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monster (an October tiny fic)

Summary:

something comes to the surface now that Leone has no means of arming himself.

(October Tiny Games 100-word fic entry following the theme ‘shadow’, but probably not the way you know it!)

Notes:

This is tied to my long fic, Understand Me, where Leone has a sort of… life-stopping breakdown, and autistic masking gets the better of him. In his time away from Passione jobs, he starts experiencing violent nightmares of his dad, who is seen in flashbacks sometime in the fic and is a significant contributor to all the shame he feels about himself. So, he starts seeing a psychoanalyst who can help him approach the contents of his dreams in small, safe increments.

I’m using the Jungian concept of shadow here. Per the Society of Analytical Psychology, ”Jung had a deep interest in the shadow – its form and content – and in the process of assimilating “the thing a person has no wish to be” [CW16, para 470]. (…) Complementary to Jung’s idea of the persona, which is “what oneself as well as others thinks one is” [CW9 para 221], the “shadow is that hidden, repressed, for the most part inferior and guilt-laden personality (…).” Leone’s shadow, in this case, is cowardly (to his judgement!); ashamed of himself, his sexuality, and his disability; he compensates for this by amping up that intimidating facade that made him come across more masculine and kept what he considers the more embarrassing sides of his autism locked away. I think his shadow would also make him critical of traits of himself that he sees in others, like Giorno for instance, because projection is how the shadow is encountered by others.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“I nearly killed my dad. He was sleeping; my hand was curled just above his throat. My fingers had grown animal claws.”

 

The psychoanalyst did not blink. “Nearly? What stopped you?”

 

“He looked at me.”

 

Leone’s avoidance of eye contact wasn’t news to the psychoanalyst, but this was different: guilt hung about his voice, like a scared child’s.

 

“Are you afraid of him?”

 

Leone’s blood froze. 

His chest heaved as minutes passed before he finally spoke, almost inaudibly. 

“Yes.”

 

He resisted to cry just as he’d resisted the Shadow.

“I grew all this muscle only to still be a coward.”

Notes:

I have a lot of updating to do… I just realised I haven’t updated since my Nala became an angel cat in September 🥲 so please bear with me!

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