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It felt like whenever he attempted to go one way, some force of nature, fate or higher power forced him to go another.
When he thought the path to some form of redemption would be one way it turns around on him to show that no that is not the way he should go. When he believed going down the path of rebellion would lead to change to a place he once held so dear to him, it instead drove him out of it. When he was convinced that a life as a nuke-nin would help him achieve his dreams, he watched someone dear to him die and thus he thought what better way to end this than beside the one who never left his side?
He had been so ready at the time to wake up in the bowels of hell; not the Konoha hospital where the monitors beeped quietly.
Nor was he ready for the copy ninja Kakashi Hatake to be by his side almost every day during the recovery. For the first month of this he was quietly brooding; arms bandaged with splints, unable to feed himself as nurses would come in with meals to help him regain strength, that silver haired menace would sit beside him, help him eat even as he gave him the silent treatment.
While his arms were the first things to be unwrapped from the cast, his back injuries still needed time to heal and recover; hence it was another two months of physical therapy for his arms and having Kakashi by his side. Kakashi makes it a point to be there whenever he’s awake, be it for a quick pop in before a mission or to peel him an apple to feed and then read in silence.
What started as them silently existing together in a room, turned into small talks about the weather, about gardening or about Zabuza’s injuries as his recovery progresses.
He didn’t know when it became full conversations or when he started to open up about his past. It was strange how he started to grow more comfortable with the other man. It felt…surreal if he was honest. How they had gone from enemies to..whatever this was.
So when he was finally cleared by the doctors, the last thing he expected at the discharge was to be welcomed to Kakashi’s home.
“....You’re going to let me stay with you ?” .
“Of course, I like to think we’ve gotten particularly close in the passing months, no?”
He could tell the other was smiling at him even with the mask; the way his eyes crinkle slightly as he marked the spot in his book–just where the hell did he find that trash?--and the two began their trek.
“Are your little rugrats all right with that?” he raised a brow, trying to gauge his reaction as he limped forwards. Even if he was cleared he still needed a crutch; those lacerations to his back were deep and it would take a little longer before he would be fully healed.
“Them? Oh they’re fine,” Kakashi chuckled softly.
Despite the other constantly visiting him, he was unused to how at ease the other was around him. Like what happened at the bridge happened a long time ago instead of literally months back and now…
It didn’t help that he’s started feeling…softer towards Kakashi. When the other went home for the night he felt a slight ache in his chest that he wasn’t going to be back until the next day. When he came back though, he internally felt something warm up inside him.
“You…really didn’t have to do all this…I’m sure it took a lot for you to convince Konoha to allow me to stay.” he rumbled behind his mask of bandages. Even if he didn’t need them now, it helped provide some form of comfort as he was now wearing a simple shirt with a dark blue haori and hakama pants on.
Kakashi hummed, “Mmm, well I just informed them you wouldn’t have any good intel from Kiri since you’ve been gone from that village so long and that you did help us on our mission. I made a compelling case.”
That…that made him happier than he cared to admit. Even if the other made it sound easy he can only imagine the arguments and promises that were made to allow him refuge in Konoha.
How am I so at ease with the man who killed Haku?
A twinge of guilt goes through him thinking of the boy he took in all those years ago. Yet he couldn’t hate Kakashi; he and Haku both understood what was at stake that day before Gato betrayed them. Kakashi was doing his job and he had done it perfectly…Zabuza just never expected him to have mercy.
Perhaps that’s why he couldn’t muster up any hate towards the silver haired jonin. If anything he felt a pull to him; a slight urge to gently touch his hand, to press against his side a bit to show him some kind of gratitude for saving him.
He can’t remember the last time anyone went to such lengths on his behalf. Not even his own peers ever did such a thing for him.
There are so many things he felt the urge to do when Kakashi was close to him; hold his hand, lean on his shoulder, to tell him how pretty he looked, to tell him how grateful he is, to ask him what foods he liked, what other books he reads that aren’t what he currently has…
It hits him like a wall of titanium as they continue walking and he sees Kakashi looking at him again.
His heart beats faster as it dawned on him what these feelings were as they continued forwards past stalls and vendors with a quiet gulp. He was thankful to have his mask covering his face, as he felt the heat in his cheeks.
..Haku forgive me but I think I’ve fallen in love with your killer.