way to bring them to life.

He could feel Eren’s chest rise underneath a deeper breath underneath his cheek.

“Say… do you have any new dreams?” Eren asked. “Any that are likely to be realized, I mean?”

Armin thought for a moment. His little herb garden on the balcony of their apartment came to his mind.

“I'd like to have a big garden one day. To have room to plant more herbs and also vegetables. I imagine it must feel magical. To put tiny seeds in the soil and later harvest fresh food from it.”

“Mhm,” Eren made, sounding dreamy. “That should be possible, yes. Just need a place with a garden…”

I just need a place with a garden? Or… we ? Armin wished he could have found the courage to ask for clarification.

“What about you?” he asked instead. “Any dreams on your side?”

His head raised for a moment under another deep breath of Eren’s chest beneath him. “I’d love to spend some time traveling through the country after college. Get an RV and just start driving. No set route, just going wherever you want to, stopping whenever you feel like. Finding places you didn’t even know existed. Swimming in a lake, climbing a mountain, exploring a forest, trying new food…just live in the moment, never knowing where you will end up next.”

“Sounds lovely,” Armin whispered.

Once again, he would have liked to ask whether Eren was maybe talking about a solo trip…or a dream they could fulfill together?

Armin wished they could have stayed on this motel bed all day long, nestled against each other, whispering to each other about dreams with their eyes closed.

In a world somewhere between sleep and awake.

But eventually, Armin felt Eren shift and knew it was over.

“Oh, look,” Eren said.

With an inaudible sigh, Armin slowly opened his eyes and followed Eren’s gaze outside the room’s window.

Snowfall had ceased. There was not a single flake drifting from the sky anymore. Instead, there were rays of sunshine.

The weather had calmed down, so there was no reason to linger any longer and keep their families waiting.

Though they were awake and wonderfully refreshed from their nap, the world around them still seemed like a dream landscape, wrapped in a blanket of white and complete silence, with the winter sun bathing the snow in glistening light. Surreal and beautiful.

Armin found a certain peace in the sight after this sweet morning with Eren on a motel bed.

Some dreams in life came true. Some didn’t. That was life. As long as you had a great friend by your side, things would be alright. He hoped that Eren saw things the same way and that the day when their shared lives would drift further apart was far, far away in the future.

While Armin was very much looking forward to seeing his parents and eating a home-cooked meal by his mom after all the vending machine snacks this morning, he secretly wished the ride would take longer, maybe all Christmas.

Eren parked the car in a quiet corner of the street where Armin's parents lived and helped him unload his luggage. The snow crunched under their shoes and muffled all sounds.

“Well then,” said Eren as he finally stood in front of Armin and next to the pile of suitcases and bags. “Give my regards to your parents.”

Armin smiled. “Will do, but you can also tell them yourself. You know they will want to invite you and your parents to dinner tomorrow night.”

“Right, if my parents don’t invite yours first.” Eren smiled back.

They were looking at each other, and at that moment, Armin would have liked to tell Eren so many things.

How magical those hours they had spent in the motel room had been, their closeness, their whisper about dreams and childhood, how important their bond was to him. And some other things…

One day, maybe.

“Thanks for the ride. See you tomorrow,” Armin said softly and turned to grab his luggage.

He had barely made two steps when-

“Armin, wait.”

A question ready on his lips, Armin turned back around, but the words caught in his throat when he saw the expression on Eren’s face.

There was a glow in Eren’s features. One that seemed familiar, one that Armin knew from the past.

It was the face of the boy from back then, the Eren who had believed in a future full of adventure and miracles, who had had just as many dreams as Armin. Suddenly, any lines and sharper features of adulthood seemed gone, softened into an expression of a boy ready to conquer mountains and galaxies, the boy who had sat in a treehouse with Armin writing down all those big plans for the future.

And suddenly, Erens' big, warm hand was on Armin's winter-cold one. One of their hands seemed to be trembling.

Or maybe it was both of them?

 Very gently, snow started to fall again as they stood there looking at each other. White flakes dancing around them in a silent melody.

This had to be a dream, no?

Armin hardly dared to breathe, afraid he might wake up.

Eren's other hand came to rest on Armin's cheek.

“You know,” Eren whispered, breathless, “one day, when we are grown up, I always wanted…”

Armin’s eyes fluttered shut when Eren leaned down to him.

When their lips met, the touch was featherlight. So delicate. As sweet as only a dream could be, and yet so bright and vivid it had to be real.

A moment that lasted three heartbeats and an eternity. 

A kiss that continued even after it was over, and that Armin knew he would feel on his lips forever.

Eren’s eyes shimmered with a feverish layer of both excitement and bashfulness, like when he had been a boy after doing something bold, something he had longed to do but wasn’t quite sure what might happen afterward.

“Never would have dared to write that down in our dream journal,” Eren whispered in a low voice.

There were a hundred words and thoughts racing through Armin’s mind, but all he could do was smile. Smile with the deep happiness of someone awakening from the most beautiful dream to realize that it had followed you into reality.

Smile and hold onto Eren’s hand.

Eren didn’t seem to expect any words. The bashfulness faded from his expression as his face lit with the beaming smile he had carried so often as a boy when he felt Armin’s fingertips caressing his hand in response to the kiss.

There was a lot to talk about, no doubt, but right now, they just wanted to linger in this quiet moment.

“Wanna come visit this evening already?” Eren’s fingers were now also gently playing with Armin’s. “Maybe have a sleepover?” 

“That’s a great idea.” A real sleepover. Not just sleeping in an apartment they shared, but like in old times, staying next to each other, talking all night about dreams and plans. And fall asleep in each other’s arms like in the motel this morning.

“Looking forward to it.” Eventually, a bit reluctantly, Eren’s hand let go of his.

Armin was about to tend to his luggage, feeling as if he was floating, but before Eren could turn to his car, Armin quickly said, “Eren, wait.”

When Eren turned to him again, Armin gingerly extended a hand to his face and touched the small dark curl behind Eren's ear.

Traced its length very slowly with his index finger, all the way from the root to the silky tip, savoring its softness.

“What was that about?” Eren asked with a light, curious laugh when Armin was finished.

“I’ll tell you later,” smiled Armin.

Later this evening, when he went to Eren’s place, Armin would tell him. He would also bring their dream journal, so they could write down some new dreams and put a check mark underneath some old ones.